


Call Boy

by L1av



Series: Call Boy [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Blow Jobs, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky and Natasha are ex-spouses, Bucky's first time with a man, Career Driven Bucky, Come Swallowing, Crygasms, Edging, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Escort Steve Rogers, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Foreskin Play, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Masturbation, Morally Ambiguous Characters, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Denial, Overstimulation, POV Bucky Barnes, Past Drug Use, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Steve Rogers, Public Hand Jobs, Public Sex Toy Use, Rimming, Sex Toys, Sex workers, Sexual Tension, Sexuality Crisis, Steve and Bucky are switches, Top Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, come spitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 05:58:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 149,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4424060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L1av/pseuds/L1av
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes was skyrocketing through promotions at his advertising firm. Now, a partnership position is opening and if Bucky wants to see his name on the building, he needs to impress not only Mr. Tony Stark, but his wife Pepper. To do this, it takes a team, a couple to be exact. Bucky asks his ex-wife Natasha to set him up with the perfect girl, blonde, tall, thick thighs and huge tits, but with the personality that’ll get Pepper all smiles.</p><p>What Bucky gets? Tall, blonde, thick thighs…and a penis. Can this male escort pretend to not only be Bucky’s fiance but also impress Pepper enough to win Bucky the promotion? Is he going to impress Bucky enough to get him to sleep with him?</p><p>Steve loves working for his tip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Requested a Female

**Author's Note:**

> I tried so hard to NOT write this. I really did. 
> 
> Please let me know how you enjoy it! I'm entirely too excited about it... X'D  
> Also, this fic has a photoset that is located here: [Click me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/125039844678/call-boy-by-buckmebxrnes-explicit-summary-bucky/)  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has a playlist (that I will continue adding to) If you want to listen to the music I listen to when writing, please go here! [Click Me!](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvIr9Ez4kK0ysmGrJQDrVx1lXRPHBDS05)

Bucky Barnes sat at the long conference table with several of his colleagues. His back was facing the floor-to-ceiling windows that looked over the busy Manhattan streets below, the sun warming him through his suit jacket. He flicked at the tip of his tie absentmindedly, waiting for the meeting to begin. He was presenting today. One of their clients was on the fence about continuing with the marketing plans Bucky’s firm had set out with originally. This was a last ditch effort to not lose one of the largest makeup companies in the United States. Bucky had a plan; he just wasn’t entirely sure how the company would feel about it.

An elderly man and a young, rather beautiful woman entered the room. Bucky watched as Howard Stark, one of the partners of the marketing firm, greeted the man with a firm handshake and then turned to his female counterpart. Stark & Stark Marketing was founded during the resurgence of economic growth in the fifties and now with Tony Stark taking over most of the company for his aging father, it was right on track to be one of the most premiere marketing firms in the US.  

“Mr. Barnes, shall we begin?” Howard Stark asked as he took his seat at the helm of the long table.

Bucky tapped his fingers excitedly atop his file before sliding out from his chair and up to the front of the room. This was why he was here. This was what he was born to do. Bucky had made quite the career at telling people who they _should_ be, and change what they were. He ran ad campaigns for plastic surgeons, jewelry companies, clothing companies, the list went on and on. Today, makeup was on the bill.

“Reveal– don’t conceal,” Bucky said as he walked over to his easel that currently had a white sheet over his largest piece. He always loved a big reveal. “Concealer has such a bad rap with all the anti-makeup campaigns and feminist favorability for natural beauty. Why not play into that? Show off yourself.” He took off the white sheet, showing a picture of a Hispanic woman with of course, completely flawless features and a white woman with again, the same flawless skin. Their makeup was drastic and coal black but their skin was practically radiating with the additional assistance of photoshop. Bucky had seen these women when they were getting their pictures taken, sure they were hot, but they weren’t the goddesses this picture showed them to be.

“Lancôme beauty products don’t just conceal, they reveal. You want women thinking that they can _be_ the women pictured here. Gorgeous, flawless, radiant. Reveal your beauty. With Lancôme’s concealer line, you’ll be revealing your inner beauty, not hiding it.”

“But isn’t the point of a concealer…to hide?” the elderly man asked. His French accent was thick, but Bucky had prepped for this.

“Oui. C'est bien vrai. Je parle Français par ailleurs,” Bucky responded, earning a few raised brows from both colleague and the Lancôme clients. The female leaned forward, a sly grin on her face. Bucky liked how her blond hair caressed against her breasts, framing them like pieces of art.

“However, if we get women to believe they’re bringing out _their_ beauty, and not your product’s, they’re more likely to trust your products won’t damage their skin, their reputation, and we can run campaigns showing your company supports feminism and appreciation of true, female beauty.”

“J'aime ça!” the female said. “Very impressive, Mr. Barnes.” Her French accent was just as thick as the man’s but Bucky had no trouble understanding it. It ran off her tongue like crisp, cool water during a drought.

He licked the side of his mouth, perfectly smitten with himself. He loved being on display almost as much as he liked displaying the products he created campaigns for, and this woman was certainly appreciating the décor…

“It is a good idea,” the Frenchman agreed. “Run the campaign.”

* * *

 

Bucky sat at his corner office, sipping on some celebratory cognac. He swirled the amber liquid around in his crystal glass, feet propped up on his desk as he looked out his building’s large windows.

“Bucky!” an overly excited, gruff voice called from the door.

Bucky looked up to see Peter Quill and Clint Barton, two of his closest friends at the firm. Bucky didn’t really have “friends” in the conventional sense since he preferred to live his life through his work, but he went out to bars with these guys and had lunch with them.

“Slam dunk again, huh?” Clint asked as he went over to Bucky’s wet bar and poured himself a large glass of cognac. Bucky smirked. Clint always loved stealing other people’s liquor.

“Christ, Buck, you’re a _powerhouse_. The Starks don’t even know what they got in you,” Peter exclaimed. He slumped down into the black, leather sofa in the middle of the room. “You should be made partner.”

“Ha!” Bucky snorted. “Please. I’m not even thirty-five.”

“So? Tony wasn’t even a babe in the womb and his name was already getting slapped up on the building,” Clint detailed sarcastically. “I don’t even think they knew if he was gonna have a penis or not. He was already a fucking partner.”

“Ah,” Peter mused. “To be rich.”

Clint handed Peter a crystal glass, also full of Bucky’s expensive liquor.

“Before you asswipes drink me out of house and home, it’s not even five yet… I’ve got a campaign to design,” Bucky said as he set his glass down and tucked himself into his desk. He’d have to come up with the numbers and figure out how long to run various ads, send some ideas down to the art department…

“I should’ve known you goofs would be in here.” Bucky knew that voice all-too-well. Natasha Romanov; gorgeous, frighteningly intelligent…and Bucky’s ex-wife… They’d been married for three years. It was a pretty clean divorce; no children, always had separate bank accounts, heirlooms went with the respective descendent. It was a very nice, easy settlement. What wasn’t nice was how Natasha seemed to wield her ex status like a sword, digging it into Bucky whenever she could. She loved cock-blocking him when he went out with the guys after work and every woman who came up to Bucky, just to even talk, was suddenly informed what a womanizer Bucky could be… He’d be more upset about it if that wasn’t the main reason he’d fallen in love with her in the first place. Career-hungry people tended to be rather cold of heart, and Bucky would certainly describe himself rather cold. Again, he sold lies for a living, completely uncaring over the fact that half of the products he ran campaigns for didn’t even work or were entirely too expensive.

“Natasha,” Bucky greeted icily. “What a pleasure.”

“Hello ex-husband,” Natasha chirped happily, but the glint in her eyes betrayed her adoration for amused disdain. She walked into the room, moving from her hips first like a seductress. The power her saunter wielded was immeasurable and no matter how angry Bucky used to get at her, if she’d walk up to him like that- he was finished.

“Oh please, come on in,” Bucky said sarcastically as he gestured around the room with his hands. “Drink my alcohol. Everyone else is.”

Natasha sat on one of the couch’s arms, crossing her legs and smiling kindly to Peter. “I take it you’ve heard?” She turned back to Bucky with expectant eyes.

“Heard what?” Clint asked bluntly, handing her a glass.

Natasha spun the drink around in her delicate, slender hand. Bucky’s mouth twitched, his tongue running along the back of his teeth. He used to love those hands up against him. Now all they did was remind him of a time where he pretended he’d been happy. Bucky had never truly been happy, not with Natasha, not as a child. His work was the only thing that gave him any meaning; not happiness, just meaning.

“The Starks are planning to announce a new partner since Howard plans to retire soon,” Natasha spoke evenly, her gaze practically slapping Bucky in the face with how pointed it was. “Said they’ll make a decision over the company getaway this weekend.”

“Ah the company getaway,” Peter announced. “A time where we’re all forced to show off how amazing our cars, wives, and lives are. I fucking hate it.”

“But it’s the best way to cozy up to the Starks,” Clint input. “I’ll bet they’re looking at you for partner, Buck.”

Bucky shrugged, flicking his brows once and attempting to stifle the smirk that decided to burst forth against his lips. “Yeah…well.”

“I’m sure the Starks would love to see you there, Bucky,” Natasha stated smoothly. “Unfortunate you don’t have a wife that can cozy up to Pepper. Her opinion is just as important as Tony’s.”

Bucky’s face heated up. It was a challenge. He could hear it in the slight, gentle inflections of Natasha’s tone. He bit his lip, staring at her, sizing her up. “I can handle it.”

Natasha snorted. “Oh please. You’re shit when it comes to talking to a woman without the goal of screwing her. I’d know.”

Bucky scoffed. “You’re my ex, Nat.” He still often slipped and called her by the nickname he once fondly referred to her as. “Of course you think I’m tactless and only wanna screw around.”

She shrugged, taking a sip of her drink. “Okay, well… I look forward to seeing you try to charm your way into Pepper’s good graces. I’m sure the Starks will be offering you that partnership.” She stood up, swaying her hips suggestively as she made her way toward the door.

Bucky had to take a gulp of his drink to forget about the way her hips used to move in rhythm with his own… “Wait!” Bucky called, swallowing his pride.

Natasha turned her neck, looking over at him with a cocked, perfectly manicured brow.

“Help me pick someone out,” he demanded, but there was a small, unspoken admission of how right Natasha was. Bucky would have to impress both Pepper and Tony. Tony knew Bucky understood how to sell a product and create a campaign, but being partner came with a ton of other political bullshit ordeals that Tony had never seen Bucky be involved in as a mid-executive. Dinner parties were the big one and it was extremely important to Tony that Pepper was pleased with the people she’d basically be forced to be friends with. Any promotion was approved by her and her alone. Tony’s name was on the building, but Pepper wielded all his power.

“Pick someone out?” Clint asked over Bucky’s shoulder.

“Escort service,” Bucky announced plainly. After his divorce, he’d fallen into what he guessed wasn’t the best of times. His therapist called it “depression” but Bucky refused to believe he cared that deeply about Natasha after the shredder she’d thrown his heart into. He’d paid some steep prices for nights of wining and dining and pleasure with some of the most gorgeous women he’d ever seen. He even used a few of them to “accidentally” spill drinks over Nat’s dresses at company parties. Bucky’s personal favorite time was when Natasha walked in on one of the escorts giving him a blowjob in the women’s bathroom. He smiled darkly, remembering the evening. Eventually, like all things, Nat found out about them being escorts and here they were…

“I don’t have time to date. These girls are gorgeous, smart and know how to network. I can have Pepper Potts-Stark eating out of the palm of my hand by Sunday, and Natasha knows which type of girl Pepper’s gonna like.”

“Dude,” Peter drawled in disbelief. “I can never tell if you two hate each other, or are still extremely in love and don’t want to admit it.”

Both Bucky and Natasha snorted. Natasha walked over to Bucky’s desk, bumping his shoulder lightly with her hip, indicating she wanted to sit down. “I’ve got an invested interest in the success of my ex-husband. I also think he’s damn good at his job and deserves this partnership.”

Bucky’s lips parted in astonishment. He stared at Natasha, watching her type away on the keys of his macbook as she sifted through the girls available.

“List me what you want her to physically look like,” Natasha instructed.

Bucky walked around the desk, pacing in front of it as he mulled over the request. “Blonde. Big tits.”

“Of course,” Natasha scoffed. “And here I was secretly hoping you’d say red hair…”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Tall. Long legs with thick thighs.” His cock was hardening just imagining the girl.

Clint whistled. “All that actually exists in one body?”

“Escort service. If you can imagine it, it exists,” Natasha responded with a curt flick of her head.

“Um…” Peter said as he watched Natasha work. “Are you sure that’s…”

“I know what I’m doing,” Natasha bit back.

Bucky looked over to them, raising a brow.

“So blonde, tits, thighs and tall. Pepper likes wit, humor and confidence. I’ve got your girl,” Natasha listed as she laced her fingers under her chin. “I’ve also already paid for her, seeing as I still remember your credit card number.”

“Of course you do,” Bucky growled as he leaned over the desk. He couldn’t see the screen. From Clint and Peter’s panicked expressions, Bucky was mildly concerned, but Natasha wasn’t one to be outright malicious, at least in front of other people and Natasha did actually think Bucky was a great marketer. If the girl was ugly, Bucky could probably work with it anyway. He didn’t have to sleep with her unless he felt like it. If she was an idiot, Bucky could simply send her away. Easy.

“I think you’ll like this one, Barnes,” Natasha lilted seductively. “Real nice tits…”

Bucky smirked, staring down at his ex-wife. “No one’s tits are nice as yours, babe.”

Natasha’s eyes narrowed. She scooted out of the chair and started to leave. “She’ll meet you at the airport. You should arrive early so you two can get acquainted and devise your strategy.”

Clint and Peter had never run from a room so fast. Perhaps they just knew Bucky had a lot of work to do…

* * *

 

Every year Stark & Stark hosts a company getaway to Kittery, Maine. The Starks own a huge chunk of land with a sizable estate that can host most of the more “important” employees of the firm. The others who aren’t so important, get stuffed into a nice hotel closer to town and have to make the drive to the estate for the festivities. Bucky had only stayed in the hotel one year before being promoted to mid-exec and was invited to stay on the estate’s property.

Bucky had enjoyed croquet matches with Howard Stark, horseback riding with some of the senior execs and the private golfing course. Usually, mid-execs didn’t get to stay on the estate, like Clint, but Howard Stark had seen Bucky’s potential. Tony was a bit more aloof, but he knew Bucky ran a good campaign. Bucky would have to get Tony to _personally_ like him this weekend. Bucky’s work ethic spoke for itself, but being partner wasn’t just about quality work; it was also about being a person Tony Stark could come to call a friend and trust with half of his business. Additionally, Bucky would have to make his “girlfriend” impress Pepper. Tony and Pepper were a package. You had to get both of them if you wanted one of them. After Bucky made partner, he could keep the escort around for those special outings and dinner parties.

Bucky sat at the airport looking anxiously around for a tall blonde. He wore his headphones, letting Led Zeppelin blare into his eardrums. He’d seen several blondes walk around, but none of them were approaching him, and escorts always knew the face of their client. Escorts weren’t just sex workers, they were companions, public eye candy and demanded respect. Bucky treated his escorts well enough. Always took them out, always made sure they came as many times as he did when they rolled around in bed. He’d heard a few stories from some of his favorite girls about the mistreatment they’d experienced. Bucky may have been cold, but he wasn’t heartless. They were people too. Some of them were just as passionate about their jobs as Bucky was about his. Who was he to crush someone’s career?

“Mr. Barnes?” a male voice asked.

Bucky turned, looking up…and up… A tall, blonde– male. He assumed he was one of the escort’s…escorts? Did escorts have escorts that…actually escorted them?

“Yeah?” He paused his music.

“I’m Steve,” the man said, relaxing his shoulders. Christ, he had broad shoulders. Bucky had never seen someone so…built. His biceps were barely contained by his tight blazer. “Your escort.”

Bucky’s heart snapped from its perch, falling down into the pit of his cold, panic-stricken stomach. “W-what?” he choked out. “N-no. I’m waiting for a female.”

Steve laughed lightly; a light blush creeping up into his cheeks. “Well…you picked me.”

Bucky rolled his head back, groaning. “Damn it, Nat…”

“Excuse me?” Steve asked, still standing.

“Look, pal,” Bucky drawled. He didn’t bother getting up. He honestly didn’t want to know how short he was next to this man. “My ex-wife must’ve picked you as a joke. I’m sorry. You can keep the money. I’ll even tip you for wasting your time.”

Steve looked to be offended. He furrowed his brow, biting at his bottom lip. Bucky didn’t want to notice how _red_ those lips were, but he did and he was licking at his own in response. “So, that’s all fine and dandy, Mr. Barnes, but…you booked me for the whole weekend. I had to cancel other clients and I’d be making more money had I kept them, versus me just going with you.”

“That sounds like a bad business decision,” Bucky languished. “Sorry for your luck.” Bucky leaned back, putting his arms up along the seats connected to his.

“Yeah well, you were hot so I made an exception, I guess,” Steve countered back. “Clearly I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Bucky!” a sickly-sweet tone sang out. Bucky winced, looking up in annoyance as Natasha walked toward him and Steve. “You must be Steve!” She reached her hand out to the blonde.

Steve didn’t look thrilled, but he shook Natasha’s hand all the same. Bucky couldn’t hold it against him. Bucky was attractive. It probably wasn’t often that Steve got to travel around with clients that looked as good as Bucky (he’d be modest about his looks later).

“Steve was just leaving, Nat,” Bucky said coolly. “He’s kind of missing the right _parts_. But I’m sure you knew that, seeing as you picked him.”

“Leaving?” Natasha asked, her gaze flicking from Steve to Bucky a few times. “But I already told Pepper about him.”

“What?!” Bucky sat up straight, like someone had just yanked at his spine.

“Yeah,” she shrugged casually. “Told Pepper about your fiancé. Said you were really nervous about coming out as gay, but you thought this was the right time, being as you don’t want to keep secrets from her or Tony…”

Bucky growled. He fisted his fingers into the threads of his dress pants. Oh, Natasha was good… “Were we ever happy together? Or did we just find amusement in torturing each other?”

Natasha giggled. “I’d like to think it wasn’t all bad memories. If you want, Steve, you can come with me. I wouldn’t want to waste your time.”

“No,” Steve sighed. “I’d rather not. It was…nice meeting you two.”

“Wait,” Bucky called out, grinding his teeth as he nodded in acceptance. “Would you stay if I asked you to?”

“You’re paying for me,” Steve answered.

“That’s not a yes or no.”

“Yes,” Steve answered. “You’re the client. I have to honor the contract, no matter how fucked up the reason is.”

Bucky smirked. He liked the sass out of this guy. “I guess you’re my fiancé for the weekend.”

Steve hovered for a moment, shifting his weight from side to side before finally taking a seat next to Bucky. His jaw was clenched; Bucky didn’t blame him. He would also feel extremely uncomfortable to be the object getting tossed back and forth between exes who’d made it their personal goals in life to ruin each other.

“So, Steve,” Bucky spoke, ignoring Natasha’s smug facial expression as she sat catty corner to them. “This is a company getaway. I work for Stark & Stark–”

“I know,” Steve interrupted. “Your…ex…already informed me. I’m to impress your boss’s wife and make everyone hate you probably more than they already do.”

“I’m not hated,” Bucky announced through a bitter laugh. He looked over to Natasha, watching her roll her eyes. “I’m not!”

“You have two friends, James,” Natasha chided. “Do you wanna know what the secretaries call you?”

Bucky snorted. “You’re lying.”

“They call you Bucky-Bitch,” she stated flatly. “Because when things don’t go your way, you throw a bitch-fit and make it everyone’s fault other than your own.”

“What?” Bucky scoffed. “They do not!”

“Is it gonna be like this the whole time?” Steve huffed.

Bucky laughed, pretty impressed with the bravery this guy displayed. The escorts Bucky had spent his nights with weren’t usually so outspoken. Maybe it was because Steve wasn’t a woman. “We’ll stop, for at least five minutes,” Bucky promised.

Steve snorted a laugh through his nose. “For five minutes.”

“What made you wanna be an escort?” Bucky blurted. It was his favorite question honestly. He could always gauge what kind of escort the girl (and now guy) was by it.

Steve shifted in his seat, balancing up an ankle over his knee as he sat casually. Bucky finally noticed his jacket. Armani. Bucky was impressed.

“I like getting worshipped,” he answered honestly. “Most people who request me show me off, rub me in the faces of people they went to high school with. Women pretend they’ve got the perfect husband and men get to pretend they’re good enough for a guy like me.”

Bucky smirked. He could see himself getting along with Steve. There was an honesty there. Steve enjoyed what he did. That deserved respect.

“What kind of clients are your male ones?” Bucky followed up with.

Steve laughed, a blush caressing against his cheeks. Bucky found himself entranced with how carved this man’s cheekbones were and how the apples of his cheeks practically shimmered. “They usually don’t look like you. That’s why I jumped on this. No one’s forced to go out with any client we don’t wanna. If you were some fat geezer I’d have declined and suggested my waiting list. It’s pretty long.”

“See, I did you a favor,” Natasha said as she lightly tapped Bucky’s knee. “He’s fucking hot _and_ impressive. You like impressive things.”

“Mmm,” Bucky hummed. “It’s why I married you.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, but there was an approving smile against her red lips. “I’m gonna get a coffee. Do either of you want one?”

“No thanks,” Steve answered simply.

“I’m good, Nat,” Bucky responded, not taking his eyes off Steve. Bucky hadn’t ever considered men as an option, but if he was going to experiment around with it, at least it was Steve. Not to say he’d be fucking this guy, but, he couldn’t deny that Steve was a gorgeous man. He’d have to face the consequences of being considered gay at work now, thanks to his she-devil of an ex-wife, but Steve was easy on the eyes. Even a straight man could see that. It wasn’t the…worst…situation. It just wasn’t ideal. But Bucky was adamant about getting made partner, and he’d rather lose it because he wasn’t good enough versus being a liar, and Natasha had already forced his hand here. He wouldn’t be made to look like a liar, even if he was lying by saying he was gay and engaged to Steve...

Bucky wasn’t going to let Natasha win this. He’d prefer a female at his side, but Natasha had already pushed Bucky into a corner. If Bucky was going to make partner, he’d have to swallow his pride and be the best damn gay man Tony and Pepper had ever seen.

“How’d you get into escorting?” Bucky questioned.

Steve seemed much more relaxed now that Bucky and Natasha had put away their claws. He was smiley and blushed easy. Technically, he fit Bucky’s description of what he’d wanted…except male. Bucky hadn’t really gotten a moment to check his thighs out though or his “tits.”

“I was in art school for a while. Bills kept piling up and tuition was steep. Started working the streets as a regular sex worker. Blew guys in alleyways and made a dime. Met the right people and got asked to be part of their escorting service.”

“You still in art school?”

Steve laughed. Bucky was surprised Steve somehow managed to look so delicate and poised despite being so muscular. “I make _way_ more money doing this than I would as a lousy artist. ‘Sides, I _am_ an artist. Just a different kind.” He flashed a seductive grin, his blue eyes practically demanding Bucky lean just a bit closer in.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Yeah, don’t get any ideas. Sure we’re pretending, but I still like fucking women.”

“If you close your eyes it feels pretty much the same,” Steve replied with a casual shrug.

Bucky’s brows rose; his lips parting in astonishment. “Wow, Steve. Aren’t you forward.”

“I get paid to please people. My boss takes a portion of what you’ve already paid. I’m earning my tip.”

Bucky laughed loudly, letting his head fall back. “Noted,” he said looking up at the ceiling.

“Hey, asshole, we’re boarding!” Natasha hissed as she walked by with her cup of coffee. Bucky hadn’t even realized they’d called their flight.

“C’mon, _fiancé_ ,” Bucky said over his shoulder at Steve. He watched the man stand up. Yeah, okay…he had nice thighs.

His tits still needed to be evaluated…

* * *

The plane ride went smoothly. Bucky saw a few of his colleagues, but Peter and Clint had been on a different flight so Bucky used this time to really hammer out the details of his relationship with Steve. If they were going to do this, they needed to have a concrete, believable story.

“And how’d we meet?” Bucky asked, testing Steve’s memory. They were going to be landing any minute now.

“You were working late in a Starbucks and I was the barista trying to kick you out but we got to talking and here we are,” Steve recited.

“What’s my favorite ad campaign I ran?”

“Dr. Markopolis’ Plastic Surgery Group. You liked getting to run a campaign that showed real results of women who actually underwent plastic surgery. I got this, Bucky.”

“Why aren’t we very affectionate toward each other?” Bucky asked lastly, ignoring Steve’s confidence.

“Because you want your colleagues to feel comfortable. Which is bullshit by the way. Who gives a shit if they’re uncomfortable.”

“I do,” Bucky stated flatly, brows furrowing.

“You’re about to come out as gay to your entire firm. And you’re not even gay. Stop acting like a straight guy for five minutes. PDA is how you win them over.”

Bucky scoffed. “No. PDA is how I get them _hating_ me.”

“They already hate you,” Steve pressed. “If you want this partnership, you need to impress your boss and his wife. Wives like seeing healthy relationships. If she’s uncomfortable with PDA then fine, we can act like stiff boards teetering around each other but if she’s warm and friendly, you should respond to that by showing her how dedicated you are to me.”

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, but the more and more Steve talked, the more correct he sounded. Bucky was selling a product; himself. He had to be likable and being likable meant he needed to be human. They were a liberal firm. Bucky knew plenty of Democrats and a lot of them had even celebrated the Supreme Court Verdict of nationwide gay marriage. From what he knew about Pepper, she was kind and gentle, but she wasn’t very trusting. That’s where Steve came in. Steve had to earn her trust so Bucky could continue winning Tony over. It was a team effort. That’s why having Steve was so important.

“Okay fine. We can kiss each other on the cheek or somethin’,” Bucky responded uncomfortably.

Steve’s eyes narrowed. He leaned in, pressing a kiss against Bucky’s cheek. Bucky’s first instinct was to pull away and punch him, but he didn’t. Steve’s lips were warm and his nose lightly pressed into Bucky’s face. It wasn’t all that bad. It wasn’t all that good either. But, it wasn’t all that _bad_.

Steve pulled back, looking at Bucky with an amused smirk. “Stop acting like you’ve got a broom shoved up your ass. Lean into me when I kiss you. We’ve gotta look like we’re in love.”

“I hate you Natasha,” Bucky mumbled. “Do it again.”

Steve brushed his lips against Bucky’s face, letting his breath ghost softly atop Bucky’s skin.

“That’s not a kiss.”

“I’m waiting for you to lean into me,” Steve mumbled, his lips lightly bumping against Bucky’s cheek as he spoke.

Bucky leaned in, letting Steve press another kiss against his face. He kept his head angled there, furrowing his brow and staring at the seat in front of him.

“Pull the fucking broom outta your ass,” Steve growled, still pressed against Bucky’s face. He pulled back, leaning into his seat. “Smile, giggle, blush…do something other than sit there staring. If I was a woman how would you react?”

Bucky licked at his top lip in thought. “I’d…just smile, laugh and shrug. Like it was nothing.”

“So smile, laugh and shrug,” Steve instructed. “I’m kissing you again.”

Bucky grabbed at the armrests, letting his eyes slip closed as Steve leaned into him again. Bucky pressed his face against Steve’s lips. He smirked, looking over at Steve’s closed eyes. Jesus _Christ_ , did he ever have the longest eyelashes Bucky had ever seen.

“Better,” Steve said, letting his breath ghost across Bucky’s face. It smelled of mint. Bucky hadn’t even realized he’d popped a piece of gum into his mouth, or was it just a breath mint? Escorts were crafty when it came to presentation. Their breath was always fresh, their faces smooth and clean and their _bodies_. God, Bucky didn’t want to think about their bodies right now… “When I grab your hand randomly, don’t freak out and get all weird about it. It’s all casual. We’ve done this a thousand times and we’ll do it a thousand times more. If I randomly kiss you, lean into me. Smile. If I touch your hips, pretend as if I’m not even doing it. People are really good at sniffing out lies. If you act uncomfortable around me, they’re gonna notice and you getting found out that this was all a ruse is probably worse than pretending to be gay. Right?”

“Absolutely. I’ll do anything if it means I get made partner,” Bucky answered adamantly.

“So act natural with me. Just let me guide you. I won’t do anything in front of people you’d be ashamed of. I’m good at my job.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Bucky answered as he felt the plane start to angle down, preparing to land.

* * *

 

 

Company cars were already waiting for them in the circle. Bucky finally saw a glimpse of Clint, his wife Laura, and Peter.

“They know about you,” Bucky whispered into Steve’s ear, just in case any of his other colleagues were eavesdropping. “I think they knew you were a guy even before I did…”

“Shitty friends,” Steve laughed softly, amusement swimming in his blue eyes. So Bucky was going to go and admit this guy had pretty eyes… But he still wasn’t into men!

“C’mon,” Bucky requested, striding over confidently to his friends. “Clint! Peter! How nice of you to show up…” His words were laced with mild annoyance. “I don’t think you’ve met Steve yet. Steve, this is Peter and Clint. Oh, that’s Clint’s wife, Laura. Everyone, this is my _fiancé_ , Steve.”

“Fiancé?” Laura asked. “I didn’t know you were…”

“Yeah, I honestly didn’t think I was either till I met Steve,” Bucky joked sarcastically, patting Steve on the chest, eyeing Clint and Peter’s guilty faces.

“Dude,” Peter sighed. “I was quite frankly _terrified_ Natasha was going to eviscerate me. I mean, she does that right? Eviscerates people?”

“And you think I don’t _eviscerate_ people who’re supposed to be my _friends_?” Bucky hissed.

“Man, we’re sorry! We were panicking!” Clint cried out. Laura looked to be extremely confused.

“Quiet!” Steve hushed. “It’s over. We’ve worked it out.”

“I mean, he’s a good-looking guy,” Peter piped up. “It could be worse?”

“Just don’t tell a single fucking soul and we’re square,” Bucky resigned, slumping his shoulders over.

“Tell a soul what?” Laura asked in confusion.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetie. Just work stuff.” Clint ushered her away, toward the cars in the circle.

“I’d kill them if they were my friends and did that to me,” Steve stated casually.

Bucky barked out a laugh. “It’s disgusting how much I already like you.”

Steve shrugged. “Does that mean I get to suck your dick?”

“Don’t press your luck, Steve,” Bucky laughed. He tried to ignore the excited current that flowed toward his groin.

Together, they climbed into the back of one of the company cars. Bucky attempted to grill Steve again about their history with each other but Steve just glared and decided to bring up another subject.

“So where are the rings?” Steve asked.

“The what?”

“…The rings…because we’re engaged?” Steve answered with a trace of careful annoyance in his tone. “You don’t have any do you?”

Bucky dropped his face into his hands. “Fuck!”

Steve pulled out a small baggie from his suitcase. “Oh don’t get your panties in a wad,” he huffed out playfully. “I got this.”

Bucky saw two golden bands in the baggie. He sighed in relief. “You’re amazing.”

“Eh,” Steve shrugged. “Usually people tell me that after I fuck them, but you’re proving to be unique.” He grabbed Bucky’s hand, slipping the golden ring on his left index finger. “Will you marry me, Bucky Barnes?”

Bucky smacked him in the chest, wincing at how _hard_ that chest was. “You’re a shithead Steve. Wait…what’s your last name? Is Steve even your real name?”

Steve hesitated, rolling in his lips as he slipped the other ring on his finger. “I don’t usually give out my last name. Security reasons.”

“I’m not gay, Steve. I’m not gonna creep on you.”

Steve sighed reluctantly. “Yeah… Well. I dunno.”

It was mildly annoying. Bucky didn’t want to feel hurt, but he did. His heart squeezed gently in his chest as he was softly reminded that this was all pretend. No matter how likable Steve was, they weren’t friends. They would never be friends. They didn’t even know each other. “Well, make something up then.”

“Grant. Steve Grant.”

“Is Steve even your real name?” Bucky asked softly.

Steve just smiled, but he didn’t answer.

Bucky felt his heart sink. It wasn’t like he was pining away after this guy. He was an escort. This was a business arrangement. Bucky was providing Steve with money and in turn, Steve was going to charm the hell out of Pepper Potts-Stark. After the weekend was over, Steve would go back to his other clients and Bucky would only call on him when he needed to save face with Pepper. “How long’s your waitlist? Will I be able to avoid it when I need you for parties and shit? I have to be consistent with you.” Bucky hated how fast his heart was beating, as if it would explode if Steve admitted that this was a one-time only thing and Bucky would be placed right on that waiting list after this.

“Depends on the tip you give me if I think it’s worth cancelling on other clients. I’m booked into Easter next year.”

Bucky huffed. “You’re gonna be the reason I go bankrupt.”

“Find yourself a real husband then,” Steve answered simply. “Or wife. You could always be bisexual.”

“I already had a wife. Look how that turned out.”

Steve’s face softened. He looked down at his feet before shyly looking back up at Bucky. “Were you two ever in love?”

Bucky shrugged, leaning back into his seat. “I dunno. I thought so. I guess not.”

“You two really hate each other as much as it looks?”

Bucky barked out a bitter laugh. “You know, I don’t hate her at all. I admire her. She’s the best damn thing that ever happened to me and I’ve never wanted to murder someone so badly.”

“That’s called being in love,” Steve stated. “Would you ever get back with her?”

“No,” Bucky responded quickly. “We were miserable. Always fighting, always spending the day so pissed at each other. Sex was fucking great though. I like it better the way it is now. I know it doesn’t look like it, but I’m pretty sure we’re great friends.”

Steve didn’t have a chance to respond. The doors were being opened for them, their luggage being taken from their feet.

“We’re here,” Bucky stated. His stomach flipped. This was it. He was actually going to “come out” as having a man for a fiancé. He could probably play the bisexual card, being that he’d been married to Natasha first. That actually made him feel a lot more relieved so he was glad Steve had mentioned it. His nerves were on fire as he got out of the car, feeling Steve’s fingers slip into his.

“Act natural, and don’t get weird when I call you pet names.”

“Please don’t call me pookey or some fucking shit,” Bucky growled lowly as they walked around the fountain in the middle of the circular driveway. Tony, Howard and Pepper were standing at the top of the stairs with a few other senior execs. Bucky wanted to run away. All the courage he’d mustered on the plane had been out of anger for what Natasha was doing to him, but now it was real. He was really going to face their eyes when he told them that Steve, a man, was his fiancé. This would change how they saw him forever. He couldn’t go back. This was it… He felt like he was going to pass out. The world seemed to be spinning on its axis at an unusually fast pace.

“Bucky!” Howard called, his elderly voice rough and unpolished. “Glad you’re here!”

“Who’s this?” Pepper asked, her gaze drinking in Steve. Bucky felt his heart grow in size. She liked what she was seeing at least. Bucky had seen enough women look at him that way before he took them to bed to know that Pepper found Steve attractive.

“Uh, Howard, Tony, Pepper, this is my fiancé, Steve.”

“Your fiancé?” Tony repeated. “You’re gay?”

“Bisexual,” Bucky corrected. It felt thick and wrong in his mouth, but he wouldn’t let Natasha fuck up his chance at partnership over this.

“Natasha told me about you already. Said you were gorgeous. Then again, Bucky’s gorgeous so why am I even surprised?” Pepper announced. Her voice was so soft, like gentle bells ringing. Bucky hadn’t spoke to her since Christmas but she’d remembered him. That was a plus.

Steve laughed, shaking her hand gently. “Oh please, you’re too kind.”

“So…bisexual,” Tony continued. “Why’d you hide it?”

“Because, Tony,” Pepper cut in. “Not everyone is as fearless as you are. Some people worry about their careers, for example, or being treated differently.”

“Or being stared at awkwardly,” Steve lilted. He wore the most polite smile but Bucky could see right through it. Tony was sizing Bucky up and Steve was actually…defending him. Bucky hated how a gentle trickle of warmth blossomed in his stomach.

“Gay, straight, or goat-fucker, whatever! Bucky’s the best damn copywriter we’ve had since I started this company!” Howard gleefully shouted out, wrapping an arm around Bucky’s shoulders.

Bucky couldn’t hide the relieved smile that spread over his lips. At least Howard loved him. Tony though…Tony would be the challenge. He knew this coming in though so it wasn’t a surprise.

“I didn’t say he wasn’t a good asset for the firm,” Tony explained. “I love how my family tries to make me out to be the bad guy. I’m glad you both are here.”

“Thank you, Tony,” Bucky breathed out, feeling a blush rush into his cheeks.

“C’mon, go get settled in and meet me in the smoking room for some bourbon before dinner. Both of you!”

“Oh thank you,” Steve said. “We’d be delighted, right baby?”

Bucky’s spine went rigid. Already? He was calling him pet names already? Right here? Bucky frantically looked at all their faces. No one seemed put off by it. In fact, they all seemed to have growing facial expressions of confusion at Bucky’s hesitance in responding. “Yes. Delighted.”

Bucky was released from Howard’s arm only to feel his hand being yanked lightly by Steve’s. He huffed, walking into the grand foyer. “Baby? Already?”

“You remember that whole broom thing that I talked about? Yeah, it’s still firmly shoved up your ass.”

“Oh wouldn’t you like to shove something up my ass,” Bucky countered back.

Steve sneered. “If you don’t watch it you’re gonna blow this whole thing for yourself. I’m getting paid either way.”

“Mr. Barnes, welcome back,” the butler, Phil, greeted. He was a nice guy. Bucky had gotten lost last year trying to find the wine cellar (out of curiosity) and Phil showed him around it. “You’ll be in your previous quarters. I hope that’s acceptable?”

“Yeah, that’s great,” Bucky said.

Silently, Steve and Bucky followed Phil through the estate, avoiding each other’s gazes as they walked in frustrated, awkward silence. Once to their quarters, Bucky offered a gentle “thank you” and opened the door for Steve.

Steve walked into the room, all amazed smiles and round eyes. Bucky dropped his suitcase into one of the reading chairs by the chess table.

“This room is at least three times the size of my apartment,” Steve breathed out. “Being rich is disgusting, but amazing. This fireplace is as tall as me!”

“You’re not rich? Figured a guy like you with a waiting list all the way into next year would be pretty well-off.”

Steve snorted, looking up the chimney chute. “I make more than an artist makes. I live comfortably. Not lavishly.”

Bucky crossed his arms over his chest, watching Steve’s exploration of the rooms. “None of your clients ever take you to stuff like this?”

“No,” Steve answered. “Dinner parties. Politician gatherings. One night deals, usually. Banquet halls and hotels. Never to homes.”

“They at least put you up in suites at the hotels?” Bucky asked curiously.

“Sometimes. But all hotels start looking the same after awhile. This is unique.” He smiled softly, approvingly at Bucky.

Bucky hated how much that smile made his heart flutter. Steve was an escort. Steve was a male. _‘Stop being excited you’re impressing him…’_

“Shall we head to the smoking room?”

“Is a smoking room really where they smoke?” Steve asked. “I’ve got asthma.”

“Cripes,” Bucky exhaled. “Just keep away from the cigars. It’s not that bad. We’ll probably just be drinking.”

Steve nodded softly, gliding over to Bucky and taking his hand, wrapping his fingers around Bucky’s. “Okay. I trust you.”

Bucky snorted. “That’s a bad idea…”

* * *

 

The smoking room was a large room with plush sitting chairs, a nice wet bar stocked to the nines with obnoxious red carpet and deep wooden walls with ornate etching. Traditionally, men only frequented the smoking room but Pepper was here. She was a champion of feminism and equal rights, so of course she’d be shattering Howard Stark’s traditionalist viewpoints on men and women.

There were a few senior execs in the room. They turned to Bucky with guarded eyes as they sized both him and Steve up. Bucky gulped. He didn’t think he was honestly all that hated, but he knew _these guys_ hated him. He was the mid exec whose name was in the running for partner. These were the seniors… the big dogs and each of them saw Bucky to be a slab of meat to be chewed up and devoured.

“Hey Barnes,” Brock Rumlow, one of the seniors called out. His face was chiseled like hard granite but his eyes were sharper than a wolf’s teeth. Bucky always felt very nervous around this guy. “This your fiancé?”

Steve looked to Bucky, letting him handle the situation.

“Y-yes,” Bucky answered softly, shuffling his feet.

Brock whistled. “You’re quite a man. Name’s Brock.”

“Steve. Nice to meet you,” Steve answered tightly. He was obviously picking up on Bucky’s distress.

Bucky looked over to Tony and Howard, they were in another corner with a few other execs who didn’t seem to care one way or another about Bucky. Pepper was of course next to Tony. Brock, Grant Ward, and Alexander Pierce were quite literally standing between Bucky and his future. They’d dove on him like a lion on an antelope and now Bucky had to face them if he wanted to find a way to make it over to the Starks.

“How long’ve you two been together?” Alexander asked, sipping bourbon. He sucked at his teeth, most likely attempting to stave off the burn of the alcohol.

“Yeah, how long’ve you kept this a secret,” Grant piped up. He wasn’t a senior exec, but he was Bucky’s biggest competition at the mid-level. Howard didn’t like him as much, according to word around the floor, but he was still just as clever and sharp-witted as Bucky.

“Six months,” Steve answered pleasantly. “Bucky likes keeping work and personal life separate so he doesn’t disrupt workflow.”

Bucky inhaled through his nose deeply, trying to calm down. Steve was handling this well. It warmed Bucky’s heart that Steve kept looking over at him, as if making sure he wasn’t falling over or going into shock. Like he cared…

_‘He just wants his tip, jackass…’_

“Shit,” Alexander rumbled out. “I’d hide you away too! Bucky’s been trying to sell this tough-guy image at the office!”

“Clearly you’re the wife though, or will be, right Buckaroo?” Brock asked.

Bucky balled his fingers into fists. “And what makes you think that, Brock?” Bucky asked through a sickly pleasant tone.

Steve’s brows went up in surprise.

“Oh c’mon, don’t get all riled up,” Brock barked. “Yer a pretty boy. Your man’s much more salt of the earth.”

“So because I’m _pretty_ that makes me a wife?” Bucky challenged.

“You getting pissed off there, Barnes?” Grant asked, his eyes sparkling with unspoken amusement. He sipped at his drink. Bucky could see the snarl wrapping against those shit-eating lips.

“Actually,” Steve cut in. “Bucky’s the breadwinner, the rational one. I’m pretty much a huge crybaby and I work at a cupcakery on 5th Street. And if you _really_ must know,” Steve paused for some form of dramatic effect. Bucky watched as the several men leaned the tiniest bit forward. “I really like getting pounded into the mattress by his dick.”

“Woah!” Alexander shouted, raising his hands in defeat. “Alright! That’s enough of that then.”

Bucky’s heart was beating up against his throat. He couldn’t find words, but he was appreciative of what Steve was doing. Steve could sacrifice his own comfort and risk getting embarrassed, but Bucky couldn’t. These people worked with Bucky. He couldn’t say things to them as bluntly as Steve. Steve was…amazing. He was actually fighting for Bucky because he saw Bucky couldn’t! A female escort would never have done that. Then again, he wouldn’t have had to be defended if he’d been with a woman…

Steve shrugged. “Well, you asked who the wife was gonna be. Figured I’d answer since my fiancé practices humility.”

“Barnes ain’t humble,” Grant laughed out. “Christ, everyone in the office knows when he lands a campaign.”

“And being proud of your accomplishments is something to frown upon?” Steve shot back.

Bucky was falling in love… (Well not really…but Steve was a knight in shining armor right now and Bucky was loving every second of seeing their smug expressions get verbally bitch-smacked off their faces).

“I see it now,” Brock said curtly. “You are the bitch.”

Steve’s brows shot up into his hairline. “Excuse me?” He stepped forward, towering over Brock with those broad shoulders and that thick neck. Bucky’s gaze shot over to the Starks, they were still in full conversation with several other people. “I’m not the one crying to his friends about a mid-exec doing his job three times better than your senior-exec sorry ass…”

“Steve…” Bucky warned. This couldn’t happen. Steve had to be seen as gentle and compassionate. Pepper had to like him. Violence was the _last_ thing on her list of things she tolerated.

Steve backed up, tilting his head to the side as he continued to stare at Brock, an unspoken challenge. Steve wouldn’t be the one making the first move, but if Brock swung, Bucky was damn sure Steve would swing back twice as hard.

“Look’s like daddy’s not okay with how you’re treating his superiors,” Brock spat back.

“It was a pleasure meeting you,” Steve grumbled with a distasteful wince before walking toward the bar.

Bucky didn’t waste any time with the three of those goons. He tailed after Steve, fixing himself a gin and tonic. “Christ, Steve,” he whispered. “I’ve wanted to tell that shithead off for years now.”

“Why haven’t you?” Steve popped open a beer. Bucky was _acutely_ aware that kind of bottle wasn’t a twist cap and yet Steve somehow managed to pry the cap off- with his bare hands. Why was his heart fluttering at that?

“Because I’m a mid-exec. He’s a senior. He’s not my boss, but he’s got pull with the Starks. He’s a damn good copywriter, even if all he pumps out is sex ads.”

“Sex sells,” Steve responded mildly disinterested. “I would know.”

“Thank you,” Bucky said, switching gears. “You didn’t have to do that, but you did.”

“Yeah well,” Steve shrugged. “I don’t like bullies.”

Bucky offered a small smirk, nudging his shoulder against Steve’s. “You’re alright, Steve.”

Steve laughed, rolling his head back as his shoulders rocked gently. “Now do I get to suck your dick?”

“One step at a time, Steve!” Bucky playfully shot back, taking a nice gulp of his drink. “The day’s still young…”

* * *

 

Dinner had been a boring event. Bucky wasn’t even stationed at the Starks’ table. He’d been stuffed in a corner by the violinist with Clint, Peter and a few other people he couldn’t care less about. Steve mostly did the talking. Bucky was too busy pouting that he wasn’t sitting next to Tony. Instead, he had to grumble and glare as Alexander Pierce had that luxury. Bucky hated that guy about as much as he hated Brock. Both of them were sniveling brown-noses who couldn’t create an imaginative or fresh campaign even if it was hitting them smack in the middle of their faces. If either of them made partner, Bucky was pretty sure he’d have to quit his job… They hated him about as much as he hated them.

“Hello ladies and gentlemen,” Natasha greeted evenly as she walked over. Bucky recognized that cocktail dress. She’d worn it to one of their last date nights. Once upon a time, Bucky actually took that woman out to show her off at all the high-end bars in town. Once upon a time, he swore up and down they were happy. He just couldn’t remember it anymore.

“Nat,” Bucky greeted simply, dipping his chin.

“You know, dinner’s served and eaten. You can just get up and walk over to the Starks instead of burning holes in their heads…” she suggested. She took a seat on Bucky’s lap. His hands slipped up to her waist to hold her. It was automatic. He hadn’t even realized he’d done it till Steve was cocking a solo brow in confusion.

“Why are you sitting on me?” Bucky asked. “Do you want my cover blown?”

Natasha giggled, but it was bitter and full of morbid amusement. “Maybe. Haven’t decided yet. You two do make an _awfully_ cute couple though.” She reached her hand out to brush it against Steve’s cheek.

Steve tensed but he didn’t swat her away.

“Nat…” Bucky warned. “Please get off me.”

Sighing heavily, Natasha stood up and leaned against the white tablecloth. “You’re no fun anymore.”

“Welp, we did get divorced for a reason,” Bucky shot back tastelessly.

“Go talk to them. I’ll bet you they’re thinking of retiring into the drawing room,” Natasha continued. “Make sure you get that invitation or you’re just going to bed for the night.”

“You amaze me,” Bucky exhaled. “You literally are the definition of unpredictable.”

“I told you,” she said, running her chin over her bare shoulder. “I’ve got an invested interest in you being made partner.”

“Why?”

She stood up, briefly running her fingers through Bucky’s short hair. “I just do.”

Steve abruptly stood up, walking toward the Starks’ table.

“Woah, what’s he doing?” Peter asked as he turned around to face Bucky and Natasha.

“He’s doing what he’s getting _paid_ to do,” Natasha answered simply. “Though it really should be you walking over there…”

“Oh shut up,” Bucky grumbled as he watched Steve.

Steve went over to Pepper, immediately brightening his face with a full, toothy grin. She smiled back. That was good, Bucky thought. He pulled up an empty chair and sat next to her. They seemed to instantly strike up a conversation. Pepper’s body language was relaxed, though she did keep one arm on the table to rest her chin against. That wasn’t bad, just neutral. Bucky would feel calmer if she was leaning toward Steve, but this was better than her speaking with crossed arms.

“You really knocked it outta the park when you picked him, Natasha,” Peter said. He took a small nibble of the pie in front of him.

“I know what Pepper likes. I also know what Bucky likes.”

“I like women,” Bucky added, pursing his lips.

“Do you?” she asked innocently, her brows twitching for a brief moment.

Bucky looked back at Steve, ignoring the chatter behind him. Steve was making Pepper laugh. She was rolling her head back, letting her shoulders bounce and she even reached out to lightly touch his arm. Tony was even turning to them, smiling awkwardly as he tried to catch up on a joke that he’d clearly missed.

Steve’s face was practically glowing under the yellow light from the crystal chandeliers. He looked sharp in his suit, but he radiated a softness that made him easily likable and not the slightest bit threatening. Pepper seemed to pick up on all of that. She was now looking back and forth from Tony and Steve as she filled Tony in on what had been said.

Bucky licked at his lips. He should go over there. Both Tony and Pepper were now full-on conversing with Steve. It was the best chance Bucky was going to have tonight to be invited into the drawing room. Steve was supposed to be his fiancé after all. There was nothing wrong with wanting to toss an arm around a fiancé at the ends of a dinner party.

Bucky finally stood up.

“Atta Boy,” Natasha gleefully announced from behind Bucky.

He paid no attention to her. His feet felt like they were walking over thick mud instead of pristine antique rugs and hardwood. He sidled up to Steve, slipping an arm over his shoulder and pressing a kiss against his temple. It was the most frightening moment of his life but Steve didn’t even miss a beat. He continued talking; looking up with sparking eyes and the softest, most adoring smile Bucky had ever seen. Bucky’s heart was now beating so erratically that he wasn’t sure if he was going to explode or pass out. But it wasn’t out of nerves, it was out of sheer astonishment that the smallest gesture of Steve’s could make Bucky feel like he was floating atop the clouds in the evening sky. Steve was _beautiful_ and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that.

“Hey, baby,” Steve greeted after he’d finished his story, getting another laugh out of Pepper. Tony was even smiling.

“Hey,” Bucky greeted, offering a small smile. His face was hot. He hoped he wasn’t blushing but he probably was. In fact, from how hot his face was, he knew for a fact he was blushing.

“Steve was just telling us about how your participation in the Pride Parade,” Pepper said before sipping her glass of red wine.

“Oh?” Bucky asked, pretending to know the story.

“I was telling them how you were afraid people would recognize you, so you painted your face with glitter rainbow paint and it got in your eyes…”

“Oh!” Bucky exclaimed, faking a laugh. “Yeah, that wasn’t fun. I mean, it was fun. I had fun, but it wasn’t _fun_.” He had no idea where to go from here. He bit at his lip, worried he’d say the wrong thing next.

“You were cute, having to be carried on my back the rest of the parade since you couldn’t open your eyes.”

_‘How are you so fluent in unspoken panic?’_

“You know,” Pepper said. “You really shouldn’t have hid him away all this time. He’s obviously your better half, Bucky.”

Bucky let out an awkward laugh, scratching at his nose. “Yeah well… I just didn’t wanna make anyone uncomfortable.” He looked over at Alexander Pierce who was on Tony’s other side. He was watching Steve with an angry glare.

“I like him,” Tony stated. “Happy for you, Barnes.”

Bucky smiled stupidly, relishing in the approval from Tony Stark. “Th-thanks, Tony.”

“While the world may be changing,” Alexander cut in. Bucky’s heart sank into his stomach. He felt Steve’s fingers grab at his. “I respect Bucky’s hesitance. There are plenty here who’d rather…not see it.”

“Not see homosexuality?” Steve asked, seeking clarification. He tilted his head to the side with an innocent, blank expression. Bucky was sure Steve was getting prepared to strike. If he’d learned one thing about Steve, it was that he was _aggressively_ intelligent. Steve understood body language, wit, and loaded statements. He probably knew random facts about the universe and who was the thirteenth president and Bucky wouldn’t be the least bit surprised (Bucky had no idea who the thirteenth president was).

Alexander readjusted himself in his seat. “I don’t mean any ill-will toward either of you. I don’t care what you do in the privacy of your home, but there are boundaries that need to be respected.”

“They’re not making out in a corner of the room, Pierce,” Tony said.

Bucky looked at Pepper. Her nose was wrinkled up and she crossed her arms. Bucky smiled to himself. She was clearly not a big fan of Alexander Pierce’s.

“No,” Pierce answered with a nod. “And I thank them for that. As I’m sure you thank them as well, considering you were against the legalization of nationwide gay marriage.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open. No… No. That was bad. If Tony was against gay marriage, then he was against Bucky as a person. He could love all of Bucky’s work, but not Bucky. To be partner meant to be friends and if they couldn’t be friends…

“Alright,” Tony said as he pushed his pie away. “I’m not against gay marriage. I’m against the Supreme Court taking away the rights for _states_ to decide if they want to allow it or not. I live in a state where it’s legal! We all do. I just felt the Supreme Court was overstepping its authority.”

“It was interpreting the Constitution,” Steve said, his brow furrowing. “It wasn’t creating new laws, just answering the question of whether homosexual people should be afforded equal rights to heterosexual people. We should be. The Supreme Court saw that too.”

Pepper’s face broke out into a proud smirk. “See, I’ve been trying to explain that to you this entire time, Tony. I just couldn’t break it down as simply as that.”

_‘I’ll bet he knows all the presidents in order…’_ Steve wasn’t just aggressively intelligent, he was disgustingly intelligent, and Bucky was loving every second of it.

Tony huffed, rolling his eyes. “Okay, okay! I was wrong. I just think states should be allowed more governing power than the federal government. That’s the point of the USA, right?”

“I agree,” Pierce stated, tapping his hand lightly on the table.

“And a federal government must be in place to balance the states when it sees something unconstitutional, which it did,” Steve continued. Christ, this guy was more political than Bucky would have ever thought.

“You’re a Democrat, aren’t you?” Alexander asked, though there was a snarky smirk against his lips. Bucky’s fingers tingled. He’d love to backhand that face…

“I like to call myself an independent,” Steve answered simply. “Less messy.”

“Oh no,” Pepper laughed. “We’re discussing politics! Where are our manners?”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said, offering the most precious puppy-face Bucky had ever seen. “I just get a bit riled up when I feel I have to defend who I am.”

Pepper reached out, grabbing Steve’s hand and curling her fingers around his. “As you have every right to.”

“Come on,” Tony said, standing up. “Let’s finish up in the drawing room. I’m actually kind of curious about Steve’s politics now. Shall we?”

Steve looked up expectantly at Bucky. “Is that okay?” he asked when Bucky didn’t give an answer.

“Oh, sure,” Bucky answered with a resigned smile. “But let’s all agree that we won’t be throwing punches when we’ve got different views.”

“I’ll drink to that!” Pepper exclaimed as she tipped back her wine glass and polished off her drink.

Of course the entire table was invited to the drawing room. Brock and Alexander would be there, but no Grant. There was a sick satisfaction within Bucky’s stomach at knowing Grant would be positively _livid_ when he’d finally notice Bucky was with the Starks.

Though, his invitation was all thanks to Steve.

Steve was earning one hell of a tip.

* * *

 

“Well that was fun,” Steve hummed as they finally retired to their bedroom. He plopped down into one of the reading chairs by the giant fireplace. “Hey do you think we can turn this puppy on? I wanna see how big the fire is.”

Bucky laughed. “Sure, go for it. It’s gas. You just flick a switch.”

Steve stood up, groaning softly as he walked over to the switch and watched as the fire erupted gently from the faux logs. “Man,” he giggled. “Did you see Alex’s face when Tony kept asking me questions despite Alex tryin’ to talk?”

Bucky nodded. “Oh yeah. I’ve committed his face to memory. He looked like his eyes were gonna pop outta his head! You’re really great with people.” Bucky walked over to the fire, watching it cackle and flicker up at him.

Steve spun around, running his tongue along his top lip. Bucky’s lips parted in response, watching the pink, shiny muscle glide against those soft lips with ease. “It’s not hard,” Steve said. “Reading people. Just gotta test them out for a second. See what kind of person they are. Then it’s pretty easy.”

“Read me,” Bucky requested enthusiastically. “What kind of person am I?”

Steve laughed, looking down at one of the reading chairs and then up through his dark lashes at Bucky. Bucky rolled his lips into his mouth. Was it hot in here? Bucky felt like it was getting hot in here.

“Well,” Steve began. “You’re obviously high-strung and career-driven. But you’re level-headed and kind, despite you pretending differently.”

“I’m not pretending,” Bucky shot back. He walked over to his suitcase and pulled out his pajamas.

“Oh ho ho,” Steve chortled. “You wear a mask so big I’m surprised you even know how to take it off at night.”

“What?” Bucky lingered at the side of the bed, holding his pajamas. “Oh please.”

“You care too much what people think about you. It eats at you. I’ll bet you take meds for anxiety, right?”

Bucky’s brow furrowed. “That’s rude and highly presumptuous of you.” It didn’t matter that Steve was right. Steve had no right to call Bucky out on that!

Steve put his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry. You just asked…so…”

“No,” Bucky responded gentler this time. “S’okay. Don’t worry, you’re tip’s safe.”

Steve cracked a soft, crooked smirk. “M’still sorry.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. I’ll be right back,” Bucky said as he walked over to the bathroom. He quickly changed into his pajamas and brushed his teeth. There was one bed in this room. It was a king sized bed, so it wasn’t like Bucky and Steve had to be touching when they slept, but it was still making Bucky’s heart beat frantically within his chest. He didn’t want to lead Steve on or worse, Steve just…start doing stuff to him while he was sleeping. He most assuredly did _not_ want Steve touching him.

_‘But I kinda do…’_

Bucky choked on his toothpaste. He spit out into the sink, staring at himself with wide, shocked eyes. Steve was handsome. Sure he was probably fit and built like a goddamned brick house but he was a _man_ and Bucky liked _women_! He inhaled deeply through his nose, dipping his chin. He was only interested because Steve was an escort. He’d never met a male escort before. Of course they existed. Bucky was foolish to even think they didn’t, but he’d never _seen_ one before. Steve was just new… He was a nice guy. Bucky liked him…as a friend. That’s all. And even then, Steve wouldn’t be friends with Bucky because Bucky was the _client_.  It was just business. All of his politeness and attentive behavior to Bucky was simply just because Steve wanted a tip! It had nothing to do with Steve liking Bucky.

_‘But he thinks you’re hot.’_

Bucky closed his eyes, squeezing his lids tight and bunching up his face. This was nothing. This was sick, innocent curiosity. Steve was a man. Bucky liked women. Bucky had always liked women. He liked their soft, supple bodies and big eyes and…tits!

Bucky walked out of the bathroom, sputtering when he saw Steve in nothing but black briefs, already lying on the bed with a hand tossed casually behind his head. He smirked at Bucky.

_‘Oh my God, he has tits…’_ Chiseled, tight, pronounced pectoral muscles…but they were like tits. They were rock hard and defined but Bucky was pretty damn sure he could grab at them and they’d be at least a handful. His dick twitched in his sweats. Bucky sucked in his lips, scanning over Steve’s six-pack; a fucking flawless mountain range atop pink, warm skin. Steve was a full-body blusher and the fact that it got Bucky so excited…he didn’t even want to think about. He just was.

“Can I suck your dick yet?” Steve asked casually. “Close your eyes and you won’t even notice the difference. I mean…I’m probably better than most girls though.” He stood up, sauntering over to Bucky, using his powerful shoulders to guide him effortlessly through the room.

Bucky took a trembling step back. Why… Why was this man so gorgeous? Why did he _radiate_ sexual desire like the heat coming from the damn fireplace? Bucky whimpered, biting his lip to stifle his body’s betrayal.

Steve had noticed it though. Bucky could see the wolf’s grin that spread against those lips that apparently wanted to feel his cock against them…

“I’m better than most girls, because I know what it’s like to get my dick sucked.” He’d backed Bucky up against the wall. “I know that flicking my tongue against the slit feels good, but it’s the underside, just under the tip, that really gets men _screaming_.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open as he felt Steve pin a knee between his legs, trapping him there like a lamb ready for sacrifice.

“I know that only some guys like their balls touched and if you’re not one of them, I can figure it out quick, cause I don’t like it either.” He ran his hands up and down Bucky’s outer thighs.

Bucky looked up into those lust-filled eyes, pupils blown wide with predatory desire. He bit his lip again, looking at the door. He could stop this. He was the one _paying_ after all. Part of him didn’t want to. It felt nice and he was _so hard._ But he liked women. He liked women!

Steve leaned in close, brushing his nose against Bucky’s neck. Bucky’s breath hitched in the back of his throat as he clutched against the wall desperately. His cock was already throbbing.

“I know that if I suck too hard, it pulls the skin and can agitate it, so I can’t be too rough with you. We’re a lot more fragile than women think, but I know, because I _like_ getting my dick sucked too.” He caressed his thumb over Bucky’s parted lips, smirking gently.

“Steve…” Bucky breathed out, his voice trembling.

“You don’t have to be gay to like your dick getting sucked,” Steve whispered as he kissed lightly down Bucky’s neck. Bucky leaned into the kiss, listening to the gentle sucking sounds as Steve pulled at the flesh with his mouth. He closed his eyes, his grip still frantically grasping at the ornate moldings on the wall.

“Just close your eyes, baby,” Steve cooed. “You don’t have’ta watch me.”

Bucky’s head hit the wall loudly. He winced, momentarily distracted by the pain to get a clear head. Steve was coming onto him like a dog in heat. He didn’t feel comfortable with this. Bucky…didn’t feel comfortable with this.

That was it.

“Stop,” Bucky said weakly.

Steve ran his fingers under Bucky’s loose tee shirt. “Do you really want me to?”

“Please stop,” Bucky said, more affirmative this time.

Steve instantly backed up, nodding once.

Bucky wasn’t angry at Steve. Steve was quite literally just doing his job, but this wasn’t something Bucky wanted, no matter how hard he was in his sweats. This was a man. Bucky didn’t want to like men.

And there it was.

He didn’t _want_ to. He’d never considered men before. He’d never cared one way or the other about gay rights because he never saw himself as anything other than a heterosexual, white, male. Who was he to form an opinion about something he knew nothing about? So he kept his trap shut and married a woman, divorced her and here he was. Staring up at a man… A man that he wanted to kiss so badly his _teeth_ were vibrating. He looked at Steve’s chest, glancing over the light dusting of chest hair that grew atop those defined, flawless muscles. He wanted to reach out and _touch_.

He slid to the floor, shaking and refusing to let tears spill from his eyes. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to be attracted to a man. It was easy pretending to be attracted but to really feel it? To really engage with Steve and let himself slip further and further into a trap that only lead to one thing and one thing only…

Steve’s tip. Steve’s job. His contract.

It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth letting Bucky fall into something he could never have. It wasn’t worth entertaining the idea if it would only lead to an end. A fucking _waitlist_! Bucky had done this once. Bucky had allowed himself to feel something for another person, to fall in love. He’d married her and look where he was now?

Crumpled on a floor, divorced and unsure if she liked him or hated him. He still loved her. He would always love Natasha. It wasn’t the way it was before, but it was there. He’d kill for her and do anything if it meant seeing her happy, just as Bucky presumed that Natasha would do anything for him, even if it was in her own little, devilish, maddening way. They’d do anything for each other, but it wasn’t the love they once had, or Bucky at least thought they had. Bucky couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t entertain the idea of latching onto something new and finding out he _liked_ it only for that very thing to throw him away because he was a _client_. This remained professional. He was using Steve to be made partner. That’s all. If it didn’t happen, he’d never have to see Steve again. If it happened, he hoped he’d bribe Steve with a large enough tip so he wouldn’t get waitlisted.

“Bucky…” Steve called, breaking him from his thoughts. “I’m sorry. I just thought… I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Bucky hadn’t realized he’d started crying. No sobs broke from his throat. No snot ran from his nose. Silent, effortless tears streamed down his face as easy as rain fell from the sky. He wiped at his face, smacking Steve’s hand as the man tried to wipe them away with the cuff of his sweatshirt. When did he put on a sweatshirt?

“Do you want me to go?” Steve asked. “I’ll go.”

“No,” Bucky silently responded. “If you leave I won’t get made partner. I can’t get caught in this lie.”

“I really didn’t mean to upset you. I just… I guess I don’t know what to do if I’m not screwing my clients.” Steve looked away, chewing his bottom lip. Bucky hated how badly he wanted to know what those lips tasted like.

“You didn’t upset me,” Bucky whispered. He didn’t have the strength to raise his voice any louder. “I just started thinking about Nat.”

Steve tiled his head and let his lips part quietly. He scooted closer, concern drowning his features. “And that made you cry?”

“I guess.” He wouldn’t explain it further. He wouldn’t let Steve know he was the reason Bucky was crying too. It wasn’t just Nat. It was the idea of Nat and the idea of love projected through Steve. Bucky couldn’t explore this because he’d get attached. He already knew it. Clearly Nat had known this all along. It’s why she’d selected a man for Bucky. She’d known Bucky’s sexual identity even before Bucky did. He needed a push and here it was, pushing him violently over a cliff and he was scrambling to stay atop it– but failing. Steve was exactly Bucky’s type apparently, and he was an escort.

“Do you wanna talk about it? A lot of clients talk to me. I’m good at keepin’ secrets.”

“No,” Bucky answered. “I don’t.”

Steve sat back, looking mildly panicked. He probably wasn’t used to clients breaking down in front of him when he’s practically begging to put their dick in his mouth. Bucky’s stomach fluttered for a moment as a rush of excitement coursed through him. He was different. He’d be that unique client Steve wasn’t used to. Why Bucky cared so much was…stupid. But he did.

“M’just gonna go to bed,” Bucky mumbled as he stood up, digging his heels into the hardwood floor as he walked. He jumped into the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin, closing his eyes tightly. He wouldn’t let Steve touch him. No matter how badly he wanted it. No matter how much his body was aching at this point.

He couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t fall in love with someone that didn’t really want him. All Steve wanted was a tip.

And that’s all Bucky was: a tip.


	2. But Maybe It's Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky struggles with accepting he's attracted to Steve. Steve continues to amaze Bucky with his poise, professionalism and dedication to Bucky's cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did NOT expect this fic to be so well received, especially after only ONE chapter. I am so happy I get to share my little brain-baby with you all. Thank you so much for any feedback you've provided. Keep it coming! It really helps! Thanks to some feedback, I was actually able to bring a little quirk to life (Looking at you 70SecretKinks!) And I'm so thankful for it! :) 
> 
> Also, this fic has a photoset that is located here: [Click me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/125039844678/call-boy-by-buckmebxrnes-explicit-summary-bucky/)
> 
> Shoutout to my lovely beta readers, Perfbucky and Ithewhimsy! Thank you two for making sure I don't do stupid things. "toe bisque" would have been a disaster. X'DDDDDD

When Bucky woke, he felt the soft pads of feet against his legs. He looked over, seeing Steve sprawled on his side of the bed, one arm under his pillow as he lay belly down and diagonal. He wasn’t the prettiest sleeper but Bucky was honestly relieved of that. He didn’t need any more reasons to find himself hopelessly attracted to this man. Bucky scooted up in the bed, spilling the blankets around his waist as he blinked into the darkened room from the thick curtains. He reached over to the bedside table for his phone and checked the time. 7:15 AM. Like clockwork. Bucky couldn’t sleep past this hour even if he’d gone to bed at 6 AM.

He quietly snuck out from under the covers, careful not to wake Steve. They hadn’t ended the night on the best of terms, no thanks to Bucky… He walked over to the bathroom, closing the door quietly and turning on the water to warm it up. He stared at the mirror, listening to the soft rhythm of the showerhead behind him. He was attracted to Steve. Steve, whose name Bucky wasn’t entirely sure was actually _Steve_. Steve, whose last name was completely obstructed from him. Steve, whose body radiated sexuality, perfection and confidence. Bucky grabbed at his toothbrush, angrily squirting toothpaste onto it and roughly shoving it into his mouth.

Was it because he was an escort? Was there some kind of sexual allure of the unknown that Bucky was attracted to? Maybe that was it, and then once Bucky fucked around with it, it’d all just go away. Maybe letting Steve blow him was a good idea. Bucky thought about those red lips brushing his cock, gently gliding up his tip as Steve would peer up through those soft dark lashes.

Bucky gripped the sink, brushing harder at his teeth. Steve had such pretty lips. Women had to apply lipstick to get lips that red but Steve just _had_ that color splashed against his face naturally. Did he moisturize? How did he keep his lips looking so soft? A guy who sucked dick for a living surely suffered from chapped lips every now and then, right?

Bucky finished brushing his teeth, looking down at his half-hardened cock. This was Steve’s fault. He hated this. He hated that he _wanted_ those lips around his dick. He hated that he _wanted_ to know Steve’s last name. He wanted to _know_ Steve. Every female escort Bucky had ever been with was beautiful. He’d go to bed with them, he’d talk to them and flirt but he’d never really _care_ who they were. He didn’t want to know their last names or even if Cherry or Faith was their actual name. He didn’t care where they lived, if this was a temporary gig or a life-time career. He didn’t care.

He cared too much about information on Steve. Steve…that was such a _man’s_ name. There wasn’t anything unique or sexual about Steve. Maybe Steve was his real name? Bucky just felt it was so unremarkable that no one would ever pick it as an escort name. Vixen. Randy. Zane. Those were sexy names a guy could use. Steve?

_‘It has to be his real name…’_

Bucky hopped into the marble shower, looking at the swirls of black, grey and shimmering white that made up  the smooth stone. He stood under the stream, letting the water wash over him, tickling into the curves and dips of his body. His cock was still semi-hard.

He looked down, flicking his eyebrows in moderate disdain at the betrayal of his dick. If Bucky had learned one thing in life, it was that his dick didn’t lie. It knew what it wanted and Bucky usually followed its wishes. Right now, it wanted Steve, but Bucky didn’t want to give that to it. Bucky didn’t want his heart to hurt any more than it already did.

_‘Fuck, I just met him yesterday!’_

He scrubbed at his hair, digging his nails in painfully to try to divert his attention away from his softly throbbing dick. He wouldn’t do this. He wouldn’t touch himself thinking of those blue eyes, broad shoulders and those _tits_. Those fucking tits that protruded almost like a fucking woman’s! Christ, what kind of workout regime did Steve have to get those? Fuck, Bucky could take handfuls, push them together and make motherfucking _cleavage_.

Bucky whined, looking down at his now fully-erect cock. He couldn’t stop thinking about Steve. Steve was in bed, half naked and all Bucky would have to do was gently straddle those thighs over that tight, cute butt and Steve would be his. He knew Steve wouldn’t protest, because that’s what Steve was getting _paid_ for. He could wake Steve and show his reddening cock and Steve would know exactly what to do.

He couldn’t do this anymore. He was throbbing painfully; sharp bursts of _want_ and _lust_ shot down through his spine and out the tip of his cock. He bit his lip, wrapping two fingers around his length before pumping softly, unsure at first. He was a man. Men jacked off! Women jacked off. It was natural! He could do this and it wouldn’t mean a damn thing about Steve. He was a guy and guys had needs.

Maybe if he rubbed one out, he wouldn’t think so much about Steve?

He leaned against the marble wall of the shower, stroking slowly, fingers swiveling over the tip of his dick as he stared at himself, fully hard and slightly red. His spine tingled, savoring the addictive feeling of fingers against his sensitive skin.

He curled more fingers around his length, stroking fully now, flicking his wrist so he could thumb over his slit and swirl over it softly. “A-ah…” he whispered out, dropping his head back against the shower wall.

He cupped at his balls with his other hand, giving them a gentle squeeze before massaging his fingers against them. Steve didn’t like his balls touched, but Bucky did. Waves of pleasure emanated through his core, spreading slowly out to the tips of his toes and up into his forehead making him feel hot and dizzy. He was thinking about Steve…

He was thinking about those thighs and how they’d feel wrapped around his torso when he’d bury himself deep inside Steve’s hot ass. He was thinking about how he could make Steve’s tits bounce as he’d let the blonde ride him mercilessly, screaming at the top of his lungs as Bucky would let him greedily fuck himself on Bucky’s cock. Bucky would grab at those pecs, squeezing and fingering at the nipples, letting Steve writher against him as they’d rock heavily into each other.

“Ah…ah…ff…” Bucky panted. He circled all his fingers around his length, using his other hand to just play at his slit, circling it quickly with small ministrations. He dropped his head forward, feeling the saliva in his throat grow sticky and thick.

This wasn’t working.

He wanted Steve’s hands on him. He wanted that red, perfect mouth wrapped around his cock. He wanted to know what it felt like to be inside another man, and let another man _inside_ _him_.

“Ff-fuck! Oh fuck!” Bucky moaned loudly, tightening his thigh muscles as he bent over slightly, coming hard into his hands. His balls pinched up, enveloping his cock with thrumming heat as his seed pushed out into the fingers that pressed against his slit. He blushed heavily when he realized his voice had echoed throughout the bathroom. He prayed Steve was still asleep. If Steve had heard…that was just more fuel to this flame and Bucky really wished it’d just burn up and go away.

He slumped down, his legs trembling from the intensity of what he’d just experienced. Thinking of Steve made it feel better. He could get himself off in less than a minute but it never left him feeling wrecked and shaken. His fingers trembled as he held them out under the shower stream, watching the silvery come slip through his fingers and down into the drain. His heart bunched up in his chest, shriveling in on itself. He wanted Steve.

“Fuck…” he cried softly. “I hate this.”

Bucky stood up, his legs wavering slightly beneath him. He finished up in the shower and hopped out silently. He desperately just wanted to keep his mind blank but that seemed impossible! He toweled off, staring at his red-rimmed eyes. He didn’t want to walk back into the other room. He stood there, towel wrapped around his hips, staring at the chestnut door. Maybe Steve was still asleep? Maybe Bucky could just slip out, grab some clothes and then go for a walk in the gardens before breakfast. Surely an escort didn’t wake up that early when most of their work was at night.

Bucky opened the door, his heart slamming down into his spine and shredding against it. He was wrong.

Steve was already up. The bed was made. He had new clothes on and was fixing his tie in the mirror when he looked at Bucky in the reflection. “Mornin’!” he lilted, flashing a toothy smile.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed. He walked heavily over to his suitcase, unzipping it and pulling out dress pants, a purple button down and a black tie. He wouldn’t wear a blazer today. No one ever did on the second day unless they were to dinner.

Steve laughed softly, turning on his heel briskly, flashing that smile Bucky was coming to hate so much. It was almost painful to see how beautiful Steve was. “You’re not a morning person, are you?” Steve asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he sat atop the bed.

“No, I am,” Bucky responded tightly.

“Oh.” Steve’s brows pulled together and he bit at his bottom lip.

_‘Would you just stop with your lips?”_

“Do you wanna go get coffee? Phil said they’ve got a coffee bar set up for the early risers while breakfast is still being prepared.”

Bucky already knew about the coffee bar. That’s where he’d really befriended Clint last year. “M’good.”

Steve sucked in his lips, looking slightly panic-stricken. “Do you want me to go?”

“No,” Bucky answered blankly as he slipped on briefs under his towel. “That’d be worse than you being here.”

Steve flinched. Bucky couldn’t ignore the smug, proud feeling that warmed his gut. He liked seeing his words set course to that kind of reaction in Steve– it made him feel important, like he actually _mattered_ to this escort.

Steve opened his mouth, looking away from Bucky now. “Okay, well, I’m gonna go get coffee. I’ll bring you back something– just in case.”

“I said I don’t need it!” Bucky snapped.

That’s when Steve turned on him. Bucky had never felt terribly small. He was tall, had nice, lean muscles and could hold his own but when Steve bristled up, when his shoulders broadened and the veins in his neck rose against the skin, Bucky felt small. This man could _kill_ him if he wanted to.

“Is this about last night?” Steve asked sharply. “Because I said I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!”

Bucky snorted. “You’re an escort! It’s in your very _nature_ to try to do it again!” He knew he was being harsh. Part of him felt this was the only way to keep himself from wanting more of Steve. If he got Steve to hate him, then he wouldn’t have to see those soft eyes and kind smiles. He could let Steve tiptoe around him, sneering and grumbling and then Bucky would stuff a shitty tip into his hands and maybe he’d just tell Pepper the engagement fell through.

Steve nodded softly, an annoyed smirk playing at his face. He rested his hands on his hips. “Wow,” he huffed. “It’s in my _nature_?”

Bucky felt foolish, like a child yelling because they weren’t given a cookie after dinner. He crossed his arms over himself; more for a protective barrier than to look angry.

“You know,” Steve continued. “I’ve met a lot of people in my day. I’ve learned that people only lash out, unsolicited, when they’re angry at themselves. So go ahead. Be angry at yourself, I really don’t give a shit. I’m gonna go get coffee. You can either calm the fuck down or continue pouting, either way, I’m getting paid.”

Bucky watched with round, embarrassed eyes as Steve made his way toward the door and disappearing behind it. He took in a deep breath, falling against the bed, face down. He pushed his face against the mattress, cutting off his air supply; his lungs started to burn. His heartbeat quickened as it pulsed against his eardrum. He didn’t have to do that. Steve had done nothing wrong.

Steve had done everything right. He’d been kind, loyal and graceful. He’d been doing everything in his power to help Bucky and Bucky…

He finally snapped his head up, gasping for air.

Bucky treated Steve like a stray dog, like the very sight of Steve was a nuisance when it was anything but. “I hate myself,” he whispered with a raspy, broken tone. “I fucking hate myself.”  

He lay atop the bed, turning over and staring up at the molding around the chandelier. He could apologize. He could ignore it and just go about his day. He could accept it and continue to be rude to Steve behind closed doors. There were many options and Bucky wasn’t sure which one was really the right one. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to swallow his pride and let Steve do his job with ease, but he was _terrified_ of getting too close to this man. He didn’t want to end up in a money pit, scrounging up every dollar he ever had so he could see Steve again. They’d never be friends. This was a dead-end.

It was best if Bucky just continued about his day. They didn’t have to speak of this ever again. Come Sunday, Bucky would be free of Steve and Steve would be free of him. They’d never meet again. Just today and tomorrow and that was it. Bucky could go back to ordering female escorts when he needed the company and finding random girls to blow him behind bars in back-alleys. He just had to get through two more days.

He lurched up, slipping on his dress shoes and heading for the door. This weekend wasn’t about Steve. This weekend was about Bucky and that partnership. If Steve messed this up for him…

Bucky would simply die.

He walked down the long halls, listening to the gentle chatter from the coffee bar. He slipped into the room, walking over to the barista. Of course the Starks would have a barista instead of an espresso machine.

“Just black coffee, please,” Bucky requested softly.

“No need, Jemma,” Steve said as he sidled up to Bucky. “Already got his ready for ‘im.”

The woman, Jemma, smiled; her brown curls bouncing around her face as she blushed lightly. Of course everyone in the world would find Steve attractive. But her mousy face wasn’t the reason Bucky’s heart was chugging desperately in his chest. Steve had gotten him coffee anyway, despite the fight, despite Bucky’s words… Steve had still gotten him coffee.

Steve held out the mug. The brown liquid was steaming lazily. “Figured you were a coffee addict, regardless of what you said.”

Bucky took the mug, peering down at it with a furrowed, anguished brow. _‘He still got me coffee…even after what I’d said to him…’_

“Th-thanks…” Bucky mumbled hesitantly. “You didn’t have to.”

Steve sighed, sitting at the bar and leaning against his arms. “No,” he drawled. “I kinda did. I know why you’re upset. Sometimes I forget that not everyone’s as comfortable as me with sexuality.”

“I like women,” Bucky hissed under his breath.

“I know,” Steve replied, holding his hands up. “And I’m a guy. That was rude of me last night. I should respect your boundaries.”

Bucky was going to respond when he felt a hand clap him over the shoulder. He spun around, the whites of his eyes exposed as he was face-to-face with Grant Ward. He groaned, completely unabashed. He didn’t need this already…

“Heard you went to the drawing room last night,” Grant said, sliding up against the bar and resting his elbows atop it. “Your fiancé’s quite the guy. Heard he was flirting with Tony practically the entire time.”

Steve leaned against Bucky’s shoulder, craning his neck. “His fiancé is sitting right here.”

Grant snorted. “Stark’s not gonna ask some homo to be partner. Pierce is the best qualified man for the job. Not you.”

“You do realize that women and gay men make up most of the fashion and advertising industries right?” Steve asked, a small, amused smile against his lips. “Wanna take a gander at why?”

Grant stared at Steve, his brown eyes sizing him up. Bucky smirked. Grant was chicken shit compared to Steve’s bulk. He’d never stand a chance if fists came to fly.

“We’re creative, innovative and open-minded,” Steve answered for him. “You think Tony gives a shit that my fiancé likes cock?”

“Woah, dude,” Grant sneered, stepping back. “That’s nasty.”

“You’ve got one!” Steve pressed, standing back from the bar and taking a step toward Grant. Bucky loved how much taller Steve was compared to Grant. “Haven’t you ever rubbed one out? Don’t get all high and mighty on my fiancé just because you’re pissed you’re not half the copywriter he is.”

Grant didn’t respond, he just grimaced, offering one last glare at Bucky before storming off, most likely to inform Pierce.

Bucky sighed, dropping his head against the bar. “I hate him.”

Steve sat back down, putting a hand between Bucky’s shoulder blades and rubbing soothingly. Bucky wanted to shrug him off, but it felt good and they were supposed to look like a couple anyway… _‘What if Tony doesn’t want me partner cause I’m pretending to like men?’_

“Thanks,” Bucky breathed out. “I didn’t mean to make you handle all that.”

“If you say this stuff, you can get fired. If I say this stuff, no one can do a damn thing about it,” Steve chimed. “I’d really like to hit that guy.”

Bucky laughed, finally dragging his shoulders back and lifting his head. “I’d pay to see that.”

Steve flashed a cocky grin, a gentle blush coming into his face. _‘Fuck, I love how easy he blushes…’_

“Yeah well, just add it to the tip and I think we can arrange something,” Steve laughed.

Bucky stared at Steve for a moment, ignoring the rest of the room. He didn’t care that people were looking at him. He knew they were. Steve’s hand was still against him and they were huddled in closely. Everyone knew now or they were all learning. Gossip spread like wildfire at this firm. “We should go to breakfast,” Bucky finally said.

Steve nodded, slipping from his chair and offering his hand to Bucky. “Hold my hand, fiancé?”

Bucky laced his fingers with Steve’s. He’d pretend he didn’t feel the euphoria spread from his veins and nerves like electric currents.

* * *

 

Breakfast was an extremely long buffet with the tables all set up around the room, covered in white tablecloths and silver china. Waiters and waitresses still patrolled the tables, refilling waters, orange juices and coffees. Breakfast was always more casual as no seating charts were arranged, but that made it all the more deadly. Everyone would be vying for the Stark table. The unfortunate thing? The Starks weren’t down here yet.

Bucky made his way slowly around the buffet table, weighing alternatives and debating if he really could have that extra piece of sausage, or if sacrificing that piece for a breakfast roll was the better choice. He worked hard on his figure and everything he put in his body counted. He looked over to Steve’s plate, furrowing his brow. “Don’t tell me you hate bacon.”

Steve laughed awkwardly, a light blush creeping up his neck. “I’m uh… I’m vegan.”

“What?” Bucky blurted. “But I saw you eat at dinner!”

“I picked around the meat. I’ll sacrifice some rules for clients. Meat touching my salad isn’t exactly meat in my mouth so…”

_‘Meat in your mouth? Jesus fucking Christ…’_

“Well show me up,” Bucky breathed out with a snarky tone. He flashed a devilish grin over the buffet table as Steve reached for the strawberries.

“I don’t judge anyone for what they eat. It’s actually pretty hard to maintain my muscle mass without meat. I eat a ton of nuts.”

 _‘Steve please stop…fucking nuts. You’re doing this on purpose.’_ Bucky’s face heated up. He was pretty sure he could feel the tip of his cock slightly pushing into the seam of his pants. If he popped a boner here, he’d probably break down and cry…

“You’re vegan?” Natasha asked as she came up behind Steve, reaching around him a bit too close for comfort for an apple. Steve tensed up, making a sour face and slid a tad sideways.

Bucky would have written it off, but the way he moved became so jerky. He furrowed his brow, astonished as to why Steve would react that way to Natasha’s presence.

“Bucky’s a sloppy eater. Loves his bagels with extra cream cheese. He put on some weight when we were married. God, I hated that double-chin.”

“Nat…” Bucky warned, a frown pulling at his lips. “I lost the weight.”

She shrugged, taking a bite of the apple with her lush, deep red lips. She looked radiant in her green sundress with the white, swirling flower print. Bucky had bought that dress for her. Was she doing this on purpose?

“And I’m proud of you for that,” she answered disinterestedly. “You’ve got such a small chin. I hate to see you double-up again.”

“He can eat what he wants,” Steve said, his voice laced with finality. “Who cares if he gets a double chin? He’s still pretty.”

Bucky stood there, hand hovering over the serving fork for the eggs as he watched Natasha and Steve move down the buffet line. Steve spooned some applesauce onto his plate.

“Oh wow,” Natasha laughed. “Looks like he likes them tubby. I did pick you a good one.” She winked before breaking from the buffet line, swaying her hips dramatically enough that Bucky knew it was on purpose. He curled his fingers tightly around the serving fork, smashing scrambled eggs onto his plate as he huffed. She drove him insane. To think they’d been married once!

“Bucky?” Steve asked softly. “You look great. Don’t let her get to you.”

Bucky spat out a distasteful laugh. “She’s made it a personal career to get to me.”

Steve looked over at Natasha, Bucky could see his blue eyes sizing her up before he turned his gaze back to Bucky. “Was she always like this? When you married her?”

Bucky reached the end of the buffet, grabbing a few napkins and finding a corner table to sit at. He really didn’t care if the Starks came in and sat somewhere. Knowing them, they’d pick a table right in the middle of the room so everyone could scramble awkwardly into it. Sometimes Bucky felt that they knew how badly people were stepping on each other for their attention. Perhaps it amused Tony.

Bucky fell into the chair, looking down at his plate. He didn’t feel really hungry anymore, and since everything he’d selected had some form of dairy product or meat involved, he felt a lot of guilt for Steve. “I don’t remember anymore,” he breathed out. “I spend so much time angry at her that I can’t remember what it was like to propose to her.”

“You don’t remember popping the question?” Steve asked as he scooped up a melon with his fork and brought it to his lips. He traced the fruit against his mouth, letting its juice coat the skin lightly before slipping it into his mouth. It was the most subtly seductive thing Bucky had ever seen Steve do and he’d never wanted to be a cantaloupe so badly before in his life.

“No I remember how I proposed,” Bucky laughed out. He poked at his eggs, debating whether he was going to force Steve to watch him eat or not. He could always abandon this plate and grab a vegan-friendly one…

“How’d you propose?” Steve asked, tilting his head to the side. “I always love these stories. Yours is probably better because you’re actually divorced now and not some dude cheating on his wife with me.”

“God, you have those?” Bucky asked, eyes wide in amusement.

Steve chortled, nodding softly. He popped a grape in his mouth. “Oh yeah. The number of men who cheat on their wives with guys is hilarious. I think most of the world is secretly bisexual but you know…that whole “what’s socially acceptable” thing going on.” He snorted, rolling his eyes.

Bucky bit at his lip, watching Steve eat quietly. His movements were so comfortable, like they’d done this a thousand times before. Bucky was freaking out, having a moral debate about whether to eat or not, wanting to suddenly be _fruit_ so he could know what Steve’s mouth was like… He was defeated from the comments Nat had whipped him with. He was already exhausted and it wasn’t even 9AM yet.

“Bucky,” Steve chimed. “Your food’s going cold.”

Bucky opened his mouth to respond when Peter and Clint (with Laura behind him) all came and joined their table.

“You know, I’d love to just be invited to stay here one year,” Peter griped. “I wonder how that’d be, not having to get up at the asscrack of dawn to call for a taxi and fumble around for change in your pocket. I heard the barista at the coffee bar is cute.”

Clint laughed loudly, biting down into bacon. Bucky winced, watching Steve look at his friends. He had a soft smile on his face, but Bucky was worried Steve would get sick from watching people eat bacon and sausage around him. “I actually made it to the coffee bar last year. You realize we have to call a taxi at 5AM to get here for coffee?” Clint snorted. “Not easy with the wife.”

“Excuse me,” Laura chided. “I’m not the one who keeps their wife up all night with his obnoxious snoring!”

“How was your night Buck?” Peter asked, scooping up gravy with his breakfast roll. He chewed on it loudly. Bucky had never been so mortified of his friends before till now, with Steve _right_ there watching them. Steve was on a whole other playing field. He was some Greek god, descended from Olympus and casually walking among mortals. Clint and Peter…well…they were the knuckleheaded mortals who ignorantly chomped away at their meat and gravy before a god.  

“Good,” Bucky stated, feeling his throat clenching. Last night was anything but good.

“You two uh…” Clint suggested, waggling his eyebrows.

“What we do in private isn’t anyone’s business,” Steve answered pleasantly. “Bucky, you okay? You haven’t touched your food.”

Bucky looked down at his plate, wincing at the sausages and breakfast roll with the gravy. He didn’t want to look like his friends, eating all ravenously and loudly, in front of Steve. “I’m not really all that hungry. I guess the coffee filled me up.”

Steve narrowed his eyes as he stared for a long moment at Bucky. “It doesn’t offend me.”

“Doesn’t do what now?” Peter asked through a mouthful of food.

“Steve’s vegan,” Bucky replied.

“Seriously? With a body like yours?” Clint exclaimed. “Fucking get out of town!”

“He eats a lot of nuts,” Bucky responded, feeling his dick twitching. Christ, Steve was going to be the death of him.

“I think that’s really intelligent of you, Steve,” Laura said. “The meat industry isn’t exactly producing trustworthy products anymore. So many chemicals.”

Steve smiled. “Actually, I’m not vegan because of animals. I feel for them and find it disgusting how some of them are treated, but I do it for a different reason.”

“Oh?” Laura blinked. “May I ask why? I’m just curious.”

Bucky watched Steve’s perfect, plump and poised lips turn into the most innocently suggestive smile. Bucky’s heart felt like it was trying to escape his chest, like in the cartoons with the wolf watching the singing lady at the club (which was an incredibly appalling and sexist cartoon, Bucky thought, but it was so accurate right now).

“It keeps me cleaner. My sweat isn't as salty, my skin’s smoother and clearer. And I, uh,” he coughed, shifting in his seat. “Well, I think you can guess.”

“Oh my fucking God,” Clint breathed out, his eyes round and mortified. Bucky _knew_ Clint was picking up what Steve was putting down. “Laura, you don’t need to hear this. Close your ears, baby!” He wrapped his hands around her ears. The two of them burst out into a fit of giggles as she leaned back into him, swatting gently at his hands.

“I’m a grown woman! I can take it!”

“So that’s actually a legit thing?” Peter asked, pointing his fork at Steve. “The whole tasting better thing?”

Steve laughed openly, grabbing at his chest and rocking back in his seat. Bucky whined softly in the back of his throat. Why did everything Steve do make him so beautiful? It was literally _painful_ to watch!

“I don’t get any complaints,” Steve detailed, winking.

“Oh my God,” Laura exhaled. “I love gay men!”

“Laura!” Clint barked through a smile. “I hate this table! I hate my friends!”

Bucky smiled, finally gathering up the courage to nibble at his eggs. They weren’t dead animals, just animal byproduct. He was compromising, and if Steve said he wasn’t offended then Bucky just had to trust him. They were cold and tacky now but Bucky needed something to distract him from the table’s conversation. He hated how curious he was about the way Steve _tasted_.

“Oh look, the king approacheth,” Peter sang out, pointing to Tony, Pepper and Howard. They were dressed to the nines. Tony was wearing Versace sunglasses atop his head. Bucky could pick those out from anywhere. He _loved_ Versace sunglasses. Pepper was in a yellow sundress (no doubt custom made from Vera Wang or something) and Howard kept it graceful with a sweater vest and khakis that Bucky was pretty sure came from some fancy designer, he just couldn’t pick it out. He’d know if it was Armani though. Fuck, he loved Armani.

Tony looked around the room, heading for the buffet table. It was like someone had turned down the volume in the room. There was still gentle conversation buzzing but it was guarded now. Everyone was watching Tony and where he’d decide to sit. Unlike the rest of everyone, the Starks never walked up to the buffet table, they had the waiters for that.  

“It must be nice, running a company,” Clint whispered into Bucky’s ear. “Fuck, if you don’t get that partnership I’ll shoot someone.”

Bucky smiled, watching Tony and Pepper look about the room. He loved that his friends had confidence in his capabilities to make partner.

“Steve!” Pepper called, raising her hand to wave over at him. “You and Bucky should join us outside!”

“Holy mother of Christ,” Peter breathed out. “Everyone’s gonna want to murder you now, Barnes.”

Bucky’s heart stopped beating. He was pretty sure he was having an out of body experience. Did he still have ten fingers? Wait, he had eight fingers and two thumbs? Was that how this went? “Uh…”

“Bucky,” Steve whispered pointedly in Bucky’s other ear. “C’mon.” He grabbed Bucky’s hand, picking up his plate and glaring at Bucky’s plate, signaling for Bucky to fetch his as well.

Bucky finally felt his organs begin their daily activities again. His blood warmed, he started breathing and he was pretty sure his bladder was working because he suddenly had to pee _so_ badly but by God was he going to hold it for this. It was rare that the Starks took their breakfast outside when they should be showing face with the rest of the company’s staff. It was even rarer that they invited people out to the breakfast gardens.

“Oh leave those,” Tony said, waving a hand dismissively. “We’ll have the cooks whip us up something fresh. Don’t want your food cold.”

Bucky was dying. This is what it felt like to die. He looked about the room frantically, seeing glares, sneers and bitter whispering. His gaze found Natasha. She raised a water glass to him, nodding before taking a sip. Confidence blossomed in Bucky’s chest. Natasha had faith in him. He could do this. He would do this.

_‘And I’ve got Steve.’_

Their feet echoed off the marble flooring like glasses shattering as the room watched in utter silence. Bucky kept his hand tightly laced with Steve’s, more so for reassurance than enjoyment. If Steve wasn’t there, he’d probably be crawling on the floor. How did he remember how to walk? His limbs were moving forward, feet stepping one foot in front of the other, but Bucky couldn’t seem to recall knowing _how_ to keep up the steady pace with Steve. He just was. It was a miracle he wasn’t fumbling over himself!  

They followed the Starks through the double French patio doors to the gardens outside. The sun was shining brightly and butterflies lazily hovered through the lush and colorful garden. Bucky had to watch the cobblestones beneath him to avoid tripping.

They sat by the bubbling fountain. Bucky breathed out a sigh of relief as he finally took his place beside Tony and Steve. He smiled, remembering that he had to actually do some talking here if he wanted to be made partner. “Good morning,” he squeaked.

He felt Steve’s hand give him a quick squeeze. Okay, he needed to do better.

“Gewwwwwd mornin’,” Tony sang out. “Haven’t filled yourselves up yet, right? Thinkin’ of having the chef make some omelets. Mack makes a _mean_ sausage and mushroom omelet.”

“That sounds delicious, but,” Steve paused, offering an insecure shrug. “I’m actually vegan.”

“Oh my God!” Pepper cried out. “Me too!”

“Really?” Steve asked, turning his head toward her with a large grin.

“Tony hates it,” she said, giving her husband a bemused smile. “See, we do exist.”

Tony scoffed, tapping at his sunglasses. “I’m sure Mack also makes a mean…piece of lettuce that you both can share. Barnes? You eat meat?”

“Yes he does,” Steve answered, flashing Bucky an encouraging smile. “He just always feels guilty about eating it in front of me.”

“Do you eat vegan when you two go out?” Howard asked, taking a sip of his coffee as the server made his way around the round table.

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. I just don’t like rubbing it in his face.” Everything Steve was doing, he was doing for Bucky. It astonished Bucky how transparent people were to Steve. The escort had picked up instantly on Bucky’s discomfort about eating in front of him (now that he knew, he did down that steak last night like he’d never eaten before…). Now he was going out of his way to reassure Bucky, in front of the Starks, that eating meat was okay.

They didn’t make ‘em like Steve anymore. Bucky sighed, settling a bit into the wicker chair.

“Eh, piss on that,” Tony said. “If they wanna eat rabbit food, let them.”

“Your cholesterol would thank you if you avoided meat every now and then,” Pepper chastised.

“Honey, not now,” Tony dismissed. “Bucky, I actually want to talk to you about something.”

Already? Was this actually happening this soon? Bucky didn’t think the announcement would be till tomorrow evening after dinner! He leaned forward, staring at Tony as if the rest of the world didn’t exist. His throat suddenly felt dry and sticky. He was afraid to speak.

“Pierce tells me you’re not getting along with a lot of our colleagues.”

 _‘Oh no…’_ This was wrong. This was all wrong! They shouldn’t be out here talking about this! They should be talking about things that they had in common! They should be joking and talking about what’d it be like to put Bucky’s last name up on the building! Pierce had gone and twisted Bucky’s words around and now Tony was here to provide the verbal smack down! Bucky wanted to die.

“I’m not…sure I’m following,” Bucky answered hesitantly. He looked over to Steve, wincing barely, but it was enough for Steve to give him a gentle nod and roll in his lips.

“The reason I was late to breakfast,” Tony began. “Was because Pierce pulled me aside and told me you’re starting fights with some of the senior execs. Wanted to hear your side.”

“That’s not true,” Steve cut in. His voice was firm, but still pleasant. Bucky looked over to Steve, his eyes pleading as they fought back the fear that threatened to freeze his gaze, his body and his lungs. Pierce _would_ try to sabotage Bucky’s chances!

“Oh?” Tony asked, cocking his head. “That’s why I’m asking. Let’s all not be ignorant here.” He wrote something down and handed it to the waiter who’d been hovering nearby. “We all know my father here’s retiring and we all know a partner position is opening up. We also all know, that my father adores you, Bucky.”

Bucky looked over to Howard. He was expecting some kind of save from the elderly man, but he just sat there, his brown eyes creasing at the corners and his lips tight. He was letting Tony take over entirely. There’d be no gentle buffering from Howard Stark.

“I trust Pierce almost as much as I trust my dad, but I also know he can be rough around the edges. So I’m asking. What’s your side, Bucky.”

Bucky breathed out a sigh of relief, feeling his nerves settle down to a gentle hum in anticipation and anxiety. He hated knowing how much power Pierce wielded over Tony, but he understood. Pierce had been with the company about as long as it’s been existence. “I got into a bit of a heated conversation with them in the smoking room yesterday.”

“They started it,” Steve cut in.

“Steve,” Bucky quipped. He sat back, huffing. “I don’t think they’re comfortable with me being with another man.”

Howard snorted. “That’s a fucking understatement.”

Bucky sat up, feeling a bit more reassured now. He knew he had somewhat of Howard’s support, but Tony was the judge, jury and executioner here. “So yeah, we got into a bit of an argument.”

Tony nodded. “I need a partner who can inspire, Bucky. Not one who’s going to piss off my senior execs.”

Bucky’s heart was shattering. Piece by piece, it fell to the floor of his stomach, settling there and bleeding thick, anguished defeat. “I didn’t mean to upset them,” he said softly.

“Bucky,” Steve whined. Everyone looked over to him. His brow was furrowed and mouth was open, like he’d been running and gasping for air, but he’d just been sitting there, watching Bucky take a verbal bitch-smack across the face. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?” Tony asked, cocking a brow.

“He’s covering for me,” Steve explained. “Bucky didn’t say anything to Pierce or the others. It was all me. I’m the one who insulted them.”

Tony nodded slowly. “That true, Barnes?”

“Tony,” Pepper inserted. “Don’t you think this is a little middle school?”

“I just want to make sure I know what’s going on among the people I’m looking at for partner. So is that true, Bucky?”

Bucky wasn’t sure which answer was the right one. He wanted even sure if there _was_ a right answer. He breathed in deep, offering a nod. “Yes.”

“Good,” Tony stated. “I like a man who protects what he’s loyal to.”

Bucky blinked, feeling his heart reassemble itself in his chest. He sprung forward, balancing on the edge of his seat. “I…what?”

Tony laughed. They paused momentarily, allowing the servers to bring out their food. “Thank you kindly,” he said to the servers before turning his attention back to Bucky. “As a partner, you’re put in a lot of situations where you have to make a split-second choice. You chose to protect what you love most even over your career. That speaks volumes to me.” He grabbed Pepper’s hand, bringing it up to his mouth to place a soft kiss on the back of her wrist.

Steve smiled over at Bucky, his eyes were practically swimming in excitement and approval.

Bucky sat there, looking down at his food, making sure the ground was actually still under him. This was all some test? Was this just a way for Tony to get a read on Bucky? He didn’t know. He didn’t care. He passed! If it was some test, he passed it!

Steve scooted closer to him, slinking a hand into Bucky’s and curling his fingers against Bucky’s. Bucky gave in, closing his eyes in relief as he felt Steve’s soft, warm hands envelop his own.

“You two make a beautiful couple,” Pepper said, leaning her head against Tony’s shoulder. “I’m really pleased that I got to meet you, Steve.”

“Pleasure’s all mine, Pepper,” Steve said happily. He pressed a quick kiss to Bucky’s cheek.

Bucky didn’t flinch. He didn’t tense. He blushed. His face felt so hot he wasn’t sure if his skin had changed to a deep, blood red or if he was just feeling the heat of the sun. He watched Howard and Tony’s eyes carefully. No one seemed to care. Being gay didn’t do a damn thing to Tony or Howard. Bucky was still in the running for partner!

“Well, shall we eat before our food is cold? We can talk about more interesting things, like croquet and horseback riding,” Howard laughed.

“Croquet is interesting?” Steve joked.

“Steve!” Pepper called out through a bemused laugh. “You must be a football fan.”

“Actually,” Steve drawled. “Quite the fan of the Patriots.”

They settled into comfortable banter. Steve led most of the conversation, offering wide gestures and expressive faces full of laughter. Tony and Pepper were simply _eating_ him up. Bucky had never imagined this would happen. Steve simply commanded attention, but naturally. It wasn’t like he was jumping over other people’s sentences or never letting anyone else talk. He poised himself so gracefully that Pepper and Tony were always asking _for his opinion_. Bucky was awestruck. Awestruck, and so very sad.

He really liked Steve. Feelings aside, Steve seemed like an amazing person. He was easy to get along with, kind and so charismatic. He was fun and pleasant and simply down-to-earth. Bucky wasn’t half the man Steve was. Bucky could never be the man Steve was. Additionally, Bucky would never be _friends_ with half the man Steve was… Because–

They didn’t make ‘em like Steve anymore.

* * *

 

They’d adjourned back into their bedroom after breakfast. Tony had invited Bucky to the croquet match. Bucky was already sweating as his nerves tingled against his skin. He chewed at his nails, pacing the room as Steve sat there in front of the unlit fireplace, following Bucky’s pacing with his gaze.

“I fucking knew it!” Bucky finally blurted out. “I fucking knew Pierce would try to start shit!”

“Can’t blame a guy for being ambitious,” Steve responded.

“Fuck that!” Bucky snapped. “If he wants to be ambitious then he needs to show it in his work! Christ! Fucking saying I’m starting shit.”

“You’re startin’ shit,” Steve called back. “You’re makin’ ‘em nervous. You’re his biggest competition and he knows that.”

Bucky hadn’t noticed it before, but Steve had an accent. He hid it out with the others but when in here, he let it slip; almost like he was comfortable around Bucky to show where he was from. Bucky opened his mouth, letting his tongue trace from canine to canine as he mulled over asking where Steve was from. He probably wouldn’t tell him. That was probably also on the list of things escorts never told clients.

“He’s gonna be at the croquet match,” Bucky continued. He started up his pacing again. “I’ll bet he takes the fucking mallet and crushes my feet with it!”

“Then you sue him for assault,” Steve chimed. “You’re gonna be fine. I’ll be with you the whole time, Buck.”

Bucky closed his eyes, halting in his pacing. A nickname. A simple _fucking_ abbreviation of his name and suddenly he was melting where he stood. He wanted to cry. He felt exhausted. He could barely handle the stress of impending doom of being around Pierce, his strange obsession with Steve and the complete shock of how he managed to worm his way around Tony’s questions before. “Fuck!” he groaned. “I can’t do this!”

Steve stood up, crossing the room to Bucky and gently massaging his shoulders, kneading in just deep enough to sooth at the tense muscles. Bucky wanted to shrug away. It would’ve been better. He leaned back into Steve, breathing out a sigh of relief as he felt those big hands circle into his muscles, calming him down.

“You. Will. Be. Fine,” Steve stated slowly. “Okay?”

“I’m the biggest asshole to you and you’re still here saving my life at every turn,” Bucky muttered. “Is a tip really worth that much to you?”

Steve laughed. He moved his hands lower, tracing along Bucky’s spine and kneading into the back, making Bucky have to step a foot forward to brace himself. He wasn’t going to ask Steve to stop though. Steve had _magical_ fingers.

“You’re not an asshole. You’re just grumpy in the mornings.”

Bucky scoffed. “You’re way too nice.”

“I’m actually pretty mean. Gotta be in this line of work. Have to sometimes say things I don’t enjoy saying or cutting clients loose when they get too close.”

There it was. The knife in the back. Bucky felt the twist of the hilt as searing pain surged from his spine and into his heart. “Getting too close?”

Steve sighed heavily. Bucky felt his hot breath ghost against his ear. He closed his eyes, furrowing his brow and pretending like it didn’t feel good. The massage was the only thing feeling good. Nothing else.

“Sometimes clients forget what I am. Unlike most sex workers, escorts also play pretend out in public with clients. Like how I’m your fiancé. It’s all pretend. When the time’s up and the client just…doesn’t wanna let go. Things sometimes get messy.”

“That’s happened to you?”

Steve moved his hands lower, massaging at Bucky’s lower back now. “Few times, yeah.”

“You feel bad for them?”

“Of course I do. I’m not heartless. But this is my job. I didn’t sign up to be their boyfriend or actual husband. I signed up for money.”

_‘You have no idea how badly you’re hurting me.’_

Bucky bit his tongue. He hated the words that flowed so easily from Steve. Perhaps it was because Bucky had been so adamant about not actually wanting anything sexual from Steve that Steve felt a bit more comfortable telling him about his prerogatives. Maybe Steve was always this open? Fuck, Bucky didn’t know. All he knew was that he felt like he was swallowing fiery coal.

“Do you have someone in your life? Or is that inappropriate to ask?”

Steve chuckled softly. “Well, usually it’s _super_ inappropriate, but you’re not into me so, what the hell. No. I’m not seeing anyone. I just got out of a relationship, actually.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmm,” Steve hummed. “He was another escort. It’s easier to date among ourselves. We don’t have to explain to our partners why we do what we do. They just get it.”

Bucky suddenly felt guilty for asking every single escort why they’d decided to be an escort.

“We’re still friends. Best friends, actually. We just function better that way than together.”

“I get that. Kinda like me and Nat.”

“Oh-ho, woah now,” Steve teased. He reached up to Bucky’s neck now, kneading gently under Bucky’s hairline. “You and Natasha are a whole bucket of crazy that I never wanna understand.”

“We still care about each other!”

“She was making fun of you for eating earlier!” Steve protested. “How is that friendly?”

“She got me you,” Bucky said suddenly. Steve’s fingers hesitated for a fraction of a second, but it was enough of a pause that it sent Bucky’s heart into congestive failure practically. “I mean…she wants me to be partner. She knew what she was looking for in an escort that could help me.”

“Yeah,” Steve admitted hesitantly. “Yeah I guess.”

“What? You’re not grateful you’re here on a free vacation getting to peruse a giant estate with white homophobes, spoiled rich men and croquet?”

Steve barked out a laugh.

Bucky had never felt so pleased with himself. He’d been the reason Steve laughed so happily. Him and him alone.

“You caught me. I’m havin’ the time of my life,” Steve responded sarcastically. “There, do you feel better?” He pulled his hands back, letting them trace along the curve of Bucky’s back before stepping away.

Bucky shivered, turning around and rolling out his neck in a desperate attempt to hide it. “Much better. I’ll definitely let you do that again. Should’ve been a masseuse.”

Steve smirked. “This pays better.”

“I’ll fucking bet.”

“Get your rich white boy clothes on for croquet and let’s go!” Steve commanded through a smile. “I’ve gotta show up Alexander and beat him at his own game.”

“Croquet?” Bucky asked as he walked over to his suitcase, pulling out his khakis and light green polo.

“No,” Steve said, his eyes glistening with amusement. “Snark.”

* * *

 

They’d joined Tony, Pierce, and Pepper out on the lawn. The hoops were already set up for the match. Pepper was sitting on a lawn chair as a servant held an umbrella over her from the sunlight. Tony was doing a few practice swings with a croquet mallet. Pierce was of course standing with his weight to one side and hands on his hips. He looked rather irritated. Perhaps Tony had informed him of Bucky’s side of the altercation?

Bucky flipped his shades down over his eyes. They weren’t Versace but at least they were Ray-Bans. He looked over to Steve, realizing that even Steve had Prada sunglasses. Excellent, Bucky adored this man’s style.

“Ready to get your asses beat?” Tony called out as he set up the balls. “My money’s on Steve.”

Pierce scoffed. “Have you ever played croquet, Steve?”

Steve looked at the field, shrugging with an apprehensive grin. “Can’t say that I have. I’m a football kind of guy.”

“It’s simple, your objective is to get your designated ball through the hoops in the right order and then hit the peg in the middle. We take turns much like pool. You’ve played pool, correct?” Pierce asked.

“I’ve frequented bars, yes, Alexander.”

Bucky snorted. Ah, the snark was already on its way.

“Shall we flip a coin to see who goes first? Barnes, you’re good with being on your fiancé’s team right?” Tony asked.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Bucky said. He slipped his arm around Steve’s waist, pulling him close. Steve pressed a kiss to Bucky’s temple. It was only alarming because it wasn’t alarming to Bucky. He could literally pull and prod at Steve and Steve would just accept it. It was empowering, frightening and comforting.

“You both are too adorable! I can’t handle it!” Pepper called out.

“Sure, if that’s what you wanna call it,” Pierce grumbled.

“He’s baiting don’t say anything,” Bucky whispered into Steve’s ear.

Steve pressed another kiss to Bucky’s temple, whispering back, “Sure thing.”

“Okay, let’s get this game on!” Tony announced. “Heads we’re first, tails you two are.”

“Sounds fair,” Bucky stated.

Tony flipped the coin, smacking it into his palm and peering down at it. “In the corner to the left, weighing some ungodly known weight, a hulking mass of blonde perfection, Steeeeeeeeve!”

Steve threw his head back in laughter, grabbing at his chest. Bucky noted that when he laughed hard enough, he always grabbed at his own tits (Bucky refused to call those sculpted mounds anything but tits).

“I need one of those smacky-things right?” Steve asked, looking at one of the caddies. The boy brought Steve the mallet before scurrying back to the sidelines.

“Smacky-things?” Bucky teased. “You’re so uncultured.”

“You know me, baby,” Steve said as he walked up to the balls. “I uh, I’ve no idea what I’m doing.”

“Hit the yellow ball, Steve!” Pepper called out. “You’re the red and yellow team.”

“Awe, you blue, Pierce? I always thought you’d have blue balls.”

“Steve,” Bucky hissed out, completely wide-eyed and rigid.

Tony barked out a laugh, smacking Pierce on the shoulder. “Oh I love this guy.”

“Smack the ball, Steve. You should be good at handling balls right?” Pierce responded smugly.

“Oh believe me,” Steve answered as he lined up the mallet with the ball. “I’m an expert.”

“I’m going to die,” Bucky stated simply. “This is where I die.”

“It’s funny, Bucky!” Pepper said from her chair. “Lighten up!”

“Yeah Barnes,” Tony said, watching Steve take the first swing. “Oh, nice shot, Steve!”

Steve shrugged, handing the mallet to the caddy. “Eh, beginner’s luck.”

“Want me to do the embarrassing introduction for you, Alex?” Tony asked. “Or are you the kind of man that needs not an introduction.”

Pierce flashed a toothy grin at Tony, grabbing a mallet from a caddy boy. “No introduction necessary.”

“Oh the blue ball,” Steve elated. “Called it!”

“We should place a wager,” Pierce said as he lined up his ball, hitting it expertly. Bucky watched as it rolled past Steve’s.

“What’re betting on?” Steve asked. “Loser runs around the estate naked? Jumps in the lake naked?”

“You like being naked, don’t you Steve?” Tony teased.

Bucky snorted. Watching Steve just offer a simple shrug. It was evident in Tony’s amused smile that he really enjoyed Steve’s presence. Pepper was clearly smitten with him. If Bucky could keep up this pace for the weekend, perhaps that partnership really would be his. But then again, there was Pierce here… It seemed that the running was down to just Pierce and Bucky really now, unless Tony had plans to take Hill or Rumlow horseback riding later.

“Losers have to pick up the tab tonight.”

“You’re on,” Steve said, holding out his hand to Pierce.

“Wait, what?” Bucky yelped. “W-wh, but I thought we were having dinner here again?”

“Changed my mind,” Tony said as he shrugged. “I’m feeling lobster tonight. We are in Maine.”

“It’s your turn, baby,” Steve reminded gently.

“Oh,” Bucky said. He grabbed a mallet from a caddy boy and went over to his red ball. He looked down the field at all the hoops. He wasn’t the best at this game, but he’d at least played it a few times before heading up here, just in case he’d receive an invitation to play, which he did. He hit the ball, watching it roll and smack into Steve’s ball.

“Ah a roquet,” Tony sighed. “Go again, Bucky.”

Bucky brought his ball up next to Steve’s. He swung lighter this time, dislodging the red ball from the yellow. It went through one of the first rings.

“Good job, baby!” Steve called out gleefully. “That’s how this game goes right? He did that right, right?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. Steve was completely unabashed when it came to admitting he knew absolutely nothing about croquet. It was endearing. Bucky liked that Steve was honest, at least, that’s what this translated to. He was honest about not knowing a subject, despite the potential consequences.  

“He did it right,” Pierce grumbled. “Looks like it’s your turn again, Bucky.”

Bucky smiled, completely smug with himself. There was no way he was going to get another shot into the next hoop, but he was still proud of himself. Pierce was losing right now. That’s all that mattered to Bucky. So he lined up, took his shot and watched the ball roll over the grassy plain and softly slow to a rest not too far from the next hoop.

“You a secret champion of this game, Barnes?” Tony asked.

“No,” Bucky laughed. “I’ve just got a good luck charm.” Bucky didn’t mean to look at Steve when he said it, but he did. He watched Steve light up with a bright smile and a knowing dip of the chin. Bucky hated himself. He really, really wanted to know what Steve looked like naked.

* * *

 

“So much for being my good luck charm,” Bucky grumbled as he walked into the bedroom, slamming down on the bed with a large huff. “Lobster is so _expensive_.”

“I can cover it,” Steve shrugged. “S’not like you were the one who shook on it.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Bucky responded as he stared up at the ceiling. A little flutter brushed against his stomach in excitement at Steve’s offer though. “You’re here on a job.”

Steve fell into the bed, keeping a safe distance away from Bucky. “Yeah, but I feel bad. Pierce’s gonna really milk you out of whatever you have and then that’ll cut into my tip.”

“Your tip would be paying for this dinner anyway,” Bucky sighed. “Either you pay and not even break even when I tip you, or I pay and…I can’t tip you. I’d rather you not lose money to me.” Bucky felt terrible. He had money, sure, but he wasn’t swimming in it like Tony or Pierce. This was going to seriously cut into his bank account. Now that he couldn’t really tip Steve, that was probably going to cut into how nice Steve was being.

Steve scrunched up his lips. He smacked at Bucky’s chest as his eyes lit up and he said, “Hey I’ve got an idea!”

“Jesus!” Bucky gasped out as he massaged at his chest.

“We’ll go fifty-fifty in it. That way you can still tip me and I don’t lose out on that much money.”

“You really want that tip don’t you,” Bucky responded lackadaisically.

“I was willing to forgo it, but you’re the one who seems determined to give it to me,” Steve answered.

Bucky turned his head, looking over at Steve. He was propped up on an arm, lying sideways and staring right back at Bucky. The brunette rolled so he was also now on his side. He mimicked Steve’s position and sighed through his nose. “You don’t care if I can’t tip you?”

“I got you into this mess, Bucky,” Steve said. “If that’s how I getcha out, that’s how I getcha out.”

“Will you still waitlist me?” Bucky inquired innocently. His heart sped up in his chest, sending waves of anxiety down his veins as he waited for an answer.

Steve laughed, dropping his head onto the bed and snorting. “You’re really worried about that?”

“You’re not giving me an answer,” Bucky sang out pointedly.

Steve’s eyes tightened. He pursed his lips, sighing. “Look, it all depends on who’s payin’ me more. If you’re gonna be the bigger bill, then I go to you, if not, then you get waitlisted. It’s not personal, Bucky. I think you’re a great guy, but I’ve gotta do what’s best for me.”

Bucky nodded. It made sense. It made so much sense that Bucky didn’t want to feel validated for the burning in his heart now. He sat up, rubbing at his chest.

“So to counteract that would be the promise of a tip that would push my bill to a greater value than the other client.”

Steve hummed. “Yeah, actually.”

Bucky didn’t know why this _mattered_ so much to him. Steve was just a business. He had to make the same kinds of decisions that Bucky did when proposing ad campaigns. Cost and effect. But it was eating away at him like flies to a garden.

“You want another back massage? We’ve got time before the boating-thing.”

“They’re paddleboats, and it’s my least favorite event,” Bucky said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Every year Stark made them all go out into his lake and pedal away to make the boats move. It was his least favorite because sweating away atop a boat with the sun glaring in his eyes wasn’t the exactly fun to him.

“Back massage,” Steve reminded. “Want one?”

“Always,” Bucky grumbled out as he rolled over and shoved his face into the mattress. He yelped, his back attempting to arch as he felt Steve straddling his ass. “W-what are you doing?!”

“Relax,” Steve cooed out. He started to knead over Bucky’s shoulders. “It helps me get at your back better.”

Bucky could feel his erection pressing into the bed. He pushed his face back into the mattress, cursing himself for how easy it’d been to get hard from that one simple action… Maybe just experimenting with Steve really would help him get over it. The issue was, how could he even approach that subject with Steve? “Hi, I’m a straight man, but I really wanna try having sex with you in every position possible” didn’t exactly sound like a great opener.

“Feel good?” Steve asked as he rolled his fists along Bucky’s spine.

“Ahh, fuck yeah,” Bucky moaned.

Steve chuckled lightly. “I like giving massages.”

“I like receiving them,” Bucky responded automatically.

“I like intimacy. You can get really intimate with a person through massage instead of just having sex. It may come as a surprise to you, but I actually don’t live and breathe for having sex.”

“Shocking,” Bucky mumbled. His hard-on was starting to ache heavily as Steve’s fingers pressed down into the dips above the curve of Bucky’s ass. He sighed out in relief as Steve’s hands trailed up again and toward his shoulder blades.

“I know, right?” Steve lilted. He shifted, rolling his hips into Bucky.

Bucky gasped, grabbing at the quilt. “D-don’t do that.”

“Sorry,” Steve whispered. “I don’t meant to make you uncomfortable. I just think this is a really stressful weekend for you, so, I’m trying to do what I can.”

“It’s okay. Just startled me.”

“So,” Steve began. “Why’d your ex-wife get you a male escort if you’re not into men?”

Bucky laughed. “She likes seeing me suffer.”

“And you say you two still care about each other,” Steve sighed out. “I call that abusive.”

“She can’t abuse me,” Bucky scoffed. “I’m a man.”

Steve’s fingers froze against Bucky’s back. Bucky could feel him lean back. “You’re fucking kidding right?”

“About what? Why’d you stop?”

“Women can be abusive to men just as much as men can be abusive to women,” Steve detailed. “Bucky, I really think you were in an abusive relationship with her.”

“I was not,” Bucky spat. “Please get off me now.”

Steve slipped off Bucky, but his face was still tight; brows furrowed and his lips pressed into a thin line. “Bucky…”

“NO!” Bucky screamed. His heart was jackhammering away at his ribcage. How dare Steve overstep like that? How dare he think Natasha was abusive when she’d always had Bucky’s best interest at heart! She always lifted him up when he felt down, sure, her methods were extreme and she’s always been aloof and never a cuddly, warm character, but she was never, _never_ abusive! “YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT HER. YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME SO STOP TRYING TO GET INTO MY HEAD!”

Steve’s mouth dropped open. “Bucky, no, that’s not what I’m tryin’ to do!”

“Stop it,” Bucky hissed. “Don’t you dare talk about Natasha like that again.”

Steve curled in on himself, pulling a pillow into his chest and clutching it as he licked nervously at his lips. “I’m sorry.”

“Damn right you better be,” Bucky snarled as he stormed into the bathroom.

Natasha cared about Bucky. They both cared for each other. When Bucky started putting on weight, Natasha was the one to remind him he needed to get back into shape. When Bucky wanted to go back to school, she was the one who pushed him into advertising. She knew it would be good for him and here he was! He was skyrocketing through this place! He loved his job! When Bucky looked bad in certain outfits, it was always Natasha who made sure he’d never leave the house in them. She’d done so much for him. She was still doing so much for him!

_‘But why did she order me Steve?’_

“Bucky?” Steve called through the door, knocking gently a few times. “Bucky I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to suggest it.”

“Fuck you, Steve!” Bucky answered, his voice hoarse and raw.

“You’re right though!” Steve pressed. “I know nothing about you or her. I only know what I’ve seen and I was wrong to jump to a conclusion!”

Bucky slid down the wall, pulling his knees to his chest. He wrapped his arms around his legs, ducking his head.

“Do you want me to leave?” Steve asked; his voice softer, almost as if he was afraid of the answer Bucky would give.

Bucky’s heart twisted in his chest. His stomach felt like it was swirling around in his gut, knotting and tangling. He didn’t want Steve to go. No matter what Steve had said about Natasha, Bucky still wanted to _touch_ Steve. He wanted to experience Steve and it was driving him mad. All morning, Bucky had been painfully aware of Steve’s movements, his laughs, his voice… It was maddening and Bucky couldn’t let Steve leave without at least _trying_ to figure out why he was so attracted to him!

“Please don’t go,” Bucky cried softly. Hot tears rushed over his cheeks, dropping against his knees. “I’m sorry.”

Steve opened the door. His lips parted subtly, his brow pulling together as he looked down at Bucky. “Bucky, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He dropped to his knees in front of Bucky. “You’re a really great guy, Bucky. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Oh like you care,” Bucky spat. “We’re not friends. We’ll never be friends.”

Steve sat there, staring at Bucky like a lost puppy. “You…wanna be my friend?”

Bucky sniffed, wiping at his nose and rubbing it against his pants. He wasn’t planning on wearing these khakis for the rest of the weekend anyway. “I don’t know, Steve,” he breathed out. “I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Oh my God,” Steve laughed out. Bucky’s head snapped up to look at him. Steve was sitting there, shaking his head softly as he huffed out an amused breath. “Your ex-wife knew you weren’t straight.”

“Excuse me?” Bucky warned.

“Bucky, look at me and tell me you don’t think I’m pretty.”

Bucky felt like he was swallowing his own tongue as he struggled for the words, after a few inaudible garbles, he just slammed his head back against the wall. “I hate myself.”

“Why?” Steve asked, sidling up next to Bucky against the wall.

“Because I can’t even tell you you’re wrong. And I’ll fucking bet this is why Nat chose you.”

Bucky felt like he was spinning. His tongue was thick and dry in his mouth and his stomach was still tying itself in knots. He wasn’t sure if he was going to vomit or pass out. “I don’t wanna do this though.” He felt new tears stream from his eyes. “I can’t do this with you.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked quietly. “I’m the best person to do this with.”

Bucky scoffed, looking over at Steve, looking at those beautiful, lush lips and those bright, speckled blue eyes. “I don’t want you to tell me you can’t keep me as a client.” He sniffed again, twitching his lips.

Steve bit at his lip, looking down at his shoes. He nodded slowly. Bucky hated how smart Steve was. He hated how he only had to provide one sentence for Steve to understand the whole monologue. “You think you’d get too attached to me?” Steve questioned.

“Natasha knew what she was doing when she picked you,” Bucky admitted, slipping his eyes shut. He was humiliated, completely destroyed. He didn’t want to go paddleboating. He didn’t want to see Tony or Pepper and pretend that everything was fine when it was anything but. He wanted this nightmare over. He didn’t even care if he made partner at this point, avoiding what he felt for Steve was exhausting and he’d wilted away into a dried up flower. He had no fight left.

They sat there quietly, save for Bucky’s occasional sniffing. Steve would leave now. There was no way around it. Bucky had made a complete fool of himself and there was no way Steve would want to stay with him anymore. He’d had two breakdowns in less than twenty-four hours in front of this man. There was no way Steve was going to want to subject himself to anymore of that. But then Bucky felt something warm press into his shoulder. He looked over, seeing blonde strands of hair against his neck. Steve was leaning on him. He wasn’t speaking, but he wasn’t running away from Bucky either. Bucky rested his head against Steve’s.

“I won’t tell you that you can’t be my client anymore, Bucky,” Steve said. “I told you, you’re unique.”

Bucky snorted. “Why? Because I’m a giant bag of so much fucked up?”

“No,” Steve answered. “Because you’ve never gotten to explore your sexuality. It’s only natural you cling to me a bit more. You’ll balance it out eventually.”

“And what if I don’t?” Bucky whispered. “You drop me then?”

“I’m not answering that till it has to be answered.”

Bucky sighed. He respected that, but he hated that Steve wouldn’t just shove the knife in now. He was going to wait till Bucky fell so hard he didn’t know which way was up. It was terrifying. Bucky’s mind was screaming at him, begging and crawling on its knees for him not to do this, but his body…

His bones were humming, his heart beating waves of warmth and security through his veins. His nerves were yearning and crying out to just touch Steve. It was like an addiction and Bucky knew there’d be no way out at this point. “So what do we do now?” Bucky asked, his voice wavering.

“We go at your pace.”

“Kissing,” Bucky muttered. “I wanna…I wanna know what it feels like kissing you.”

Steve chuckled, but he turned into Bucky, grabbing at Bucky’s chin and guiding him to Steve’s lips. Bucky’s eyes slid shut as his lips laced into Steve’s. He wouldn’t even know these lips belonged to a man unless he pressed hard into Steve’s mouth a certain way, feeling the hairs that were just below the skin of his chin. He didn’t use tongue. He was too scared to, but Steve did. Steve dipped his tongue into Bucky’s mouth lightly, barely tracing it along the tip of Bucky’s. He closed the kiss, leaving Bucky’s lips wet and vibrating.

“Was that so bad?” Steve asked. “God striking you down? The world staring at you?”

“No,” Bucky replied. “But that’s not what I’m afraid of.”

Steve looked like he wanted to ask, but he sat back, licking at his lips instead.

Bucky was relieved. He didn’t want to explain that he was terrified of falling in love with a call boy–

With Steve.

* * *

 

“It’s so hot,” Bucky whined as they walked, hand-in-hand, toward the docks. Bucky started to fan himself with his free hand. “I knew I should’ve worn shorts. I just hate my calves.”

“Oh my God!” Steve laughed out. “You’re worse than a woman, do you know that?”

Bucky smirked, bumping his shoulder playfully into Steve. He wasn’t comfortable with liking how his heart kept skipping when Steve would smile at him or when he’d touch Steve, but it didn’t hurt as bad now that he was allowing himself to explore this. Maybe Steve was right, Bucky had thought of it before, maybe once he got “it out of his system,” he’d settle down again and be able to move on from Steve naturally. Not to say that he’d stop calling on Steve. He had a whole other reason for that now…

_‘I’ve known this guy for a day and I’m already planning our reunion…’_

“Steve!” Pepper waved them over. She’d changed from the croquet match into a blue, NAVY sailor inspired dress. “I’m sorry about your match earlier. You did so well for a beginner!”

Steve laughed, rubbing at his neck. “It’s alright. It was a learning experience!”

“Not used to losing a lot are you?” Pierce asked as he walked up to them.

“Not used to croquet mallets,” Steve corrected with a pleasant smile, but his eyes glinted with loathing and disdain.

Pierce smirked, his eyes mimicking Steve’s. “Hope you boys are hungry. I know I’m working up an appetite with all the festivities today. That lobster’s sounding really good. Think I’ll get a second tail.”

Bucky hummed, a shit-eating smirk plastered against his face. “You need all the calories with your old age, Pierce. Please, get the bisque as well.”

Steve’s brows shot up into his hairline, an approving grin playing at his lips. Lips that Bucky finally knew felt like silk and tasted of mint.

“Enjoy the paddleboats,” Pierce said as he walked further down the dock, no doubt toward Ward and Rumlow.

“Don’t let him get to you,” Pepper said softly into Bucky’s ear. “Quite frankly, this has all been a very nice learning experience for Tony.”

“What do you mean?” Bucky whispered back.

Steve cocked a brow, but neither of them decided to include him in the conversation.

“He’s pouting like a child and he’s clearly overtly homophobic. That’s not the kind of person who should run half an advertising firm.”

Bucky wasn’t sure if he was dying or just having an out of body experience. He felt like he was soaring up into the clouds, watching the twinkle of Pepper’s eyes and that knowing smirk. He felt like he could see his dumbass expression as if he was looking straight at himself. Lips all pulled up goofily and eyes crinkled at the corners. He looked like an absolute fool.

“Baby,” Steve chirped. “Ready to go boating?”

“Y-yeah, Stevie,” Bucky responded distantly. He smacked his hand over his mouth when he’d realized what he’d just called Steve. “Steve.”

“It’s okay, Bucky, you can call me Stevie in front of her. I know you only like using nicknames…in the bedroom.”

“Oh my gosh! You both better behave!” Pepper protested mockingly. “Enjoy the water.” She broke away from them, slipping into Tony’s arms as he stood talking to his father and Hill.

Together, Bucky and Steve walked over to a paddleboat. They were bright blue and reflected sun like a magnifying glass over an ant. “I hate these things,” Bucky grumbled.

“Oh come on,” Steve protested. “This’ll be fun! We’ll get to know each other more.”

Bucky’s heart swelled in his chest. He cherished the idea of knowing Steve more. Maybe he’d even somehow beat Steve’s last name out of him. Bucky was _still_ salty about that.

“Does anyone ever take their shirts off?” Steve asked. “I’m sweating and I really, really don’t want to get stains. This is a Ralph Lauren polo.”

“I love that you value fashion so much,” Bucky emphasized, closing his eyes as he nodded in silent thanks.

“Ha! Thanks. But seriously, do they?”

“Steve,” Bucky said as he placed a hand on the man’s shoulder. “Look around you and what do you see?”

Steve looked around, watching people getting into the paddleboats and those who were still socializing around the docks. “A bunch of really fancy, designer polos.”

“Anyone shirtless?”

“I hate this,” Steve sulked. “I’m taking my shirt off. Fuck this.”

“Steve, you can’t! We have to keep our–” But Steve completely ignored Bucky’s protests. He grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, revealing those rippling muscles and…

_‘Those fucking tits…’_

“C’mon,” Steve said as he reached his hand out for Bucky. “Let’s go paddleboating!”

“You’re gonna kill me.”

“Nah!”

They stepped into the boat one at a time. Bucky grabbed at its shallow sides as it teetered in the water. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Steve laughed. “Ya gonna fall in?”

“Don’t joke, my pants are Gucci.”

“No wonder they make your ass look good,” Steve shrugged. He slipped onto the small boat, rocking it softly before settling into his seat and placing his feet against the paddles. “Where to, Captain?”

“Hah, please. You can be the captain.”

“Fine. I’m Captain Steve and you’re my plucky first mate.”

“Plucky?” Bucky whined. “I’m going to end your life!”

Steve held up his hands in defense. “Woah now First Mate! Is that how you talk to your captain?”

“Would you just start paddling,” Bucky groaned. “Maybe we can go that way where it’s a bit more closed off.”

“Okay. Peddle First Mate!”

“I’m going to seriously kill you,” Bucky responded flatly, but he began peddling with Steve so the boat started to move.

They made their way out into the middle of the lake, taking a break when they came up on Clint and Laura.

“Ahoy there! I’m the captain!” Steve called out happily as he waved.

“And I’m going to commit mutiny!” Bucky stated, glaring playfully at Steve.

“You two are really cute,” Laura said as she stopped peddling. “I hate these things though! Don’t they make your butts hurt?”

“Oh honey,” Steve snorted. “There are so many worse things that make my ass hurt.”

Bucky’s face flushed red. If a shark could suddenly appear in the lake and swallow him, he’d really appreciate it.

Laura giggled, a blush pressing into her cheeks.

“How was the croquet match?” Clint asked, grabbing Bucky’s boat so they started to float along the lake together.

“We lost,” Bucky shrugged. “And since Steve here decided to place a bet with Pierce, we now have to pay for dinner tonight.”

Clint’s mouth dropped open. “No shit! Tony’s really gonna let you pay for all of us?”

“Wait, all of you?”

“Pierce invited everyone. He apparently rented out the restaurant.”

Bucky dropped his head backward, cursing the day he was born. “I fucking hate living.”

“Relax,” Steve cooed, placing a hand on Bucky’s chest. “I said I’d help right?”

“Going fifty-fifty is still not going to be easy. We’re looking at thousands of dollars.”

“I. Got. This,” Steve affirmed. “Trust me.”

“But–”

“Bucky Barnes, I swear to the ever-loving Lord if you don’t stop complaining soon I’m going to shove you into the lake and hold you down,” Steve responded. His voice was serious but his eyes shimmered against the water, sparking like sea gems.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Bucky grumbled. “And that’s final.”

“Awe, I love watching fiancés scuttle,” Laura said. “It reminds me of when Clint and I used to get into the silliest fights. Sometimes we fought just to fight. It was never serious though.”

“Nnn,” Bucky responded. He wasn’t entirely in the mood to talk to anyone but Steve. The only reason he was okay with being in this boat was because he got to watch sweat glistened between Steve’s tits. He was probably going to develop pit stains but there was no way in hell he’d be taking his shirt off next to Steve. That body was sculpted from the finest marble and Bucky…Bucky was just average.

“We’re gonna head over to the lagoon that way. We’ll see you guys later,” Bucky said.

“Later man. I’ll ask the waiter tonight if we can’t slip me a bill of my own. I’ll let Peter and Natasha know as well.”

“Thanks,” Bucky sighed, feeling truly grateful for Clint and Peter’s friendship. He wasn’t entirely sure Natasha would actually ask for her own bill though…

Water sloshed loudly behind them as the pair started to paddle again, heading toward the tree-lined lagoon. Even with sunglasses on, Bucky had to squint dramatically so he could see. The water reflected the sunlight like a blinding camera flash and the boat wasn’t helping either with its luminosity.

“So,” Steve said finally. “We gonna talk about what you’re comfortable doing with me?”

“What?!” Bucky yelped. It felt like someone had just yanked at his spine. He sat straight up, heart pounding against his ears. “Here? Now?”

“We only have today and tomorrow, Bucky,” Steve said. “I can’t extend it, and I kind of doubt you’d even want to.”

Bucky creased his brow, staring at Steve’s face for a moment, looking at those lips that usually wore the brightest smile. They drooped and his skin seemed to pale. Bucky could swear that was the face of someone disappointed. “What makes you think I wouldn’t wanna extend our time?”

“Well for starters, you’re probably going to be piss-broke,” Steve joked. “Secondly, I don’t think you’re entirely okay with being attracted to men yet.”

“I’m not okay with being attracted to men,” Bucky responded. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to keep fighting it. At this point all it’s done is make me lash out at you, cry and feel like someone’s been squeezing my neck till I can’t breathe.” He slowed down his paddling, looking over at Peter and some secretary in their paddleboat. He hoped they didn’t come over here. “It’s a lot to take in.”

Steve nodded, wiping at his brow. “I know. I came out once too.”

“How was that?”

Steve leaned back a bit in his seat. Bucky could see sweat pooling against the curves of his abdomen. He’d never wanted to lick at someone’s sweat before so badly… He cleared his throat, adjusting in his seat, doing his best to forget about how Steve seemed to glisten like a sunflower after a light rain.

“I was in college. I think I knew I was attracted to men before that, but I ignored it. Not really because I was fighting it but because I just didn’t care? Kept saying I’d deal with it later. Then I finally dealt with it. Lost a lot of friends. My dad threw me out. It was rough.”

“I thought you said you dropped out of college?”

“I did, after a year of trying to make it on my own. I was living in a shithole in one of the worst neighborhoods in Brooklyn, sucking guys off for a dime. Tried to keep in school but sex work doesn’t pay very well when you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. Always ask for money up front. Never let them tie you down and don’t _ever_ accept food or drink from them.”

“Shit,” Bucky breathed out. “I’m guessing that all happened to you?”

“Oh yeah. I was dumb. Let a guy tie me to a bed and after he came he took off and stiffed me. I had to scream for help and finally a cleaning lady came in. Fuck, the look on her face.” Steve allowed a laugh to pass his lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Got short-changed a few times by random guys behind bars, and then the last straw was when I let a guy cook for me. Food tasted great and I kind of felt…special, so I trusted him and ate the fucking food.”

Steve let out a bitter huff. “He drugged me. I don’t know what happened. All I know is I woke up in an alley I’d never been in before and went straight to the hospital for a rape kit. Don’t know if I even needed it, but I had to be sure. Got tested for HIV, made sure all my kidneys were in place and then went about my life again.”

“Steve…”

“I don’t want your pity. I don’t pity myself. I was stupid. I guess this is a terribly long-winded way of saying, I know what it’s like to feel different and be looked at differently. This wasn’t supposed to be about my life as a sex worker. Just that sometimes coming out isn’t easy. Luckily for you, you already came out as bisexual and no one but Pierce and his goons seem to give a damn.”

“I haven’t told my family yet,” Bucky laughed. “My mom’ll kill me. She wants grandkids so badly.”

“And you can’t have them? Find a lesbian best friend and make an agreement to have a kid together.”

“I’m not doing that,” Bucky said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t even know any lesbians.”

“I do. I could introduce you to them.”

“Isn’t that like, crossing a business line though?” Bucky asked, tilting his head to the side.

Steve bit his lower lip, mulling over the question. “Because I’d be introducing you to my friends. Ah. Yeah. I guess.”

Bucky rolled his lips in, observing Steve’s face for a moment. He’d never seen Steve look so conflicted before. “I didn’t meant to make you talk about bad experiences.”

Steve waved it off, flashing a smile that looked out of place against his cloudy eyes. “Don’t worry about it. It’s my fault. To the lagoon?”

“Sure.”

They paddled mostly in silence over to the lagoon. It was heavily blocked by dense foliage but the beach was sandy and hardly any paddleboats came around the bend to peak into the lagoon. Together, they pulled the paddleboat up to the shore and collapsed onto the sand.

“Mmm,” Steve hummed out as he sprawled against the beach. “The sand’s so warm.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, laughing softly. “The sun does that, genius.”

“When’d you learn to get so snarky?”

“I’ve always been snarky. I’ve been preoccupied with the whole partnership and you thing.”

“The me thing?” Steve echoed. He cocked a perfectly manicured brow at Bucky.

Bucky drug his fingers through the sand, sitting next to Steve. He grimaced, licking at his lips in thought. “I’ve been…scared of you.”

“Why?” Steve laughed. “S’not like I’m gonna reject you. You’re payin' me.”

“That’s not it,” Bucky responded hoarsely, feeling like all his bravery and determination had dried up. “I don’t…wanna be attracted to you. I mean, I am, we’ve established that. But I don’t _want_ to be.”

Steve propped himself up on his elbows. “It’s not just something you can switch off, and I’m the last person to judge a guy for finding another guy attractive. I find you attractive.”

Bucky tried to offer a smile, but it seemed to falter before it even peaked. Hearing Steve found him attractive did nothing to alleviate the pain he felt. They found each other attractive. In a normal situation, that could lead to coffee or a dinner. It could lead to a relationship. Not here. Not with Steve. Escorts didn’t play that game.

Bucky felt sweat pooling at the base of his back. He rolled his shoulders, feeling his shirt stick to him. “I hate sweating.”

“Take your shirt off,” Steve stated. “I promise I won’t attack you.”

“You’re actually not the one I’m worried about this time. You’ve already seen me without a shirt on.”

“Pierce?” Steve offered.

“Among several others, yeah,” Bucky breathed out. “If they start rumors about us having sex on the beach or something, I don’t think Pepper and Tony would find that endearing.”

“You know,” Steve began. “People have a way of fawning over homosexual couples. They call us cute and adorable, but they forget we fuck and kiss. They essentially emasculate us, till we’re bodies of smooth plastic like a Ken doll. I hate that shit. I hate shocking women when I say I like swallowing cum or riding guys when they’re sitting up.”

Bucky bit his lip, picturing Steve’s bouncing tits as he’d throw his head back, ridding up and down along Bucky’s dick. He shifted, pulling his knees into his chest to hide his hardening cock. God, he just wanted to see those tits bounce.

“So what you’re saying is, I should remind everyone that I like kissing and fucking?” Bucky asked through a smug smile.

“I’m saying, you shouldn’t be afraid to take your shirt off, and if you feel like kissing me, come on over.”

Bucky mulled it over, bobbing his head lightly from side to side. He had enjoyed kissing Steve. Maybe this was how he’d move past this fixation. He’d get what he wanted and he’d calm down about it. He only had one more day with Steve. He didn’t want to regret never experiencing him.

“Kissing only,” Bucky said. “Don’t grab my dick or do anything weird.”

Steve laughed. He sat up, gently moving Bucky's knees away from his chest so he could slip his legs over Bucky to straddle him.

“This counts as weird!” Bucky protested, but his fingers curled around Steve’s hips.

“Shut up and kiss me, Mr. Barnes,” Steve purred. He dipped down, slipping his lips against Bucky’s.

Bucky responded automatically, opening his mouth and letting his eyes slip shut. His heart was fluttering around in his chest, screaming out gleefully. It felt so good. Steve was warm and his back was sandy from lying down. He rolled his hips just the tiniest bit into Bucky’s cock. Bucky knew he could feel his growing erection. It was embarrassing how fast Bucky got hard for Steve.

Steve’s fingers twisted up into Bucky’s hair, pulling gently so he could turn Bucky’s head to the side and deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue along Bucky’s and swirling around it playfully. He purred into the kiss, like a lion devouring fresh prey.

Bucky was shaking. He didn’t want to stop, and that’s what scared him the most. He wanted to grind his hips up into Steve. He wanted to pull Steve’s pants down and slip his fingers against this man’s cock. He was damn sure Steve was hung like a fucking horse. He wanted to nibble at those hipbones and swirl his tongue along those pink nipples. Fuck, he wanted to know every cavern and dip of this man’s body.

He cupped at Steve’s shoulder blades, rolling his hips up to meet Steve’s, moaning softly into the kiss that Steve refused to close. Adrenaline pulsated through Bucky, raising the hairs on his neck, making his extremities tingle and his cock _throb_. This was okay. This felt good. Steve wasn’t tiny and dainty like a woman, but Bucky liked that. He liked feeling the power of muscle and definition beneath Steve’s hot skin. He liked feeling Steve’s weight grinding down against his cock, letting his erection slip up against Bucky’s.

Best of all, Bucky liked _feeling_ that erection, knowing he was the reason Steve was hard. It was like an accomplishment and Bucky was enjoying it far too much; more than he’d ever want to admit.

_‘Please don’t fall in love with this man, you fucking dipshit!’_

He slipped his fingers around Steve, running them down those beautiful tits and cupping at them lightly. Fuck, he _was_ a handful. Bucky groaned into the kiss, squeezing against those pectoral muscles.

Steve laughed, pulling back to trace his tongue along Bucky’s lips. “You like my chest, baby?”

“I like your tits,” Bucky corrected, nipping at Steve’s bottom lip.

“Tits?” Steve said in astonishment. “Okay, I’ll take that.” He rolled his hips again, pushing down against Bucky’s erection fully. “May I finally suck you off, Mr. Barnes?”

Bucky had to suppress a moan threatening to rip from his throat. The way Steve’s voice sounded. It was raspy and vulnerable and Bucky was going insane! His cock throbbed heavily against his Gucci pants, he was pretty sure he could feel a small wet spot in his briefs when he’d thrust up into Steve’s erection.

“Mm…Y-yeah, yeah you can,” Bucky muttered, feeling like a dam was breaking loose in his body. His senses were overflowing with Steve, tasting him, touching him, smelling him. He was a fucking god, a powerhouse of sexual desire and so, _so_ God damn beautiful.

“Well look at you two!” a voice called smugly.

Steve sat back on Bucky, sucking his lips in as he rolled his eyes.

Bucky had never wanted to murder someone so badly. He let his hands slip over Steve’s abdomen, feeling sand and sweat mix together adoringly against it. He didn’t want Steve to get off him.

“Hi, Peter,” Bucky grumbled as Steve slipped off Bucky’s lap and sat next to him, keeping their shoulders touching. “Nice to see you in this very private lagoon with us doing very private things.” He offered a soft smile, but glared murderous intent at his friend.

The girl Peter was with laughed softly, bringing up a mocha hand to cover her blushing cheeks. She was some secretary but Bucky couldn’t remember her name for the life of him.

“Well,” Peter drawled. “We kinda had the same idea. Didn’t realize you two already claimed it.” They got out of the boat, pulling it up on the shore.

“Oh please, join us,” Bucky stated sarcastically. He looked down at his throbbing erection, pouting softly.

Steve bumped his shoulder into Bucky playfully, a knowing smirk against those swollen lips.

Swollen lips– because Bucky had _kissed_ him. They’d kissed each other and it was perfectly okay. Bucky liked the feel of Steve’s body pressed against him. He liked the way Steve curled his fingers into Bucky’s hair and pulled his head around so Steve could get at all the best angles. He liked the feel of another man’s cock rubbing against his.

Most of all, he liked getting _caught_ with Steve. Sure, his dick was throbbing and he wanted nothing more than to punch one of his closest friends, but he was proud. He was proud that someone had saw them together. This girl would no doubt tell her friends and every person Bucky would lock eyes with at this dinner tonight could potentially _know_ that Bucky and Steve were caught almost having sex on a beach during the paddleboating event. It thrilled Bucky’s heart. Because to all the people here, Steve was _his_.

Steve wasn’t an escort to them. He was a fiancé and he was committed to Bucky.

Bucky now completely understood all the clients Steve had to let go because they’d gotten too close. It would be hard to remember this had all been pretend to Steve when it had felt so real for Bucky.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paddleboats! (Just in case someone didn't know what they looked like. They're weird little boats! It's no surprise Bucky hates them).
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> Basically how I picture Bucky (aka Seb wearing suits... haha)
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> And his croquet outfit (just pair that with khaki shorts and tada, what a nerd)
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> And Steve, basically looking beautiful sittin' next to the water. Cause why not. 
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> Again, check out the photoset (link in top notes) if you wanna see more "How I picture these goons."


	3. Swimming With Sharks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as Bucky starts to let Steve help him explore his sexuality, Natasha drops a bomb on him, sending his mind reeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow so this became longer than it was supposed to. This was SUPPOSED to wrap up Saturday (gosh we now have 2 full chapters on one day??) This fic IS going to go beyond the getaway (since I'm coming up with way too many ideas to torture Bucky with. X'D) But yeah. I didn't expect that. So. Oops? ((I guess more for you right??))
> 
> THANK YOU! to everyone who has been so supportive of this fic. I love seeing the comments, I love seeing the asks on tumblr, I love, love, love getting to talk about Call Boy and to the people who have suggested stuff, I am listening! I have put in a motive to a character that otherwise would not have had that motive had the suggestion not been brought up and it works AWESOME! So thank you K for your suggestions! I really appreciate it!! 
> 
> (Also, I'm still replying to all comments on the last chapter, not having internet for a week SUCKED!)
> 
> Oh, and I updated some tags. Just a few. XD

After the paddleboating event, everyone had a bit of downtime to do whatever they wanted before lunch. Bucky had gone back to his room with Steve, walking with the man hand-in-hand. Every person who turned to see them, he met their gaze with an unabashed smile. He caught a few eye rolls and some whispers but a resounding sense of pride flowed through him. He was owning up to himself. Perhaps all his life he felt like he was living in faded and worn colors because he wasn’t really letting himself be…himself.

They walked into the bedroom, closing the door. Steve turned to Bucky, grabbing at the man’s hips and pinning him against the door with his mouth.

Bucky yelped from the intensity of Steve’s kiss. It was hungry and desperate and Bucky couldn’t blame him. They’d been interrupted just thirty minutes prior and Bucky’s dick was still throbbing from neglect.

“May I suck your cock, Mr. Barnes?” Steve purred, nipping down Bucky’s neck.

“Nnn,” Bucky began, tossing his head from side to side as if he was mulling over the request. “I don’t know.”

Steve flashed a sly grin, his eyes shimmering in approval as he ran his fingers up Bucky’s polo, skirting his touch against Bucky’s abdomen. “Please, Mr. Barnes. I want it.”

Bucky arched into Steve, gasping at the way his body responded to Steve’s voice. His lower spine was on fire and his fingers were already trembling. “How badly do you want it?” Bucky asked, running his thumb over Steve’s bottom lip, biting at his own.

Steve smiled fully, rocking his hips against Bucky’s as he kept him pinned to the wall. “I want it _so bad_. I need it, Mr. Barnes. M’gonna go crazy if you don’t let me taste it.”

Bucky shivered, swooping in to claim Steve’s lips in a frantic, heated kiss. He slipped his tongue into Steve’s mouth, feeling his stomach unleash a barrage of butterflies. He ran his fingers through  Steve’s short blonde strands, too short to really curl into but long enough to feel how silky they were.

Steve’s hands were hot against Bucky’s skin as they trailed up and down Bucky’s abs, thrumming over the rolling curves of muscle. He lulled his tongue against Bucky’s, grinding his hips up into his client fully, pressing his cock against Bucky’s. “Please, Mr. Barnes. Please, please, _please_!”

Bucky pushed at Steve’s shoulders as his silent consent and Steve was instantly down on his knees, mouthing over Bucky’s erection through his pants, nipping playfully. “Ah, Steve!”

“I won’t ruin your pants, Mr. Barnes,” Steve teased, running his lips up and down the outline of Bucky’s cock.

“I’m not worried about the pants,” Bucky breathed out, grabbing at the doorknob and slipping his fingers to the lock, promptly clicking the bolt into place.

Steve flashed a dark grin as he undid Bucky’s pants, tugging at them forcefully till they were halfway down his thighs. “I’ll bet you’ve got such a pretty cock,” Steve lamented, brushing his nose against Bucky though his briefs (Calvin Klein of course). He nipped at the tip, looking up through those long, dark lashes, a permanent smirk against his lush, red lips.

Bucky didn’t know how to respond. His heart was starting to swirl in his chest as a rush of cold, frantic anxiety flowed through him. This was a man on his knees. This was a man and he was beautiful and Bucky didn’t want him to stop but he was terrified that if he kept going…Bucky would never want it to end. Steve was an escort and Bucky was a job… This was professional and Steve’s job and Bucky didn’t want to fall too hard but he was now frantically desperate to feel Steve’s mouth envelop him.

Steve’s body was flawless, with his impossibly small waist and that large, broad chest. His hair was soft and his face rough with the perfect amount of stubble, enough to tickle at Bucky’s thighs through his thin briefs.

Bucky took in an uneven, shaky breath. He would do this. He wanted to do this.

Steve froze. “You really okay with this?” he asked. He wasn’t playing his compliant, needy little part anymore. He was concerned and no longer touching Bucky. His gaze locked on Bucky’s face, a soft crease teasing between his brows.

Bucky’s heart flipped. Of course Steve would make sure this was okay but Steve didn’t know how much that affected Bucky. It filled his veins with euphoria, made him feel special and his cock, _fuck_ , his cock just started _leaking_ against his briefs at that smooth voice.

“I want this,” Bucky whispered. He swallowed thickly, watching the subtle nod as Steve slipped his fingers beneath Bucky’s waistband and started to pull down his briefs.

Steve smiled, his body going right back into its part he seemed to play with Bucky, looking smaller but impossibly large at the same time. He licked at his lips, staring at Bucky’s red, throbbing cock. “Mr. Barnes!” he exclaimed. “I knew you’d have such a pretty cock.” He stroked at it once, letting his fingers dance over the slit. “So pretty and ready for me.”

Bucky’s face was flushed and he couldn’t find any words to utter back. He gasped, uneven and anxious as he palmed at the door behind him.

“I’ll bet you taste so good,” Steve continued, his voice husky and needy. “Gonna come in my mouth, Mr. Barnes?”

Bucky nodded, his mouth hanging open.

“Gonna make me swallow or do you care if I spit?”

This was how Steve figured out what Bucky wanted, how far he’d be pushed to compromise his own preferences to accommodate his client. Bucky’s heart flipped. He didn’t want to do anything Steve wasn’t okay with! Swallowing thickly, he cleared his throat. “You can spit.”

Steve sported a crooked grin, letting his fingers run up and down Bucky’s erection, smoothing over the veins and dropping into the gentle curve of its underside. He leaned close, placing a wet, loud kiss against Bucky’s thigh.

“Ah!” Bucky gasped out, slamming his head against the door. He felt foolish. Steve was barely touching him and yet he felt like his entire body was ablaze. His fingers were trembling as he fought to keep them pressed against the door behind him. His toes curled in his shoes, spreading and curling rhythmically. Did Steve know how much he was driving Bucky crazy right now?

Steve pressed wet, sloppy kisses against Bucky’s dick, going down its length. He slipped his lips over the tip, smearing precome against his lips, making them glisten in the sunlight that spilled into the room. “You like your balls touched?” he asked, letting his lips bump against Bucky’s tip with each syllable.

Bucky nodded, mouth still open but completely inaudible as he watched Steve perform. He was a _God damned_ artist and Bucky had never felt so much from so little before.  

Steve dipped his head, nipping up the insides of Bucky’s thigh, using his hand to keep Bucky’s dick out of the way, holding it tauntingly. He mouthed over Bucky’s balls, engulfing one into his mouth and sucking loudly against it.

“Ah…fuck!” Bucky moaned breathlessly. He fought against his limbs as they threatened to turn to jelly. His knees were weakening and he had no idea how he’d manage to stand throughout this entire thing.

 Steve pulled back, spitting into his hand and spreading saliva against it. He brought his hand up, pumping at Bucky’s base, scooting closer and taking the tip back into his mouth, letting his wet lips glide over the thin skin.

Bucky was whimpering softly, gasping with each flick of Steve’s slick tongue. His legs were shaking violently now.

Steve sucked loudly, bobbing back and forth, letting his lips close over Bucky’s tip before taking him back into his mouth. He closed his eyes, using his hand to rub at Bucky’s balls, fingering them within the sac and squeezing gently.

If Bucky was about to die, he’d want to die with Steve’s lips wrapped around his cock. This man was practically radiating pleasure from his skin. Bucky could feel waves of heat caress against him where Steve was positioned so close. He whimpered pathetically, bringing his hands to grip at Steve’s shoulders, curling his fingers against the muscle that lay beneath skin.

Steve hummed around Bucky’s cock, sending tiny jolts of pleasure into the base of Bucky’s stomach. He let his fingers wander away from Bucky’s sac and to his perineum where he let the pads of his fingers trace over the skin lightly.

“Jesus!” Bucky gasped out, rocking his hips into Steve’s mouth. He hissed when he hit the edge of one of the man’s molars.

Steve responded by pressing Bucky’s hips back against the door, never missing a beat. He glided his tongue along the veins in Bucky’s cock before slipping it up against the underside of the tip. He looked up, locking his gaze with Bucky’s.

Bucky wanted to scream from how good this felt. When Steve _looked_ at him, his nerves were washed over with intoxicating heat, spreading to every inch of his body, raising goosebumps and the hairs at the back of his neck. “G-God, Steve!” Bucky groaned. “Fuck…fuck…”

Steve smiled around Bucky’s dick, looking back down pulling more of Bucky’s length into his mouth. He pressed his tongue flush against the underside, rocking back and forth on his knees as he let his humming lips glide effortlessly against the thin skin.

Bucky couldn’t last much longer. His mind was on fire with desperate need to experience everything Steve had to offer. He only had one more day… One more day and then Steve what-ever-his-last-name-is would be gone from his life and if Bucky ever wanted to see him again, he’d have to compete with other clients and pinch every last penny he could find.

“Steve!” Bucky gasped, hitting the back of his head against the door. “Fuck…fuck you’re so good!”

Steve laughed around the cock in his mouth, letting his tongue push against the slit before swirling it around the tip a few times. He slipped a hand down to Bucky’s sac again, curling his fingers against the thin flesh and rolling the balls between his fingers.

Bucky’s hands slammed against the door, frantically trying to find something to grasp as he mewled pathetically. His legs weren’t going to withstand this. He was shaking from head to toe, tears threatening to slip from his eyes from how good he felt. His whole body was tingling, humming in the rhythm Steve was pumping. “Steve…Steve…I wanna…I wanna come…”

Steve opened his mouth wider, hollowing out his cheeks and letting Bucky hit the back of his throat. He gagged slightly around Bucky’s cock; the muscles in the back fluttering and coming to clench down on Bucky. He held his mouth there, letting Bucky push himself against Steve’s protesting muscles. Pulling back, he sucked hard and loud, swirling his tongue around the length. He turned his focus to the tip of Bucky’s cock, using his other hand to pump back and forth against the base.

“Fuck…fuck…fuck!” Bucky cried, doing his best to keep from collapsing. He put one hand on Steve’s shoulder in a desperate attempt to balance himself better. His legs were turning to noodles and the last thing he wanted was to collapse atop Steve. He wasn’t some fourteen-year-old virgin! It was pathetic how much this was practically over-stimulating him. His nerves thrummed in heated, bursting waves, tears slipping slowly from his eyes and gasps that didn’t even sound like they belonged to him.

Steve flicked his tongue fervently against the underside of Bucky’s tip, humming and pumping his hand quickly along the base; his other hand still massaging at Bucky’s balls.

Women had never been this good on Bucky’s dick. Sure they’d use a hand to pump and their mouth to suck but Steve was using _both_ of his hands and he never had to search around for what made Bucky feel like he was burning away from pleasure. Steve knew _exactly_ where to go and he wasted no time in getting there.

“Steve…ah…ah…Steve!” Bucky whined out, feeling his orgasm coil around his loins, looming threateningly and making his vision splotchy with black blobs. “Fuck! Fuck, Steve! Fuck! Fuck!” he groaned as his seed pushed out from his dick, pleasure washing over him from his neck, swirling around his spine and bursting out his tip. He cried out loudly, feeling a new wave of tears spill from his eyes. His body shivered frantically as his right leg started to slip out from under him. He slipped onto the door, falling down and against it as he whimpered through his orgasm.

Steve only moved backward to accommodate what was happening.

Bucky felt so foolish, unable to hold himself up anymore as he gulped back deep breaths, desperate to fill his exhausted lungs. His body still trembled as his orgasm finally started to subside and his vision cleared.

Steve was slowly pumping at Bucky’s dick still, but his lips were softer against the tip as he circled them around the slit. He darted his tongue out, using light, puppy licks against the dip of his cockhead. He enveloped it with a slow, wet kiss, letting his lips close against it before repeating, sucking so gently Bucky wasn’t even sure he was still doing it at all. His only indication was the welling heat that built against his tip and the soft sounds Steve was making.

Bucky balled his fists up, letting out a shaky breath as he watched Steve. The man was using the gentlest of motions, working over Bucky’s cock like he was praising it, worshipping it. Bucky stared, slack jawed and awestruck.

Steve pressed one final kiss against Bucky’s tip before pulling back and placing kisses on each side of Bucky’s inner thigh. He stood up silently, walking over to the waste basket near the bed and crouching over it to spit out Bucky’s cum.

Bucky was still trembling, gasping softly as his lungs worked to gulp in air. Steve had left him literally breathless and Bucky was sure he’d never come that hard in his life. Tear tracks were drying against his cheeks, making his face itchy but he was afraid if he lifted his shaky arms that he’d miss his face entirely and end up scratching himself or something.

Steve walked back over, pulling Bucky into his arms and petting his head softly, running his fingers through the strands atop Bucky’s head. “You’re okay,” he whispered. He pressed a kiss against Bucky’s temple. “You did so good, Bucky.”

Bucky grabbed at Steve’s arm, his body still trembling. He dropped his head into Steve’s shoulder. He felt so little in Steve’s embrace, so warm, little and protected. He wanted to die in these arms. It terrified him, pulled at the back of his head, pressing against his lungs and chilling his core. He was addicted to Steve and now there was no turning back.

“Shh,” Steve cooed. “Focus on your breathing, Bucky. Try to take in nice, slow breaths.”

Bucky was a step away from hyperventilating at this point. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and he was sure he was almost completely red in the face from how embarrassed he felt. He’d never been left feeling destroyed and _wrecked_ before. He’d always remained composure with the women he’d been with, even Natasha, but here with Steve, he was mewling like a fawn and shivering as if he’d never known anything else. He hiccupped as he swallowed back air, trying to match Steve’s deep, easy breaths.

“You’re doing good, Buck,” Steve praised, running his fingers along Bucky’s jaw softly. “Just breathe with me.”

Bucky tried to bark out a laugh but it gurgled and died in his mouth, sounding more like a sob.

Steve pressed another kiss to his temple, running his nose along his hairline. “You’re okay, Bucky. I promise you’re okay.”

Bucky wanted to snap back that he knew he was okay. He’d only just been given head! It wasn’t like this was surgery! Still, he was a mess of shaken limbs and silent tears on the floor in the arms of an escort he was pretty damn sure he was falling for entirely too fast. Perhaps it was just the idea of Steve and not necessarily _him_ , but Bucky knew that no matter what he did at this point, he was a lost cause. No amount of experimentation would lessen his growing obsession with Steve. He was hooked. Entirely addicted and desperate for more.

Bucky whimpered, turning so he could press his face into Steve’s chest. He gulped down a deep breath, holding it for a few moments, feeling his heart beat heavier against his chest before letting it out in a loud exhale.

“Did I do okay, Bucky?” Steve asked softly.

“You serious?” Bucky shot back in disbelief. “I’m a fucking mess on the floor and you’re asking if you did okay?”

Steve bit his lip; a flush of red rising to his cheeks. “Maybe you didn’t like it and that’s why you’re crying?”

“I’m not crying,” Bucky defended, wiping at his face to hide the evidence he knew was entirely too evident. “You did fine.”

Steve laughed. He leaned against the door, pulling Bucky up into his lap. “Would you let me do it again?”

Bucky snorted. “How many times do you think I can go in a day?”

Steve shrugged. “I mean, you’re young right? Once every hour?”

Bucky smacked Steve’s chest playfully, enjoying the soft rippling movement of muscle. “Not when you give me orgasms like that.”

“So it was good!” Steve laughed out. “I was worried.”

“It’s just a blow job,” Bucky commented.

Steve pursed his lips, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, but, it was the first one you ever got from a man, right?”

“Yeah?” Bucky answered hesitantly.

“I was just worried you’d push me off you and start screaming or something,” Steve admitted, shrugging casually. He bit at his lower lip, tugging against the swollen flesh with ivory teeth.

“Have you had people do that to you?” Bucky inquired. Why else would Steve think about that? It seemed too specific and the way he said it, like he was as embarrassed as Bucky felt was clue enough.

Steve licked at his lips. Bucky tried not to remember the way they felt glazing back and forth against his dick, but the memory was fresh and it sent his stomach into doing backflips.

“I’ve had a lotsa weird things happen. Like I told you about earlier, gettin’ stiffed and all that shit. Have had homophobes pay for a blow job and end up…doing other things instead.”

Bucky furrowed his brow, peering up into Steve’s face as he tried to figure out why Steve was swallowing so hard and why his eyes were getting glassy. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Steve laughed, shaking his head. “Nah, I’m good. I didn’t mean to start talking about me. We’re here for you.”

“I like talking about you,” Bucky responded automatically. “I think you’re a pretty interesting guy.”

Steve smiled fully. Bucky had to remember to keep breathing before he sent himself into cardiac arrest. That smile was just…everything to Bucky. From the soft creases that teased at Steve’s eyes, to his white, pearly teeth and the way those eyes just _shimmered_ at the compliment. When Steve smiled, he put his whole _body_ into it. So when Bucky was thinking that Steve’s smile left him breathless, it was literal…

“Thanks, Buck. You’re pretty interesting too.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “No I’m not. I’m probably just like all your other clients. Confused, bored and desperate.”

“Oh fuck yeah you’re confused. But I don’t think you’re desperate. I think Natasha threw me on you and you were sent reeling to figure out what to do with it.”

Bucky shrugged, scooting down so he was between Steve’s legs. He pressed his back into Steve’s chest, sighing loudly. “I still don’t know what I’m doing with you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with exploring sexuality,” Steve admonished. “The people who matter don’t seem to care one way or the other. Fuck Pierce and his goons. Actually wait,” Steve scrunched up his face. “Don’t fuck them. I’m sure they’ve got saggy balls and limp dicks.”

Bucky giggled, craning his neck to look up at Steve. “You’re a dork.”

Steve flicked up his brow, a smirk playing at his lips. “You don’t have to think too hard about what you’re doing with me. You’re curious and it’s okay. You’ll figure it out and you won’t need me anymore.”

Bucky clenched his jaw, stifling the whine that wanted to bubble from his throat. He turned back around, resting his head against Steve’s sternum. “What if…I do want you more? Like what if I’m not done figuring this all out come tomorrow.”

Steve chortled softly. “Then I guess you buy my services again.”

“But I’ll be waitlisted.”

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky, letting his fingers graze against his elbows. “You’re so fixated on my waitlist.”

“I’m fixated on a lot of things. Tonight’s bill, how hard you just made me come, the fact that I just let a guy suck me off… Lots of things.”

Steve pressed a kiss against Bucky’s shoulder. “Will you get your panties out of that wad if I tell you I won’t put you on my waitlist?”

Bucky craned his neck again, letting a smile pull at his lips to reveal a shock of white teeth and pink gums. “Really?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “As long as it’s not a long-time customer or one of my preferreds.”

“Preferreds?” Bucky echoed.

Steve bit at his lip, looking conflicted about how far he was willing to let this conversation go. He sucked in his lips, letting them roll out slowly; thick and red. “I call my favorite clients preferreds. It’s not some fancy sex worker language.”

“You have favorites?” Bucky’s heart felt like it was being forced atop a blender despite its screaming protests. He was poking into a conversation he didn’t want to hear and he could see from Steve’s subtle winces that Steve didn’t want to go down this route either, but he was compliant for some reason and Bucky seemed to ever be a glutton for punishment.

“Every escort’s got favorites,” Steve reasoned. “Clients we like to think would be our friends if…things were different.”

“Why aren’t you friends with them?”

Steve barked out a laugh. “Because this is my job, Buck. If we cross into that, then I’m gonna be cuttin’ deals and making exceptions and I’ll lose out on a lot of money. I make a good living and I don’t think I’d exactly go hungry but I can’t start makin’ exceptions just cause I like their company as much as they like mine.”

Bucky felt the blades of the metaphorical blender eviscerate his heart, smashing his dreams into oblivion and any hope of being more with Steve was stifled out with aggressive, choking hands. He stood up, holding his pants up so he didn’t have to zip and button them. He was just going to change out of them now anyway. He needed new briefs, these were itchy with dried precome.

“Have I offended you?” Steve asked cautiously, staring at Bucky with tight eyes.

“No,” Bucky stated simply. “I just wanted out of my briefs. This is your job, Steve. Why would I be offended at you being good at what you do? I’m a career-driven kinda guy too. That’s the whole reason you’re here.”

Steve nodded softly, running his tongue along his bottom lip. “Okay. Do you care if I shower? I don’t like letting sweat hang around all day.”

“Go for it,” Bucky shrugged. Though now he had an idea that he felt he’d regret later but right now, he had Steve and as he’s found out, fighting his impulses only makes things worse. “Wait!”

Steve turned around, cocking a brow.

“Can I shower with you?”

“I don’t know, _can_ you?” Steve teased.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Is it okay?”

Steve smiled softly, holding his hand out.

Bucky crossed the room, feeling his heart dance within his chest. He laced his fingers into Steve’s, absent-mindedly stroking his thumb over the back of Steve’s hand.

Steve watched their hands for a moment before pulling Bucky along into the bathroom. He closed the door behind Bucky before tugging Bucky’s shirt over his head.

“S-Steve!” Bucky gasped in surprise. “I said shower together!”

“I’m just helpin’ you outta your clothes!” Steve exclaimed.

Bucky furrowed his brow, biting at his lip nervously. “Well, get outta yours too!”

Steve reached into the large shower stall, turning on the water before ducking out of the way before his clothes got wet. “Help me outta them?”

Bucky shot him a deadpanned look. “Seriously, Steve?”

“Fine, fine,” Steve sighed. “Just thought you’d like to, for curiosity’s sake.”

Bucky set his jaw, walking over to Steve and throwing his polo over his shoulders. He let his fingers trail down Steve’s tits, circling his fingers over the pink nipples. “You’ve got such a pretty chest,” Bucky breathed out.

Steve smiled, chuckling softly. “I thought they were tits?”

“Oh they are,” Bucky agreed through a laugh. He squeezed the pectoral muscles, feeling them tighten under his touch. “Fuck, I don’t even know how you got these.”

“Strict diet, lots of working out and a healthy sex life?” Steve supplied.

“You’re a fuckin’ vegan! I don’t even get how you get enough protein!” Bucky ran his fingers along Steve’s waist, smiling when the man would jerk away softly from being tickled.

Steve pulled Bucky close to him by his hips, swiveling his dick against Bucky’s. “Strict diet. I told you.”

“Don’t you miss cheese?” Bucky blurted, trailing his fingers in the groves of Steve’s abdomen. “Or ice cream?”

“I can eat some ice cream alternatives and no, I don’t miss cheese. Milk has pus in it. Did you know that?”

Bucky snorted, rolling his eyes. “Thanks for ruining chocolate milk for me.”

“Drink hot cocoa? They sell plenty of brands that leave out dairy products.” He slipped his fingers along Bucky’s waistband, tickling at the Adonis lines.

“I’ll bet it’s all watery and bland,” Bucky pouted. He brought his hands back up to Steve’s chest, tracing along the man’s sternum. Steve was just so big. His hands were big. His shoulders were big (although that waist was tiny). He was sculpted by the classic artists of Greece, a true, living, breathing Apollo. Bucky whined, biting at his lip as he fought the urge to scoop up one of Steve’s perky nipples into his mouth.

Steve pressed a kiss to Bucky’s forehead, clearly realizing Bucky’s inner struggle. “Wanna hop in the shower now?”

“You’re not naked yet,” Bucky responded softly.

“Wanna get me naked?”

Bucky swallowed thickly. He’d felt Steve’s cock through his clothes but he hadn’t seen it yet. Part of him was actually worried he’d be disappointed till he realized this was Steve, the escort who was built to perfection and booked out into next year. He dropped to his knees before Steve, running his hands along the man’s thighs, reaching behind him to cup at his butt.

Steve reached behind him, grabbing at the counter as he watched Bucky silently.

Bucky felt like his heart was about to pop out of his mouth. He reached with shaky hands to Steve’s zipper, unzipping it slowly, careful not to hit the erection that was pushing against the seams of Steve’s pants. With a casual flick, Bucky unbuttoned the pants, tugging them down to reveal red briefs and a large, thick, _hard_ cock.

_‘I’m gonna fucking die…’_

Steve sighed, biting at the side of his mouth. “Is it okay?” he asked.

Bucky shivered at those small words. Is it okay? Steve was pressed against his briefs, hard and big and Bucky throbbing in his pants again; his tip pressing against the hardened, rough precome that stuck inside his briefs. He nodded, reaching up to slip the cotton away from Steve’s thick thighs, tugging the underwear down to Steve’s knees before letting them drop with gravity’s assistance.

Bucky gasped, staring at Steve’s exposed dick. He was uncut, huge and the tip was shiny and reddening. Bucky had never wanted to so badly kiss a penis before but he was now faced with trembling lips that ached to wrap around Steve. “May I…” he gasped. “I want…”

“Sure, baby,” Steve cooed, running a hand through Bucky’s hair. “Do whatever you want.”

Bucky wanted to argue the merits of giving free rein to a client after all Steve had said about being stiffed and tied up before, but he was too distracted by the fascination that was Steve’s dick. He scooted forward on his knees, grabbing at Steve’s base to angle his cock forward, toward Bucky.

Bucky licked at his lips, looking up with round, unsure eyes at Steve.

“You’re okay, Bucky,” Steve crooned. He cupped Bucky’s jaw, letting his fingers caress against the skin. “I don’t expect you to be good at this.”

Bucky furrowed his brow. He was a man after all! He knew what men liked. And he also remembered what Steve had said about not liking his balls touched, so Bucky would remember to avoid them. Determined, he scooted forward again, letting his mouth brush against Steve’s tip.

Steve tightened his grip against the counter, his gaze darting to the shower that was starting to steam the room. He looked back down, watching Bucky with parted lips.

Bucky liked being watched. He’d always loved it when people watched him sell a product and right now, he felt like he was selling himself. He placed a soft, dry peck against Steve’s tip.

Steve sighed, rolling his head back.

Bucky liked knowing he was the reason Steve was feeling good. A small sense of pride pooled into his stomach, making him want to show off more. Prove that he could be good at this. He licked at his lips, pushing forward to take Steve’s tip into his mouth, kissing it loudly, letting his lips drag over it as he closed the kiss before he’d open his mouth and lap softly at the tip.

“Ah…ah…” Steve panted, dropping his head forward. He ran his hands through Bucky’s hair, massaging at his scalp.

Bucky had never felt so pleased with himself. He’d gone down on plenty of women, but he’d never really felt so _happy_ about it. Going down on women was a job and it needed to be done, but this… this was something Bucky could say was like a hobby. It made him happy, forget about his stresses and worries. He could focus on one thing and one thing only; pleasuring Steve, getting him to come as hard as Steve had made Bucky come.

Bucky licked gently at Steve’s dick, unsure of himself and shyly. He still was gripping the base but his hand wasn’t moving, just holding it steady.

Steve’s legs tensed against Bucky. His muscles actually pushing skin to bump into one of Bucky’s nipples. He rolled into it, letting Steve’s leg pleasure his chest softly as he worked over Steve’s cock, licking it till it was wet and shiny.

He sat back, taking two fingers to pull up and down along the tip, watching the foreskin move back and forth against Steve’s cock.

“Ah…that’s good, Bucky,” Steve praised in a breathy tone.

Bucky brought Steve’s tip back into his mouth, sucking softly, relishing in the soft, wet sounds he was making. He looked up, locking his gaze with Steve’s as a blush coated his cheeks. His lips were wrapped around an escort’s dick and despite that, he was having the time of his life. He’d never felt so confident, so empowered. He was in control of Steve’s body, of how fast or slow they’d go, how good he’d make Steve feel. It was dizzying.

Bucky lapped at the underside of Steve’s cock, feeling the foreskin move along his tongue, dipping against it softly. Curiously, he dragged his teeth along it, earning a shiver from Steve and a soft hiss. He wrapped his lips around Steve once more, pumping his head back and forth as he relaxed his jaw enough to fit the man’s large penis into his mouth. Rocking back and forth on his knees, he sucked at the other man. His heart fluttered each time Steve would gasp or let out a soft, quiet moan. He wasn’t as loud as Bucky, or perhaps that was because Bucky wasn’t finding all his spots yet.

Bucky ran his hands up and down Steve’s thighs, using his tongue to steady Steve’s dick into his mouth. He closed his eyes, working hard to focus on where it felt good on him and trying out those spots on Steve. He flicked his tongue along the underside of Steve’s tip, feeling the man’s legs clench.

Steve threw his head back, letting out a long, content moan. He curled his fingers into Bucky’s hair, tugging softly. He pressed himself further into Bucky’s mouth, using soft, short thrusts to fuck himself into Bucky.

Bucky struggled only momentarily, accidently gagging around Steve and dropping the man with a loud wet sound. “M’sorry,” he rushed out. “I didn’t mean to.”

Steve laughed, tracing his fingers along Bucky’s wet lips. “I told you I didn’t expect you to be good at this.”

“I didn’t think it’d be hard to do,” Bucky replied sheepishly.

Steve smirked. “Let me teach you?”

Bucky nodded, licking at his lips.

“I’ve got foreskin, so play with it. Use your fingers. You can stretch it and dip your fingers into it if you pull it along the head. Feels really good. I don’t like my balls touched so don’t worry about that. The underside of the cockhead is typically the most sensitive spot on a guy, so that’s always a safe bet.”

Bucky preened, knowing he’d already figured that one out. He wasn’t entirely hopeless here. As a circumcised man though, he had no idea how to deal with a foreskin, so that tip was handy.

“If I start rocking into you, it means you’re doing somethin’ real good, so just open your mouth and make sure you don’t bite me and let me do some of the work, I’ll move myself into what I like.”

Bucky nodded, looking back down at Steve’s purpling dick. He watched precome drip silently to the floor. He wanted to press his tongue against Steve’s slit and catch the rest before it fell again.

“When I come, you’re gonna wanna make sure you don’t choke on the semen,” Steve lectured. “Close the back of your throat and focus more on the tip so you’re not gagging yourself on accident. You can swallow it, but I prefer spitting. Shit just tastes gross.”

Bucky nodded, growing impatient as he watched Steve’s dick deepen in color. He lapped at Steve’s tip, pressing his tongue into the slit to gather up the precome that he desperately wanted to taste. He didn’t know what a guy tasted like, but it didn’t taste that bad. Steve was slightly sweet, kind of like a lightly sweetened tea. Then he remembered one of the reasons why Steve was a vegan and rolled his eyes. Of course he tasted good; that fucking strict diet.

“ _May_ , I do something though?” Steve asked.

Bucky cocked a brow, looking up at Steve. “What?”

“I wanna trace my dick along your lips. You’ve just got really, really pretty lips. Been thinkin’ ‘bout them all day, Buck.”

Bucky’s heart flipped, listening to the gravely tone Steve was using, that hint of desperation. Bucky would eat out of this man’s palm if Steve asked it of him. So he nodded, letting his lips part softly.

Steve grabbed himself, pressing his tip up against Bucky’s lips and slowly running it along the curves of Bucky’s mouth. He moaned softly, throwing his head back for a second before looking back so he could continue tracing the lines of Bucky’s mouth. “You’ve got the prettiest mouth I’ve ever fuckin’ seen, Bucky.”

_‘Not as pretty as yours.’_

Steve pressed his dick against Bucky’s top lip, running it along from side to side, smearing precome and saliva. He gasped softly, biting at his own lips. He pushed his dick into the middle of Bucky’s mouth, making Bucky open his mouth and guide Steve’s dick in with his tongue.

As per Steve’s lesson, Bucky reached up with his fingers, running them along the foreskin, tugging it along, back and forth against Steve’s dick.

“Ah, shit,” Steve moaned out, dropping his head back. He leaned completely into the counter. “That’s so good, baby.”

Bucky pulled his lips back, letting them produce an airy, wet sound as he pulled them from Steve’s tip. He pulled at Steve’s foreskin, watching it run along the length to cover the tip. With his other hand, he poked one finger inside it, swirling it around.

“Ah! Ah…ah…fuck…” Steve groaned, clenching his thighs. “That’s so good, Bucky. So, so good!”

Bucky dipped his tongue inside the foreskin, holding it forward with his fingers still and swirled his tongue along the curves of Steve’s tip.

Steve curled inward. Bucky thought he was about to drop on him but he just braced himself on Bucky’s shoulders with shaky fingers. “You’re doin’ so good, Bucky,” he whispered.

Bucky flicked his tongue quickly inside the fold of Steve’s foreskin, tasting the precome that consistently leaked from Steve’s purpling cock. He finally let the foreskin fall back against Steve’s length. Covering his mouth over Steve’s tip, he sucked gently, using his hand to glide up and down against the foreskin, feeling it stretch and bunch up under his touch.

Steve’s legs were shaking slightly and his gasps were louder and more frequent. He brought both of his hands up into Bucky’s hair, massaging his thumbs into the scalp, making Bucky shiver.

Bucky bobbed his head back and forth, listening to the soft sounds of his sucking. He swirled his tongue around Steve’s length, tickling it under the cockhead.

Steve moaned a long, approving vibrato, dropping back against the counter and thrusting into Bucky’s mouth.

Remembering what Steve had said, he opened his mouth more, hollowing out his cheeks so Steve could fuck himself into Bucky’s mouth. Saliva dribbled down Bucky’s chin, dripping down onto his collar as Steve used soft, pointed thrusts into Bucky. The brunette kept his eyes closed, focusing on not closing his mouth or biting at Steve’s sensitive skin.

He brought his hands around Steve’s body, cupping at Steve’s ass and squeezing it in his hands.

Steve purred, rolling up into Bucky’s mouth and hitting the back of the man’s throat. Bucky gagged loudly, and certainly not as sexy as Steve had gagged before. He pulled back, feeling his eyes water but he kept his mouth over Steve, sucking at the tip and moving his hand to pump against at the base.

Steve, obviously having heard Bucky’s struggle, pulled back and rested against the counter again. He panted softly, running his hands through Bucky’s hair gently, swirling the strands around in a circular motion atop Bucky’s head.

Bucky loved feeling Steve’s hands caressing him, like he was approving of everything Bucky was doing. Giving head was hard work! Bucky wouldn’t have ever imagined there be so much he had to do and remember. He sucked loudly against Steve’s tip, pumping faster, pulling the foreskin back and forth with him as he pumped his hand. He swirled his tongue around the cockhead several times, suddenly remembering Steve had hummed around Bucky’s dick before.

Bucky started humming, realizing he had to loosen his lips so they could let air pass from them as they vibrated.

“Bucky! Ah fuck, yes, yes, baby that’s good,” Steve gasped out. He thrust softly into Bucky’s mouth, mostly letting Bucky still dictate the pace.

Bucky continued humming. He let his tongue swirl along the curves of the cockhead, poking it into the slit and running it softly along the indent there.

Steve dropped forward, putting his hands on Bucky’s shoulders. “B-Bucky,” he gasped out. “Maybe…maybe we shouldn’t…”

Bucky furrowed his brow. Was he not doing this right? Steve was getting louder though? Wasn’t that a sign Bucky was doing good? His heart twisted in his throat as he gulped down against Steve’s dick, taking in as much as he could and sucking hard.

“Ah…ah…Bucky…Bucky I sh- I shouldn’t come…”

Bucky pulled off Steve’s dick; a loud wet sound pulling from his lips. “What?”

“I shouldn’t come in your mouth,” Steve said easier now, his chest rising and falling, pronouncing those large tits even more than usual. “I haven’t come in a while. I don’t wanna choke you.”

Bucky sat back on his ankles, pouting softly. “So what then?”

“I can finish myself off, you get in the shower.”

Bucky whined, readjusting himself as he sat on the bathroom floor. “I wanted–” He slammed his mouth shut; his teeth snapping against themselves.

Steve cocked a brow at him, slowly stroking at himself now.

Bucky licked at his lips, watching the way Steve worked himself over. He followed Steve’s bobbing hand, biting his lip when Steve would tug at his own foreskin, pulling it over his tip and flicking his wrist. “Steve,” Bucky breathed out. It was like a trance and Bucky was completely hypnotized.

Steve was panting softly, using both of his hands to play at his foreskin and pump over himself. His fingers curled around his girth with ease.

Bucky watched his hips rock softly into his own hand. “Come on me,” Bucky suddenly blurted, feeling a rush of heat press into his cheeks.

“Really?” Steve responded, soundly slightly taken aback.

Bucky sucked in his lips, furrowing his brow. Did he really want that? He’d come on girls before but he always felt like he was degrading them, but right now the idea rolled heat into his belly and made his cock twitch. He wanted to wear Steve’s seed like an award, or special prize. “Come on me,” he said again, sounding more affirmative.

Steve nodded, stepping forward and fucking his fist around himself faster. He dropped his head forward, gasping softly in quick, urgent melodies.

Bucky watched the way Steve’s forearm muscles rippled with each flick of the wrist, the way Steve’s cock was getting even more purple as he pumped himself, back and forth. Bucky felt excitement pool in his stomach at the idea of Steve spraying his seed at him. He wanted to know what it tasted like (call him morbidly curious about vegans). He watched, fighting the urge to touch himself as his dick throbbed against his thigh.

“Bucky,” Steve said. “C’mere.”

Bucky scooted forward, listening to Steve’s grunting, opening his mouth and leaning his head back. Steve’s semen streamed against his face, hitting some of his mouth and his cheeks. He touched his face, smearing it along his lips and darting his tongue out to really taste it. It was sweet, almost pleasant except it still tasted so earthy.

Steve pumped himself slower now, rocking softly into himself as he breathed hard, coming down from his orgasm.

Bucky sat back, watching Steve’s hand slow to a stop.

“Bucky,” Steve said, pulling Bucky from his hypnosis. “You should get in the shower.”

Bucky swiped up a line of semen from his face, lapping at his finger before engulfing it and swirling his tongue around it. He kept his eyes on Steve, watching the man crack into an amused smile. “Vegans taste good.”

Steve snorted. “Get in the shower you goof.”

Steve pulled Bucky up by his underarms and tugged his pants off.

Bucky’s erection sprang forth, soothed by the steam that enveloped the room.

“You want me to take care of that?” Steve asked. “Mister-I-Can’t-Have-Sex-Every-Hour.”

“I guess I lied,” Bucky joked as he slipped into the shower, feeling the stream’s warmth seep down into the dips and grooves of his body.

Steve followed behind him, turning to close the glass door. He pushed Bucky against the shower wall, slipping his tongue into Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky yelped when he felt something slipping up against his dick, but he was certain it wasn’t Steve’s hand, it was softer and had no ability to grip. He opened his eyes, looking down to see Steve rubbing his dick intentionally against Bucky’s. “Won’t you get hard again?”

“Probably not,” Steve answered simply. “Pleasure’s pleasure. I don’t have to come each time and I don’t need to be hard.”

Steve took both his dick and Bucky’s into his hand. He slowly pumped his hand, letting the water filter between his fingers and spread its warmth against Bucky’s erection.

Bucky slammed his head back, letting out a long, content moan. “This feels nice,” he purred.

Steve laughed. “I’m glad.” The blonde rubbed his dick against Bucky’s, letting his foreskin drag up and down against Bucky’s cut penis. Its texture was soft and when it’d bunch up, Bucky would yelp out in surprise at how good it felt.

“Kinda wish I wasn’t Jewish now,” Bucky sighed out.

“You’re Jewish?” Steve asked. “I saw you eat bacon.”

Bucky snorted, though Steve flicked his wrist, which promptly turned Bucky’s laugh into a moan. “I d-don’t keep Kosher.”

“So you had a rabbi cut your foreskin?” Steve asked, still stroking his dick against Bucky’s. He pressed their cockheads together, moving his penis around against Bucky’s letting their slits rub into each other.

“Ah…ah…ff-fuck,” Bucky shivered out. “C-can we talk about my religion later?”

“Sure,” Steve answered, pressing a kiss into Bucky’s shoulder. He nibbled lightly at the skin, pulling it into his mouth with his canines and sucking loudly.

Bucky had never felt so good. Steve’s smallest touches were the ones that made his skin erupt with heated pleasure. Every flick of Steve’s wrist, the nudge of his dick or even his breathing would get Bucky mewling incoherently. “Can I… Can I try?”

“Try what? Jacking us both off?”

“Mhm,” Bucky nodded.

“Go for it.” Steve moved his hands to Bucky’s hips. He pressed his dick along the line of Bucky’s, using his toes to continue grazing them together as he lifted up and down softly.

“Mmm,” Bucky purred. “Your tits are bouncing.”

Steve snorted. “Get your hand around our dicks, sir.”

Bucky’s hand wasn’t as big, he was worried he wouldn’t be able to grab at both of them but he’d managed to spread his fingers enough to wrap them both securely together. He ran his fingers along them, shivering as he bunched up Steve’s foreskin against his cock. “I wish I had foreskin,” Bucky whispered out.

Steve laughed. “It comes in handy.”

Bucky stroked up and down slowly, shivering against his own touch as he’d run Steve’s dick along his own. He rocked his hips into Steve, smiling when Steve pressed back. He only dropped Steve’s dick by accident twice before Steve brought his hand back up, so they were both stroking at each other.

“Do you like this?” Steve asked softly.

“Mhm,” Bucky mumbled.

“What else do you wanna do with me?”

Bucky wasn’t entirely prepared for that question. He thought of many, many things he wanted to do but there wouldn’t be enough time! Lunch was vastly approaching, tonight was the outing at the restaurant and tomorrow was going to be full of speeches, awards and a nice lunch then a plane ride. “Lots a things,” Bucky muttered finally.

“Tell me,” Steve pressed. “M’gettin’ hard again. Helps me come.”

Well Bucky couldn’t deny Steve that. He opened his mouth, gasping when Steve’s fingers circled over his slit. “I want...to fuck you.”

“Yeah? Wanna be inside me, Bucky?”

Bucky felt his dick twitch in his hand. “Y-yeah, wanna know how you feel inside.”

“That all? What positions?”

Bucky laughed, of course Steve wanted to know more than the overarching idea. “Dunno,” he answered, flicking his wrist to palm over his cock. He reached over to Steve’s, tugging on the foreskin so Steve could finger inside the flap against his slit.

“Mmm,” Steve hummed in approval. “I like you helpin’ me.”

“I like helping you,” Bucky responded.

“You wanna do anything different or just normal positions?”

“I don’t know what’s the difference,” Bucky answered bashfully, looking away from Steve’s intense gaze.

“Same as with a girl. Missionary, riding, doggy. Called all the same.”

“Those are the only ones I know,” Bucky answered as a shiver ripped along his spine. “Ah! Ah, Steve!”

“Shh, I got you,” Steve cooed as he slipped his wrinkling fingers along Bucky’s length. “Gonna make you feel so good, Buck.”

“You already have,” Bucky replied. “Never felt this good before.” He wasn’t sure if it was the steam in the air or blood rushing to his cheeks, but Bucky suddenly felt a wave of heat press against his face. He looked to his toes, momentarily pausing his fingers.

Steve pressed his lips against Bucky’s, breathing in deep so his chest puffed up to press flush against Bucky’s. He let his nipples slip over Bucky’s skin, in turn dragging Bucky’s nipples against his skin.   

Bucky cried out, arching his back and rolling his hips into Steve’s hand.

“Feels good cause you’re with a person you actually think’s attractive. You like men, Buck. It’s okay.”

Bucky wanted to correct Steve and detail that it was _Steve_ who made him feel this good because he was attracted to _Steve_ , specifically, but he knew that would cross a line and the last thing Bucky wanted was to lose Steve now. He pushed his cock further into Steve’s hand, reveling in the way Steve’s fingers were wrinkling. The texture was more intense against his erection and when Steve’s fingers would slip up his tip, he’d buck into Steve from how good it felt.

“I’m gonna come,” Bucky warned. “I swear if you keep doin’ that I’m gonna come.”

“Do you want to?” Steve asked. “I can stop.”

Bucky whimpered, the idea of halting his orgasm and letting it subside till later when they did something else sounded kind of exciting; the idea of walking around this dinner tonight knowing how badly he’d want Steve and being so horny near his colleagues sent rolling waves of pleasure into his stomach. “I don’t wanna,” he breathed out. “Don’t let me come, Steve.”

Steve pumped faster at Bucky’s cock, earning protesting cries from Bucky as he started to feel an orgasm build in his loin. But as he was about to resign himself to it, Steve stopped, pulling away abruptly and leaving Bucky whining loudly.

“The fuck, Steve!” he growled.

“You said you didn’t wanna come. It’s orgasm denial. More fun when you’re just about to.”

“Orgasm denial?” Bucky repeated.

Steve glared at him in amusement. “You seriously never got a girl to the edge and just stopped?”

“No?”

“You poor vanilla baby,” Steve cooed sarcastically. “I think I’m now personally responsible for educating you about good sex.”

Bucky looked down, watching Steve still stroking himself slowly. “Are you gonna come?”

“No, but it just feels good. Do you want me to stop?” Steve made a show of himself, flicking his wrist over and palming against his tip.

Bucky licked at his lips, feeling his dick throb as he imagine what kind of pleasure Steve was giving himself. “I want you to stop.”

Steve instantly brought his hand away. “I like it when people are aggressive with me, so when you want me to do something or stop, just order it and I will.”

“Isn’t that like some BDSM shit?”

“BDSM _shit_?” Steve echoed with a hint of annoyance. “It’s not shit, Buck. It’s a beautiful culture full of trust and communication. I’m not gonna throw you into that, but we can toy with other things.”

“Like what?” Bucky asked as he grabbed the shampoo. If he was in the shower he may as well actually wash himself. Anything to get him to forget his pulsing cock.

“Orgasm denial for one. Sex toys, maybe some blindfolding but if you’re uncomfortable with that we don’t ever have to.”

“How are we gonna have time for all this? We leave tomorrow.”

“I’m not saying we do all this today and tomorrow. I told you, I’m taking it upon myself to get you educated.”

“In other words you’re forcing me to rent you out again.”

Steve laughed, shrugging. “Yup. I think you need me.”

_‘You have no idea…’_

“But,” Steve began, tossing his head to the side playfully. “I do have a few toys we can play with here. I’m kind of a slut for butt plugs.”

“Butt plugs?” Bucky sputtered with wide eyes. “Seriously?”

“You’ve never had your hole touched have you?” Steve reached around Bucky, grabbing the shampoo. He laughed when he saw how tense Bucky suddenly got. “What? Think I was about to shove my finger in you?”

Bucky laughed nervously. “N-no. I just…maybe.”

“Turn around,” Steve instructed calmly. “I won’t put a finger inside, I’ll just stroke at the outside. I swear it feels good.”

“Right now?” Bucky exclaimed.

“Yup. We’re gonna get each other so horny that we’re practically fucking on that dinner table tonight.”

“Why are you so adamant about this?” Bucky scrutinized, eyeing Steve warily. Truth be told, he hoped it was because Steve was as desperate to be with Bucky as Bucky was desperate to be with Steve.

“Because I like having fun and I want you to have fun too,” Steve rationalized, squandering Bucky’s unadmitted desires.

Bucky turned around, pressing his face into the tile. He spread his legs, at least knowing that much.

Steve ran his hands along Bucky’s ass, squeezing his cheeks softly before spreading them with one hand and running a finger along Bucky’s hole.

“Oh my God!” Bucky gasped out, pressing his dick into the tile and trying to let it slip up and down it. “Why does that feel so good?”

Steve laughed. “Because it does, punk.” He circled his finger along the opening, just giving Bucky a taste of how good it could feel.

Bucky’s eyes fluttered closed. He was so horny already and there was way too much time between now and the dinner tonight. “Can I come now?”

“No,” Steve responded firmly. “Trust me, you’re gonna like it later.” He pulled his finger away, turning Bucky back around by his hips. “See? It feels good. So butt plugs are fun.”

“I’m not ready for that,” Bucky responded quickly.

“I’ve got a cock ring? It’ll help you stay hard longer. Plus the idea of you trying to hide your erection all night would be painfully hilarious to me.”

“Wow!” Bucky laughed. “You’re a shithead aren’t you? This whole nice-guy act is such a façade!”

“Hey!” Steve protested, grabbing the soap and a washcloth. “I just like sex and…yeah I’m a bit of a dick.”

“It’s okay, I like dicks.”

They both paused for a second, looking at each other with amused grins before bursting out laughing. It was unimaginable to Bucky that he’d ever be conversing about these kinds of things and yet here with Steve, everything was so easy to talk about. Bucky felt completely comfortable with Steve, even so far to entertain the idea of the cock ring. Despite how happy Bucky was feeling, it also made him sad. Steve was an escort and he’d made it clear that’s all he’d ever be. Bucky could become one of his “preferred” clients but that’s it. Steve wouldn’t break that boundary. Bucky’s stomach squeezed in on itself and his heart slumped.

“You okay?” Steve asked, creasing his brow slightly.

“Oh, yeah,” Bucky dismissed. “Just thinking about the cock ring.”

“You wanna try it? We can let you wear it during lunch and if you’re not comfortable with it we can stop. But we can kinda play a game with it.”

“Oh?” Bucky asked, tilting his head up slightly.

Steve handed him conditioner, a subtle reminder that they should actually be bathing and not just hanging around naked in a shower wasting water and stroking each other agonizingly slow.

“Yeah, cock rings help you stay hard and makes orgasming harder to achieve. But you _can_ orgasm. You put that thing on and I swear by the end of the night you’re gonna be crying from how good I’ll make you feel.”

Bucky’s breathing hitched in his throat as he scrubbed the last of the conditioner out of his hair. “S-so the game?”

“Get each other to be as horny as absolutely possible,” Steve stated, shrugging, as if it was the most obvious answer. “I’ve got a remote controlled butt plug. You can turn it on and off whenever you want. For you, I’ve got other ways to put that ring to use.” The glint in Steve’s eye was almost predatory, Bucky had to swallow hard to keep from whining.

It wasn’t like Bucky had never used toys before. He’d used tons of dildos and vibrators and nipple clamps on females. He’d just never been the object that the toy was used on. Steve was much more instructive than the other escorts Bucky had been with. He wasn’t sure if it was because they’d been female or he already knew what he was looking for with them. Steve was different. Steve knew Bucky had absolutely no idea how to be with a man and Steve was doing everything he could in a very short amount of time to let Bucky explore his sexuality. Bucky would admire that, if he wasn’t so bitter that Steve could never be anything more than a glorified call boy. An expensive one at that…

Bucky was either going to be broke or lonely and he was terrified of which one he’d end up choosing come Monday.

“Okay,” Bucky squeaked out, looking down at his swollen cock. “I’ll try the cock ring.”

Steve’s smile lit up his entire face, radiating down into his shoulders and puffing out his chest. “Let’s get out then. I’ll show you how to deal with it.”

“Deal with it?” Bucky repeated. “Huh?”

Steve smirked, toweling off. He bent over, drying off his lower legs, giving Bucky a full, unobstructed view of that beautiful, tight ass.

Bucky’s mouth was running dry as he gaped at Steve’s glorious body. He wanted to run his fingers over Steve’s hole so badly; make him feel as good as Steve had made Bucky feel.

“You’ve gotta be careful with rings. If your dick gets too engorged it’ll start to hurt. Never let anyone _ever_ put a metal ring on you and always make sure there’s a clasp or a button so you can take it off.” Steve exited the bathroom, moving with determined strides over to his suitcase where he opened it up and brought out a smaller bag.

“That your secret stash?”

Steve laughed. “It’s just a sample of all I’ve got. You order me again and I can show you more. We don’t have to use everything, but it may be fun for you to see.”

Bucky shuffled from side to side, crossing his arms over his chest as he let the cooling water droplets fall from his body and onto the wooden floor below. His towel hung loose around his waist, showing off his Adonis lines but he felt his body was nothing compared to Steve’s. Steve’s body had a gravitational pull and Bucky… Bucky was just a guy anyone could look at, shrug, say, “yeah he’s cute,” and go about their lives. “You think I’ll order you again?” Bucky asked, hearing the tremors that lightly plagued at his voice.

Steve pulled out the cock ring, standing up and letting his towel fall to reveal his red, hard dick and that glorious, _glorious_ body. Bucky thanked whatever line of humans and primates this man came from.

“At least for a while? Till you figure yourself out?” Steve sounded hopeful and Bucky could have sworn he saw Steve’s pupils bloom with hope.

Bucky nodded, examining the small, leather ring with a single clasp. “Leather?”

“It stretches with your body. Hotter you get, the more relaxed it gets. Safest fabric for cock rings. Want me to put it on you?”

Bucky stepped back, licking at his lips as he stared anxiously at the cock ring. For something so small the heat it pushed into his body was alarming. “I don’t know,” he breathed out. “I’ll be hard the entire time at lunch?”

Steve nodded. “If you’re uncomfortable with it, we don’t have to. It’s just fun. If it gets to be too much, go to the bathroom, take it off and rub one out and you’re back to normal.”

Bucky pictured what it’d be like, having a ring around his dick while he socialized with his colleagues and Tony. The idea was terrifying, uncomfortable and overwhelmingly alluring. “I want it.”

Steve smiled brightly, kneeling down and slipping Bucky’s towel to the floor. He wrapped his lips around Bucky’s tip, letting his tongue laving against the underside as he slipped the leather around the base, clasping it snugly.

Bucky’s legs shook as he leaned forward, letting a desperate moan escape his lips.

As quickly as Steve’s hot mouth wrapped around him, it was gone and Steve was standing up and smirking. “All done.”

“You had to use your mouth with it?” Bucky whined, feeling a soft pulse start at the base of his cock. He looked down, watching his cock redden slightly. “Fuck.”

“It’s all part of the game,” Steve teased. He turned around, kneeling over his small bag and pulled out a cream colored butt plug.

Bucky just stared at it. “That’s…” He started to feel his dick pulse harder. “That’s a lot bigger than I thought it’d be.”

Steve snorted, pulling out some lube and tossing a small remote over to Bucky.

Bucky gracefully fumbled for the remote, barely catching it as his mind was still reeling over how Steve could fit that up his ass and _walk around with it_.

“Wanna help me put it in?” Steve asked casually. He moved toward the bed, getting on his hands and knees, arching his back and letting Bucky get a full view of the small, pink hole between his cheeks.

Bucky’s heart was pounding, which didn’t help anything because it made his dick throb harder. He thought he was going to pass out. “Maybe…” he breathed out. “Maybe the ring’s a bad idea.”

Steve got off the bed, moving to Bucky so fast Bucky wasn’t sure if he’d run or just simply appeared. Hands caressed against his elbows pulling him into Steve as the man looked intently into Bucky’s face. “You dizzy?”

Bucky nodded.

Steve immediately removed the cock ring. “We can try that later. Maybe out in public isn’t the best idea for you right now.”

Bucky whimpered as blood rushed freely through him again. His cock was _panging_ now, aching so hard he thought he’d start crying. “I wanna come, Steve.”

Steve nodded, moving Bucky back toward one of the reading chairs and pushing him down. “Want my mouth?”

“I just wanna come,” Bucky cried softly. “Don’t fuck around with me.”

Steve nodded, slipping his mouth over Bucky’s cock and bobbing quickly.

Bucky’s fingers slipped into Steve’s hair as relief started to wash over him like a morning sun. He sucked his lips in, lifting his hips and softly pumping back and forth into Steve’s mouth.

Steve sucked hard, clearly intent on getting Bucky off as fast as he possibly could. His hands were pressed against Bucky’s knees, pushing rhythmically as he used his whole upper body to move back and forth against Bucky’s dick.

Loud, wet sounds permeated the air as Bucky panted, still pumping into Steve’s mouth and letting the heat and wetness envelop him, cloud him over and bring him to a rolling orgasm that was neither amazingly pleasurably or agonizingly painful. It was just a release and while relaxing, wasn’t rewarding. His seed pumped hot through him as he gasped, curling his fingers into the short strands atop Steve’s head. “Steve, Steve I’m…” He knew Steve was more than aware already by the way the man was hollowing his cheeks and letting Bucky’s semen spill into his mouth.

Steve pulled back, letting Bucky’s cock drop wetly against his thigh. He stood up, wiping his mouth and walking quickly into the bathroom, most likely to spit.

Bucky was breathing heavily, chest rising and falling. He pulled his shaky legs up into his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

Steve came back out, still stark naked and hard. “I think you’ve had enough for today.”

“I’m sorry,” Bucky cried, dropping his head against his knees. “I’m so sorry.”

Steve sat on the armrest, pulling Bucky into him. “Hey, no,” he cooed. “Don’t be like that. This is all new to you. You’ve just gotta give it time. Your body’s overstimulated as it is. I’ve been training mine for years and sometimes even I get like this.”

Bucky felt heat pulse against his cheeks as blush pressed into his skin. He was so embarrassed. There’d been nights where he’d been with women that he could go for hours and hours and be perfectly fine. With Steve, everything was so much rawer. His body was hot, blood coursing painfully fast through his body, sputtering his heart and making him shake. He sniffed, dropping his face into Steve’s thigh. “I’m still sorry.”

Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair, cooing softly. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. We can always experiment later, just one on one and give you time to adjust.”

Bucky swallowed hard, sniffing once more and willing himself to pull it together. This was pathetic. Bucky was a grown-ass man and he needed to act like one. Gay, straight, bi or whatever, he was still an adult and adults didn’t break down crying from pity orgasms. “I’ll do better next time.”

Steve laughed softly. “Of course you will. It’s all a process.”

“Can we still use the plug on you?” Bucky asked innocently.

Steve barked out a laugh. “Oh my God, Bucky Barnes. You’re too much.”

“I’m curious!” he reasoned through a smile.

“Let’s just get through lunch and let ourselves calm down? We can play with the plug later.”

Bucky pouted, but he didn’t press the issue. He knew that if he actually really wanted to use the plug, Steve would consent but Bucky didn’t like the idea of abusing his power over Steve. Steve so far had been nothing but supportive, kind and patient with Bucky; it was only fair that Bucky return the gesture.

* * *

 

Bucky walked into the dining hall looking at the name cards on the tables, his gaze scanning them for his name. He found his name, then Steve’s and… His eyes rounded. He was at the center table. Pepper Potts was placed right next to Steve and Tony at her side. He also scanned a few more names: Hill, Rumlow, Pierce… Ah crap. All of the contenders.

“We here?” Steve asked as he came up behind Bucky, pressing a hand against his back.

Bucky leaned into Steve’s touch, closing his eyes for a second to attempt slowing his panicked heart. “Yup, with everyone else who’s in the running.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed but he looked down at the table and scanned the names himself. “It’s a good thing we didn’t use the toys.”

“Tell me about it,” Bucky breathed out as he sat down. He could see Maria Hill, slender and sharp-featured. She was walking toward him; that unamused expression on her face as she swayed her hips calculatingly. Before she reached the table, she was stopped by Natasha. Bucky narrowed his eyes, watching the two exchange what looked to be a casual conversation.

“Natasha isn’t sitting with us right?” Steve asked.

“Can you read?” Bucky shot back, watching his ex with Maria. They were whispering now. Bucky’s heart sped up. He bit his lip, worrying against it, trying to catch any hint of body language or possibly some lip reading.

“…That was rude,” Steve responded blankly. “I’m just making sure. I don’t know anything about your company’s customs. Natasha seems like the kind of person to do whatever she wants regardless of a name card.”

Bucky didn’t remove his focus from Natasha and Maria. “Sorry,” he stated. “Just nervous. They’re whispering.”

Steve pulled out Bucky’s seat. “Sit down and take a big breath. Natasha ordered me for you right?”

“Yeah?” Bucky answered, cocking a brow.

“Then that means she’s clearly supportive of your sexuality. That’s probably friendly right?” Steve asked as he sat down next to Bucky.

Bucky huffed, running his fingers through his hair. “Honestly, I don’t know. Natasha could tell me I look good today and I’d feel like there was a ‘kick me’ sign on my back or something.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, watching now as Maria and Natasha split up. “Look alive, champ, she’s coming over.”

Maria sauntered over, offering a polite smile to Bucky before she took her seat. Many people were now crowding into the room Some people stayed to the sides and chatted while many went to look for their seats. “Gamora told me you two were getting a little hot and heavy out on the lake.”

Steve smiled softly, looking over to Bucky.

Gulping, Bucky took the reins. Steve couldn’t fight all his battles. “It was hot out.”

“And taking your shirts off when it’s hot outside is normal for men but I was told there was ass-groping.”

Bucky’s face heated up. He ran his tongue along the inside of his bottom lip. “You sad you missed it?”

Steve’s eyes rounded, but Bucky paid no attention to him. He kept his gaze firmly on Maria’s smirk.

“I’ve always thought you were pretty, Barnes” she sighed, running her hand along the white tablecloth. “Just didn’t think you had a heart warmer than ice.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth to shoot back at Maria when Steve dove in first. “Bucky’s just reserved. I had to practically beg him to kiss me outside.”

Maria didn’t look to Steve. “So how’d you two meet?”

“Starbucks,” Steve stated, bumping his shoulder against Bucky’s. He pressed a kiss against Bucky’s jawline.

Maria seemed completely unfazed. “When’d you start dating men?”

“Why does it matter?” Steve bristled.

“I’m asking my long-time friend and colleague a simple question. You don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to be curious, do you, Bucky?” Maria asked, blinking innocently.

Bucky was damn sure Maria had not once ever considered them friends before this very moment (which he knew they still weren’t friends) and he knew exactly what Maria was digging for. “After Nat and I got a divorce.”

“Natasha really make you hate women that much?” she asked, sitting back.

Bucky licked at the corner of his mouth. “No. Just always thought I liked guys too. Never acted on it till then.”

“And why then?”

“Why does it matter?” Steve interjected angrily. He curled his fingers around Bucky’s. “If he’s your friend aren’t you more curious about his happiness?”

Maria tilted her head, finally looking over at Steve. She smiled pleasantly. “Rumlow’s right. You are a bitch.”

“Maria!” Bucky barked. “Please don’t talk to my fiancé like that.” He offered a twitchy smile, trying to stay calm. What had Natasha said that made Maria so intent on grilling Bucky till he was blackened and seared?

She spread her fingers out on the table. “I’m sorry, that was rude. I’m just surprised. Bucky’s always seemed like such a skirt-chaser.”

“People put on a show when they’re uncomfortable with others knowing the truth,” Steve stated evenly. Bucky could hear the soft growl that seemed to rattle in Steve’s chest.

“That they do,” Maria agreed. “Excuse me.”

Maria stood up, swaying briskly out of the large room.

Bucky dropped his head against the table. “Fuck this,” he breathed out. “Nat had to say something!”

“Why would she?” Steve asked, rubbing soothingly at Bucky’s back. “She has everything to gain with you as partner right?”

“I thought so?”

“Unless her goal was never to help you in the first place,” Steve mused. “What if she’s been trying to remove you from the running?”

Bucky lifted his head up, glaring at Steve. “She’d _never_ do that.”

Steve held his hands up in surrender. “Okay.”

They sat there in awkward silence, Bucky brooding over Steve’s lack of faith in Natasha and Steve simply crossing his arms and pretending to look very interested in the water glasses. Most of everyone had entered the room and taken their respective places. Bucky had caught a glimpse of Peter, Clint and Laura at a corner table. He used to pine away for the middle table and now he wanted nothing more than to be in the corner, laughing with the people he would now openly admit were his friends. Bucky used to pretend he didn’t have any. Peter and Clint though? They were friends. Bucky would often come into work with a stormy attitude and they’d never judge him. They’d never call him “Bucky Bitch” or presume him a tyrant. He wished more than anything he was now over at their table.

Rumlow and Pierce had come into the room, walking proudly over to the center table where Bucky and Steve already sat.

Bucky groaned.

“Hello ladies!” Rumlow greeted in a sickeningly syrupy tone. He flashed a crocodile’s grin, his gaze scanning Bucky and Steve.

“Just because we’re in a homosexual relationship doesn’t mean we identify as female.”

“I thought that’s what fags were? Fairies?” Pierce shot back, a smirk at his thin, old lips.

Steve sat up, leaning forward. Bucky had forgotten why he was momentarily upset with Steve in the first place. Steve’s jaw was clenched and his shoulders suddenly looked so much broader. “Fairy is slang, and quite frankly, it’s seen more as a slur unless said by someone who isn’t hetero.”

“You minorities,” Pierce scoffed. “Words are words. You call yourselves ‘fairies’ and blacks call themselves ‘niggers’ then the word’s gonna be used by everyone else. You think the Jews go around calling each other “kikes?”

Steve looked over to Bucky, clearly remembering Bucky’s religious affiliation.

“No,” Bucky answered bitterly. “No, we _Jews_ don’t go around saying that word. But that still gives you no right to insult who we are as a gay couple. I ask that you don’t say that word to me again.”

“You’re Jewish?” Rumlow asked, tilting his head to the side. “Shit, we’re learning all kinds o’ things about you.”

“You a neo-Nazi?” Steve asked politely with a soft smile. “If not, then I guess Bucky’s religion really shouldn’t matter to you. That and who he chooses to go to bed with.”

“Christ!” Pierce scoffed. “Would you stop talking about that? You’re together! We get it!”

Bucky had never felt so exposed before. He looked away, unable to stomach the animosity any longer. Steve could hold his own and Bucky just needed a moment. “I’ll be back,” he mumbled. He rushed out of the room, feeling tears start to burn his eyes. Rubbing at his nose, he slammed his back against the wall, slipping down it. “Fuck!”

“Bucky?”

He looked up, seeing Natasha falling to her knees in front of him, her brow furrowed.

“Are you okay?”

“Why do you care?” Bucky spat back.

Natasha blinked, seemingly surprised by his defenses. “You’re eyes are red. If you look like shit, you don’t get made partner.”

“Do you really want me made partner?” Bucky yelled.

“Sh! Bucky!”

“For once in your fucking life would you just answer me!” Bucky pleaded loudly. “No more fuckin’ games, Nat!” He felt hot tears start to spill from his eyes. “I can’t take this anymore.”

Natasha swirled around, pressing her back to the wall. She pulled Bucky’s head against her chest, stroking at his hair lightly as he started to sob into her. “Shh,” she cooed softly. “You’ve got five minutes to pull yourself together, Barnes. If you don’t, there’s no way Stark’s gonna pick you.”

“Why. Do. You. Care?” Bucky pressed.

“Because,” Natasha sighed. “You getting promoted means I can get promoted. Favor for a favor.”

Bucky scoffed, pulling out of Natasha’s arms, even if his removal left his heart squeezing and his face suddenly cold. They used to fall asleep so close to each other. Sometimes he’d fall asleep in her arms, sometimes the other way around. “You haven’t done me any favors.”

Natasha stared at him pointedly. “The man you just left with all the sharks? Steve? That wasn’t a favor?”

“I’m _paying_ for him!” Bucky shot back.

“Sh!” Natasha hissed. “Do you want the rest of the company to find out about that?” She smoothed out her dress, taking a deep breath. “Sure, you’re paying, but Steve wasn’t just to charm Pepper. Yeah, he’s doing a great job at that, but honestly, do you really think I didn’t notice?”

“Notice what?”

“We’d be out to dinner and your eyes would linger on the waiter’s ass or some other guy with a nice suit. We’d go to parties and you’d flirt more with the men than you would me. You really think I wouldn’t figure it out?”

Bucky’s face flushed. She’d known even before he had. Openly thinking it or not, he remembered the faces of the waiters he’d caught himself looking at for a bit too long. He’d chucked it up to being envious of their hair or jawlines but now with Natasha saying this… She’d known. “Is that why we got a divorce?” he asked meekly.

Natasha dropped her head back against the wall. “Among other things.”

“I loved you,” Bucky confessed. “I really, really loved you.”

Natasha leaned her head against Bucky’s shoulder. “You did,” she answered. “I know. But it was only a matter of time before a guy like Steve walked into your life.”

Bucky barked out a sardonic laugh. “And you honestly think I’d have up and left you for him?”

Natasha shrugged. “Wouldn’t you? Aren’t you?”

“What?” Bucky exclaimed, furrowing his brow. “Natasha, you left me! You asked me to sign the divorce papers! I did it because you wanted to!”

She stood up, pulling at her dress so it smoothed out over her hips. “You never looked at me the way you look at him.”

Bucky stood up. “Natasha! He’s a fucking escort!”

Was this really happening? Natasha was showing more vulnerability, more honesty than Bucky ever thought he’d seen. Her face was solemn and there was no secret motive to be exploited here. This was them, actually talking… Their divorce hadn’t been out of left field. Bucky wasn’t surprised when she’d brought the divorce papers to him but he hadn’t been through with them. He’d have given it another shot if she’d only wanted it.

“Do you,” Bucky ventured. “Do you still love me?”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Go back in. Starks should be in there at any minute.”

“Nat!” Bucky called as she spun on her heel and opened the French doors. His heart was twisting in his chest, pulling in each direction as it tried to comprehend what the hell was happening. She’d avoided his question. Did she? After years of manipulation, insults and jabs at each other, was that really just because she was in love with him and was slowly coming to terms with his attraction to men? Had that been her steeling herself? All that time and Bucky had been so oblivious to how she felt because he hadn’t even known how _he_ felt! But he’d loved her. He’d have gone to the grave loving her, even if something had always felt hollow, like some part of the puzzle wasn’t fitting right. He’d have had a family with her, raised them, grown old and died with Natasha!

If she’d have just let him…

Bucky sucked back a deep breath, setting his jaw as he walked back toward the lions. He navigated through the narrow passageway to his seat, sliding into it effortlessly.

Steve immediately pressed a kiss against his cheek, earning a few sneers from the people at the table. “We were just discussing the oil trade!” From the anger that was etched too deep into Steve’s skin, Bucky could tell he was three seconds away from a nuclear explosion.

Before Bucky was able to respond, someone was clanking loudly on a glass. Everyone turned to see Tony up on the small stage by the piano and hired band. “I hope everyone’s been having a wonderful Saturday!” he called, earning nods and hums of affirmation. “So, basically, this is the part where I flesh out the rest of our evening and up to lunch tomorrow. First off, tonight we have a special treat…”

Bucky gulped.

“A generous person who wishes to remain anonymous is footing the bill so we can all go out and have some fresh lobster! I’ve taken it upon myself to rent the whole restaurant out. We’re going to Jed’s, right on the harbor so that’ll be fun right?”

More hums and nods of approval. Bucky wanted to vomit. Wasn’t he that anonymous person? And why had Tony decided he was going to keep Bucky’s name out of it? Bucky was quickly learning that most of the firm hated his guts, so wouldn’t this help his rep a bit? Honestly, if he was fronting this bill, he’d rather have everyone know it…

Tony took a sip of water. “After lunch, you’re all free to go into town early or hang around here. We’ve got a full staff so swimming, golfing, tennis, croquet, horseback riding, whatever you want just be respectful and don’t mess up my stuff!”

A few soft laughs floated into the room. Bucky was still fuming about suddenly being anonymous. Steve pressed his hand into Bucky’s, forcing him to fold his fingers against Steve’s warm skin. Bucky instantly felt his heart start to calm down. He looked to Steve, offering a soft smile.

Steve smiled back, nudging his shoulder into Bucky.

“As a reminder, don’t any of you show up to the firm on Monday. I’ll personally kick you out. I’ll be reminding you again tomorrow just so it’s beaten into your heads! Tomorrow morning we’ll have convene here again for a nice breakfast and I promise to stick around and socialize this time.” He looked directly at Pepper. Bucky was pretty sure that input was only because Pepper requested it. “After breakfast we’ll have our customary games and then my little closing ceremony at lunch. So please, take a moment to head into the vestibule and sign up for some of the games! Winners get a two week vacation to Hawaii!”

That got the attention of the crowd. Bucky laughed, watching backs straighten up and people shift anxiously in their seats.

“Enjoy lunch!” Tony said as he scooted off the stage and gave Pepper a soft kiss on the cheek. Hand-in-hand, they walked over to Bucky’s table.

 _‘Thank God!’_ Bucky was very done with having to be berated by ignorant, stuck up men and Maria. Shit, he’d been so caught up with Nat’s inadvertent confession that he hadn’t gotten the chance to ask her what she and Maria had talked about.

He turned around, seeing Natasha over with her table. Of course, she was leading the conversation, smiling and charming as ever. He watched her silently, an approving smile blossoming against his lips.

“Bucky,” Steve whispered.

Bucky turned back, smiling at Pepper and Tony. It was then that Bucky noticed the empty seat next to Maria. He creased his brow, noting the lack of name card.

“My husband,” Maria stated. “He had to leave last night. Unfortunately being a military general means you don’t get many off days.”

“Your husband’s military?” Steve asked, sounding genuinely curious.

Maria looked at him, a ripple of surprise spreading across her face. “Y-yes.”

“My…” Steve stumbled, clearing his throat. “My friend’s ex Air Force.”

Maria looked to Bucky for a moment, something dark casting through her eyes. “Nick’s with the MARINES.”

“Wait,” Steve breathed out. “General Nick Fury? He’s your husband?”

“Ah, my dear Maria,” Tony exclaimed smoothly. “Living in your husband’s shadow.”

Maria shot Tony a displeased look. “You think that gets under my skin?” she laughed. “Nick’s one of the greatest generals this country has seen. I’m proud to be in his shadow if I’m in anyone’s at all.”

Bucky smiled, knowing exactly what Tony had just done. He sent her down into a test, just like he’d tested Bucky out. From the answer, Tony seemed amused but not entirely pleased. Perhaps Tony didn’t enjoy the idea of a partner outshining him. Equals was better. Bucky could come up with some kind of smooth depiction of equal shadows if the question was ever asked of him. He’d make it sound good…

“General Fury’s a fine man,” Pierce said, nodding softly as the salad was being served. “It was an honor to meet him at the Christmas party.”

Maria smiled pleasantly, though Bucky was pretty sure her eyes never warmed. And she had the audacity to call him cold? She was the queen of the arctic.

“Thank you, Alex,” Maria responded. “He was very impressed with you as well.”

“So, Pepper,” Steve said, leaning to her and speaking quietly. “Have you been having a good weekend?”

Bucky watched the conversation split. Steve was engaging with Pepper privately, but she carried Tony’s heart, which meant that Tony would have to choose between Steve and Pepper’s conversation, or the continued conversation with Pierce, Maria and Rumlow.

Tony turned to Pepper. Bucky smiled triumphantly.

“I love the company getaway,” Pepper detailed. She picked up her fork, poking at her salad. “Have you enjoyed it, Steve?”

“We haven’t chased you off from Bucky have we?” Tony inquired.

Steve laughed softly, scooting forward in his chair. “Hardly. I love how familial everyone is. I’ve never been so welcomed before, especially by you, Pepper.”

Pepper blushed. “Oh please! You’ve been very easy to talk to.”

Bucky noted how Pierce, Maria and Rumlow had stopped talking. All eyes were now carefully watching Steve and Pepper interacting.

“Well,” Steve drawled as he poked at a tomato and a piece of spinach. “I just wanted to thank you anyway. Not everyone’s as accepting of…well…” He shrugged, looking over at Bucky.

Pepper’s mouth rounded as she grabbed Steve’s wrist. “You’re a beautiful couple. I’m glad Bucky has you.”

Pierce snorted. “You know, when my wife was alive, she was quite the advocate for equality as well.”

_‘You son of a bitch… Playing the deceased wife and gay rights card…’_

“I think about her often, Alex,” Pepper said through a grimace. “I’m so sorry.”

Pierce shrugged. “She died knowing she was loved.” His beady eyes focused on Steve. “My wife died of cancer.”

Steve nodded, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry. That must’ve been hard on both of you.”

Pierce put up his hands, shifting in his seat. “Ah, let’s not sour the evening! So, I thought Barnes was footing the bill tonight? Part of the deal we had?”

Tony laughed, couching on a mouthful of salad. “He was! But someone else came forward. Made a donation to the firm as well.”

“Who?” Rumlow asked.

Bucky looked to Steve, trying to see if there was any clue there. Not that Steve knew everything, but Bucky was pretty sure Steve was good at knowing what was going on around him, but Steve had been with Bucky all day. There’d been no time for him to sneak off and devise a secret plan or listen to hushed whispers in the corners of the estate.

“Brock,” Tony began. “That’s why it’s called anonymous. They don’t want you to know.”

“What about Bucky’s bet though?” Pierce pressed.

Tony waved his hand dismissively. “Oh c’mon! We’ll make him buy us dinner back in New York.”

Bucky smiled triumphantly. His bank account was also pleased with this news. Buying dinner for Tony and Pierce was a lot cheaper than buying for the whole firm.

The rest of lunch went by swimmingly. Bucky weighed in on conversations when he was able to (which was actually pretty hard because Maria, Rumlow and Pierce were fighting for Tony’s attention like rabid dogs to a bone) but often Steve would help him catch a good moment and Bucky was able to turn on all his charm and good graces. Lunch was of course delicious. The cooks had even made something vegan-friendly for Pepper and Steve.

Maria didn’t mock Steve after his knowledge of her husband, but Rumlow and Pierce took jabs at Steve’s eating habits each time they could till Pepper finally snapped at them to behave. After lemon tarts were served, people started to filter out of the room.

Bucky said his thanks and offered his salutations and retreated before Tony could. It wasn’t that he wanted to leave beforehand, but he didn’t want Tony to leave Bucky with three sharks out for blood…

Lunch started out shaky and Bucky was certainly not finished with Natasha and that conversation but at least he could proudly say he did his best with Tony and Pepper was already over the moon with Steve.

Just one more day and he’d know. Just one more day.

* * *

 

“Hey Bucky!” Maria called as she jogged down the hall.

Bucky and Steve turned to her. Steve crossed his arms over his chest, looking down his nose at Maria.

“Can we talk for a second?”

“ _Can_ you?” Steve shot back.

Bucky placed his hand on Steve’s chest. “It’s okay, big guy.” He turned to Maria, offering an apologetic smile. “One grammar lesson from me and now he’s taken it upon himself to teach the rest of the world.”

Maria smiled, indulging Bucky’s explanation. “May we talk?”

Steve stepped closer to Bucky, reaching out to grab Bucky’s hand but Bucky pulled away. Bucky didn’t want to admit how much he enjoyed Steve’s protective behavior but if Maria was coming to talk to Bucky, he had to know why. And from her flighty glances at Steve, it was evident that she wanted to speak alone.

“How ‘bout you start us up a bath, baby? I’ll be in soon.”

Steve stared at Bucky for one long moment before turning away and opening the door to their quarters.

Bucky walked over to the large window at the end of the hall, leaning against the wooden walls. “You’ve got my attention.”

Maria sighed. “Look,” she relinquished. “I’m not stupid, Barnes. You were with a girl at the Christmas party and one month later you’re engaged to a guy? C’mon. Everyone else might disregard it but I’m not everyone else.”

Bucky’s spine shivered as a slow cold chill swirled around it. “That girl was just a cover.”

“Are you sure he’s not just a ploy to get Pepper to develop some kind of twisted crush on you both? She’s eating out of his hands like a fucking canary.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. She was too close. If she found out… Oh God, what if she found out? What would she do?! Panic surged through Bucky, making him tremble softly as he pressed up against the wall more. “I’m bisexual, Hill. I’m perfectly capable of seeing both men and women.”

“But you’re engaged to a guy that you’ve never once even mentioned? Not even as a friend? No pictures of your good buddy Steve and you going fishing?”

“We don’t fish,” Bucky responded quickly.

“Bucky, I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re hastily running into a relationship you shouldn’t be in. I don’t care if you’re a completely gay man just trying to figure out yourself. If you’re using Steve just to win Pepper over. I’m going to find out. And if I find out you’re lying and he’s an escort like the bitch from Christmas, I’ll take you down. I have fought too long and too hard to be recognized at this firm despite its sexism and good ol’ boys club mentality.”

“H-how do you know she was an escort?” Bucky blurted, his eyes rounding. This was bad. This was more than bad. This was catastrophic! She was too close! What was Bucky supposed to do? He had to tell Steve. He had to tell Natasha! He had to text Peter and Clint and make them swear on whatever God they found holy that they wouldn’t breathe a word about this. Bucky couldn’t face that embarrassment. He’d be ruined! Destroyed! His career would be over!

“Because I ran her name, which was fake, but I also had her face. Having a general for a husband has its perks.”

“Why’re you spying on me?” Bucky questioned, taking a step forward, looking down at Maria with accusing eyes.

“Know thy enemy, Barnes. Know thy enemy.”

“I’m getting married to Steve. I’ll send you a damn invitation to the _fucking_ wedding.”

She smiled like a snake. “I’ll be checking the mail for it.” She turned on her heel, swaying silently down the hall like a fox on the hunt.

Bucky’s heart was about to climb out of his mouth. He rushed into the bedroom, seeing Steve sitting cross-legged on the bed.

“Maria knows I was with an escort at the Christmas party! She’s not sure yet but she said if she finds out that you’re also an escort that she’ll take me down!”

“Ah, Christ!” Steve breathed out, flinging his long legs over the bed and moving toward Bucky. “Did Natasha tell her about your escorts?”

Bucky hated hearing it like that, like the escorts he’d been with were some kind of addiction, something to be ashamed of. They were necessary when he was hurting and truth be told, he was still hurting! Natasha had pulled part of his soul out and yeah, Steve was helping Bucky heal in ways he hadn’t imagined but Steve was still an illusion! He was just another escort!

“I don’t know!” Bucky commiserated. “Shit, Steve!” He dropped down into a reading chair, scrubbing at his face. “Shit, shit, shit, shit!”

“She doesn’t know my last name. You don’t even know it,” Steve detailed, crouching by the chair. Bucky couldn’t fend off the ache his heart experienced at that bitter reminder. He was literally nothing to Steve… When Steve was becoming so important to him. “She can’t find me.”

“Her husband is General Nick Fury. She can find anyone.”

Steve huffed loudly. “Fuck. What about…maybe amending our story? Maybe telling them I was an escort. Say we fell in love or some bullshit?”

 _‘You have no idea what you’re doing to me, do you?’_ Bullshit? Was Steve really that against finding a client and falling in love with them, just naturally? Would he never entertain the idea? Bucky felt like Steve was personally pressing his screaming heart into a blender.

He straightened up in his chair, grabbing at his aching chest. He wouldn’t cry… not here…not in front of Steve. He wouldn’t let Steve see how badly he was falling for him. It was like Bucky had slipped from the top of the Empire State Building. He hadn’t meant to, but now he was plummeting to his death and there was absolutely nothing he could grab to slow himself down before he was a mess of goo on the floor and utterly in love with this man. It was only a matter of time. Bucky hated it. He hated himself. He hated Steve (no he didn’t). He hated the circumstance.

“I can’t tell them you were an escort,” Bucky responded softly. He wanted to make the next words hurt, because Steve was hurting him! “I can’t be associated with the likes of escorts.”

Steve slowly swayed back, clearing his throat. “Well then,” he finally responded. “You’re in quite the pickle, aren’t you?”

If Bucky had hurt Steve’s feelings, Steve was a pro at hiding it. He’d moved away, he’d been slower to respond but he wasn’t clenching his jaw or fuming at Bucky or turning red. Perhaps he was used to it? Getting discredited as being less of a human for his career choice? Bucky knew most people saw sex workers as second-class citizens. Now he was proving to be no better… Why would Steve ever want to take a chance on a man who saw him like everyone else did?

Even if it couldn’t be further from the truth. Bucky didn’t see Steve as second-rate. Steve was perfection, glorious safety and sensuality and Bucky wanted to spend every last penny he had on keeping Steve with him. But even past that, he wanted Steve to be _his_. To come home to Steve after a long day, seeing the man wearing nothing but an apron and some flour on his face as he finished up on a batch of cupcakes or something? Bucky wanted that life.

He wanted a sickeningly sweet and horribly disgusting domestic life with Steve. Steve the Escort. Steve the Guy With No Last Name.

Bucky couldn’t be in love already. Could he? What about Nat?

“Steve,” Bucky breathed out, dropping back in the chair. “I’m sorry.”

Steve shrugged. “You’re not telling me new information, Buck. I know what I am and how the world sees me.”

Bucky closed his eyes. “You’re not a second-rate citizen.”

Steve laughed. “You don’t have to tell me that. I know my value.”

Bucky looked up, seeing the crooked smile on Steve’s red, soft lips. Lips that Bucky _knew_ what they tasted like, how they felt… He was aching all over and wanted nothing more than…

“Steve,” he breathed out.

Steve raised a single brow.

“Can you hold me?”

Steve laughed softly, tugging Bucky off the chair and guiding him over to the bed. “Sure, Mr. Barnes.”

“Don’t call me that anymore,” Bucky ordered. “It makes me feel like some creep.”

Steve lay on the bed, pulling Bucky into him and pressing Bucky’s ear against his heart. “You’re not a creep, but what would you rather me call you?”

Bucky shrugged, listening to Steve’s even heartbeat. “Cute pet names?”

Steve snorted. “Okay. Do you have one you prefer?”

Bucky closed his eyes, relishing in the way Steve was slowly running his fingers through Bucky’s hair and along the back of his neck. “Not really,” he sighed out.

“Okay, baby. I’ll call you pet names.”

“Baby’s good,” Bucky mumbled. “Just don’t call me pookie or something stupid like that.”

Steve chortled, still massaging at Bucky’s scalp. “We’re gonna get through this. No one’s going to find out. I won’t let her ruin your reputation with your firm.”

“Because you actually care or because you’re getting paid to care?”

Steve was quiet for a long moment, running his fingers along Bucky’s neck, down to his shoulders and back up through the brown strands. “Because you’re a good person and you don’t deserve the mistreatment you’ve been given. Regardless of what I really am or not, you’re not straight, Bucky. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is their reactions to it. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are because some old guy is uncomfortable with it. That’s just not right.”

Bucky snorted. “They don’t care about what’s right.”

“Yeah well,” Steve defended. “I think it’s time you make them care.” He pressed a kiss against Bucky’s crown. “Be the best damn queer you possibly can be. Make them squirm. I think Pepper finds it amusing.”

Bucky laughed easy, shoving his confusions over Nat, his pathetic crush on Steve away. He was exhausted. “Do you care if we just nap till dinner?”

“May I wake you up with a blow job?” Steve asked hopefully.

“You and blowjobs,” Bucky mumbled, scooting up a bit on Steve’s chest. He loved feeling Steve’s chest rise and fall, the definition of those thick, shapely _tits_. “Sure, whatever you want, Stevie.”

“I like it when you call me Stevie,” Steve confessed bashfully.

“I like it when you call me baby,” Bucky answered smugly. He sighed, scooting an arm under the pillow Steve was resting on.

_‘If I could fall asleep like this for the rest of my life…’_

So Bucky was falling in love with a call boy…

There were worse things in life right?

Oh right, like suspicious women hell-bent on destroying your career.

Well, at least Bucky was young enough to find a new job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 <3 <3 
> 
> (I promise you, Bucky wears that cockring out of that room eventually. X'DD)


	4. Streams of White and Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's really feeling the pressure on all sides as people show their claws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm entirely floored by the support for this fic. You all are so amazing. Also Beating Heart by Ellie Goulding is appropriate for this sex scene. Oh man, did I just give it away?? :P
> 
> Also, this fic has a photoset that is located here: [Click me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/125039844678/call-boy-by-buckmebxrnes-explicit-summary-bucky/)

Steve wasn’t kidding with the blow job.

Bucky furrowed his brow, his cock aching as if he’d just gone a round of a feature film porno. Something wet flicked out against his slit. He groaned trying to close his legs but something…someone… was there.

“S-Steve!” Bucky gasped out, seeing a shock of blonde hair between his legs and a delightfully pink tongue trailing up the length of his cock.

“I told you I’d wake you with a blow job,” Steve responded simply, lightly shrugging his shoulders. “If you want me to stop– I can?”

“N-no,” Bucky whispered out. He settled back into the pillows, blinking through sleep-ridden eyes. “Keep going.”

The smile that lit Steve’s face up was almost as breathtaking as the way he scooped Bucky’s dick into his mouth. His expert tongue swirling around the length, so slow that Bucky could feel each and every taste bud.

Bucky grabbed at the bed, coiling his fingers into the sheets as he started panting. He had no idea how Steve was able to get his cock this hard without him waking. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing either… Either Steve was just that good, or Bucky was just that pathetic.

“Oh fuck,” Bucky breathed as Steve started to make out with his tip; loud smacking sounds escaping those saliva-coated lips each time he’d close the kiss before opening that mouth again. That gorgeous, delicious, hot, _wet_ mouth.

Bucky would die for that mouth to be with him forever. The thought made Bucky shoot up in bed. His eyes wide as terror etched so deep into his irises he felt they’d shatter.

“You okay?” Steve asked, using his fingers to pump softly at Bucky’s dick. He swirled his index finger at the top, pressing lightly against the slit. “ Too much?”

“Not enough,” Bucky growled. He pushed Steve back, straddling the man and rocking his hips, letting his dick catch against the soft cotton of Steve’s undershirt. “Want….wanna do more.”

Steve’s face was positively _thrilled_ , lips coiling into a smile, eyes darkening with lust. He grabbed Bucky’s hips with bruising strength and flipped Bucky back onto the bed. Quickly, Steve threw his shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor. “How do you want me?” he purred. “Here? Bathroom? Standing? What do you want?”

Bucky ran his fingers over the mounds of Steve’s chest, cupping at them, squeezing till his nails were digging into the skin.

Steve hissed, but he arched into the touch, his hands running up and down Bucky’s arms. “Any way you want, Buck.”

“I…” Bucky began, licking at his lips hungrily. Any way he wanted? He wanted Steve in _every way_. He wanted to bend this man over, shove his cock so deep inside Steve would know what it tasted like from the backside-in. He wanted this man on the floor, on the bed, on one of the damn reading chairs. He wanted him screaming, moaning, begging. He wanted… He–

“I want you to–”

_‘Love me.’_

“I want…”

_‘I want you to love me!’_

“Nevermind,” Bucky said, pushing Steve off him.

Despite Steve’s size, he slipped easily off Bucky, sitting cross-legged on the bed with a face stitched in confusion, mouth gaping and brows arched. “Bucky–”

“I need to get ready for dinner,” Bucky said as he sat up. He wanted to cry. He wanted to beat his hands bloody against the very chest he wanted to kiss till his lips cracked and shriveled off. He wanted to scream at the sky and curse his very existence. How could this happen? How could he fall so hard and so fast? He knew from the start what Steve was and yet here he was, rationalizing with every step of the way on how he could find ways to keep this man in his life forever. Crunching numbers, making plans, coming up with ideas like bending him over reading chairs for Christ sake!

Bucky was pathetic.

“You’re still hard,” Steve mumbled. “I could…”

“I don’t want you to,” Bucky responded distantly. Tears filled his eyes, clouding his vision. He wanted to break down and explain. He wanted to tell this man how hard and fast he was falling and beg Steve for forgiveness.

Steve wouldn’t _ever_ want to see him again if he knew just how hard Bucky had fallen, and how fast.

Bucky slipped into one of his finer Dior suits; his blue tie the only contrast of color against the black of his shirt and blazer. He whimpered at the bulge in his pants. “I have to pee…” he lied, bolting for the bathroom. Once inside, he leaned against the door, letting a tear slip from his eye. Brushing at his face roughly, he willed himself to stop. To just _stop_. This was inexcusable. This was _pathetic_! Steve was doing his job and Bucky _wanted_ him to do it! He wanted that dick to slip inside him. He wanted to know what it felt like when Steve took him from behind, fingers wrapped lightly around his neck and the _sounds_ he’d make. He wanted to take Steve! To flip those beautifully defined legs over his shoulders and pound into that round ass so hard he could start a mother fucking _earthquake._

He splashed water onto his face. He needed to pull it together. He needed to force what he was feeling out and disregard it. It was a hopeless cause and this weekend wasn’t supposed to be about this! It was supposed to be about Bucky getting the promotion of his life! He whimpered, his fingers trembling against the sink. Maria… Pierce… Rumlow… People that had just as much talent as him and were just as hungry for the position. Bucky was too distracted. They were walking all over him because he couldn’t keep it together! He needed to… He needed…

_‘I don’t even know your last name!’_

Throwing himself from the sink, Bucky wiped furiously at his face as tears silently fell. He’d never been so pissed at himself. He’d never wanted to so badly just…stop.

Stop breathing.

Stop caring.

Stop doing.

Just be.

Bucky had to be strong. He had to be smart. He had to be passionate. He had to be career-driven. He had to exude sexual prowess, but not dish it out. He had to maintain an _image_. An image that now he didn’t even understand why another person had to be in the cards! Rumlow wasn’t married. Pierce’s wife was dead and General Fury was out saving the great US of A!

“Why’d Nat think I needed someone else?” he breathed out. His toes tingled as panic ran through his system. Natasha told Bucky he needed a partner to cozy up to Pepper. Natasha said that was the only way to grab the partnership and yet no one else here had a partner at their side and Bucky was no closer than anyone else!

Furious, Bucky barged through the door, grabbing at his tie and pulling it as he paced the room.

Steve’s eyes were wide but he hadn’t moved from where Bucky had left him.

“That…” Bucky growled. “That _fucking_ woman! That fucking _bitch!_ ”

Steve’s brows shot up. “Excuse me?”

“Nat!” Bucky barked. “Nat set this whole fucking thing up! Nat knew I liked guys! She’s the reason I’m–” Bucky’s voice broke off, a circumstance he was rather grateful for. He ground his teeth together, pacing the length of the bed, his erection long gone as anger heated his skin. “Fuck her! That _fucking_ siren!”

“Woah! Woah!” Steve said, raising his hands as a peace offering. “Wanna go back to the part where you decided to freak out?”

“Oh fuck off!” Bucky spat. “You don’t know my fucking life! You don’t know _anything_ about me!”

Steve sat back on his heels, nodding in acceptance. “I know you’re probably the most emotionally unstable person on the planet and enjoy cock-blocking yourself.”

“Shove it,” Bucky hissed as he swirled to pace the other way. “I was fine before I met you.”

“Really?” Steve challenged with a huff. “To me it looks like you were pretty lonely. Living a life that you didn’t even want. Who gave you your life, Bucky?”

“What?” Bucky exclaimed. “Who gave me it? My parents you idiot!”

“No!” Steve stood from the bed, moving so fast Bucky was momentarily disorientated till two large hands came down firmly on his shoulders. “Who put you in this position?”

“…Natasha…” Bucky answered hesitantly.

“And you’re angry at her for it?”

“Yes.”

“Because you don’t want this life? Or you don’t want me?”

Bucky looked at the floor, doing his best to obstruct his blue eyes with long lashes. “I don’t– I wanted–” It was so hard to put into words when Steve didn’t lead him down the conversation. A million responses rose to the surface of Bucky’s brain like a bubbling volcano, ready to spill everything and cover the world with nothing but heated regret and remorse.

“Do you want me, Bucky? Are you pissed she made you get me?”

Bucky hated the words he was hearing. Steve had no idea just how _badly_ Bucky wanted him. Every atom in his body, every hair on his skin; everything reached out to Steve, crying desperately for his gaze, his touch, his voice. “It’s a distraction,” Bucky mumbled. “She got me you…as a distraction.”

“To distract you from what?”

“From the partnership,” Bucky finished, blinking. “She doesn’t want me to get it. She wants…the exact opposite.”

Steve stepped back, chewing his bottom lip. “Because if you’re dealing with your feelings for men then she’d be free to do whatever she needs.”

“Holy shit,” Bucky gasped. “If that bitch makes partner!” His blood was half a second from boiling over. He was trembling with anger; his temples pulsing. “She’s been talking to all of them. Maria. Pierce. I know it. I saw her talk to Maria today!”

Steve crossed his arms, leaning his weight onto one leg. “What can I do to fix this?”

_‘Hold me.’_

“Help me show her nothing’s wrong. That I’m perfectly fine.”

Steve nodded. “I can do that. And Maria?”

Bucky scrubbed his fingers over his face. “Fucking _hell_ ,” he groaned in exasperation. “I’m swimming with sharks.”

Steve creased his brow, his lips pursing. “What if I left?”

_‘No please don’t!’_

“It’d get Maria off your back and then you’d be able to tackle what you need to do to get your promotion. I’ll refund you. We can…try again later?”

Bucky grabbed Steve’s hands, pulling them against his chest as he stared up into crystal blue eyes, blue like the midday sky on a breezy summer weekend, blue like the salty waters of the Caribbean, blue…so blue. “I don’t wanna be left alone.”

“You’ve got your friends though?” Steve countered. “They can help you. Just tell them.”

Bucky dropped his head into Steve’s chest. Steve didn’t wrap his arms around him; Bucky certainly didn’t go without noticing. “Please stay.”

Steve made some kind of gurgle-like whine in the back of his throat. He moved back from Bucky first, walking around one of the reading chairs and toward his suitcase.

Bucky was about to get onto his knees and plead when he saw Steve pull out suit pants and a blue dress shirt.

“I’m getting you that partnership. I’m entirely too pissed for you.”

Relief crashed down on Bucky like a piano from a fifty-story building. He bounced over to Steve, hovering like a bee as he looked at the tags on Steve’s suit as he got dressed. “You like Armani a lot, don’t you?”

“My personal favorite, actually,” Steve said through a flashy grin.

“C-can I?” Bucky ventured, reaching for Steve’s tie.

Steve turned to him, holding his chin up as he let Bucky knot the tie. Bucky’s fingers trembled at the casual interaction, yet it was more domestic and more intimate to him than Steve’s wet mouth around his dick.

He let the pads of his fingers brush against Steve’s chest, right down to where he presumed nipples to be. He could feel Steve’s gaze on him. Closing his eyes, he stepped back, forcing himself to get. It. _Together_. Love or lust, he was certainly addicted to Steve the Escort. Clicking his tongue, he brushed past Steve, recoiling into the coldest corners of his heart, a place that had protected him after his divorce with Natasha and a place that would protect him from how badly he wanted Steve.

“Bucky?” Steve asked softly, sounding slightly unsure.

Bucky looked at him, his gaze drinking in those broad shoulders, the blue of his shirt and how it made those eyes _pop._ “Yeah, Steve?”

“Will you please let me show you what it’s like to feel good tonight? We don’t have to go all the way. I just think…I just think you’d like it. What I can do.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I know I’ll like what you can do,” he responded, heading for the door.

It wasn’t an answer, but it wasn’t a decline either. Bucky was a glutton for punishment when it came to one Steve the Escort.

* * *

 

The restaurant had been completely bought out by whoever was this “anonymous donor.” It sat on the harbor, swaying softly as boats left wakes in their path. Bucky usually liked restaurants that floated on the water, but right now, his skin felt like it was on too tight, sweat clung to his back like morning dew and he really just wanted to go throw up whatever he had left in his system from lunch.

They sat near the head of the table with Tony, Pepper, Maria, Rumlow, Pierce and Natasha. Why Natasha was suddenly this far up was beyond Bucky, but he had a pretty good idea on what was going on. He couldn’t exactly outright accuse her of being a conniving bitch, (despite having done it in the past) but he had a pretty good suspicion by this point on why Nat was dragging Bucky through the proverbial emotional roller coaster.

He sat, tapping his fingers near his water glass, staring at her and wondering what her throat would look like as he squeezed the life out of it. Wondering if her eyes would bulge and pop from that head– to beautiful to be anything but a demon. Angels didn’t look as sweet. Natasha was a demon, a wretched hellhound from the bowels of the most inner circle of hell and Bucky wanted to throw her back into that steaming pile of shit.

“How’ve you enjoyed the retreat, Bucky?” Pepper asked, lightly dabbing her mouth to catch any of the lemon butter that wasn’t there, but Bucky understood the need to be sure.

“It’s been wonderful,” Bucky began, looking at Steve with a soft smile. “It’s been nice to have some time together, right baby?”

Steve raised his brows, seemingly surprised for half a second. He dropped the lobster claw he’d been cracking open and reached for Bucky’s hand under the table. “Yeah. Real nice. Sometimes Bucky gets so caught up in work, so getting some one on one’s been beautiful.”

“We don’t need to know the messy details,” Pierce said through a gruff voice.

Steve glared at him before contorting his face into the most sickly-sweet smile Bucky had ever seen, yet those eyes were murderous. “Oh, I was going to leave out the details where I’ve had Bucky’s cum running down my leg, but if you want it brought up?”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open. He was pretty sure his jaw just hit the table. Gasps, looks of surprise, shock, horror… And then laughter.

Barking, boisterous laughter that shook the table. Tony’s head was thrown back. His torso was shaking with glee as he pounded his fist on the table; face all scrunched up from how hard he was laughing. “Jesus _Christ_ , Steve! They don’t make ‘em like you anymore!”

Steve smiled triumphantly at a sneering Pierce, raising his wine glass to him before sipping it softly.

Bucky was pretty sure his stomach was trying to slip out his mouth. He looked to Natasha though, curious to see her reaction. She was sitting there with that absolutely obnoxious, smug look on her face. Bucky wasn’t sure if he should feel apathetic or downright terrified of that expression.

Bucky shifted in his seat, smacking his lips together. “Well, I’m sure we can share good lay stories later?”

Tony roared with laughter anew. “Oh…Bu-Bucky! Bucky! Please!” He wiped a tear from his eye, sniffing as he settled back. “I love you two.”

Steve flashed a full, toothy grin at Bucky, bumping his shoulder playfully.

Bucky returned that awe-inspiring smile with a sheepish shrug.

“So,” Natasha began. “Does he get you off, Steve? I never could get him to get me off.”

Bucky’s blood froze in his veins, halting violently and sending him reeling in his chair. He pressed his palms flat to the table, staring at Natasha with an expression too broken and fearful to considered shock.

Tony looked to Steve, a smirk on his lips.

“Is this really appropriate dinner conversation?” Rumlow questioned.

For once, Bucky was in agreement with Brock Rumlow.

“Just curious,” Natasha shrugged. She picked up her salad fork and poked around at the lettuce on her plate. “He never wanted to touch my boobs that’s for sure.”

“And you’re divorced now,” Steve said tightly. “Clearly that relationship wasn’t going to work out.”

Maria cleared her throat, shifting in her seat. “Excuse me. Need to…powder my nose.”

Pierce dropped his fork. “I think Bucky’s been embarrassed enough.”

Steve’s mouth parted silently, revealing as much shock as Bucky wanted to reveal if he wasn’t so frozen in fear. Natasha had planned all this. From her sly little scheme to get Steve here, to her display of emotion at lunch. It was all a game.

“You found someone else yet?” Bucky asked through a raspy tone.

Tony turned his head to Natasha, clearly entertained with the situation.

Pepper was making herself busy by gulping down her wine.

Natasha smirked, her green eyes sparkling like blades of glass in the sun. “I found someone. Just don’t know if he likes me back yet.”

Bucky nodded, swallowing loudly. “You should tell him. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

_‘If you didn’t kill them first.’_

Natasha’s eyes rounded for a fraction of a second, but Bucky knew her better than anyone else. He knew when she was genuinely surprised. “Thank you.”

Steve hooked his leg around Bucky’s, his fingers effortlessly caressing Bucky’s hand.

Bucky looked to him, offering a soft smile before pulling his hands back above the table to get at his lobster. He was done with this conversation. He was done with the glares, entertained gazes and silent gasps. All he wanted to do was go back to his room and fall asleep in Steve’s arms. Maybe fuck the guy… Hell, Bucky was only human and at this point, what did it matter if he did or didn’t? He was still in love with an escort. Or in lust. Or infatuation. Honestly, Bucky didn’t know. All he knew was that Steve pulled out every hidden desire Bucky had ever dreamed of and he was always left reeling and breathless.

“Did anyone hear about the debate?” Pierce asked, finally shattering the awkward silence that befallen the group. “I’m a Bush fan myself.”

“Oh please,” Pepper cut in. “If you have any respect for this nation you’ll look to Sanders. This system isn’t working anymore!”

“We’re a capitalistic society!” Rumlow countered. “You expect us to listen to a socialist? He’ll drive us into more debt with going belly-up in foreign affairs!”

“Donald Trump doesn’t seem all that bad,” Tony commented, looking at Pepper from the corner of his eye with the tiniest smirk on his face.

“Tony!” Pepper shouted, smacking her husband on the chest. “You do that on purpose, you little shit!”

Tony erupted into laughter again. Everyone shared uneasy giggles and looks of relief as the conversations finally moved from Bucky and his private life to politics. When politics became the savior, you know you had a rough previous conversation.

Throughout the rest of dinner, Steve wouldn’t stop _touching_ Bucky. He’d slide his feet up and down Bucky’s shin, occasionally drop his hand into Bucky’s lap and just rub lightly up and down. At one point, Bucky let his legs open up a bit and Steve’s hand slipped right in, his fingers grazing over a forming erection.

Dessert was intolerable as Bucky sat there with a full-blown tent in his pants. Steve kept scooting closer to him, commenting on how delicious the dessert was, breathing against his skin in sweet huffs and the _noises_ he made when he’d suck on his spoon or lap at his lips. _Christ_ , Bucky thought he was going to come right in his Dior pants!

They were about to leave when Tony pulled them aside, jerking his head toward the bar.

Bucky whined, looking up at Steve with pathetic, round eyes.

“You can last just a bit longer,” Steve consoled.

“My dick is literally going to explode,” Bucky commented. “My balls are going to just burst. I hate you.”

Steve preened, pushing Bucky along toward the bar.

Tony and Pepper were there, but no one else.

“Pepper just wanted to say something,” Tony said as he sat at the bar, taking a swig of more wine.

Pepper grabbed Steve’s hands, her eyes gushing with sympathy. “Did having Natasha there upset you, Steve? We honestly didn’t think anything would be an issue since Natasha and Bucky are still friends but I didn’t even _think_ about how you’d feel!”

Steve laughed, nodding softly. “It started a little rocky, but I’m okay. I know Bucky loves me.”

Bucky shivered, listening to those words roll from Steve’s tongue like a carefully practiced piano piece.

Pepper’s brow creased as she clicked her tongue. “Aw, well I’m still so sorry! We just thought it’d be rude to leave her somewhere else since she–” She smacked her hands over her mouth, her eyes widening.

“She paid for the dinner, didn’t she?” Bucky asked point blank. “Should’ve known that. Nat does come from money.”

“People buy your friendship, Tony?” Steve asked, his face tight.

“Steve!” Bucky snapped. “I’m sorry, Tony. He’s just tired and had too much wine.”

Tony raised his hands in surrender, shrugging. “No, it’s fine. The one thing I’ve liked most about your better half is that he speaks his mind, Bucky. And no, Steve, people don’t buy my friendship. If they did, I’d have about one or two friends.” He finished his wine, slipping from the barstool. “Good night!”

Bucky was pretty sure his heart was trying to dig out of his chest with how hard it was beating against his sternum. He whined, watching Tony retreat from the room to join up with Maria and a few others not in the partnership running.

Pepper squeezed Steve’s hand. “I’m still sorry. That was extremely insensitive of me.”

Steve grabbed Pepper’s hand, offering the kindest face Bucky had ever seen. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I hope you enjoy the rest of your night.”

She hugged him briefly before trotting out behind Tony.

Bucky glared at Steve, shaking his head from side to side. “That was uncalled for.”

Steve’s shoulders slumped. “M’sorry. She just pisses me off.”

“Let’s just go.”

* * *

 

Bucky wasn’t much up for fucking when they got back into the room. He wanted to, but he didn’t think the mood was there. He _wanted_ to know what Steve’s dick looked like when his legs were tossed over Bucky’s shoulders, how it would bounce as they ground into each other; but he couldn’t stop thinking about the look in Tony’s eyes after Steve opened his big (beautiful) mouth. Sighing, Bucky dropped onto the bed, face down. He groaned into a pillow.

“Bucky, I’m sorry,” Steve whispered as he came to lie down. “I didn’t mean to offend him.”

“And that’s the beautiful irony of all this,” Bucky spat out. “You probably didn’t offended him. But _I_ offended him.”

Steve scrunched his face up, jerking his head back. “How does that even work? You didn’t say shit!”

“Because they think you’re my fiancé and everything you say reflects back onto me. We saw that already with Friday.”

Steve blew a raspberry at his lips, rolling his eyes. “I’m my own person. That’s bullshit.”

“That’s corporate politics,” Bucky shot back.

“Fuck corporate politics.”

Bucky hated how easy this conversation was to have. He hated how he felt like he was lying in a dorm room with his undecided major dorm mate as they tried to figure out their lives. He hated how soft Steve’s skin looked and he gave him that _look_. The look where he was clearly undressing Bucky with his eyes, but not even mentioning it!

Huffing, Bucky turned on his other side, grabbing at his stomach. He hated Steve the Escort. He hated Steve the Escort, whose last name he didn’t even know, Steve! Steve with the big shoulders and that smile and those fucking _lips_. And–

Someone was touching him. Gliding fingers up the line of his ankle to his shoulder. Someone with hot, big hands and breath that smelled of mint chocolate from the dessert at the restaurant. Someone like…

“Steve,” Bucky gasped. “What’re you…”

“I got you pretty worked up at the restaurant,” Steve purred, kissing Bucky’s shoulder. “Wanted to know if you wanted t’keep goin’.”

Bucky turned over, sighing through his nose. He pouted, staring up at Steve’s smirk. “I wanna know what it feels like to be inside you.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand, tracing the lines on his palm. “Yeah? Wanna feel how tight I am?”

“Yes.”

He traced up to the pads of Bucky’s fingers before slipping his fingers along Bucky’s wrist. “Wanna know how my cock feels against your tummy?”

“ _Please_.”

Steve smiled, soft and sweet and oh _God_ , he looked so beautiful with those rosy cheeks and that straight, pointed nose. He brought Bucky’s wrist up to his lips, tracing the vein against the skin with his tongue.

Bucky whimpered, watching. His body was reverberating with desire, crying out and _screaming_ at Steve to get closer, to wrap around him and _consume_ him. “Steve…”

“Shh,” Steve cooed. “I’ve got you baby.”

Bucky watched as Steve lifted himself up, standing at the side of the bed to wiggle out of his pants. He wasted no time in getting naked, bringing his briefs down too and unbuttoning that shirt; one button at a time.

Bucky licked his lips, watching Steve put on the short, delicate show.

Steve ran his fingers down his chest, tracing his Adonis lines and looking up at Bucky with these _eyes._

“You’re so pretty, Stevie,” Bucky confessed in a whisper. “So fuckin’ pretty.”

Steve turned around, shyly looking over his shoulder. “Do you like all of me, baby? Is my ass tight enough for you?”

Bucky swallowed hard, watching Steve sway his hips softly. The muscles flirted with Bucky’s eyes, searing into them and sending electrical impulses _right_ into his groin. He bit his lip, dragging the teeth along it to keep from moaning at the sight of Steve.

Steve got on his knees, still facing away from Bucky. He stretched out his arms, arching his back into the floor, pushing his chest against it.

“Christ, Steve,” Bucky whispered, barely audible.

Steve opened his legs, letting a pink hole peek out between two perfectly curved ass cheeks. “Is it pretty, Bucky? Do you like it?” His voice was innocent, higher than normal and oh so fucking _soft_.

Bucky was trembling with the desire to reach out, to touch that pink little hole with his fingers, run his tongue over it, press his nose against it and _worship_ it till his heart gave out. “It’s pretty, Stevie. Real pretty.”

“Wanna touch it?” Steve asked, still in that silken voice that sent shivers clamoring up and down Bucky’s spine. “Want you to touch it.”

“I wanna…” Bucky gasped, sitting up. He looked down at his pants, seeing the outline of his cock. Growling, he unzipped them, letting them drop into a careless heap on the floor as he crossed to where Steve was displaying himself.

Bucky kneeled behind him, running his hands over the dimples in Steve’s back and down the rock hard muscles of his ass. “ _God_ , you’re so pretty, Stevie.”

Steve giggled, literally _giggled,_ with flushed cheeks and all.

Bucky thought he’d die in this moment. Thought his heart couldn’t take anymore of Steve and his beautiful voice, that tight ass and those fucking _tits_.

“What do I do?” Bucky asked shamefully, feeling heat rise in his cheeks. “I don’t... I don’t know.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand, leading it up to his ass. “Finger it, like a girl.”

“But you’re not wet?”

Steve laughed, pointing at his duffel bag. “There’s lube in there. Go get some and slick your finger up.”

Bucky padded over to the bag, bringing out a rather large bottle of KY Jelly. “Get laid much?” he teased.

Steve didn’t answer, he just rested the side of his face against the floor with a warm smile and lust-laden eyes.

Bucky kneeled behind Steve, popping the bottle open and squirting some of the lube out. With his fingers glistening, he looked back to Steve, watching as the man’s blue gaze lingered on him. “Now?”

Steve nodded, licking at his lips. “Here.” He grabbed Bucky’s hand, bringing it up to his ass and forcing the fingers to brush along the hole. “Swirl your fingers against it. Don’t worry about goin’ in just yet.”

“And this feels good?” Bucky asked, swirling his fingers along the ring.

Steve laughed. “Remember when I touched yours in the shower?”

Bucky blushed at the memory. Biting his lip, he kept swirling his fingers along Steve’s hole, watching it glisten as more and more lube coated it.

Steve breathed out a sigh in content, nuzzling his face into the floor. “You’ll be good at this.”

Bucky snorted. “How do you know?”

Steve cocked a brow at him. “Because you care.”

Bucky didn’t want to evaluate those words. He was absolutely sure there was another meaning, hidden among the syllables and tucked just out of reach but Bucky didn’t want to go digging. He was too afraid of figuring it out and being utterly embarrassed or ruining the moment. So he shrugged. “Bet lotsa guys take care of you.”

Steve turned his face to the other side, scooting back on Bucky’s hand. “Slip a finger in,” he instructed.

Bucky had never actually inserted a finger in a woman’s ass before. Images of shit coating his finger made him pause. Actually, it was kind of horrifying the idea of fecal matter getting near his dick, condom or not, but guys did this? So it must not be all that bad? Taking a deep breath, Bucky slipped his index finger inside, eyes widening at how _warm_ Steve was inside. He swirled his finger along the walls, smirking when Steve let out the softest gasp he’d ever heard.

“N-not all guys go soft with me,” Steve whispered.

Bucky pulled his finger back, pleasantly surprised to see it was simply shiny from the lube (yay no feces!) Maybe that didn’t happen during this? He slowly circled his finger back inside, like a screw into a hole.

Steve palmed the floor, fingers clutching at the corner of the rug. “That’s good, Buck.”

“Whaddya mean not all guys are soft with you?” Bucky asked, heart already prepared to clamp tightly into itself. He couldn’t imagine anyone ever being rough with Steve. He was a giant teddy bear, all smiles and adoring eyes.

_‘Fuck I love you…’_

Steve sighed, jerking his hips softly, forcing Bucky’s finger to brush up against the caverns of his muscle.  
“Mmm,” he purred. “Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

Bucky pulled back, sitting flat on his ass.

Steve’s face snapped to look at Bucky, his brows twisting in confusion. “What? Are you okay?”

Bucky laughed irreverently, shaking his head from side to side. “We’re talking about guys not being gentle with you, and you’re worried about me?”

Steve sat up, folding his legs beneath him with his dick bobbing to the side, all shiny with the tip poking out from the foreskin.

Bucky’s lips ached to kiss it; to make it feel good and wanted– desired.

“Bucky,” Steve breathed out. He knit his brow together, rolling his lips into his mouth. “Look–”

“No!” Bucky interjected, eyes round. “I just… No, Steve. I…” Tears were welling in his eyes, stinging and warm against the rims of his eyes. He hated how he cried so easily for Steve. He’d always been weak– one of the many reasons why Natasha left him. Weakness wasn’t attractive and Bucky certainly was weak.

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hands, pulling them against his chest. “You know,” he began with the most bashful bob of his chin. “No one’s ever gotten so worked up over what I do.”

Bucky sniffed, looking away. “Why not? Don’t they value you? Wouldn’t they care if you got hurt?”

Steve smiled, his face glowing against the moonlight that spilled through the tall windowpanes. “Some of them.”

“Why do you let people hurt you?” Bucky whispered. He clutched at Steve’s chest, staring at his fingers against such defined muscles, such power. Steve could kill a man if he wanted, yet he choose to be kind and gentle– submissive.

Steve brushed his fingers against Bucky’s cheek, wiping away warm tears that fell from big, blue eyes. “There’s no sob story here, Buck. I do this for money. Plain and simple.”

“You could literally rule the world with a face like yours,” Bucky professed. “And you choose to let people hurt you?”

Steve shrugged, the lack of expression on his face staggering to Bucky. “I made my bed. I sleep in it. I’m fine with it.”

Bucky pulled his hands back, cradling them against his softening cock. “I’m not…”

Steve huffed, shifting so his legs were out in front of him, obstructing his dick from view. “Bucky, I don’t let anything happen to me that I can’t handle. I told you my rough start. That’s all that was. A rough start. I can handle pain. Some people get off on it and that’s fine. I take their money and go buy big screen TVs and video games.”

“You play video games?” Bucky asked softly, his brows pulling together innocently.

Steve laughed, wiping another tear from Bucky’s eyes. “Yes, Buck. I play a lot of ‘em.”

“I just…” Bucky didn’t know why he was inserting himself where he didn’t belong. This was Steve’s life. Bucky had no right to try to tell him how to do his job. “I’m sorry. I overstepped.”

Steve pulled Bucky into him, turning him around and folding Bucky into his naked lap. “Would it upset you if I said I liked it?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Why would that upset me?”

“Because I’m your escort? I’m not really supposed to have an opinion on how you think of me. But I _like_ that you seem to care about me.”

_‘I care too much, you shithead.’_

“I’m sorry I ruined the moment,” Bucky sulked.

“Oh-ho-ho,” Steve laughed. “I can fix that.” He reached around Bucky, stroking at his dick lightly, fingers slipping around the curve of the tip, tickling at the underside.

Bucky dropped his head back, moaning in approval. “Oh, shit, Steve. That’s lovely.”

Steve lightly chewed at Bucky’s earlobe, fingers still working Bucky’s cock, nice and soft– patiently.

Bucky wiggled his hips, feeling Steve’s dick at his asscrack. He should’ve been startled, but he wasn’t. He slipped the line of his crack up and down against Steve’s dick, feeling the man’s erection grow against him. He turned over his shoulder, watching Steve’s darkening eyes staring intently at him, cheeks flushed and lips silently parted. “That feel good, Stevie?”

Steve nodded.

Bucky pressed his lips softly to Steve’s, reaching his hand out to grasp at the man’s short blond strands. He circled his hips down against Steve’s cock, earning a grunt from the larger man.

Steve gently shifted his hips to lift up into Bucky, letting his cock slip just a tiny bit more against Bucky’s ass, lightly brushing between the cheeks for more friction. “B-Bucky,” Steve gasped. “You should see how pretty _you_ are.”

Bucky’s spine tingled at the praise, sending little jolts of energy about his body like giggling nymphs. He turned around, straddling Steve.

Steve’s pupils were blown wide, his face so drunk in the moment that Bucky could barely stand to keep staring. He pressed soft kisses against Steve’s forehead, along the line of his cheekbone and to both corners of those plump lips.

Steve’s hands wandered up Bucky’s ass, gently gliding the pads of his fingers against the curves.

“If I hadn’t said anything about lube,” Bucky whispered, pressing wet, loud kisses against eager lips. “Would you’ve let me finger you dry?”

Steve pulled back, his lips twitching in shame. “You’re my client. I’m supposed to do what makes you happy. Not me.”

Bucky ran his fingers along Steve’s face, taking note of the freckles that kissed skin, the stubble of his cut jawline. “No, don’t ever do that with me.”

Steve crinkled his brow.

Bucky arched his hips into Steve, letting the tip of his dick slide against taut abs. “You tell me what you want too. Always.”

Steve shivered, watching Bucky’s dick as the man kept rubbing it against his abdomen. “Okay,” he replied. “I want your dick in my mouth.”

Bucky laughed, pushing Steve to the floor and shimming on his knees to move up Steve’s body. “What’s your obsession with my junk?” Bucky teased.

Steve lapped at Bucky’s balls before sucking one into his mouth and gently mouthing against it.

“Ah shit,” Bucky gasped, curling his spine.

Steve popped it out of his mouth, smiling devilishly. “You’ve got an extremely pretty dick, Buck. I don’t think you understand how _rare_ that is.”

Bucky looked at his dick, red and already starting to leak. He looked over his shoulder at Steve’s much larger cock. “You’re is bigger.”

Steve laughed, leaning his head up to tickle his tongue against the underside-base of Bucky’s erection. “Bigger doesn’t’ mean prettier,” he answered, letting his lips rub against Bucky, pulling delightful shivers from Bucky’s shoulders.

Bucky sucked his lips in, licking at them, pushing them together till they were shiny and _full._

Steve watched as he casually lapped his tongue along the underside of Bucky’s erection, using nothing but his nose to balance it as he went further up.

Bucky was too afraid to move his hips. He was barely getting anything as it was. Steve was playing way too much with him right now. Chewing on his lips, he whined, needy and pointed in the back of his throat.

Steve laughed, but he seemed to get the memo, because he reached up, curling his fingers around Bucky and stroking him slowly. “Kind of angle down on me. You’re gonna have to hold yourself up a bit. I mean, I guess you don’t have to, but I’ll suffocate into your abs.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’ve watched porn. I know what you’re asking.”

Steve flashed him an amused smirk. “Gay porn, Bucky?”

“Oh fuck off, Steve,” Bucky grumbled as he moved to accommodate Steve’s request. He dipped his hips, moving his knees on either side of Steve’s head to get the angle right.

Steve guided Bucky’s tip into his wet mouth, sucking loudly against it, tongue darting to lap the precome up at the slit.

“Oh…oh fuck…Steve…” Bucky panted, rolling his hips. “You’ve got the best God damned mouth on this motherfucking planet.”

Steve laughed around Bucky’s tip, swirling his tongue along the dip. He looked up at Bucky, open, penetrating eyes.

Bucky stared right back, mouth open, cheeks flushing. Steve’s eyes were so _blue_ and the way he was looking up at Bucky, with those long lashes and that glassy gaze; eager to please and ever-watchful for anything that Bucky didn’t like.

Bucky had never felt so cared for.

_‘And Steve knows I care for him…’_

Bucky pushed his dick further into Steve’s mouth. He let Steve open his mouth more, letting that tongue guide more of Bucky inside.

Steve’s mouth was so inviting. Wet and warm and that soft hum he constantly kept producing almost drove Bucky to come prematurely.

Bucky reached his arms out so he was on all fours. Steve seemed to like the angle more because he instantly sucked up Bucky’s dick, letting out loud sucking sounds as he moved up and down, coating Bucky with a shiny glaze of saliva.

Bucky dropped his head, watching the top of Steve’s blond hairs as the man continued to work at Bucky’s dick.

Steve’s tongue was spritely, slinking over Bucky’s sensitive skin as if it’d mapped out the veins and nerves centuries ago. He knew exactly where to go, how hard to lap or tickle.

Bucky was pumping his hips in the rhythm Steve had set, feeling muscles gag around him each time he curled his hips around. “ _God_ , Stevie,” Bucky moaned. “God you’re so good.”

Steve tapped Bucky’s thighs, a universal sign: off.

Bucky whimpered, his dick practically trembling as it returned to the cold air around them.

“Open me up?” Steve asked, cocking his head to the side. “You still wanna do this right?”

Bucky rolled his lips in, pressing them together in thought. Of course he wanted to do this. He wanted to do this every night from here on and after. He wanted to take this man out, show him off to the world and prove to Steve that he was cared for and not some _accessory_ people only brought out when they felt like it.

_‘He started out that way– an accessory.’_

Bucky would never have guessed how fast and hard he’d fall for this man; a man he didn’t truly know. Perhaps it was because Steve radiated sex appeal like the sun radiated heat but he was kind, soft and _concerned_ for Bucky. That couldn’t all be an act.

“What if…” Bucky scrunched up his face, shaking his head. “Nevermind.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s fingers, pressing silent kisses to each knuckle. “What if what?”

Mesmerized, Bucky watched Steve’s red lips trace over his skin with grace that only gods commanded. “What if I want you…in me…too.”

Steve’s gaze flashed up, the smallest hint of a smile trying so hard to hide beneath those soft lips. “We can do that. But only if you want.”

“Do you want to?” Bucky asked, not going back on his word. He’d ask Steve what he wanted, and would let Steve _tell him_ whenever he wanted to.

Steve traced his index finger along Bucky’s jaw, moving to press a gentle chaste kiss against Bucky’s lips. He opened his eyes slowly as he moved back.

Bucky thought he was drunk or drowning from that kiss.

“I’d be honored.”

“Don’t make it weird,” Bucky pleaded, lightly hitting Steve on the chest. “I’m not a virgin you ass!”

He pulled Steve up, astounded at how light the blond made himself feel. He moved quickly, anticipating every move Bucky requested. Soon enough, they were crashing into each other’s lips and falling into the bed.

Steve rolled atop Bucky, grinding his hips down pointedly, groaning into the kiss as he slipped his tongue into Bucky’s mouth; tastebuds gliding against tastebuds.

Hands roamed, unabashed and ever-exploratory as they touched each other’s muscles, curves and bones.

Bucky felt hot. So hot that he was sure his heart was going to melt. His cock ached horribly and each time Steve let his brush against it, Bucky would mewl into Steve’s mouth, kissing desperately.

Steve sat up, swirling his hips and grinding his ass against Bucky’s cock.

“Ah, fuck!” Bucky moaned loudly. “Jesus, Steve, your body’s a God damn work of art.”

Steve huffed a laugh through his nose. He slipped off Bucky, resting his back against the headboard. “C’mere, Buck.”

Bucky didn’t have to be told twice. He sat next to Steve, his gaze drinking up the man’s creamy skin, appreciating the blush dusting his chest and shoulders.

Steve opened his legs, reaching for Bucky’s fingers and the lube. He poured  some out, using his digits to coat Bucky’s. “Work me open, okay?”

Bucky nodded, suddenly at a loss for words.

Steve brought Bucky’s fingers against his hole again, letting the pads slip against the ridged texture before slipping inside. Steve grunted, biting his lower lip as he pushed his head back into the headboard.

“Ah, Bucky,” he sighed. “Gonna feel so good inside me.”

Bucky’s dick ached each time Steve spoke, moaned, gasped, laughed, whatever. Steve could probably burp the loudest, most wet burp on the planet and Bucky’s dick would be begging to be touched by him.

Bucky swirled his fingers inside Steve, pumping back and forth. He watched Steve’s eyelids go heavy.

Steve kept licking at his lips and letting the smallest gasps escape his mouth, so pure and light that Bucky was astounded that a man this large was making such _tiny_ little noises.

“Can I– Can I play with your nipples? Maybe kiss ‘em?” Bucky asked in embarrassment.

Steve took Bucky’s other hand, pressing a kiss into the palm before bringing it against his chest. “Knock yourself out, sweetie.”

Bucky moaned at the petname; so much more intimate than “baby” but not intimate enough. “Buck” was his favorite. Careful to remember to pump and twist his fingers at Steve’s ass, Bucky trailed his other hand along the pink of Steve’s areola.

He pressed down against the nipple, twisting it softly and smiling as Steve arched into the touch. “You like this?” he asked.

Steve sighed, bending his head down to kiss at Bucky’s arm. “Love it.”

_‘God, I love you.’_

Bucky pulled his fingers back from Steve’s hole, letting them tease at the entrance before slipping a third finger in.

“Bucky!” Steve gasped. He grabbed Bucky’s wrist, grinding his hips down against Bucky’s fingers. “Ah, fuck yes, yes, yes!”

Bucky laughed breathlessly, watching Steve’s body wither beneath him. He was causing this. He was the reason Steve was gasping, mewling, _aching_ , grinding, pleading… Bucky pressed kisses into Steve’s neck, so many that he’d lost count. He nibbled at the skin, tasting Steve’s sweet skin.

_‘Fucking vegans.’_

“Bucky… more… deeper, _please_!” Steve begged through a pitchy whine. He rocked his hips down into Bucky’s fingers, greedily trying to get whatever he could.

Bucky pushed in more, feeling something soft and round as Steve took him up to the knuckle. He watched Steve lurch up, his voice cracking as he moaned out desperately.

“I hit your prostate?” Bucky asked with a raised brow.

Steve laughed, slamming his head back into the headboard. “Yeah, do it again.”

Bucky swayed his fingers back, repeating the motion, over…and over…and over…

Steve was moaning loudly, deep, pitchy, _needy_ sounds that shook his body and brought a sheen of sweat to his face.

“You’re so pretty, Stevie,” Bucky admitted, kissing Steve’s shoulder. “So, so, so pretty.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s wrist, pulling his fingers out.

Bucky was afraid he’d insulted him, but Steve was pushing him onto his back and spreading _his_ legs now. “W-wait!”

Steve froze, watching Bucky with an intense, careful gaze.

“I’m…” Bucky squirmed, looking down at his purpling cock. He just wanted to be deep inside Steve. This was taking too long and he was going insane from how _flawless_ Steve was from his sounds, his movements, his poise… He was a fucking work of art and Bucky was nothing compared to that. “I’m nervous.”

Steve’s eyes softened as he sat atop his ankles, dick casually resting up against his hip. “I won’t hurt you. I swear.”

“I’m not afraid of that,” Bucky deflected with a pout. “I’m afraid… you’re all…manscaped and shaved and I’m…”

“Do you think I really care about that? You trim your pubes and I’m sure your ass ain’t crawlin’ with hair, right? I mean, I’ve touched it before.”

“For like two seconds!” Bucky protested.

Steve sighed. “Do you want to just fuck me then? That’s fine.”

Bucky blushed, feeling his skin heat from embarrassment. “I want you…” He’d be mortified by how broken he sounded if he wasn’t so focused on the frenzy his nerves were experiencing, all alit with flame and the panicked desire to feel Steve as close as he could possibly be.

Steve ran his fingers up and down Bucky’s legs, circling under his knees. “You’re not gonna disgust me Bucky. Remember when I told you most dicks are ugly? Same for ass. I’ve eaten plenty of shriveled up prune assholes. Yours ain’t one of them.”

Bucky cringed at the image of Steve, glorious and so good against the ass of an old geezer who could barely get it up, all moldy with hairs coming out of his ears. Bucky hated that image… Why did he think of that?!

“Open up,” Steve cooed. “I’ll bet you taste just like chocolate and almonds.”

“That’s oddly specific,” Bucky responded as he let his knees drop to either side haphazardly. “Why chocolate and almonds?”

Steve hooked his arms under Bucky’s legs, moving his face level with Bucky’s ass.

Bucky had never felt so exposed, all raw and spread open with his most intimate area presented tothe most beautiful man he’d ever seen. If Steve suddenly pulled away, if he showed any sign of distress Bucky would die. He’d just give up and die.

Steve nibbled at Bucky’s asscheek, his gaze locked with Bucky’s. “Those are my two favorite things together. Chocolate covered almonds are the best.” He kissed Bucky’s ass before nuzzling his nose against it.

Bucky watched, swallowing thickly. “You’re…saying I taste like your favorite thing?”

Steve blushed, biting his lower lip. “I mean, I haven’t sampled you yet. Could taste like chicken…”

“You don’t eat meat!”

Steve snorted, nipping once more at Bucky’s ass. “Oh I eat a very specific kind of meat.” He kissed down the line of Bucky’s crack. “Like pretty dicks that get all purple and leaky for me.”

Bucky looked at his dick. Purpling and leaking… welp.

“Steve, seriously,” Bucky pleaded. “What if I didn’t wipe right or something?”

Steve lapped at Bucky’s perineum, streaking it up all nice and shiny. “Then you taste like mud. Whatever.”

“Shit tastes like mud?”

Exasperated, Steve sighed loudly. “Oh my God, Bucky Barnes! Shut up and relax! I ain’t gonna pull away all gaggin’ and hatin’ you! I’ll clean you proper next time.” He settled back into his position. “Now shut up and let me eat your cute little ass.”

Astonished by how aggressive Steve could get, Bucky did exactly as instructed. His fraying nerves didn’t have to wait too long before Steve’s tongue was circling his hole. He dug his fingers into the sheets, gasping, “Ah…ah…ah…St-Steve…Steve…Steve…”

Steve’s tongue was soft and warm against his hole. It circled like a lion stalking its prey before plunging into Bucky.

Bucky arched up, moaning loudly. His nerves were on fire. Every sense heightened and he could distinctly feel how fast the world was moving through space. He dropped his head back against the mattress, panting as Steve pressed his tongue, thick and full against his insides, making loud, slurping sounds as he hooked his tongue and thrust it back and forth.

“O-oh God, oh God!” Bucky panted. “Steve that feels so good. Oh my _God_! Steve that feels so good!”

Steve pushed his face against Bucky, so close Bucky could hear his breathing coming sharp against his ass. Steve’s nose was against Bucky’s perineum, rubbing against it teasingly as he coated Bucky’s opening with a thick, generous amount of saliva. His tongue swirled inside Bucky, causing the brunet to mewl pathetically as he shook atop the mattress.

Bucky’s heart was jackhammering in his chest. Each moment he was sure the muscle would simply give out and he’d die in a bout of ecstasy with the stupidest smile on his face. Steve’s tongue was _so_ much more than just good at handling dick.  

Steve pulled back, wiping saliva off his chin as he kissed around Bucky’s dick, up to his hips and down the happy trail that led to Bucky’s dick. He kissed the tip of Bucky’s cock, flicking his tongue in fast motions atop the slit, looking up with these eyes that were just _taunting_ Bucky to come.

“Steve…Steve I…I need to fuck you,” Bucky confessed. “Steve please. I need to. I need…”

Steve enveloped Bucky’s dick, giving it a nice, wet suck before dropping it against his thigh and heading further south. He slipped his tongue into Bucky once more, reaching his fingers up to lazily caress Bucky’s erection.

Bucky threw his head from side to side, squirming pathetically in Steve’s control. He focused on that tongue, hooking and flattening inside him, the sounds of Steve’s breath as he pressed his nose against skin, the soft strokes of Steve’s gentle fingers as they wrapped lovingly around his dick.

Tears filled Bucky’s eyes as his legs quaked desperately. The world was still spinning, moving so fast that Bucky felt like he was drowning on air. Gasping, he arched up, yanking Steve’s head from his ass and pushing the man backwards. “Give me a God damned condom before I go insane!” he growled.

Steve burst out laughing, but he slipped from the bed and tossed a box of condoms at Bucky. “You’re giving me a serious ego boost here, Barnes,” Steve taunted. “Moanin’ and meltin’ like putty around me.”

“Shut up and give me your ass,” Bucky demanded.

Steve shrugged a solo shoulder, straddling Bucky. “I like ridin’ dick. You okay with that?”

“Can I grab your tits?”

Steve dropped his head, laughing softly. “Sure. I’ll even roll us over and you can fuck with them more.”

“Do you think I could actually fuck them?” Bucky blurted, tilting his head.

Steve cocked a brow, seeming to think about it for a moment. He pushed his pectoral muscles together, creating a cleavage that had Bucky’s dick _panging_ in wild desperation to come against those delicious, bountiful tits.

“Probably,” Steve analyzed. “Wanna try?”

“You’d let me?”

Steve chuckled. “There’s not much I won’t let you do to me, Bucky.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed. “I refuse to do anything weird or that’ll have you telling other clients! Like you talk about prune rims and saggy dick!”

Steve burst out laughing. Bucky couldn’t _not_ watch as his dick bounced to the rhythm. “So, the only story I’m taking from this so far is that I had to play fiancé and got to sass a bunch of bigots. I’ll definitely tell all my clients if I get to punch one.”

“But nothing about me? About how…I’m weird and get pissy with you?” Bucky bit his bottom lip, biting down so hard he almost broke skin, releasing when his eyes watered.

“You’re figuring out who you are, Buck,” Steve consoled. “That’s not somethin’ I joke to clients about. That’s somethin’ I take seriously.” He wrapped his arms around Bucky’s shoulders, jerking his hips around once. “Gonna fuck me or my _tits_?”

“Both?” Bucky suggested.

Steve rolled his eyes, but he sat back. “How ‘bout this,” he began. “Fuck me till you’re about to come and then you can fuck my chest and I’ll let you come on my face. Okay?”

“And you’re good with that?”

“Bucky Barnes, don’t make me slap you,” Steve warned playfully.

“Okay, okay! Jesus!” Bucky exclaimed. “Just tryin’ to be a good client!”

Steve raised a brow but his response came from his lips connecting with Bucky’s throat. “Let me slip that condom on you, baby?” he purred, mouthing at the shell of Bucky’s ear.

Shivering, Bucky handed the condom over. He let Steve open it carefully before he twisted his spine to reach behind him and slip the condom over Bucky’s dick.

Bucky whimpered at the soft sensation. He grabbed the lube and nudged it at Steve. “You wanna put on how much you want?”

Steve grabbed it, nodding through a smile. He squirted out some of the slick and pumped at Bucky’s dick, biting his lip suggestively. “You’re gonna be fun to ride, Buck.”

“Why?” Bucky breathed out, transfixed on the deity before him.

“Your name is Bucky. I don’t know. This entire time I’ve had nothing but dirty thoughts about your name.”

“My name?” Bucky repeated.

“Cause…bucking? Like, fucking? Jerking your hips and shit?” Steve detailed.

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Seriously? I’ve been sweating my balls off about liking dick and you’ve been giggling at my _name_?”

Steve shrugged, looking positively unabashed. “I’m a horrible person.” He sat up, moving to line himself up with Bucky’s cock. He grabbed the base gently, letting his knees spread out on the bed as he slipped atop Bucky’s erection.

“A-ah, Steve,” Bucky gasped. “Holy fuck…” It was as warm as a woman, only tighter and not so slick to the point where you couldn’t feel anything. He wasn’t made of honey, not velvet. Slick but firm and he moved so _slow_. “Holy…holy shit…”

Steve giggled, the muscles fluttering around Bucky’s dick as he did so. “You’re cute.”

“Fuck you,” Bucky breathed out. “I never thought an ass could feel this good.”

Steve swirled his hips once, giving Bucky the smallest taste. “Oh, you think this feels good? Just wait till I’m bouncing up and down on you like a motherfucking rodeo cowboy.”

“Please make all the jokes now about my name,” Bucky rushed out.

“Bronco Bucky?” Steve jerked his hips up slowly, moving his body in fully pronounced body rolls. “Bullseye Bucky?” He completed a body roll between each nickname. “Buckaroo?”

“I hate that one,” Bucky growled out, trying so hard not to come right then and there. “Rumlow calls me that.”

“Rumlow isn’t taking your dick right now,” Steve whispered seductively. “Imma call you whatever I damn well want.”

“Christ,” Bucky whimpered, grabbing Steve’s glorious hips, watching that little belly button _move_ with his thrusts. “I’m gonna come from this.”

“We can keep goin’. Not uncommon for guys to come too quick first time,” Steve said softly still moving his hips in that gloriously entrancing rhythm.

Bucky’s body was too hot. His skin felt too tight and his muscles wouldn’t stop _shaking_. Steve was a fucking powerhouse, full of rippling muscles that knew exactly what to do and when to do it. His experience was far beyond Bucky’s and he put it all to use, impressing Bucky with each flinch and gasp.

“Any more…n-nicknames?” Bucky asked as he rocked his hips to meet Steve’s.

“Buckin’ Bronco?” Steve offered. “That’s my favorite.”

“You sat there coming up with these all along?” Bucky gasped. He rolled his head back as Steve took more of him in, slipping flush against his body with the softest squelching sounds. Sounds that permeated the air and zinged right into Bucky’s groin. “Sh-shit!”

Steve leaned back, lifting himself softly before dropping back down in a swoop of his hips. He repeated the motion, over and over; his stomach rippling as the muscles moved like the ocean. “Sometimes I got bored when you’d talk business.”

Bucky clutched Steve’s hips, wanting so badly to flip this man over and grab those supple tits, to smack into this man over and over till their hips were a mess of bruises and welts. He wanted Steve screaming in euphoria. “Oh fuck,” he groaned. “Fuck, fuck, Steve…fuck.”

Steve laughed, leaning forward to press his hands against Bucky’s chest. “Can I play with _your_ tits now while I ride you, Buck?”

Bucky nodded all-too-eagerly.

Steve pinched at Bucky’s nipples, tugging lightly. He bobbed up and down Bucky’s dick, a few exploratory thrusts before he seemed to figure out the mechanics of how Bucky’s dick moved within him.

That’s when Bucky thought his brain was going to explode and splatter all over the room. Steve bounced like a fucking college sorority girl. He threw his head back, letting his mouth drop open as his hips snapped back and forth. He balanced against Bucky’s chest, curling his hips with each thrust, making his pecs bounce like the tits Bucky knew they were.

Bucky’s feet were burning as pleasure surged through him, overloading his circuits, searing into the back of his eyes and making his muscles turn to glue. “Oh Steve…oh fuck, baby you’re so good,” he whined. “Shit, you’re so pretty…so fucking pretty, Stevie.”

Steve only moved faster, smacking his body against Bucky’s with sounds that pierced the room, making Bucky blink each time their bodies hit each other.

Bucky pushed up, matching Steve’s thrusts, his balls swaying to the ferocity of their thrusting as they moved eagerly, more desperate to feel each other brim over with as much pleasure as possible.

Steve’s ass squeezed against Bucky, pulling him in and enveloping him like Venus fly trap, holding him there till it was the only thing he’d ever known. How Bucky had ever had sex with girls and _liked_ it, he’ll never know. Now that he’d sampled the forbidden fruit, he was never going back.

Steve was an ethereal force, riding his cock up and down, making the softest little panting noises and the way he’d run his tongue along his lips and chew at them lightly, oh fuck… Bucky was going to lose it.

He sat up, grabbing Steve’s shoulders as the man continued to thrust down upon him, snapping his hips fiercely with deep, _deep_ jerks.

“Oh my God,” Bucky exclaimed, rolling his head back. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…Steve...fuck, Steve!”

Steve’s dick was bouncing to their pace, purple and leaking clear fluid against Bucky’s stomach. He wanted to reach out and grab it, to run his thumb over it and give it the release it deserved from being so good and patient.

“B-Bucky,” Steve gasped, dropping his head back again. “You got such a pretty dick.”

“You told me that…already,” Bucky huffed. He lay back, letting Steve ride him into the fucking mattress, just watching those tits bounce. Fuck, his dick was so _warm_ and Steve was so _tight_ ; clenching and squeezing around Bucky, pulling him in even further when Bucky thought it wasn’t possible.

“I’m gonna say it over and over again, Buck,” Steve panted. “You’ve got…such a pretty dick…so pretty…”

Bucky growled, pushing Steve over and throwing those defined legs over his shoulders before Steve realized what was even happening.

Steve yelped, but the approving sparkle in his eye only fed Bucky’s fire. He smacked his hips into Steve, forcing the man to howl long, desperate vibratos as Bucky fucked him harder than he’d ever fucked a single soul. His limbs were on the verge of giving out and with each grunt he was sure he’d come spilling into the condom but somehow he managed to keep the heat that curled around his spine at bay.

Reaching up, Bucky braced his hands on Steve’s chest, squeezing roughly and creating stark red lines against the skin as his nails dug into flesh.

“Ah! Bucky!” Steve moaned. “Yes baby, fuck me good baby, please, _please_ fuck me like this.”

Steve was making such pretty noises, desperate and raw and Bucky wanted to give him everything. The world, his “pretty” dick, his soul…everything. He’d let Steve walk all over him with razor sharp heels and he’d still ask for more.

“Steve,” Bucky grunted. “Oh fuck you feel so good…so good…”

Steve rocked his hips up to meet Bucky’s, biting his lip till it flashed white before filling up nice and full. He slipped his legs down till they were wrapped around Bucky’s waist and pulled the man down into a bruising kiss. “Fuck Bucky…fuck…fuck…”

Bucky kissed every inch of Steve he could. His face, his neck, his shoulder, his chest. Every little bit of heated, pink skin he wanted. “Steve I…fuck I can’t…”

“It’s okay,” Steve cooed. “Wanna come baby? Wanna come between my tits?”

“Oh _fuck_!” Bucky’s body was humming, singing desperately to be tucked inside this man forever. With every ounce of strength he had, he pulled back, whining like a dog being deprived of a bone.

“Take the condom off!” Steve laughed as he scooted down the bed to lie nestled into the pillows.

Bucky snapped the rubber off, moving to straddle Steve’s chest. “This is the kinkiest shit I’ve ever done,” he confessed.

Steve rolled his eyes. “Welcome to the world away from het sex. It’s magic, right?”

“Oh shut up,” Bucky growled teasingly. He had to keep stroking himself to keep his build up but it was hard not to pump too fast. He wanted to come so badly, to paint this man in streaks of cream and white and watch it glisten off him. He’d be so pretty, all flushed pink with white dribbling down his face… “Ah…fuck…”

“Gimme your dick!” Steve exclaimed, jilting Bucky from his thoughts.

Bucky pressed himself against Steve’s chest, letting the man squeeze his muscles against him. Bucky thrust, shivering as every fantasy he’d ever had of Steve’s chest came to life in blinding, bright neon color. Heat enveloped his body, consuming him to an almost unbearable degree. He grunted with each thrust, animalistic and desperate as his orgasm coiled at the base of his spine.

He needed more. “Steve…St-Steve I need…”

He didn’t even get to finish his sentence before Steve was scooping his tip up and guiding into his mouth.

Bucky dropped his head back, moaning out a long approving vibrato. Limbs shaking, Bucky snapped his hips against Steve’s chest and into his mouth. “I’m…Steve I’m coming…Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_ … _fuck_!” Bucky arched his back as his orgasm pushed out his dick with a ferocity he didn’t know existed. His eyes rolled back in his head as he leaned back, jaw slack and stomach so, _so_ warm. Sweat clung to his body, forcing him to shiver as his muscles officially collapsed. He fell to Steve’s side, panting heavily and feeling like the world was spiraling out of orbit and falling through space.

Steve leaned over to the garbage, most likely to spit out the cum. He rolled back over, pressing kisses to Bucky’s shoulder and the middle of his spine. “Too tired to keep going?”

“Want you in me,” Bucky breathed out, exhausted and hoarse. “Wanna know…”

“Just lay like that baby,” Steve cooed, running his hands down Bucky’s body as he moved behind. He spread Bucky’s legs, pulling his hips up so Bucky’s ass was up in the air and his face nestled happily into a pillow.

With lazy, tired eyes, Bucky attempted to follow Steve’s movements, watching him put a condom on, watching him squirt lube onto his hands and stroke himself a few times, watching him…line up.

Bucky tensed, clasping his legs together as his eyes shot open. “I can’t!”

Steve flinched, startled by Bucky’s quick outburst.

Bucky flung over, panting and looking wildly into Steve’s eyes. “Everyone says it hurts and I didn’t think I hurt you but you know what you’re doing and I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m not sure it’s not gonna hurt and I don’t know if I wanna do this anymore and oh God, Steve I’m so sorry, I’m just so scared!” he rushed out in a fast-paced sentence. He dropped his head into his arms, curling up into a fetal position against the pillows.

“Hey,” Steve consoled warmly, moving to pull Bucky into his chest, still sticky from some of Bucky’s cum. “Shh, first off, yeah it can hurt, second off, you know I’d try to go as slow as possible for you. I wouldn’t even put all of me in you unless you asked. Lastly, we don’t ever have to do this. I want you comfortable. That’s the only thing I care about when I’m with you, Buck. I want you comfortable and feeling safe in your own skin. If you don’t feel safe, that’s fine. We never have to do this.”

Bucky was chewing at his bottom lip, doing everything in his power to keep the tears at bay. He wouldn’t cry over this. He wouldn’t show how embarrassed and frustrated he was with himself. He’d just fucked Steve hard into the mattress and he couldn’t even return that favor? Couldn’t let Steve feel as good as Bucky had felt? He dropped his face into his arms, sniffing.

“You don’t have to cry, Buck–”

“I’m not crying!” Bucky snapped. “I cry easy, yeah, but I’m not crying right now. I’m just…pissed.”

Steve nestled back into the pillows, pulling Bucky on top of him.

Bucky nestled his face into Steve’s chest, uncaring that he was most likely smearing some of his own cum onto his face. He’d just take a shower later anyway.

“Why’re you angry?” Steve inquired.

“Because I’m a chickenshit?” Bucky offered bitterly.

“I don’t think you’re chickenshit.”

“You’re getting paid by me Steve, you’ll say anything to make me feel better,” Bucky shot back.

Steve huffed. “You know, there’s a difference between wanting to please a client and wanting to be with a client.”

Bucky looked up with round, misty eyes. “Huh?”

“So those old guys? I wanna please them, sure. Get my money and my tip. Go buy my video games.” He flashed an infectious smile. “Then there’re clients like you. Clients I actually _enjoy_ spending time with. Kinda like friends.”

“Kinda...like friends.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “You really think I secretly hate you?”

“I mean, yeah? I’ve been a dick to you,” Bucky responded with a creased brow.

Steve closed his eyes, nestling back into the pillows. “I’m pleasantly sore. My body’s hummin’ so sweet and you fucked me the way I like getting’ fucked. You’re a passionate person and you throw that passion into everything you do. Me, your work, your ambition. You’re a good person Buck. A few bruises doesn’t spoil the fruit.”

“Did you just analogy me?” Bucky laughed. “That was such a gay analogy! Fruit?! Who does that?!”

Steve laughed openly, curling his arms protectively around Bucky’s shoulders.

Bucky’s smile slowly faded, his heart speeding up. What if it was really like this? Going to bed with this man for the rest of his life? Growing old together till they had hair growing out of their ears and sagging dicks. Bucky wouldn’t be so afraid of the future if he knew there’d be someone there with him; someone big and strong like Steve.

“So we’re friends?” Bucky piped up, resting his chin on Steve’s sternum.

Steve sighed, an amused grin playing at his lips. “We’re whatever we are, whenever we need to be it.”

Bucky didn’t like that answer. It was avoiding the subject and made his stomach coil. He pressed his ear to Steve’s chest, listening to that quick heartbeat. Was it racing from the sex or something entirely different? Bucky hated that he’d never know.

“We leave tomorrow,” Bucky informed. “I don’t know when I’ll see you next.”

“I told you,” Steve began. “I’m your sex instructor. You’ll see me again.”

“Fuck, I hope I got made partner.”

“When do you know?”

“Tomorrow at lunch,” Bucky replied. He lifted his head, staring at Steve, looking at his wispy hair, his face still glistening from sweat. “You didn’t even come.”

Steve smiled, blush rising to the apples of his cheeks. “Uh…yeah. No.”

Bucky felt like he had rocks falling into his heart, clogging him up and making him cold. “I want you to come.”

Steve shrugged. “S’over now. I’m not even hard anymore.”

Bucky sat up, slipping from Steve’s body and running his fingers up and down Steve’s thighs. “But I want you to come.”

Steve slowly licked his lips, nodding softly. “Yeah. Okay.”

“I’m not… I’m not ready for sex, I guess, but I’ll do whatever else you want that makes you feel good.”

Steve seemed to consider this for a moment. He scrunched up his nose, tossing his head from side to side lightly. “Eat me out?”

Bucky blinked. “That’ll get you off?”

“I mean, I’ve gotta touch myself too, but I _love_ getting my hole licked. And it won’t take me long. Cause you need to sleep if you’re gonna be a functioning human being tomorrow when you accept your partnership.”

Bucky snorted. “You’re so confident in me.”

“You should be too,” Steve lilted. “Ya gonna eat my ass or not?”

“Christ! You’re so bitchy in bed!”

Steve laughed, moving to get onto all fours. He dropped his head back into the pillow, his hand always slowly touching himself, running the fingers loosely up and down his shaft. “I can be a bitch when necessary.”

“I’ve noticed,” Bucky chimed. “But that’s okay. I’ve enjoyed watching you sass the shit out of Pierce and Rumlow.”

Steve hummed, closing his eyes. “I’ve had fun. This whole trip was really worth it.”

“Ha. Ha. Butterin’ me all up for your tip?”

Steve wiggled his ass, making Bucky look down at that pink hole nestled between two firm asscheeks. “No, butterin’ you up so you’ll lick me real good.”

Bucky sighed, resigning himself to the act. He leaned over a bit, watching Steve flick his wrist over his cock, swirling his fingers at the tip. He was completely hard again. “So, I just lick it?”

“Lick it, suck it– nibble at it. It’s honestly really fun. Literally push yourself into it and you’ll find it fun.”

“Literal shit comes out of you and I’m about to…lick it?”

“Stop sounding like some dumbass straight boy and come to the dark side!” Steve grumbled. “We’ve got butt plugs.”

“You and that fucking plug.”

“Oh, actually,” Steve sat up, leaning back to look at Bucky. “Can I ask a favor?”

“I don’t know, _can_ you?” Bucky teased. He liked their running joke at this point. The idea of a favor was also interesting. Would Steve ask to be given a lift home from the airport? Bucky would be on that like white on mother fucking rice.

“Tomorrow. I’m…well I’m seeing another client after we land.”

Bucky’s heart sank, crumbling into his intestines and exploding into fantasies that’d always remain as such– fantasies.

“She likes it when I’m wearing a toy already. I was wonderin’ if you’d help me put in that plug? You could play with the settings on the plane.”

As much as the thought of getting Steve dangerously uncomfortable next to him on the plane was exciting, Bucky didn’t have the heart to do it. To get Steve all hot and bothered for someone _else?_

That was the biggest slap to the face he’d ever experienced.

“So? Yeah?” Steve pressed, looking at Bucky with growing concern.

“Sure,” Bucky answered flatly. “Whatever you need, Stevie.”

Steve settled back into the pillows, wiggling his hips. “Need my ass licked then.”

Bucky laughed softly, though the happiness refrained from his eyes. “Okay, Stevie.”

Bucky leaned forward, his heart aching, fingers trembling. He had no desire to do this anymore, not with the information that Steve would go see someone else tomorrow and all of this was just gone. And a _woman_. “Are you bi?”

Steve pushed his face into the pillows, groaning. “I’ll answer any question you want after, just _please_ , Bucky, let me come,” Steve whined.

Bucky licked his lips, kneeling to level himself with Steve’s ass. He ran his fingers up and down Steve’s curves, feeling the muscle shiver beneath the skin.

“Lick it, Buck. I swear it’s okay,” Steve encouraged softly.

Bucky leaned forward, pushing his nose into Steve’s tailbone. He jutted his tongue out, running it along the ripples of Steve’s hole. It didn’t taste any different than regular skin, but maybe that was because of the whole _vegan_ thing. Willing his depressive thoughts away, Bucky turned his attention to pleasuring Steve; the man he’d gladly let walk on him with shoes made of razor blades.

He ran his tongue along the hole, circling it a few times, feeling it pucker. He scooted closer, sucking at it, running his tongue along its lower side.

“Ah, yeah that’s nice, Buck,” Steve purred. He spread his legs more to get a good hold of himself as he fucked into his fist.

Bucky pressed his tongue flat against the hole, slipping it up and down, getting his chin wet. He pulled back, looking at the shimmering hole, open and battered from the beating Bucky had given it earlier. He moved forward again, pressing his nose roughly against Steve’s tailbone, breathing sharply as he nibbled around the edges, pulling loud moans from Steve’s already trembling body.

Bucky plunged his tongue inside, instantly greeted with fluttering muscle and walls that seemed to crawl toward him, begging for more. He lapped against them, hooking his tongue and making tiny pop sounds as he’d pull out only to plunge back inside.

Steve was moaning in a steady rhythm now, his fist still fucking him over. He pushed back into Bucky, rocking his hips with the rhythm Bucky’s tongue set. “That’s good, Buck…I’m close, I swear I’m close, baby.”

Bucky didn’t care if he couldn’t’ be further away. Something about this was entrancing. Bucky loved the feel of saliva rubbing back against his cheeks, being pressed so close to another man, making him squirm and moan beneath him; he loved the feeling of the riveted texture around the hole and how he could hook his tongue in and stretch it even more. He swirled his tongue inside, listening to Steve’s quick breathing.

He reached around Steve, moving his hand out of the way and stroking him. He moved fast, paying attention to the head and just under the tip.

“Oh, _fuck_ , Bucky!” Steve cried out. “Yeah baby, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…I’m close…I’m _close_ …”

Bucky knew not to touch Steve’s balls, but he desperately wanted to squeeze them, give them the smallest bit of encouragement but he refrained. He focused on pumping his hand back and forth, using the precome that’d been leaking as a soft lubricant.

He ran his tongue along the circle of the hole again before dipping in and moving his tongue in a wave motion inside.

“Oh…oh fuck! Bucky!”

From that response and the way Steve pushed back against him, Bucky gathered that was something Steve particularly liked. He continued his ministration, lolling his tongue over and over till hot liquid was spilling against Bucky’s hand and Steve was yelling into the pillow.

Bucky didn’t stop pumping at Steve, he flicked his wrist, slipping his palm over the slit and circling it slowly, softly as Steve’s breathing came down from his orgasm.

Bucky swirled his tongue back and out of Steve’s ass, licking a few more laps at the hole in salutations before pulling up to roll over and head to the bathroom.

He quickly washed his hands off and grabbed the mouthwash. After spitting it out, he hopped back into the bed with Steve, nuzzling up to his chest again.

Steve was breathing deep now, looking satisfied and those cheeks were still an adorable shade of red.

“You’re so pretty, Stevie,” Bucky purred, kissing the man on the cheek. “I can’t get over how pretty you are.”

Steve shrugged, wrapping an arm around Bucky. “Eh.”

Bucky pulled back, brow knitting in confusion. “Eh?”

Steve opened his mouth, taking in a breath before saying, “Um, thank you?”

“Do you not think you’re attractive?”

Steve sat up, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I think I’m attractive enough, Bucky. Do you wanna take a shower?”

“No, I wanna talk.”

Steve sat back, folding his arms across his chest.

_‘That’s not a good sign…’_

“Did I do something wrong? Bite too hard? The mouthwash?”

“What? No, no you didn’t do anything wrong,” Steve explained. “I’m just tired. You worked me good, Bucky.”

Bucky didn’t believe him. There’d been a sour change in the mood since Bucky had come and Steve wasn’t budging whatsoever on the subject. “Will you please tell me I’ve not done anything to offend you?”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s face, kissing each corner of his eyes. “You’ve done nothing to offend me, Bucky. Absolutely nothing.”

“Then…why eh?”

Steve laughed. “Because we’re done having sex? Because I’m not…used to this?”

“Used to what? Compliments?”

“Let’s not talk about it, okay? Please? It’s my job, Bucky and I really don’t want you to start feelin’ sorry for me!”

“What’s wrong with compassion?” Bucky asked, swinging around in the bed as Steve stood and made his way for the bathroom.

“Because, Bucky!” Steve snapped. “You start feelin’ sorry for me and you’ll stop buying me!”

Bucky’s lips parted silently.

“So please. I think it’s just best if we don’t talk about my job anymore. I shouldn’t talk about other clients either. That’s extremely unprofessional.” He made his way into the bathroom, closing the door.

Bucky stood up, briskly moving to the door when he heard the shower turn on. He knocked. “Steve?”

The door opened.

“I don’t feel sorry for you,” Bucky confessed. “Do I think you could do more with your life? Maybe, but that’s none of my damn business and I sure as hell have no right telling you it. You like what you do right?”

“…Yeah?”

“Then I like what you to do. And I’m not gonna lie when I say that we probably just had the best sex of my damn life. So don’t start thinking that I’m gonna up and cut you out of my money.”

Steve smirked, opening the door to the bathroom wider. “Wanna take a shower with me?”

“You gonna make it like last time?”

Steve shrugged, shameless. “Probably.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “You’re incorrigible.”

“I hate that word,” Steve analyzed. “Always reminds me of dumb, poorly-written women from movies in the 50s. I mean, we can hardly write a good female lead these days but–”

“Steve!” Bucky interjected through a smile. “No more social justice rants tonight, okay? Let’s just jack each other off in the shower.”

Steve chuckled, closing the bathroom door. “I think I can handle that.”

Bucky could handle this… tomorrow. He could handle shoving a butt plug into Steve and knowing it was for another client. It was unprofessional of Bucky to abuse this and think he deserved more of Steve. It didn’t matter how much he’d grown to care for him in the course of two fucking days (really Bucky, how much more desperate could you be?). What mattered was that Steve enjoyed his job and he was happy with his life.

It didn’t matter that Bucky hated his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! [Tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
> (I'll be posting some snippets of this fic there, though I'll eventually compile them into outtakes on here. Spoiler: Some are Steve's POV!)
> 
> As always, feedback is so very appreciated! Thank you for reading! <3  
> Sometimes I sneak gifs into ends of chapters for the gifs that I use as inspiration for sex scenes, but I'm legit in my trusts and estates class RIGHT NOW and ......that'd be weird to those sitting next to me. hahaha


	5. Cat and Mouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long anticipated update. I'm so sorry this took me forever! And a heads up, I am working on a fic for Halloween. It's Stucky (of course) and is an interactive fic (choose your own adventure kind of deal) and I will not be updating ANY story until that is finished. I hope to have it up before Halloween!
> 
> If you missed the Steve POV ficlet I posted on Tumblr: [Click Me for Steve POV](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/128516974813/hi-there-friend-i-just-finished-reading-chapter-4/)
> 
> This fic has a playlist (that I will continue adding to) If you want to listen to the music I listen to when writing, please go here! [Click Me!](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvIr9Ez4kK0ysmGrJQDrVx1lXRPHBDS05)
> 
> Shoutouts to [viper-seven](http://viper-seven.tumblr.com/), [ghostbuckster (aka perfbucky)](http://ghostbuckster.tumblr.com/), [slaughterme-barnes](http://slaughterme-barnes.tumblr.com/) and [thealidoyle](http://thealidoyle.tumblr.com/) for being awesome beta readers on this super massive shift chapter. (I needed a lot of opinions and reassurance haha)  
>  **WARNING** This chapter contains very minor, brief and passing suicidal thoughts. I was asked to tag this but I don't think it is large enough to need an official tag, so it gets a warning here.

Bucky had slipped from the room before Steve was awake. He’d meandered into the coffee bar and slipped up to the barista, asking for a simply black coffee. He felt completely dejected. Last night… He shivered at the memories. Steve’s face had been so beautiful, so flushed and needy. Bucky honestly wasn’t sure if he could ever feel that good with anyone else ever again. Steve had done something to him. He’d reached into Bucky, scooped his soul out and nibbled a little mark into it, forever making it Steve’s. Bucky hated how pathetically attached he was to Steve. He wasn’t sure if it was love, lust, or curiosity, but he didn’t care. He knew with absolute certainty that he couldn’t _exist_ without Steve the Escort.

“Rough night?” Natasha asked as she slipped up to Bucky.

Bucky bristled at her presence, suppressing a snarl. He looked back at his coffee, fingering the mouth of the cup distantly. “Had a great time last night,” he responded curtly.

“Then why do you have that look on your face after you and I fought?”Nat countered, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips.

Bucky groaned, dropping his forehead against his arms. “Nat, could you please just for once, butt the fuck out? We’re not married anymore.”

Natasha gasped lightly, though Bucky was pretty sure it was all part of some elaborate act. He didn’t trust her anymore. The stunt at breakfast, the dinner, Steve’s very presence. It all added up to one of her schemes. “Is it so hard to think that I still care about you?” she asked, her red brows pulling together.

Bucky sat up, opening his mouth in astonished confusion.

“I’ve barely gotten to talk to you this whole weekend because you’ve been with Steve and that’s fine but I care about you too, Bucky!”

Bucky shook his head, tears threatening to creep into his eyes. How could she do this? How could she still dip her fingers into his chest and pull at his heartstrings? How could she still make him care so much?

“Now talk to me, Bear,” she finished.

That was it. That was the arrow that pierced his heart and made his nerves shiver. She’d used his nickname from a time when they thought they were happy. A time when they’d go to sleep in each other’s arms and giggle together, playing footsie under the covers.

“Nat,” Bucky breathed. “I’m just… I–”

“Good morning, baby,” Steve announced as he slipped up next to Bucky at the bar, pressing a kiss against Bucky’s temple.

Bucky closed his eyes, suppressing the shiver that desperately wanted to zing down his spine. His heart was jumping into his throat as he looked at Steve, eyes round and pleading. From Steve’s expression, he seemed to think Bucky was in some kind of trouble.

“Natasha,” Steve greeted pointedly, but with a bit of a bite to his tone.

Natasha sat back, sighing heavily before leaving.

Bucky watched with anguished, confused eyes as she swayed her hips; hips he used to love to kiss and suck at…

“Bucky.” Steve voice cut into his thoughts.

He turned to Steve, swallowing thickly.

“You okay?” Steve asked, running his fingers up and down Bucky’s skin. “She say somethin’ to you?”

“No, Steve,” Bucky whispered. “She was nice.”

Steve winced, looking to the doors of the coffee bar. “Okay.”

Bucky slipped from the barstool, snatching his coffee and walked toward the exit. Steve had moved to follow but Bucky turned around and held out his hand. “No. I need some space. I just wanna see Clint and Peter.”

Steve nodded, sitting back down in a slump atop the barstool. His shoulders were hunched and he looked like a golden retriever who’d just been kicked in the face. Bucky hated how badly his heart squeezed at that expression, how it wanted to leap from his chest and snuggle up next to Steve.

Bucky had too much on his mind. Today was the last day. He still had to shove a plug up Steve’s ass for a another of Steve’s clients, and had to endure Hill, Pierce and Rumlow. Had to endure Natasha’s confusing interactions and all he wanted right now was a shot of tequila and his best friends.

He found them in the billiard room. They were loudly laughing, playing a game of pool with Laura and Gamora, the assistant that came with Peter on the paddleboat excursion.

“Hey!” Clint announced, raising his arms wide. “Bucky fucking Barnes!”

“Clint!” Laura protested, laughing. “Watch your language!”

“Sorry, honey,” he replied, kissing her face before jogging up to Bucky. “How are ya man? Feels like I never saw you this entire time.”

Bucky laughed, nodding. “I don’t think I’ve really spent much time just hanging out.”

“Did Tony tell you if you got the partnership or not yet?” Peter asked as he shot at one of the stripes, hitting it into the corner pocket. He’d always been good at pool.

“Won’t say till lunch, remember?” Bucky reminded. He watched Peter circle the pool table, searching for a good shot.

“Where’s Steve?” Laura asked.

“I just needed some space,” Bucky replied sheepishly.

Laura’s brows raised but Clint dove in for the rescue. “Hey man, I know how that is. Married life’s gonna make you need to build some kind of man cave, or…whatever gay guys have.”

“I’m bisexual, and it’s still a man cave,” Bucky pointedly reminded. He snatched the pool stick from Clint’s hands and went to take a shot at one of the solids.

“Star shot!” Peter announced as Bucky hit the green ball into the center pocket. “Nice!”

Bucky smiled. He missed his friends. Usually these excursions out to the Stark estate were full of late night binge drinking and professions of what they wanted to do had they not been enslaved to the advertising world. Away from Nat, away from Steve, Bucky could just be himself right now. He didn’t have to think about how badly he ached for the escort or how confused he felt about Natasha. He was just with his friends. None of them cared about anything other than Bucky’s well-being. There were no hidden motives unlike Nat or even Steve.

Bucky’s throat clamped in as he’d made the realization. Steve’s motive to be here was money, nothing more and nothing less. He handed the stick back to Clint. “Your shot.”

Gamora was cozied up under Peter’s arm. She was pretty. Bucky smiled, watching the two of them. Hopefully this wasn’t just some weekend flame. Peter was a good man and he deserved a good woman.

“You nervous?” Clint asked, directing the question at Bucky.

Bucky sighed, watching Clint royally mess up a shot.

“Damn!” he exclaimed.

“I don’t know. I’m oddly at peace right now. Like, I don’t care if I get made partner or not. I did my best.”

“That’s a good way to look at it,” Peter said as he walked around the pool table, looking at the balls to find a good shot. “But you’ve been itching to get out of mid exec level for a hard minute.”

“Yeah,” Bucky admitted, scratching at the back of his neck. “Maybe if I don’t make it, I’ll go back to college or something.”

“What?!” Clint gasped. “Serious, dude?”

Bucky shrugged. “I’ve always liked history. Wanted to be a history teacher back before I met Nat.”

“Dude, you’ve got a good life. Why fuck that up? I mean have you seen the van I drive? I drive a van! A van!” Clint countered.

“We have kids, Clint,” Laura reminded. “And it’s a minivan.”

“Oh, right. Minivan, Buck. I drive a _minivan_.”

Bucky snorted, shaking his head incredulously. “Noted, Clint. But we’ll see. I don’t really know what I want in life anymore.”

“Uh-oh,” Gamora announced. “Is that why you’re hiding from your fiancé?”

“What?” Bucky blinked. “N-no, that’s not it at all.” Bucky knew he wanted Steve. He didn’t know why he wanted this partnership anymore. He guessed he wanted it because what else was he going to do? A promotion meant more money, and partner meant more freedom. He would be free to come into work and goof off or take paid vacations and boss people around. He could influence the advertising world better and show his creativity better. He did like making campaigns a lot. Honestly, he loved looking at a finished product up in the subways of New York or scrolling through Time Square. He was always proud of them. And Clint had a point, the additional money would be nice.

_‘I could use it on Steve.’_

He sat down, sighing heavily. He was going to go bankrupt over Steve, partnership or not. Maybe it was best he got the position. He’d at least be able to eat for a few more weeks before he spent every last penny on Steve the Escort.

They spent all morning in the billiard room. A few people had come and gone but never Steve, and never Natasha. Even Tony had made his way down to play a few rounds. Bucky felt guilty for leaving Steve alone for so long but he’d needed to get away. As much as he loved being around the other man, he was always in pain around him too. It was a fine line and Bucky just needed a break from the influx of emotions he’d been experiencing with the escort.

Seeing his friends laughing and having a good time helped calm his mind. Today was a defining moment in Bucky’s life. He wasn’t sure if he’d get partner and now, at least he could honestly say he didn’t care. Maybe he was too distracted by Steve and he’d care once they were back in New York, but right now it would be okay if he didn’t get it. He’d discovered something else about himself.

He liked men.

And he was okay with that.

* * *

 

Steve was in the bedroom when Bucky finally returned. His face was flushed and his blond brows were pinched together. Bucky’s mouth dropped open when he saw Steve on the bed, naked and panting as he worked himself open with his fingers.

“St-Steve!” Bucky gasped, slamming the door shut, rattling one of the paintings in the room.

“I didn’t know how long you’d be,” Steve answered, closing his legs and yanking his fingers away. “I needed to get ready.”

_‘For your other client…’_

Bucky shifted awkwardly, licking at his lips. “D-do you still want help?”

Steve offered an embarrassed smile, shrugging a shoulder. “If you’re okay with it? You don’t have to. I know you’re probably shitting yourself right now.”

Bucky untucked his shirt, undoing a few of the top buttons. He slipped his shoes off and headed over to the bed. His gaze scanned over Steve’s flushed pink chest, his red cock and those slicked up fingers. “Give me the lube.”

Steve bit his bottom lip before he turned to snatch the bottle and hand it over to Bucky. “Thank you. I know it’s kind of weird.”

“I got you till we land, right?” Bucky asked as he swirled his fingers around themselves to coat them evenly.

“Yeah,” Steve answered.

“Then this isn’t weird, ‘cause you’re mine right now.” Bucky smiled simply, moving to hook one of Steve’s legs over his shoulder. He’d enjoyed last night, regardless of how it ended or not. He’d enjoy now too. He liked men. He liked Steve. It was okay, right? It was okay to find a man more beautiful than a woman. No one really seemed to care except Pierce and his goons and even then Bucky was pretty sure it was only because they were all in the running for partner. Part of him only wanted that position at this point just so he could shove their noses in it. A bisexual man beating them.

_‘Except I’m pretty sure I’m actually gay.’_

Ignoring the thought, Bucky brought two fingers up to Steve’s hole, smiling when he saw it pucker in anticipation. He looked up at Steve, watching him try to crane his neck so he could see what Bucky was doing.

“You like watching, Stevie?” Bucky asked.

Steve nodded. “Just wanna make sure you know what you’re doin’. Since I’m your sex instructor and all.”

Bucky laughed, pressing a kiss to the knee over his shoulder. “I think I figured it out last night. I’m a pretty fast learner.”

Steve lay back, sighing happily when Bucky’s fingers pressed against his entrance, circling it a few times. “Ah…yeah you are,” he purred in delight.

Bucky couldn’t wipe the smile from his face even if he tried. He loved feeling the crinkled texture of Steve’s hole, the warmth of his cheeks as they clenched around him when he’d press the pads of his fingers up against that little pink hole and flick his fingers around it. Steve’s heel was digging into his back and the pressure only made Bucky want to laugh. He liked pleasing Steve, knowing that so many often didn’t do this for him.

“Hey Steve,” Bucky ventured.

Steve looked up, panting softly. “Yeah?”

“Do other clients help you get ready…you know…for other clients?”

Steve dropped his head back down, groaning. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” Bucky replied, his voice gentle. He worked two fingers inside Steve, biting his lip when the muscles clamped around him.

“Ah…fuck, Bucky,” Steve breathed. “N-no. I usually do this myself.”

Bucky’s heart fluttered. Anything that set him apart was a win in his book. Steve asking him to do this and no other client made his heart soar over the clouds and into the universe beyond. “So why’d you ask me?” He was feeling brave. Having two fingers up inside Steve probably had a lot to do with that.

Steve grabbed at the mattress, his knuckles turning white as he pushed down on Bucky’s fingers. Whining, he arched his back, circling his hips as Bucky pumped his fingers, in and out. “Christ Bucky that’s good. Fuck…fuck yes.”

“I asked you a question,” Bucky reminded. His tone wasn’t rude or annoyed, but he was eager to know the answer. He curled his fingers inside Steve, letting his nails graze along the walls.

“Fuck!” Steve hissed, pushing down against Bucky more. “Ah that’s good, Bucky.”

“Steve,” Bucky attempted again. “Why’d you ask me?”

“Why does it matter?” Steve grumbled. “You’re gonna get somethin’ outta it too.”

Bucky pushed a third finger in, feeling Steve’s heel dig into the back of his spine.

“Ah! Fuck, fuck Bucky,” Steve whined. “Twist your fingers, Buck. Ah…yeah…yeah just like that. Oh my _God_ , Bucky.”

Bucky liked watching Steve’s body tremble as he worked his fingers inside. He twisted like Steve instructed, turning his wrist from side to side as he brought his fingers up to the first knuckle and then slowly pushing them in till his palm bumped at Steve’s hole.

Steve was mewling incoherently now, his heel digging painfully into Bucky’s back. He desperately grabbed at the sheets, pushing his ass against Bucky’s fingers, greedy for more. His cock was bouncing rhythmically, the head poking from the foreskin.

Bucky wanted to reach out and stroke it, maybe even lick it.

Fuck it. He was only human.

Bucky leaned down, licking a streak from base to tip, smiling when Steve cried out. He took the tip into his mouth, sucking at the foreskin to pull it over the tip and chew softly the way he knew Steve liked.

“Oh Jesus, Mary and _Joseph_ ,” Steve breathed out, his other leg wrapping around Bucky’s waist. “Christ, Bucky don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.”

Bucky would do this for an eternity if Steve only asked. Steve was sweet as sin and Bucky was all too eager to live void of purity. He pushed his fingers deeper, thrusting them rhythmically inside and grazing over Steve’s prostate.

Steve’s legs clenched around him as he moaned out loudly in a beautiful vibrato. He slammed his head back against the bed, panting heavily, with his beautiful tits rising and falling with each thrust of Bucky’s hand.

Bucky let Steve’s dick drop wetly against his stomach. He brushed his nose against it, trailing it from the base and up to the wet tip at the top.

“Fuck me,” Steve breathed out. “Bucky please fuck me I need it, I need it, I need it.”

Bucky wanted to. He wanted to tear at his clothes and bury himself deep into this man, but he also enjoyed the high he was experiencing as Steve lay beneath him, writhing and gasping for more. “Maybe,” he replied lazily, like he was disinterested. God, his voice sounded so convincing, Bucky almost believed himself. He scooped Steve’s dick back into his mouth with his tongue, bobbing with a slow pace, letting his teeth drag against the foreskin to tug it slightly.

Steve was banging his head repeatedly against the mattress now, whimpering almost pathetically as he swiveled his hips atop Bucky’s fingers, his muscles working to pull Bucky in deeper.

Bucky got curious and managed to push a fourth finger, his pinky, into Steve’s ass.

Steve raised his body from the bed, pushing up with his shoulder blades as he arched upwards, moaning loudly and hungrily. He fell back down, slamming his head again. “Bucky please, please fuck me, please, please please. Want that cock so deep in me. Want that fucking pretty cock, oh my fucking God _please_!”

Bucky laughed, letting Steve’s dick drop from his mouth again with a delicious wet smack against his stomach. He worked his fingers inside Steve, feeling the walls around him quake and tremble at his mercy. “You like this, Stevie?”

Steve nodded, whining pitchy and needy at him. “Bucky, _please_.”

Bucky brushed his thumb over Steve’s perineum. He drank in the beautiful scene spread before him, Steve needy and begging for him.It was a dream come true, hearing Steve’s voice so broken and devoted. He wanted Steve all to himself. He wanted to carry this man to bed with him every night, press kisses to his temple when he woke in the morning and make him breakfast with dopey smiling pancakes or pathetic little lunch bags with cute notes inside. He wanted this man forever.

“Steve,” Bucky breathed out, feeling his heart ache. “God, I want you.”

“Fuck. Me. Bucky,” Steve growled. He lurched up, managing to rip Bucky’s fingers from his ass and slam Bucky against the floor as they tumbled loudly.

Bucky yelped as his tailbone smacked the hardwood beneath. Steve was on top of him, yanking at his pants and pulling Bucky’s cock out. He wrapped his lips around Bucky’s dick, slipping his tongue around the length a few times urgently. He loudly sucked at Bucky, his fingers slipping up Bucky’s button down and finding his nipples.

Bucky moaned into the intoxicating sensation. “Steve, Steve, fuck you’re so good, so good,” he chanted in breathy moans. “Condom, give me a fucking condom.”

Steve had jumped from Bucky and not even a second later was back and already slipping a condom over Bucky’s dick, pressing kisses into Bucky’s hip and nibbling at the bone. His actions were desperate and impatient but Bucky couldn’t think straight. He wanted Steve. He wanted to grab those tits and fuck this man into the ground till they were bone and mangled flesh. He wanted to cry Steve’s name till it was the only word he knew. “Steve,” Bucky growled. “God damn it, Steve I need you.”

“I need you too,” Steve responded automatically in an urgent gasp as he slipped over Bucky’s dick, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. “Fuck, you feel so good in me, Bucky.”

Bucky knew he shouldn’t think about those words, but he’d heard them and now his mind was analyzing them over and over, beating them into a pulp and looking at each and every molecule of their existence. Steve needed him? Needed him or _needed_ him? Was it just in the moment or was it something more? An accidental slip or nothing at all? Bucky needed to know. He was going insane and he needed to know!

Steve circled his hips atop Bucky, grabbing at Bucky’s chest as he rocked back and forth. He threw his head back, moaning loudly. “Oh _God_ , Bucky Barnes,” he gasped. “Fuck you’re so perfect.”

Bucky snapped his hips up into Steve, grabbing the dimples of Steve’s backand holding this man tight. Steve rode him for all he was worth. They wouldn’t last, not at the desperate pace they’d set. Their skin smacked loudly, Bucky’s balls mashing almost painfully into Steve with each thrust. He gasped rhythmically, trying desperately to keep his professions of addiction and love from his vocal chords.

Steve was riding him like it was his job (oh wait…). His hips circled brutally as he whined incoherently. “Want…you…to…fuck…me…harder,” he panted with each thrust. “Make…it…hurt…swear to God, Bucky…I fucking…need…it.”

Bucky wasn’t strong enough to pick Steve up, but before he had to awkwardly admit that out loud, Steve was already standing, pulling Bucky impatiently up and  getting on his hands and knees on the bed. “Fuck me, Bucky, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” he chanted.

Bucky scrambled up, getting behind Steve and lining himself up, moaning at the sight of Steve- the line of his spine and the way his ass arched up, eagerly pushing back against his cockhead. If Bucky didn’t know any better, he’d say Steve was eager to just be with him, that he needed Bucky, but that was Bucky grasping at straws that didn’t exist. This was Steve’s job and they only had today, perhaps only this moment to really be with each other until next time.

Whenever that would be.

Bucky slipped into Steve slowly, getting lost in the way Steve moaned slowly, dropping his head and pushing back against Bucky. He rocked into Steve, letting his dick move back so it was resting at the rim before pushing back in forcefully.

Steve _howled_ , dropping his head into the pillows and circling his ass back on Bucky’s dick.

Bucky shivered, feeling the muscles envelop him feverently, cradling him like he belonged there. He continued to thrust into Steve, hitting harder and deeper each time, his balls smacking relentlessly against Steve’s own. He held onto Steve’s hips for balance but other than that, Bucky wasn’t even here anymore. He was lost in the pleasure of Steve’s body, the heat that was washing through him and getting drunk on the sounds that Steve made.

Steve was positively _loud_. Bucky couldn’t speak English at the moment but he knew Steve was moaning and chanting something. He was loud and unabashed and flawless.

Bucky’s whole body was humming as he plowed into Steve’s ass, grunting with each loud smack of his balls against Steve’s body. The sounds of rushing water howled in his ears, only to be penetrated by the sounds of Steve’s moaning. This was his existence, this was his purpose. Steve’s sounds were the reason Bucky breathed, his muscles, clenching and squeezing around Bucky in a desperate frenzy were the reason Bucky’s heart beat. Nothing could compare to how good this felt, no woman, no other man. Bucky wanted _Steve_ and _only_ Steve.

Steve was crying, his body shaking as he curled his arms around a pillow and bit into it, groaning around it.

Bucky blinked a few times, realizing Steve had literal tears in his eyes and his dick was already flaccid. He reached around Steve, touching the tip to feel the warm wetness around it. He pulled his fingers back to see cum on his fingers. Bucky bit his lip, halting his thrusts. He whined as Steve’s muscles relaxed around him, still warm and velvet but too loose in comparison to before.

“B-B-Bucky…what…what’re you…” Steve gasped. He tried to turn around but his body seemed to protest. He cried out, letting his body drop to the bed, pulling Bucky’s dick out of him. “M’sorry, m’sorry, m’sorry.”

Bucky’s fingers were trembling as he looked at them, still unsure of what was happening. The rushing howl in his ears was subsiding, his dick finally reminding him it was there and it was _hard_. He looked back to Steve, not caring that he’d not come. Steve was crying and trembling and it was Bucky’s fault.

“Steve!” Bucky gasped, moving to hover over Steve’s shaking form. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, what’d I do? Did I hurt you? What’d I do?!”

Steve laughed, dropping his sweaty head into the pillow he was clutching desperately. “I haven’t…” he panted. “I haven’t come that hard in years. But you didn’t. You didn’t finish.”

Bucky waved it off, slipping from the bed and running into the bathroom. He felt horrible! Steve was crying and it was his fault! He didn’t care if Steve had come or not, the man was crying! Bucky came back with a wet cloth and gently pat it against Steve’s face. “I’m sorry,” Bucky whispered.

Steve laughed again. “Please don’t.” He gulped, reaching out a trembling hand to cup Bucky’s face. “That was amazing and I feel like the biggest douche for not getting you off.”

“I don’t really care about that,” Bucky admitted. “I’m more concerned about you.”

Something like guilt crossed into Steve’s eyes, shading his features. He swallowed again, looking away from Bucky. “I’m fine, honestly. Take the condom off.”

“Huh?”

“You still have the condom on, jerk,” Steve teased through a tired smile.

“Oh, shit,” Bucky breathed, looking down to the shiny condom on his cock. He pulled it off, dropping it carelessly to the floor.

“Give me it,” Steve ordered, nudging his nose toward Bucky’s dick.

“I don’t think–”

“Let me get you off, Barnes!” Steve growled.

Bucky obeyed Steve. He moved so both knees were on either side of Steve’s face. Steve wrapped his lips around Bucky’s cock, using his hand to palm and knead gently at Bucky’s balls. “Oh f-fuck,” Bucky gasped. He let his head fall back, his mouth wide open as he reveled in the wet heat of Steve’s mouth.

Steve’s tongue traced along his length, lapping at the underside of his cockhead before swirling around the tip to suck at it loudly. He bobbed, his fingers pulling at the dimples on Bucky’s back, urging Bucky to fuck into his mouth.

Bucky rocked his hips into Steve’s mouth, gentle and unsure at first but honestly he was too wound up from before. He forced himself entirely into Steve’s mouth, feeling those muscles clamp around him as Steve gagged around his length. He fucked into Steve’s mouth, pulling back fully each time so Steve could get a moment to breath before he’d plow right back in. Steve’s teeth hit him a few times but honestly, it only pulled more pleasure out of Bucky.

His body was on fire. Every inch of him was _screaming_ with how good he felt. His nerves were frayed and trembling as his orgasm built within him. He panted loudly, thrusting relentlessly into Steve’s mouth as the man gurgled and gagged around him, saliva dribbling down his chin and neck.

“Steve, Steve, Steve,” Bucky panted, curling his spine as he looked down, watching Steve keep his cheeks hollow so Bucky could fuck into his mouth in ravenous abandon.

Bucky felt like his lungs were collapsing, like he was drowning from the overwhelming pleasure this man brought him.

Steve’s fingers were still working at his balls, cupping them and circling his palm against them. His tongue roamed freely around his dick, slipping along the subtle curve of his hard-on, dipping against the line where he’d been cut for circumcision.

“Oh, fuck, fuck, Steve, fuck fuck fuck!” Bucky cried out as his orgasm pushed from his body, rocking his bones and forcing him to curl in over Steve. He pumped into Steve’s mouth a few more times until he was left feeling breathless and shaky. His orgasm plagued at his body, fraying his already burnt nerves and pulling tears from his eyes. He pulled back from Steve’s mouth, collapsing onto the bed and nuzzling into Steve’s neck, whimpering.

Steve leaned over the bed, pulling the trash can closer to spit Bucky’s seed out. He kept a hand on Bucky, caressing the side of his face.

“You’re okay, Bucky,” Steve whispered, curling his fingers lazily into Bucky’s hair. “You’re okay.” He scooted closer, folding himself around Bucky and continued to pet his hair.

Bucky was drunk on this man. Hopelessly addicted and utterly in deep shit. The world wouldn’t feel right without Steve in his bed. Nothing would feel as good as the way Steve made him feel. No man could do this to Bucky. It was Steve and Steve alone. “You okay?” Bucky asked through a hoarse voice.

Steve chuckled, turning on his side. “Yeah.” He nipped at Bucky’s nose before pulling back to look Bucky over. “You okay?”

“You always make me come so hard,” he replied.

Steve barked out a laugh, nodding with a smile. “I’m pleased. Wanna make you feel good.”

“It’s more than good, Steve,” Bucky professed. “I feel right. Everything makes sense with you.”

Steve bit his lip, looking away.

Bucky knew what he’d done. The words had climbed from his mouth before he’d had a chance to really see what they meant. “O-oh God, I mean, I mean with–”

“It’s okay,” Steve replied, palms up. “It’s okay, I know what you meant. Never take a guy seriously after he’s just fucked your brains out. They’ll say anything.” He stood up, grabbing a small black plug. “Gotta wash this off though. Be right back.”

Bucky felt like his heart was going to explode. His mind was shrieking inside him, pulling at his eyes and rattling his brain. He needed to fix this. He’d said too much! Steve was brushing it off but he could see past those words. Steve was in the bathroom pretending to wash off his butt plug so he didn’t have to face Bucky. Would this be the end? Would they be over now? Steve said he’d cancel on clients when they got too close. Would they end?

_‘No, no, no we can’t end!’_

Bucky crossed the room, knocking frantically on the door. “Steve, Steve I didn’t mean what I said!”

The door opened. Steve had the sink on and the plug was in the basin. He was sporting a cocked brow and those flawlessly pink cheeks. “I said don’t worry about it, Buck.”

“I just,” Bucky stammered. He probably should have stopped. He’d shoved his foot so far into his mouth he could practically feel it at his ass. “I just don’t want you thinking I’m getting too close or something.”

Steve bit his lip, but he turned back to the basin and grabbed the soap. “You’re fine Bucky. I get it.”

“I just wanted–”

“It’s fine, Bucky!” Steve snapped. He sighed dejectedly. “I didn’t mean to snap, I just mean I get where I stand in your eyes. You don’t have to _tell_ me.”

Bucky’s heart was caving in. He wanted to curl around Steve and pull that man into him. He wanted to kiss his cheeks and tell him how much he meant to him. Hearing the way Steve sounded, hearing the bitter edge to that tone. Bucky wanted to believe he was hurt. Was he? Did Steve, maybe like Bucky a bit too? “Sorry,” Bucky mumbled, resigning himself away from the subject. “I didn’t meant to make this weird.”

Steve pulled the plug from the basin, shaking it off a bit. “It’s your first time with an escort. You’re bound to do something stupid.”

Bucky tried to smile but it was twitchy and incomplete. “Do you still…want me…to?”

Steve looked to the plug in his hands, his eyes rounding. “Oh, no. No I got it. You opened me up nice.” He crossed the room, brushing past Bucky as if they hadn’t just fucked each other almost too oblivion.

Bucky’s fingers were trembling and his skin felt too tight again. He couldn’t decide if the room was too hot or too cold. He walked back into the bedroom, watching Steve slip the plug into his ass.

Steve bit his lip, his cheeks flushing pink. He let his mouth drop open as he gasped from the pleasure the plug was giving him.

Bucky watched, completely transfixed as the plug stretched Steve’s hole, making the little rivets smooth out, all shiny and smooth around it. “Can I…” Bucky ventured. “Can I touch it?”

Steve laughed, but he pulled his hand back. “Sure.”

Bucky brushed his finger against the smoothed out rim. “It’s so soft.”

Steve rolled his eyes playfully. “You’re adorable.”

Bucky pulled back, balling his fists up. “I’m sorry. I’m such an idiot.” He walked back into the bathroom to wash his hands off. He was an idiot, falling for a man who’d never love him back. A man who thought that Bucky would never love him. He’d have to tell him, but he knew the end result to that. Steve would leave.

Steve stood up gingerly, walking a bit awkwardly before slipping his pants on and squirming where he stood. His lips tugged into a smile and he suddenly crossed the room more freely, as if there wasn’t anything slipped up between his ass cheeks. “You ready to find out if you got made partner?”

Bucky toweled off his hands, sighing in acceptance of the situation. Maybe getting made partner would be nice, maybe if it didn’t happen it wasn’t the end of the world. Bucky had bigger problems now with figuring out his life and what he really wanted to do. So far the only thing he knew for sure was that he wanted to always be with Steve.

He was already finding clever ways to pull some tax evasion.

* * *

 

“Bucky,” Natasha said as she came up behind him, grabbing his hand. “Can we talk for a second?”

Bucky looked up at Steve, loving the way the blond crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at Natasha. “I’ll be right in,” he reassured.

Steve nodded, looking between the two before stepping aside and heading into the large dining hall.

Bucky followed Natasha out into the gardens. She stopped by the fountain, staring down into it. “Sorry, I just didn’t want a ton of ears around.”

“You alright?” Bucky asked. Regardless of how he’d felt just the day before or even when he wasn’t around her, Bucky could never find it in himself to refrain from being concerned for her. She had a gravitational pull that he couldn’t escape no matter how hard he tried. He stepped closer, casually bumping his shoulder into hers. “You look pale.”

She laughed softly, still staring at the fountain. “You always did know when I wasn’t feeling my best.”

“Nat,” Bucky began. “Please don’t fuck with me right now.”

She sighed, finally turning to look up at him. Reaching up, she cupped a hand on his cheek. “I’m proud of you, you know? Don’t ever think I’m not.”

“Nat–”

“I’m not done yet,” she quipped. “I just wanted you to hear this from me, so you’d understand.”

“What the fuck’s going on, Nat?” Bucky blurted, getting impatient. He stared at her with narrowed eyes and a creased brow. She was always so beautiful with those high cheekbones, thick lips and ivory skin. Even now Bucky’s heart was beating faster as he looked at her. No matter how hard he’d fall for anyone else, there’d always be a place in his heart for Natasha, no matter how many times she’d beaten him and dragged him through the mud. No matter the insults or jabs she’d dish at him. He’d always love her. He couldn’t help it. She’d woven herself into his very bones, entrapping him like a fly to a web.

“Today may come as,” she paused, bobbing her head from side to side. “A shock.”

Bucky cocked a brow.

“I just wanted to apologize, before it happens. _If_ it happens.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he asked, irritation causing his voice to tremble.

“I think you already know,” she responded, crossing her arms. “You’re a lot smarter than you let on, Bear.”

“Oh don’t fucking _Bear_ me right now,” Bucky spat. “For once in your life would you just be upfront with me?”

“I asked Tony to consider me for the position,” she detailed. “I asked even before we got here.”

Bucky’s vision blurred. A roaring whoosh penetrated his eardrums and his hands balled into fists. He wanted to scream. He wanted to take his fingers and bury them into this woman’s throat and pull out that beautiful trachea that had spewed so many lies and dished so much anguish to him.

“Did you enjoy making me look like a fool?” Bucky rasped through a trembling voice. He wanted to kill her. Everything she’d done, bringing Steve, the words she spoke, everything had been a spectacle. “Was this just another fucking _game_ to you?”

Her eyes rounded as she put her hands up in defense. “No! Bucky, no! I knew how you felt about men long before this.”

“No,” Bucky said, his voice lower than usual. “No, you don’t get to play this and call it helping me 'figure it out.'  No you don’t get to fucking _lie_ to me anymore!”

“Bucky don’t raise your voice, please,” Natasha requested, her gaze darting around the garden.

“Fuck you, Nat!” Bucky cried out through clenched teeth. “Fuck you and the fucking games you’ve _always_ played with me! You forced me to bring a fucking _male_ escort here! You know what I’ve been going through? How I’ve been feeling because of that?”

“Bucky!” Natasha shouted. “Keep your voice down!”

“FUCK YOU!” Bucky wailed. “Fuck you, you...b-bitch.” Tears were streaming down Bucky’s face now. He couldn’t see Natasha’s face, that face that he once gazed upon as they said their wedding vows. That face that used to look up at him when they made love and whisper the softest professions of love against his lips. That face that had lied and cheated its way through his life and was still finding ways to bury knives in his back.

“I didn’t order him for some kind of bored amusement, Bucky!” Natasha snapped back. “You needed a push and that was the only way I saw it happening!”

Bucky rounded on Nat, clasping his fingers around her neck and growling in her face. “I could kill you. I could kill you for what you’ve done to me!”

“I HONESTLY WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU, BUCKY!” Natasha shouted, her breath hot on his face. “You wanna strangle me here? With hundreds of witnesses and your precious _escort_?”

“You leave him out of this,” Bucky warned, he pulled his hands back, staring at them in shock. Would he really be capable of hurting her like that? Is this what men felt like when they murdered their wives? He was so pissed. He’d loved her so much and she’d been nothing but a demon to him. He’d have given her the _world_ and all she wanted was his misery. Was this how those men felt?

“So you do like him,” Natasha smirked. “I’ve always known what kind of man you were into.”

Bucky sobbed, falling next to the fountain. He curled his arms around his stomach, gasping for air as he fought off to keep some kind of composure, though he was fading away so quickly. She’d pushed him to his limits. She’d brought him here under the guise of being confident in him. _Proud_ of him; of knowing he was the best candidate for the job and yet it’d all been a lie. Every. Single. Smile. Every single kiss. It’d all been a lie.

She’d bought Steve as a distraction so she could wedge herself between Tony and Bucky. She’d made sure Bucky would suffer because she knew him the best. She knew he’d tear himself apart from the inside as he analyzed his entire life under a magnifying glass. She knew he’d be too distracted to really fight for the position. She’d done this on purpose. She’d set him up to be a spectacle to the company, forever changing his reputation and for her own personal amusement. She knew.

Bucky had let Natasha into his life, he’d divulged his secrets, his ambitions and real desires to her and one by one she’d taken them all away. She’d crushed them into dust and smoke, only to reform them in her own forge. She took his dreams and when there was no hope left, offered him new ones, new small glimmers of hope that his life wasn’t meaningless and Bucky had _listened_. He’d listened because he’d loved her.

“How long did you know?” he asked softly, sitting back on his ass, slinging his wrist over a knee casually.

Natasha sat against the fountain, running her fingers through Bucky’s hair. “Since that party at Parker’s place. You were flirting with that blond guy, Thor? I asked you to come with me for a smoke and you took too long to turn from him.”

“You don’t even smoke,” Bucky replied.

“It was to see your reaction. You didn’t make one,” she said solemnly.

“He’s a fucking escort, Nat,” Bucky spat. “Escorts don’t date their clients.”

Natasha huffed, standing up. “Who said you needed to date him? I just wanted to show you what I saw in you all along. You’re gay and that’s fine, Bucky. No one’s going to care.”

“Except they do,” Bucky countered. He was too exhausted to put up another fight. He wanted to ruin this woman. It wasn’t that she wanted the partnership. Honestly, Bucky could have tolerated that. He’d have been pissed, but he’d get over it eventually. What he didn’t like was that she exploited his one weakness for her own gain. She’d used his suffering as a way to get ahead. Everything that he’d thought was now coming true. She was right, he was a lot smarter than he often led on to believe. He’d seen this coming, and yet somehow he’d tried to make excuses for why it wasn’t that way. He’d tried to rationalize that there was some part of her that still loved him. Clearly he’d been wrong.

Natasha sighed, smoothing down some stray hairs atop her head. “Those who actually matter don’t care. Peter and Clint know already and they don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit.”

“And you’re supposed to matter to me?” Bucky laughed out sinisterly.

“I may not be the nicest person, Bucky, but I do care about you. I want you happy and showing you that you like men is the only way I can figure out how to make you _happy_.”

“So you decide to make me fall in love with an _escort_?!” Bucky shot back.

Natasha opened her mouth, but her eyes looked behind Bucky, her lips rounding.

Bucky turned around to see Steve standing there, his mouth was open and he was blinking in confusion.

“I just– I heard shouting,” he stammered. “Got– got worried.”

Bucky couldn’t do anything but sit there on the stone floor, staring at the one last shred of hope he had. He watched the tendrils that held his life above the never-ending abyss slowly unravel and snap and then he was falling. His body was cold, like he’d fallen into icy waters. His throat completely blocked as shock burrowed a hole into his chest. He tried to speak but it came out in a squeak.

Steve licked at his lips, stepping back a few paces before heading down the long hallway– away from the dining hall.

Bucky turned to look at Natasha. He had no fight left in him. His body was beaten, mangled, exhausted and _done_. He longed for the never-ending blackness of death. Nothing in his life had ever gone right. Natasha had picked him up, put him in her mouth and chewed until there was only a fraction of the man left. He swallowed loudly, feeling tears burn in his eyes. “I hope you’re happy.”

Natasha raised her chin, trying her best to look proud but Bucky knew better. He saw the chink in her armor and he dove for it.

“I really hope you enjoy that partnership. Hope you love it more than you loved me.”

“You know Bucky,” Natasha began as Bucky stood up, brushing himself off. “I could’ve hurt you if I wanted to.”

“So do it,” Bucky challenged, getting into her face. “Because I swear to God, Nat, I’m going to do my best to _hurt_ you.” He stormed out of the garden, running down the hall toward the bedroom praying that Steve hadn’t already packed and left.

He pulled the door open, seeing Steve sitting in one of the reading chairs. His eyes were focused on the unlit fireplace, luggage bags still open and casually messy.

“Let me explain, “Bucky rushed desperately. His heart was lurching into his throat and with each syllable he thought he may gag over the words. Energy buzzed in his nerves, making him shake anxiously as he fought to catch his breath.

Steve shrugged. “There’s nothing to explain, Bucky. Natasha did what you thought she’d do.”

“But that’s not– What– Did you not even listen?”

Steve sucked his lips in for a moment before letting them slip back out, red and full; Bucky’s body was _aching_ to kiss them. “You mean the part about loving an escort? Yeah I heard that, Bucky. And you don’t have to explain that one either. I already know what I am.”

“What?” Bucky asked, flabbergasted. This wasn’t what he’d been expecting. He’d expected Steve to tell him he couldn’t see him anymore because Bucky had gotten too close. He didn’t expect the hurt that was etched into the lines of Steve’s face or the abrasive tone that he was using.

“You’d never fall for an escort,” Steve detailed, shrugging. “Do you think that’s supposed to shock me? I’m a business arrangement. Why are we even still having this conversation? You should be with your colleagues.”

“I think you misunderstood,” Bucky began, frantic to make the pieces fit together. Steve was upset, but it wasn’t because of what Bucky would have thought. It didn’t make sense.

“Bucky,” Steve spoke, his voice gentle. “Please go be with your colleagues. You worked hard for today.”

Bucky stood there in a frozen stupor. Steve had misunderstood. But the dejected expression on his face perplexed Bucky, left him feeling breathless and unable to form sentences. Everything was the same as it had been before and yet _nothing_ was the same. Bucky wanted to rip Natasha to shreds for not only her betrayal but her carelessness of Bucky’s feelings. Steve had wedged himself so deeply into Bucky’s life but had no idea. Everything was the same and yet everything was entirely different. “Will you come with me?” he finally asked. “I need you there.”

Steve smiled sadly but he stood up, gasping for a moment.

Bucky furrowed his brow before remembering Steve was still wearing the butt plug.

“Just so you know,” Steve began. “What Natasha did? That was low. She shouldn’t try to manipulate your feelings like that.”

Bucky waved it off dismissively as he snaked his arms around Steve’s and pulled him toward the door. “I’m used to her being a vile she-demon from the innermost pieces of hell.”

“Did she get made partner?” Steve asked as they walked through the halls.

“Probably,” Bucky scoffed. “I guess that means I’m out of a job.”

“She’d fire you?”

Bucky shrugged. “Probably. I kind of threatened to make her life hell now.”

Steve laughed. “I’d have been disappointed if you didn’t after all the shit she’s shoved you into.”

“Yeah. It was kind of nice getting to yell at her like that,” Bucky responded, reminiscent of the events in the garden. Natasha had a unique ability to push all of Bucky’s buttons and get him blue in the face with rage but this was different. He wasn’t still staring at a face he was enslaved to. He was finally seeing her for what she really was, a coward and a liar. If she got made partner, Bucky could rest assured knowing this company would crumble and fall. Cowards didn’t know business and they lacked the creativity to do something once they finally got to where they thought they needed to be.

Maybe getting fired wasn’t the worst thing on the planet…except then he’d have no way to pay for Steve.

* * *

 

Steve and Bucky snuck into the back, snagging a table by the door as Tony was about finished with one of his closing speeches. He noticed the entrance and casually waved but other than that, he kept going with his speech.

Natasha was sitting with Maria, Rumlow and Pierce. She was visibly upset and her cheeks were flushed red. Bucky smiled triumphantly. He’d forgotten what she looked like when he actually was able to piss her off. He’d have to cherish this moment forever.

“And I’m sure by this point some of you are nodding off and oh, look, my father is actually asleep!” Tony said, bringing Bucky’s attention back to the closing ceremony. He looked over at Howard Stark and smiled, seeing the man’s head dropped back and mouth gaping as he snored lightly. “Good ol’ dad, right?”

The crowd laughed.

“So, it’s been a good weekend. I hope you all had a _wonderful_ time and I hope you enjoy your day off tomorrow. Come Tuesday though, you’re going to have a new partner walking the halls and I want you all to be very welcoming to this person.”

Steve sat up in his chair. Bucky watched as he slowly circled his hips around. To others, it would look like he was simply restless, but Bucky knew better. Steve was pleasuring himself on the plug. He smiled, leaning into Steve and nibbling at his ear.

“What’re you doing?” Steve whispered, but there was a smile on his face.

“Enjoying my last hour with you,” Bucky responded.

Steve stared at him, his brows slowly pulling together as he let a slow, soft smile play at his lips. “I’ve had an amazing time, Bucky.”

“Me too.”

“So, without further ado, please join me in congratulating your new partner, Mr. Bucky Barnes.”

Bucky was sure he hadn’t heard that right. Steve’s smile, full and from ear to ear was the only indication that what he’d heard was good news. He stood up, yanking Bucky up as well and applauding. Bucky looked around the room, his eyes round as his brain desperately worked to try to comprehend what was happening. “I’m partner?”

“Yes, you dope!” Steve elated.

“Kiss him!” someone yelled.

“Yeah give him a kiss!”

Bucky’s mind was still reeling when Steve’s hands were wrapping around him, soft and secure. His heart was still skipping when Steve’s lips pressed against his. The roar of the applause sounded louder than it probably was. Bucky’s skin was on fire and yet he was pretty sure his feet were freezing. Pins and needles pricked at his shoulders and spine. He was partner? He’d actually made partner? Steve was kissing him? Steve was kissing him. Oh _God_ , Steve was kissing him. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve, finally returning the kiss and slipping his tongue into Steve’s delicious mouth. They struggled to keep from smiling but managed to prolong the kiss just enough to earn some inappropriate comments from Clint across the room.

Bucky pulled back, breathless, sheepish and utterly shocked. He’d expected Natasha to beat him. He looked over to her. Her arms and legs were crossed and she looked positively peeved. He snorted, enjoying how upset she seemed. Raising a glass, he finally caught her gaze and he winked at her before drinking the liquid before him, glaring murderous intent.

She scoffed.

He had to swallow the drink quickly to keep from laughing and having it shoot from his nose. He felt weightless. Finally getting it made him realize just how badly he wanted this, though he wanted it for all the wrong reasons. Natasha had wanted it and now Bucky had it and he was going to do his damnedest to keep it. He’d rub it in her face and yank her chain with it day in and day out. He’d make her just as miserable as she’d made him. The game was on and Bucky was absolutely drunk on the power a partnership position had given him.

“So Barnes,” Tony said into the mic. “You excited about seeing your name above the door? Or wait, you changing it to whatever Steve’s last name is? Steve, what even is your last name?”

Bucky’s eyes rounded as he looked to Steve, his mouth opening as he waited to see what Steve would do. Would he say something about taking Bucky’s last name? Would he look to Bucky to fix the situation?

Steve cupped a hand around his mouth and shouted, “Rogers!”

Steve Rogers. Steve Rogers. Steve the Escort’s last name was Rogers. “Steve Rogers?” Bucky squeaked. “Your name’s Steve Rogers?”

Steve shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry it’s not some fancy Italian last name or somethin’. I’m pretty boring in ancestry.”

“No that’s– Rogers is a great last name,” Bucky stammered, his heart seizing in his chest and shrieking. It was astounding how much closer Bucky suddenly felt to Steve. Steve Rogers. Knowing his last name was so much more intimate than it should really be, but Bucky would take his wins wherever he could find them and knowing Steve had a last name and that it was _Rogers_ , that was a win.

“So what? We putting Rogers or Barnes above my building?”

“Barnes,” Steve and Bucky both said in unison to the laughter of the crowd.

Bucky smiled, feeling the waves of anguish, stress and pressure finally release their smothering hold on him. He could laugh for a century and still not get it all out. He’d done it. He’d gotten the partnership.

All thanks to an escort with the last name of Rogers.

* * *

 

Leaving the estate was easy. Bucky was too high on the moment to realize the situation until he was on the plane with Steve Rogers sitting next to him. They only had roughly an hour until Steve would be released from his obligation and Bucky would go back to being the painfully single man that he actually was. Bucky wished more than anything that he’d met Steve under different circumstances. Steve had said he only dated escorts because they understood him, but Bucky couldn’t shake the idea of having met this man in a coffee shop instead.Maybe it would have changed everything. Maybe Bucky would have never said a thing. Everything happened for a reason right?

Bucky leaned over, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder. Steve moved to wrap his arm around Bucky. Three days ago and Bucky would have hardly looked at the man in the eye without feeling guilty or wrong. It was so easy now, moving in close and feeling Steve’s heat radiate off him. It was comforting and the only thing Bucky would ever want for the rest of his life. He sighed heavily, looking at his fingers– fingers that had touched this man intimately, had opened him up in the most vulnerable of ways. Bucky clenched his fist, biting his lip.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, his shoulders vibrating lightly from his deep voice against Bucky’s face.

“When can I see you again?”

Steve opened his mouth, taking a breath as he mulled over the question. “I dunno. When can a busy man like you pencil me in?”

Bucky laughed, moving away to really look at Steve; to look at his cheekbones, his lips, his shimmering blue eyes, to take in the beauty that Bucky desperately wanted but could never have. “I can’t believe I got the partnership.”

Steve smiled raising a brow. “I never doubted it.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Oh please. You didn’t even know me when you first got here.”

“So, that may be a slight lie,” Steve responded, offering a sheepish shrug. “I research all my new clients. Looked you up online, Facebook, your LinkedIn. Saw all your qualifications. You’re kind of impressive, and Forbes did a full article on you.”

Bucky laughed, feeling elation bubble in his chest. “You saw the Forbes article?”

“Couldn’t resist! They called you one of the hottest men in advertising and that’s supposed to be a moderately serious magazine right?”

Bucky snorted, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Nat framed that article in my office. I think she was mocking me though.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed. “Burn it. It’s probably got a spy camera on it or something.”

Bucky nodded in agreement. “You’re probably right.”

They fell into short comfortable silence until a bit of turbulence rattled the plane. Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand to calm himself down. He wasn’t the biggest fan of flying. He didn’t particularly dislike it, but he very much preferred being behind the wheel of his own car where he could control his own mistakes.

“Holy shit,” Steve groaned out. “Turbulence…really…knocks things around.” He squirmed in his chair, pushing his hips down into it.

Bucky’s mouth dropped open. “The plug?”

Steve nodded, laughing as his cheeks turned the prettiest light shade of pink. “Really wish we had time to fuck again.”

Bucky’s cock twitched at the suggestion. He sat back in his chair, pulling his legs up into his chest. “Speaking of,” he began. “How much do I owe you?”

Steve bit his lip, resting his head back. “You paid upfront.”

“How much is a reasonable tip, I mean,” Bucky corrected.

Steve shrugged. “How good of a job do you think I did?” He shifted in his seat again, rubbing his ass back and forth against the chair.

Bucky couldn’t help how hard he was feeling. His cock ached terribly as he watched Steve move against the chair. He shivered when Steve let out the softest little gasp. “I…I don’t know. You’re distracting me.”

Steve looked over from heavy-lidded eyes, his lashes framing those blue hues so perfectly. “I could blow you before we land.”

“Bathroom’s too small,” Bucky grumbled.

“I could jerk you off right here. Just cover yourself with a blanket.”

Bucky’s eyes widened as he looked around the First Class cabin. People were either napping or talking amongst themselves. No one seemed to be privy to their conversation. The idea of Steve touching him right here and now made Bucky’s skin tingle. He wanted them to know that Steve was his.

“Do it,” Bucky stated.

Steve smiled, slipping his fingers against Bucky’s button and zipper to undo them. He moved his fingers beneath the fabric to wrap them around Bucky’s aching cock. “Blanket, baby.”

Bucky got the blanket out from the compartment beneath his seat and hastily tore it from its packaging. Steve was already lazily stroking at him, running the pads of his fingers along his length.

“C-Christ, Steve,” Bucky breathed out. “Give me a sec.”

“It’s so pretty though,” Steve purred. “I wanna hold it.”

“You can’t even see it,” Bucky grumbled. He couldn’t deny how much he loved the way Steve’s voice was right now– whiny and higher in octave. Fuck, Steve was so perfect.

Steve whined, scooting closer to nibble at Bucky’s ear. “I remember what it looks like, all red and needy for me.”

Bucky shivered, spreading the blanket over his and Steve’s laps. He sat back, his eyes fluttering closed. “It likes you.”

Steve laughed, stroking up the base to palm over the tip and circle his hand there a few times.

Bucky’s thigh muscles tightened as he suppressed the urge to shout out. He couldn’t be loud. He didn’t care if anyone saw what they were doing but he did care if he drew attention to himself. “G-God, Steve,” he gasped quietly. “Fuck, I’m gonna come if you keep doing that.”

“Oh Bucky,” Steve spoke, his tone surprised. “You’re in your pants though. You’re gonna get it all over yourself.”

Bucky hit the back of his head against the chair, shivering as Steve’s palm still was circling around his tip, his fingers just brushing against his throbbing length. “F-fuck, fuck,” Bucky whispered.

“I could put my mouth over it, let you come in my mouth.”

Bucky groaned, his gaze flicking around the cabin to make sure no one was looking. They were either overtly avoiding him and Steve or they had no idea. “They’d…they’d see.”

Steve hummed, licking his tongue around the shell of Bucky’s ear. “Guess you’ll just have to stain your pants.” He flicked his wrist, thumbing over Bucky’s slit.

Bucky curled his toes in his shoes. He clenched his teeth to keep from moaning. Steve’s fingers were so warm and he felt so good in his hand. Pleasure hummed in his body, caressing his bones and making his skin feel like it was melting. He’d turn to putty in Steve’s experienced hands.

“Wanna…” Bucky panted. “Wanna come in your mouth.”

“You sure?” Steve teased. “Don’t want your reputation to get tarnished.” He pumped faster, still moving his palm over Bucky’s tip to caress it each time.

“Fucking give me your mouth,” Bucky grumbled as he shoved Steve’s head toward his crotch. He couldn’t last, not like this. Steve’s hand was too good and his _voice_. Bucky couldn’t hold back like this.

Steve pulled Bucky’s dick out, licking the underside of the tip. He hummed, wrapping his lips around the tip and sucking.

Bucky looked around the room, several people had seen and were blushing. He didn’t care. Steve’s tongue was so soft and his fingers so warm. He could feel his orgasm rising, swirling around threateningly in his balls as it squeezed them up into his body.

He curled his fingers into Steve’s hair, gasping as he came into his escort’s mouth.

Steve didn’t miss a beat. He continued to suck Bucky’s tip, slipping his tongue against the slit to collect all the semen into his mouth. When Bucky’s muscles started to relax, Steve pumped his mouth just a few times over the length before pulling back and _swallowing_.

Bucky was panting, staring at Steve with contented eyes. “Y-you swallowed.”

Steve shrugged. “You don’t taste that bad and it’s not technically breaking my diet.”

“What?” Bucky blurted.

Steve tucked Bucky back into his pants, running his fingers along the outline of his cock before pulling his hand away. “Technically semen is animal by-product. Like milk?”

Bucky looked past Steve, seeing two women whispering to each other. They kept looking his way. They knew what Steve had just done, but the smiles on their lips seemed to indicate they hadn’t minded. Bucky winked at them. They laughed.

“You flirting with someone, Barnes?” Steve teased. “Use me and leave me, huh? I thought we had somethin’ special.” The sarcasm was obvious but Bucky couldn’t wipe the pleased smile off his face.

“We do have something special,” Bucky affirmed. “You’re my sex instructor.”

Steve laughed.

“So you broke your diet for me?”

Steve scrunched up his face, tossing his head from side to side. “Kind of? Vegans don’t eat anything from animals. You’re a primate. Which is an animal. I know that’s hard for egotistical humans to understand. We are animals.”

“Okay social justice warrior, moving on,” Bucky teased.

Steve shot him a smug look before taking in a breath. “Semen technically counts as me breaking my diet, yes.”

“I feel special,” Bucky lilted.

“You should,” Steve responded. “I don’t swallow for just anyone.”

“So what about…when you’re eating a girl out?”

Steve dropped his head back, groaning in amusement. “Let’s just say I have to bend some rules sometimes. Rules were meant to be broken anyway.”

“Were they?” Bucky shot back, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

Steve rolled his eyes. “Settle down there, killer.”

Bucky couldn’t wipe the smile from his face even if he tried. He felt good. His muscles were relaxed from his orgasm, he was laughing and teasing with Steve _Rogers_. It was almost perfect, except that everything was an illusion. Steve was an escort and Bucky was the poor sap who got too close.

* * *

 

When they landed, Steve and Bucky held hands the entire way from baggage claim to the exits. Steve immediately dropped Bucky’s hand. “You okay?” Bucky asked, cocking a brow up at Steve.

“That’s my next client,” Steve said, his nose pointing in the direction of a woman with brown, curly hair and a jawline that even Bucky wanted to press kisses into. She was curvy, with large breasts and lips painted blood red.

“She’s gorgeous,” Bucky analyzed. “Jesus.”

“Not Jesus,” Steve commented. “But pretty close.”

Bucky hated how his heart squeezed, anguish chilling the tips of his fingers.

“So I guess we part ways now?” Bucky asked, shifting awkwardly on his feet.

Steve turned to him, giving him a hug and saying, “I had a great time, Bucky. I hope you did too.”

“Yeah,” Bucky mumbled. “I did.”

Steve was standing there awkwardly, balancing on his tiptoes a few times. “Uh, Bucky?”

“Oh! Your tip. Right.” He opened his wallet, thumbing through it to find some cash. “I’ve only got five hundred in cash.”

“That’s fine,” Steve encouraged, offering an awkward smile. He looked over to his other client, waving.

She waved back.

Bucky hated her.

“Well hello, hello, hello,” a female voice sang. Bucky turned to see Maria Hill walking up behind them. She looked between Bucky and Steve and then down at the wallet. “Getting some lunch here or something?”

“We drove separately and I’m out of gas,” Steve lied immediately. He smiled politely. “Hope your flight was nice.”

“It was,” Maria chirped, her gaze moving to Bucky. “Heard you had fun.”

“W-what?” Bucky stumbled.

Maria snorted, rolling her eyes. “Oh please. Gossip is this agency’s middle name. Apparently you suck like a hoover, Steve.”

Steve didn’t even twitch out of the smile he’d been sporting. “I’ve got a beautiful fiancé. Sometimes it’s hard to keep off him.”

“Apparently,” Maria agreed. “Well, see you Tuesday, Bucky. Congrats on your partnership. Must be nice to have a penis.”

Bucky blinked, watching her walk away. He swallowed loudly, his eyes still wide and astonished.

“Just transfer me the money. And give me your phone.”

Bucky obliged.

Steve punched a number into it, saving it. “I’m under ‘Fiancé.’ Thought it’d be kind of funny.”

“Uh-huh,” Bucky answered intelligently, his mind still reeling from Maria almost seeing him pay out with Steve. He felt disgusting. He’d just paid for a weekend of sex and now on top of it, he was giving Steve more money for…sex. He needed a shower. He hated himself. What had he been thinking? This wasn’t right. Steve was an escort and Bucky was a partner at one of the leading ad agencies in the country. This wasn’t becoming of him. It was embarrassing and wrong! He’d used escorts before but suddenly,it felt so wrong. They’d always been business arrangements for a man who was too bitter to care about the world. Now, Bucky was a partner. He had an image to maintain, just like the images he sold to people. This couldn’t be okay. This didn’t look right. If anyone found out…

“Just text me and I’ll send you my paypal. Or we can meet up soon and you can just add it to another tip?”

“Yeah, sure,” Bucky replied, looking at his feet.

“Bucky?” Steve asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You okay? She doesn’t know.”

“That’s not it,” Bucky admitted. He pulled out from Steve’s grip. “I’ve gotta go. I’ve got a campaign to work on.”

Steve’s eyes rounded, his lips parting. “O-okay. Uh, then yeah, just…just text me. When you can?”

“Sure,” Bucky answered, spinning on his heel. His chest was tight and tears burned in his eyes. He felt sick and ashamed. Everything he’d done this weekend was finally hitting him like the waves of the ocean at high tide. He hated himself. He’d gotten the partnership under false pretenses. He’d lied to everyone, including himself. He’d given himself over to curiosity and loneliness and he’d had sex with a _man_. A _man_ that he was hopelessly falling in love with but if Tony found out, if Maria found out…

If _anyone_ found out…

He’d be strung up on a pole so fast it’d pop his head off.

“Oh God,” Bucky gasped as he got outside, bringing up a hand to cover his mouth. “Natasha knows. Fuck, Natasha knows!”

* * *

 

Bucky hadn’t texted Steve in a week. He felt guilty, considering he’d essentially stiffed Steve of his tip. Bucky wondered if Steve had his number. Some escorts required numbers as part of the ordering process, but not all of them. Some were more discreet about clients and kept everything to aliases. Bucky supposed Steve could call him at work but that was probably a line that didn’t often get crossed.

Being partner was great. Bucky got first dibs on the highest paying clients, got to arrange his own meeting schedules and he got to interview his own personal secretary. He was currently sitting in his new office, marveling at its size, debating where to put the stupid palm plant that Peter got him as a gift and avoiding looking over all the applications he had for secretary.

“Hey partner,” Tony said as he sauntered up to the open door, leaning against the frame. “You and Steve free tonight?”

“Tonight?” Bucky echoed, feeling his heart lurch up in his throat. There was no way Steve would make an exception to drop everything and see him, especially since it’d been week _and_ he hadn’t given him a tip.

“Pepper wanted to see a movie. She won’t stop talking about Steve so I thought I’d ask if you two would join us.”

This was all part of the gig. Partnership meant friendship. Tony asking Bucky about seeing a movie wasn’t weird. What was weird was the round, sheer panic in Bucky’s eyes and the fact that he could hear the clock on his desk but he wasn’t speaking.

“Uh,” he squeaked. “Steve’s…Steve’s not feeling well. But I’ll ask anyway?”

Tony pointed at Bucky with his fingers, making them look like a gun and clicked his tongue. “Sure thing, partner! Just text me.”

Bucky still wasn’t over the fact that he could casually text Tony motherfucking Stark.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” Bucky chanted as he stood up and scrambled over to the door to close it. He looked at the empty desk before his door. His secretary would sit there eventually. His own personal secretary. Right now though, he didn’t have time to marvel at all the possibilities of having a secretary. He was panicked and terrified.

He had to call Steve.

He had to dive further into this lie and keep it going because he’d set it all up at the Stark estate. He’d have to endure the lie and bite the bullet, praying no one would ever find out, hoping to whatever God existed that Natasha wouldn’t rat him out.

Oh no…Natasha. Bucky whined, pressing his palm to his mouth. She hadn’t talked to him since Maine either. No text, no email, no hello in the halls as they passed. She was royally pissed and Bucky didn’t honestly care how she felt, but he cared about what she knew. “I’m so fucking screwed.”

Bucky picked up his phone, biting the bullet and swallowing his pride. He was desperate. He could explain that the transition to partner took up a lot of time and he’d been so tired and busy that he’d just forgot to text, but he’d always remember at weird times! Yeah, he could totally do that! This would be okay. Steve wasn’t dumb. He’d understand. Bucky just worried that Steve thought Bucky hated him, or that he’d stiffed him (which he kind of did). He didn’t mean to be rude, he was just scared.

Everything was happening so fast. Maria was always coming around and making snide comments, Pierce was ignoring everything Bucky said in their meetings and Grant made a point to step on Bucky’s shoes whenever they passed each other in the hall. The world seemed like it was out to get Bucky and batting his feelings for an escort was just the last thing that Bucky wanted to do because it was the most important but left him utterly _winded_ and _exhausted_. “Okay,” Bucky said, taking a deep breath. “Calm down. Call Steve. Explain. It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.”

He punched in the number, seeing the word ‘fiancé’ pop up on his screen. His gut twisted and he whimpered softly. He wished it was real. He wished Steve was his fiancé. His eyes widened as he hung up the phone. Really? He wanted to marry Steve? An escort? Already?

That was mean. Just because Steve was an escort didn’t mean he was incapable of being a husband. Bucky thought he’d make a great husband. He was probably amazing with kids and that smile could win over anyone. He’d look amazing in an apron with his taut ass exposed as he made breakfast for Bucky.

Bucky sat down on his couch, staring out the floor to ceiling windows behind his desk. Steve would probably look beautiful each and every morning, even if he was a rough sleeper who snored a bit and drooled on pillows. Bucky honestly loved that. Lazy morning kisses, coffee breath, slurred greetings of good morning. God, Bucky ached. He wanted it. He wanted all of it. He wanted Steve when he was sick and hunched over a toilet. He wanted Steve beautiful and radiant in a suit and tie. He wanted every second.

“God I hate myself,” he cried, wrapping his arms around his middle as he leaned forward. “I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself!” He wondered how fast he’d have to be going to break through the windows and just fall to the ground below, all fifty stories of it. His eyes widened as he’d realized the thought. No. He was stronger than that. He didn’t want death, he wanted a man who didn’t want him.

Maybe he’d try a dating site. Get his mind off Steve. For now, he’d try to call Steve and make amends. He needed him if this plan was to work. Bucky could eventually say the engagement got called off when he found someone else and perhaps all would be well. He just needed to prolong it a tiny bit further. He needed to get through tonight somehow.

He selected Steve’s number again. The other picked it up on the second ring.

 _“Hey!”_ Steve greeted. He sounded gorgeous, breathy and _happy_.

Bucky was caught off-guard. He hadn’t expected Steve to pick up so quickly. “H-hey,” Bucky whispered. “I’m sorry I haven’t texted you.”

 _“Oh it’s okay,”_ Steve soothed. _“I’m sure you’ve been busy with your new promotion. Do you like it?”_

He was making small talk. There were no dollar signs attached to this. They were talking to each other…like friends. Bucky could hear water and something clacking around. He cocked a brow, straining his ear to comprehend the sound behind Steve. “What’re you doing?”

 _“Dishes,”_ Steve laughed. _“Sorry. So if we get disconnected it’s probably because I dropped you into the suds.”_

“Don’t you have a dishwasher?”

 _“Nope,”_ Steve responded simply. _“Waste of water.”_

“You’re such a hippie,” Bucky laughed.

Steve sounded like he was laughing too, though it was more in amusement at Bucky over the jest. _“So, do you like it?”_

“Like what?”

Steve snorted. _“Your job, jerk.”_

Bucky’s heart was racing, threatening to explode in his chest at any moment. Bucky wanted to confess everything. He wanted to tell Steve how badly he wanted to see him naked, sporting just an apron as be made cookies or how badly he wanted to tell him good morning for the rest of his pathetic life. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “It’s time consuming.”

Steve hummed into the phone. There was more clacking and shuffling around. Bucky assumed he was scrubbing at a dish. _“Are you happy?”_

The question was so simple, yet it took Bucky a full minute to respond. He listened to Steve’s methodic scrubbing and rinsing, feeling his heart beat against the pads of his fingers and tips of his toes. Was he happy? He was a nervous wreck. He thought everyone was out to get him and every time he smiled at Tony he felt like it was just one big giant lie. Which it was. Everything was a lie. He should never have agreed to this. He should have earned this position alone or not at all. He didn’t even feel like he had earned it. He felt like Pepper liked Steve and Pepper decided she liked Bucky because of that. Tony did everything Pepper said and that was probably the end of that conversation. It was all a lie.

“I’m,” Bucky began. “I’m okay.”

Steve breathed heavily against the phone. Bucky heard the water turn off. _“You sure?”_

“I miss you,” Bucky blurted. “Tony wants me to go see a movie with him and Pepper but they asked about you and I don’t know what to do.”

_“When?”_

“Tonight.”

_“Oh.”_

“Oh?” Bucky repeated, his heart scrambling into the back of his throat.

_“I’ve got a new client tonight. Otherwise I’d have loved to come.”_

_‘Come or be paid to come…’_

“Pepper likes you a lot,” Bucky continued. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”

 _“Just be yourself, Bucky,”_ Steve consoled. _“She likes you too.”_

“I’m the idiot who walks around like there’s a stick up his ass.”

Steve snorted.

“I’m serious! I heard Pierce’s secretary talking to some of her friends today about it.”

_“Ouch. You sticking something up your ass without me?”_

“Not funny,” Bucky giggled. “But no. Haven’t had time to think about that since we got back.”

 _“Tell you what,”_ Steve began _. “You ask them if they’d like to see a movie on Friday night and I’ll be there. You and I can then talk about sticking things up our asses after.”_

Bucky laughed, covering his face with his palm as red rose against his cheeks. “Deal. Oh, and your paypal. I need it.”

_“I was gettin’ there, killer! I’ll text you it. Now that I’ve got your number.”_

“I’m sorry it took me so long to talk to you,” Bucky apologized softly. “I’ve felt so guilty about it.”

_“Bucky, don’t worry about it. Your life’s changing. I’m just for fun. Your career comes first.”_

Bucky didn’t like that. He didn’t like how Steve disregarded himself. Steve was important to Bucky. There just wasn’t a good way to explain that without losing him. Bucky was caught in a whirlpool without knowing how to swim out. He’d either drown or just spin forever, always wondering and being so close yet never really knowing what it felt like on the other side. “Still. That was shitty business on my end.”

Steve laughed. _“Yeah, I’ll give you that. I honestly thought for a second you’d never come around again.”_

“Rest assured, Steve Rogers,” Bucky said. “You’ve got a loyal client in me.”

Steve hummed. Bucky heard a door open and someone’s voice. They were male. _“Just put them on the table? What? No. I’m workin’, chill out.”_

Bucky bit his lip, feeling awkward and invasive. This was Steve’s private life he was listening to. He guessed the other person was Steve’s roommate. Bucky closed his eyes, wishing desperately that he could’ve met Steve under different circumstances. Maybe he’d be Steve’s roommate instead.

Except that’d never happen. Bucky was married by the time he was twenty-three and he was on a completely different career path than Steve. Their paths would never cross had it not been for Natasha.

 _“Sorry,”_ Steve said into the phone. _“My roommate’s bringing up groceries and I’m supposed to be done cleaning. Which I’m not.”_

“I can let you go?”

_“I’ll see you Friday.”_

“W-wait, what about your…what if someone offers to pay more than me.”

 _“I don’t believe we’ve set you a price, sir,”_ Steve teased. _“I guess you’re just gonna have to pay me what I ask for on Friday.”_

“How do I know you’re not just gonna lie?”

Steve laughed _. “You don’t trust people, do you?”_

“Do you?” Bucky shot back, feeling a smile twitch at the corners of his lips.

Steve hummed into the phone again. _“Twelve-k and we’re good. No one’ll top that for a night.”_

“Done,” Bucky said all-too-quickly. Twelve thousand dollars was a regular car or a year’s worth of tuition at his undergrad and he was paying it for a single night with Steve.

Thank God Bucky got one hell of a raise with the promotion.

* * *

 

Bucky tried to get out of seeing Pepper and Tony that night. Once he said Steve didn’t feel too up for seeing a movie and suggested Friday, Tony turned around and suggested the three of them just go to dinner and talk some campaigns. Tony was vastly interested in hearing some of Bucky’s ideas, which pleased Bucky, but he’d much rather just go home and sulk about Steve being with someone else tonight.

He sat at the bar, waiting for Tony and Pepper to arrive. He’d slung back a few shots of whisky to try to forget about Steve, but all it did was make him miss the man more. He yearned for that hand around his cock again. Those lips. Eyes. Bucky licked at his lips, getting them wet and shiny. He turned around when he felt someone tap his shoulder.

Pepper was standing there with Tony, she was smiling brightly and carried a clutch purse that Bucky was sure cost more than a single night with Steve Rogers. Tony slipped up behind her, wrapping his fingers around her shoulders.

“Packing ‘em back already I see?” Tony commented, amusement shimmering in his brown eyes. “Got a booth ready. Follow us.”

Bucky raised his brows in surprise when Pepper wrapped her arms around his, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I’m so sorry Steve’s feeling sick. You’ll have to let me make him some homemade soup.”

“O-oh don’t worry about it!” Bucky laughed, hoping it sounded honest and not as terrified as he felt. “He’s a vegan anyway so chicken noodle isn’t his thing.”

“I’m a vegan too, Bucky,” Pepper teased, flicking him on the shoulder. “Remember?”

“Oh,” Bucky squeaked. “Oh yeah.”

They slipped into the booth. Pepper and Tony sitting across from Bucky. He hated how awkward he felt. Three was a crowd and regardless of this being more about business than fun, Bucky hated not having another person to even it out. Each time Tony did something adorable, like blowing his straw wrapper at Pepper or tickling her sides, Bucky just looked down at his hands in shame.

They were so in love with each other. Bucky could feel it leap from their skin and coat against his own. He was jealous. He wanted that kind of relationship. He wanted it with Steve, but– that’d never happen. Steve was an escort and Bucky had met him as a client. Steve would never want to lose business. Dating Bucky meant losing money. It wasn’t a good business move. It would never happen.

“You okay, partner?” Tony asked as Pepper leaned her head against his chest. “You’re looking a bit pale.”

“Maybe I’m catching what Steve’s got,” Bucky lied. He hated lying, but it seemed that would be his life now.

“Oh no!” Pepper exclaimed. “You really shouldn’t kiss him when he’s sick!”

Bucky blushed, biting his lip. “Can’t help it, I guess,” he lied again. Fuck he hated this.

“Heard about the uh, the stunt you and him pulled on the plane,” Tony commented, waggling his brows. “You know my secretary saw that right? I’m pretty sure she saw your–”

“Tony!” Pepper shouted, nudging her elbow into him. “Enough crude conversation. Don’t you have a campaign to show him?”

The waitress came over and took down their drink orders. Bucky ordered another shot of whisky a coke…with more whisky. Tony had made a joke about having to watch Bucky for alcoholism but then he turned around and ordered a bottle of wine for him and Pepper. Then he proceeded to talk about his high functioning alcoholic capabilities. Pepper rolled her eyes at him.

“So, this is what I’ve been working on. I want you to look it over and tell me your thoughts,” Tony said as he dropped a file and a poster container in front of Bucky.

Bucky popped the lid on the container and pulled out the ad inside. He liked the colors, but he noticed one glaring issue with it. “All the women are white.”

_‘I sound like Steve.’_

“The clothes are all about earthy tones. All the women have red and brown hair. Wanted to keep with a fall look.”

“So you intentionally kept all other races out?”

“I said the same thing, Bucky,” Pepper spoke up. “But he doesn’t listen to me when it comes to his campaigns.”

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning. “Okay, okay! Maybe I got too narrow-sighted.”

“Steve would probably agree about the racial issue. He’s big on equal rights and stuff.”

Pepper giggled. “I know. We talked a lot about them. He’s such a thoughtful person.”

“Thanks,” Bucky said softly. He hated how even he could tell the smile he sported didn’t reach his eyes. “Women of color would help make the clothes pop. Put a light skined girl in blue and black but give, say someone with Hispanic ancestry, the reds and yellows. African Americans will also make orange and yellow pop. Green looks great on them too. The clothes will jump from the page more and you’re not being a racist dickhead.”

“A racist dickhead huh?” Tony challenged, bemused. “Alright. I’ll put out another casting call for new models. You know, I’m glad you’ve got such a PC fiancé. Makes me realize Pepper isn’t crazy.”

“Hey!” Pepper protested.

Bucky laughed. “She’s not crazy. Just smart.”

Bucky wished he hadn’t looked to the right at that moment. He wished he’d have kept his focal point directly on Tony’s face. He wished the waitress hadn’t attracted his attention as she set the drinks down. If she hadn’t come at that very moment, Bucky wouldn’t have turned right and he wouldn’t have seen Steve entering the restaurant, walking over to the bar side with a woman.

A woman…

Who had red hair.

“Natasha?” Bucky gasped, his eyes round.

“What?” Tony said, turning to look at the bar. “Oh, it’s Steve.”

“Steve!” Pepper called, waving a hand to signal him over.

Bucky wanted to die. He wanted the earth to swallow him and chew him up till he was sludge and busted open organs. He wanted the zombie apocalypse. An alien invasion. He wanted anything but what was happening. Steve was with Natasha.

Steve was with Natasha.

Steve. Was. With. Natasha.

_‘New client…’_

Steve turned to see the three, his eyes rounding. Natasha had turned to look too, but she looked pleased with herself.

_‘She knew we’d be here.’_

Bucky swallowed thickly, wishing a gunman would come in and take him out. He didn’t care anymore. He just wanted it to end. He was so done with this lie and this game. He just wanted to cry and go home, maybe swallow a couple hundred pills and just be done with this. It was tearing him up inside. He was being eviscerated as his body was practically pressed to a meat grinder. He could feel the pull of the teeth against his spine and flesh. He hated his life. He hated Natasha. He hated Steve for even saying yes to Natasha as a client. He knew. He knew better than anyone at this point how badly Natasha had treated Bucky and yet there he was.

All Steve saw in Bucky was a paycheck. He’d never cared. He never would care. Everything was a lie and Bucky just wanted it to end.

Steve walked over with Natasha, clearly trying to say something to her but Natasha was ignoring him. They walked up to the booth, Natasha smiling and Steve looking like he wanted to vomit.

Bucky wanted him to. He wanted Steve to suffer with the same amount of pain that Steve was subjecting Bucky to.

“Are you feeling better?” Pepper asked. “Please, sit down!”

“Uh, I can’t,” Steve said, looking to Bucky, his eyes pleading. “I’ve been meaning to go over some things with Natasha.”

“Bucky’s ex-wife with his future husband?” Tony questioned.

Natasha hooked her arm in Steve’s. “We’re actually pretty good friends. I got a few things out of the divorce I probably shouldn’t have and wanted to give them to Steve. We were just working out the legal business behind it.”

“But you’re not giving it to Bucky?” Pepper analyzed, her brow creased in curiosity.

“Bucky’s got the partnership,” Natasha said icily. “He’s getting a prenup with Steve and I just wanted Steve to have a contingency plan.”

“We thought it’d be wrong if Bucky found out,” Steve commented softly, looking at his feet.

“Wow, this is sufficiently awkward,” Tony stated. “Okay, well…I’m gonna run to the bathroom. It was nice seeing you Steve.”

Bucky slid from the booth, not caring to tell Pepper where he was going. He grabbed both Natasha and Steve. Once out of earshot, he grabbed Natasha further and pulled her outside.

“Ouch, Bucky!” she hissed.

“Oh please!” Bucky scoffed. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Teaching you a valid lesson. If you think I’m going to keep my mouth shut about what Steve is, then you need to play by my rules.”

Bucky bit his lip, feeling his teeth break the skin.

“Are you listening?”

Bucky kicked at a crack in the cement. “Yes.”

“Good. You fuck with me at work and I swear I’ll show the whole company your lie. Buying escorts is pretty shitty but pretending one is your fiancé?” She clicked her tongue a few times. “You’re in the wrong business, Barnes if you think that’s gonna fly with the kind-hearted and innocent Pepper Potts-Stark. You’d be fired before you even could open your mouth to explain.”

Bucky clenched his fists. It took everything he had not to swing at Natasha. How did he love her once? How did he find her green eyes beautiful? Her lips soft and lush? She was a demon and just as vile as Satan. Her skin was ice, her lips red and twisted as they worked over each syllable. She was disgusting and– winning.

“Now, I believe you have something I want,” Natasha continued. “And I believe I have something you want.”

Bucky felt tears in his eyes, his limbs trembling. He knew exactly where this was going.

“I’ll give you three months to find a new job. After that, you either resign or step down. If you don’t, I’ll expose  who Steve Rogers really is to the whole company and you’ll face the consequences. You’d never be able to work in advertising again with that kind of shitty reputation. No one would trust you.”

Bucky let the tears fall. He couldn’t hold them back. Natasha had taken his heart, his soul, his body. She’d taken his life and shaped it into something she thought she wanted. When she decided he wasn’t fit for her anymore, she’d cast him aside and made him her personal little play thing. He was the mouse and she the cat. She would devour him. He knew it. He hated it, but he knew it. She didn’t fight like most people. She found a way to get her sharp talons into your heart and she held them there. She’d give you mercy only to slice at the last second, just when you thought you were safe.

“If you do your side, I’ll do mine,” she finished.

“And what’s that?” Bucky asked, looking up at her.

She looked back into the window of the restaurant, her gaze finding Steve as he sat by the bar, his hands pressed against his face, body slumped over. “I’ll give you him back.”

“Back?”

Natasha shrugged. “Let’s just say you’re not the only one with a secret, Bucky. He’s willing to let you go for his to be kept under lock and key. How far are you willing to go to get him back? It’s only a job. Honestly, between the two of you, I think you’re the one getting off the hook easily.”

“You’re a fucking _cunt_ ,” Bucky growled. “How the fuck did I ever love you?”

Natasha clicked her tongue again, stepping closer. She cupped Bucky’s cheek, her face drowning with face sympathy. “Oh Barnes. You were pathetic and alone so I took pity on you. I gave you a fucking purpose and you should be thanking me.”

“For what?” Bucky asked, smacking Natasha’s hand away. “For ruining my life? I didn’t even want this partnership till you said I’d be good for it!”

“I honestly never thought you’d get it,” Natasha admitted. “I wasn’t expecting Steve to be so charming, knowing his history.”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

She shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. You’ve got some big decisions now don’t you? Three months, Barnes.”

“And he can’t see me for all those months?” Bucky asked, his voice cracking. He couldn’t do this. He was boxed into a cage that kept getting too small. His lungs were burning as he was on the verge of a complete breakdown. He wanted to run. He wanted to run and never look back, to quit his job now, leave this life, get a new name and just forget everything that happened. He just wanted to get out of this and rid Natasha from his life forever.

“Well,” Natasha shrugged. “I guess maybe I _can_ let you two see each other. Tonight was really just to show you what I can do if you piss me off.”

Bucky shook his head. He’d known Natasha to be vindictive but he’d never imagined her going this far. He should’ve known better.

“But, if you want to see him, he has to ask me if it’s okay.”

“You’re blackmailing him,” Bucky stated. “What kind of monster are you?”

“One that realizes I was an idiot and now I need to make up for my mistakes. Starting with you. I did care about you, Barnes. I did love you. You _never_ loved me. I saw the way you looked at men. You wanna know how it feels to be a woman who can’t get her husband hard? I’d hold your dick in my mouth and you’d not even _twitch_.”

“Is that what this is all about?” Bucky wailed. “You’re fucking pissed I’m gay?”

“NO, BARNES! I’M PISSED THAT I WORK HARDER THAN YOU _EVER_ HAVE AND BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT A DICK, I GET SHOVED BEHIND!” She looked through the window, smoothing out her hair and clearing her throat. “I was rooting for Maria too. I used the partnership as a way to get you to come to terms with your sexuality. It was a good weekend, you’d be alone and you’d be forced into it and Steve was good for that. That really was for your benefit! I never expected you to actually keep your game on to get selected! I never expected Pepper to actually _like_ Steve!

“I told Tony about a company I’ve been working on for months to run their ads, proposed several reformations and even suggested Maria be partner. I put my hat in the running when he flat out _asked_ me because I thought at that point he was considering me! Sure, I fucked up too, thinking I had a chance, but you should _not_ have gotten it! Pierce’s methods are dated, Rumlow’s too stupid and only gets by with his Everlast ads. Hill has done more for this company than you would ever have done if you hadn’t had my help!”

“THEN WHY DID YOU HELP ME?!” Bucky shouted, stepping into Natasha’s face.

She clenched her jaw, tears rising against the rims of her eyes. Bucky gasped, stepping back. She wasn’t a machine. She had feelings. He’d been so caught up in seeing her as the villain that he never once realized he’d been one to her. He’d married her, showed her a life that was perfect yet lacked one thing. Him. He’d thought he loved her, but it was in a way a friend loves another friend. She’d stayed with him knowing how he felt about men and day after day they grew more bitter and tired of each other, until they were both exhausted from the like they lived in.

Bucky was Natasha’s villain. Her heartbreak story. She’d helped him become the copywriter he was because she _cared_. She couldn’t turn off her feelings as much as Bucky could turn his off about Steve. “Nat,” he rasped.

“Don’t,” she countered, holding up her hand. “We’re done talking. You’ll see Steve. But you have three months to find a way to get me or Maria that partnership or I ruin you, _Bear_. Don’t think I won’t.”

She walked inside. Bucky watched her go up to Steve and offer out a hand. He took it, but his face was sullen. No smile graced his lips. No sparkle shined in his eyes. They walked out together.

Bucky was standing there, looking stupid probably with his mouth hanging open and his brows pinched in the middle from the emotional meat grinder he’d just been through.

Natasha laced her fingers with Steve’s, leaning up to nibble at his ear. Steve looked away from her. “Don’t think me above sleeping with him, Barnes.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Bucky replied, watching her pull Steve along. He had so much explaining to do now. There’d be no way out of this. He owed Steve that. This was his fault Natasha dug up whatever she had on Steve. It was his fault that Steve looked so confused and sad.

It was his fault that he didn’t love _her_.

* * *

 

“You dipped out on us,” Tony said as he poked his head into Bucky’s office. “You and Steve okay?”

Bucky dropped the prints he was looking at, running his fingers through his wavy hair. “We’re working through some stuff,” he answered honestly.

Tony walked over to Bucky’s alcohol bar, pouring himself a scotch. “Prenups are dangerous, Barnes. You want one because it’ll protect you and your money, but your partner thinks you just want a clean break when the time comes that you want a divorce.”

That lie was the least of Bucky’s worries, but it was the reason Tony was here for a man-to-man and Bucky felt guilty enough for the lie. He may as well humor Tony and listen to what he had to say. “It’s fine. I don’t mind Steve and Nat talking to each other.”

“Really? If I had an ex-wife hanging around my future misses, I’d be shitting myself.”

Bucky smiled, scooting out from his chair and heading to pour himself a scotch as well. “I like that they’re friends.”

_‘Lies, lies more lies.’_

“You’re a stronger man than me,” Tony admitted, taking a swig of the scotch. “Oh this is good.”

“It was a gift from Nat’s parents actually,” Bucky detailed. “At our wedding.”

“My condolences. Though can I ask? How she took it?”

“Took what?” Bucky blurted, cocking a brow.

“I assume you got the divorce cause of your sexuality? How’d she take that?”

“You gay, Stark? Need some advice?” Bucky teased.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Please. Have you seen boobs?”

“Yeah, boobs are nice. I’ll give you that,” Bucky said as he plopped down onto his couch. He looked to his desk, deciding the palm that Peter gave him should go in the corner by the window. “She was very upset.”

Tony sat on the other side of the couch, staring out the window as dusk settled on Manhattan. “Yeah, I figured. She’s never really been the same since you two split up.”

Bucky felt sand pour into his heart as guilt ate at his bones. It wasn’t his fault he felt like this. He didn’t mean to like guys. He wanted to like women. He wanted to live a normal life in a standard relationship with a doting women who’d eventually have his children and they’d get into arguments over the kids and who was picking up who and have lazy, missionary style sex and that’d be that. But that wasn’t the life he’d been given. His was…more complicated. Distorted, but not wrong. Just different. “You wanna still see that movie Friday? Steve said he’d come.”

“Nah,” Tony said, waving his hand. “You go home and spend time with your fiancé. Reassure him that the prenup doesn’t mean you don’t love him.” He leaned over, squeezing Bucky’s knee before draining his scotch and heading out of the room.

Bucky sat there, staring out at the buildings around him, seeing a glow from the headlights so far below him. He wished Clint or Peter were still here. The downside of being partner was you stayed later than the rest, even if you came in later because you were hungover from a celebration about some campaign or other. Bucky was pretty sure he could leave whenever he wanted, but he always decided to stay.

He needed to talk to them, to tell them everything about Nat and ask their advice. He didn’t know what to do. She was upset and jaded. Bucky had been blind and ignorant. He’d hurt her, even if he hadn’t meant to and now he was paying for it. Her methods were extreme and Bucky wasn’t putting down his sword. He still disliked her, but he understood her aggression toward him. She wanted him out of her life. He was only here because of her. He’d have done something else with his life. She’d have been the ad agency woman. He was here because of her and now staying because the pay was good. He liked the job enough. He liked getting to create campaigns but he was finding it hard to keep telling lies.

He sold lies as a job. He spewed lies from his mouth. He was lying to Steve, Tony, Pepper, everyone. He needed to start setting some of these right.

That started with Steve. He owed him that, even if Steve walked away. Bucky owed that to him.

* * *

 

Bucky was surprised Steve still was okay with seeing him on Friday. Perhaps Steve was looking for answers just as desperately as Bucky was wanting to dish them out. Bucky invited Steve to his house apartment first. Steve had declined. It was an arrow to Bucky’s heart. Steve wanted a hotel. Bucky put them up at the DoubleTree Suites on Time Square.

He sat on the sofa in the suite, staring outside at the lights of the Square below. They were high enough that he couldn’t hear the screaming or chatter of people, but he did hear the cars and honking. That was okay though. He wasn’t sure there’d be anything but a quick insult from Steve and a slamming door to end their brief arrangement.

Steve arrived right at 9PM. He was dressed in a suit (Armani, of course) and his hair was gelled and parted on the side; face clean shaven. He looked like he was about to go out for a night on the town. It pained Bucky to know that even now, Natasha was manipulating everything. She’d had to give _permission_ for Steve to even be here (or at least that’s what she’d said on Wednesday). What did she have on Steve that had him so compliant to her?

Steve walked into the room, his jaw clenched. He went over to the wet bar and pulled out a beer.

Bucky sighed, knowing he deserved to pay for that overpriced beer for Steve. He owed a lot more than that. He’d given Steve a seven hundred dollar tip, but even now that didn’t seem to be enough for all Steve was enduring.

“Have a good week?” Bucky ventured. He shouldn’t have started with that, but he was too afraid to dive right in. He didn’t want to lose Steve.

“It was interesting,” Steve shot back, his eyes serious. “Learned a few things about myself.”

“Like?”

“That I trust people too easily,” Steve responded. “That I’m hopelessly ill-equipped to understand advertising agency politics and if you really want a secret kept, you kill the other person who knows it.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open, the whites of his eyes exposing. “What’d she do to you?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Steve answered, taking a swig from his beer. “Do you want me on the bed?” He started to take off his tie.

Bucky crossed the room, grabbing Steve’s wrists. “W- No. Wait!” He didn’t pull his hands back, Steve didn’t move either. He let his fingers caress down Steve’s collarbone and down to those tits that he’d come to love so much. He stared at Steve’s chest, licking his lips in thought. “We need to talk.”

“Don’t–” Steve began, but Bucky cut him off.

“Steve it’s not fair–”

“–say it, please don’t say it.”

“–to you. I care about you,” Bucky admitted. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to but you…You’re all I think about.”

Steve sighed heavily, dropping down onto the bed and pushing his face into his hands. He groaned, messing up his hair with one hand. “I told you not to say it.”

“So you knew?” Bucky shot back. “What, you were just gonna pretend like it didn’t matter?”

“Yes!” Steve snapped. “That’s what we’re _supposed_ to do!”

“Says who?” Bucky exclaimed. “Natasha knows how I feel and she’s hurting you too. That’s not fair to you.”

Steve bit his lip, looking at the waste can on the other side of the room. He slowly closed his eyes, breathing loudly through his nose. “I can handle it.”

Bucky threw his hands up in the air, pacing the bed. “I can’t, Steve! She’d take you away from me and– and I can’t.”

Steve’s face softened. He pursed his lips, offering out his hand to Bucky. “C’mere.”

Bucky hesitated, looking between Steve’s hand and his face.

“Buck, seriously. C’mere.”

Bucky took Steve’s hand, letting the larger man fold him into his lap. Steve tucked his chin over Bucky’s head, rubbing his back softly with a hand. “Natasha’s just a scorned woman throwing her weight around. You can outsmart that.”

“You were with her.”

“I was caught off-guard. She found some stuff about me that I’m not exactly proud of.”

“Are you in trouble?” Bucky asked, squirming on Steve’s lap till he was straddling the man, bracing himself as he curled his fingers around Steve’s shoulders.

“No, but I could be if she told the right people.”

“So what do we do?”

“Why does anything have to change?” Steve asked, stroking Bucky’s face with the back of his knuckles.

“Because I’m too close,” Bucky admitted, closing his eyes, feeling tears well against the rims. He hated how he cried so easily.

“I’m the first man you’ve ever been with, Bucky. I guess that’s to be expected. You won’t always feel this attached.”

“But what if I want to?” he whispered, dropping his head on Steve’s shoulder. He felt like a child, curling up in his father’s arms. Steve was big and strong. He held Bucky so tightly. Bucky wanted this forever. He wanted the lie they’d given the world to be real. Who cared if Steve was the first man he’d been with? Bucky had known love and he’d had plenty of relationships. He knew how he felt with Steve and he felt that he was falling in love with him.

Steve smiled up at him sadly. He caressed his fingers over Bucky’s lips, laughing from his nose softly when Bucky kissed the pads of Steve’s fingers. “Don’t fall in love with me, Bucky.”

“Why not?”

Steve looked away, swallowing loudly. “Because I can’t lose another client.”

Bucky had wished that Steve said something about lack of self-worth, or that they were just in two different places in their lives. He hated that Steve was so blunt. That it really was all about the business. “What if I keep paying?”

“That ain’t fair to you, Bucky,” Steve consoled. “If you fall in love with me, then I need to leave you. I won’t take advantage of a person’s feelings.”

Bucky sat back on Steve’s lap, sighing in defeat. Tears slipped from his eyes silently as he looked past Steve and at the lights of Time Square below. The night’s sky reflected all the colors from the signs, greens, reds, yellows, flashing lights, steady lights. So much was happening down there and yet Bucky was here with a man who’d never let him love him.

“I’d give you anything,” Bucky pressed, feeling another tear roll down his cheek.

“You’d get tired of it,” Steve deflected. “Trust me. I’ve been down this road before.”

“Letting a client love you?”

“No,” Steve answered. “Letting _myself_ love a client.”

Bucky’s gaze snapped to Steve’s face, his lips parting silently. “You’ve loved a client before?”

“Mhm,” Steve hummed. “He was a bit older than me but I didn’t mind. I thought we were in love. I’d even stopped makin’ him pay me. Some time passed and I found out he’d gotten married to another man and never wanted to see me again. Sucked.”

Bucky nodded. “I can imagine.” He dropped his head on Steve’s shoulder, wrapping his hands behind Steve’s back to cup his shoulder blades. “I’ve already been married, Steve.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t again,” Steve replied. “I’m not marriage material, Bucky. I can’t ask you to sacrifice that for me.”

“Do you care about me, Steve?” Bucky asked, suddenly curious. This conversation was too easy. Steve was too open and sad. His tone sounded so broken, like it was taking every ounce of his strength not to let his voice tremble or crack. He was working too hard to sound like he wasn’t affected at all.

“Yes,” Steve whispered.

“Do you like me?”

“Bucky–”

“Do you?”

Steve peeled Bucky off him a bit, cupping his face. “You’re gonna push me away if you keep asking this.”

“I already lost you,” Bucky mumbled.

Steve’s brows rose up.

“I’m gonna fall madly in love with you. I think I already do love you. Just not sure yet.”

Steve pursed his lips, nodding rigidly. “And that’s why Natasha’s got so much bargaining power against you,” he analyzed. His tone wasn’t rude nor was he deflecting. It seemed like he was working everything out in his mind. “What does she want from you?”

“She wants me to find a way to give her or Maria the partnership.” Bucky shrugged, flicking his brows up. “The only reason I honestly care is cause I can _afford_ you right now.”

“The only reason you want the partnership is because of _me_?” Steve asked, his eyes narrowed, brows creased. His mouth hung open, lips twitching like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the strength to do it. “What’d you want to do before?”

Bucky shifted on Steve’s lap, hooking his legs behind the man. “I think I wanted to be a teacher. History or something. But I can’t afford twelve thousand a night on a teacher’s salary.”

“No you can’t,” Steve agreed. He moved to stand up, slipping Bucky off his lap.

Bucky felt cold, he watched Steve pace the room, visibly fighting with himself as his lips pressed into hard lines, his brows creasing and relaxing.

“Fuck, Bucky,” Steve whined. “Why’d you have to tell me this?”

Bucky shrugged, feeling like a child being scolded. “Because I’m tired of lying to everyone?”

“You’ve paid for escorts before, what made this different?”

“I fell in love with you,” Bucky whispered.

“You’re not in love with me. You just think you are.”

“Oh fuck off, Steve,” Bucky countered. “You don’t think I know what it feels like?”

“Honestly, I don’t. You’ve been with the wrong gender all your life.” He dropped into one of the plush chairs, pulling his legs up and tucking them against his broad chest. “I like you too.”

“What?”

Steve looked up, shrugging. “I like you too, Bucky. That’s why I wish you didn’t tell me. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“You like me?” Bucky asked, seeking way too much reassurance and clarification. He crawled over on the bed, sitting in front of Steve. “Really?”

Steve gestured to Bucky with his hand. “Have you seen yourself in a suit? You make a shit ton of money, you’re sweet and I like the way you explode so easily. You’re cute when you’re angry.”

“I should be offended.”

“I just like passion. Always have. S’why I loved art so much. Why I love being an escort so much too.”

Bucky nodded, running his tongue along his top lip. “So what do we do?”

“I hate losing clients,” Steve breathed out, running his fingers through his hair. “You know how many clients I lose cause they start saying the same shit you are?”

Bucky dipped his chin. “So I should feel privileged that you’re not tossing me out the door?”

Steve smiled, rolling his eyes. “You’re a jerk.”

They stared at each other for a moment, both smiling softly. Bucky’s body was humming. Somehow amidst the confusion, panic and pain, somehow this turned out okay. Or it was okay so far. Bucky didn’t know what this meant yet, but it was okay for now. And okay was good.

“I’m not gonna stop being an escort,” Steve finally spoke. “So please don’t try to change me.”

Bucky shook his head. “No. Wait. Wait! What’re you doing?”

Steve’s brows rose against his forehead. “I’m…we’re…I’m telling you what I’m doing?”

“But why?”

“Didn’t you, I mean, hold on. What do you want, Bucky?” Steve’s brows shot up toward his hairline, his mouth dropping open in confusion.

“To date you, but still pay for you.”

Steve nodded slowly, running his tongue along his red lips. Bucky shivered, watching that muscle glide over the smooth skin. “You realize I’m still your escort then.”

“How about we say we’re dating, I pay for you still but you never jack the cost up when I wanna see you and make me compete against another client. And I never get waitlisted, even if you’re gonna see a favorite client. I’m now your _absolute_ favorite client– who you’re also dating.”

“You’re negotiating with me,” Steve laughed. “Oh my God, you’re actually negotiating with me.”

“You sell yourself as a business. I respect that but I’m also selfish and stupid enough to realize that…” Bucky sighed, tossing his hands up. “I really like you. I think I love you and I wanna know everything about you. I wanna bring you home and cook you dinner. Watch movies and never see the ends to them cause we end up fucking on the couch. I wanna take you out and not worry that I’m lying to people, cause at that point you’re my boyfriend or something. Guy I’m dating. Whatever.”

Steve rested his chin in the palm of his hand, listening to Bucky. He wore a tiny smug smile.

Bucky didn’t want to keep blabbering but Steve wasn’t talking. He was just staring at Bucky with those _eyes_ and that _mouth_. Christ, that mouth was so pretty.

“Can we stop negotiating and can we _please_ use this hotel room the right way?” Steve asked. “I wanna take my boyfriend-guy-thing-I'm-dating-or-whatever to bed.”

“Your boyfriend?” Bucky squeaked as Steve crawled onto the bed, pushing Bucky down to straddle him.

“Yeah, my boyfriend. Or that guy I’m dating. Whatever he wants to be.”

“Really? I mean, you don’t wanna go on a date with me first?”

Steve was kissing up Bucky’s jaw line, moving to nibble his earlobe. “I think I got to know you pretty well in Maine. We don’t have to do this the way everyone else does.” He slipped to the other side. Pressing kisses against Bucky’s cheek, the tip of his nose and then atop his lips. He traced his tongue over them, coating them with a shiny amount of saliva. “We’ll just do this the way that works best for us.”

“And that way is backwards?” Bucky asked as Steve nibbled down his throat, lapping at his adam’s apple.

“When we met, we were engaged, remember?” Steve teased. “Now we’re boyfriends, or men seeing each other, or whatever, as you said.”

“So for me to propose to you, I’ve got to break up with you?”

Steve laughed, rolling his hips into Bucky’s.

Bucky gasped, wrapping his hands around Steve’s torso, clutching the dimples of his back.

“I guess,” Steve whispered. He unbuttoned Bucky’s shirt, splaying it to reveal Bucky’s heaving chest. “You nervous, baby?”

“I dunno. Shocked probably. I expected tonight to go a lot differently.”

Steve smiled, circling his hips over Bucky’s again. He grinded his dick down against Bucky’s, moaning softly as his dick lined up against the man below. “I’m not perfect Bucky. This is gonna be rough, but I’m willing to see how it works.”

Bucky nodded, gaping up at Steve like he was the only thing in existence. The only thing that mattered. Natasha didn’t matter, Tony didn’t matter, no one else mattered but Steve Rogers and his delicious body, sultry voice and hard cock.

“Can I top you?” Steve asked as he kissed down Bucky’s chest, lapping at a nipple. He covered his mouth over it, sucking it into his mouth forcefully before letting it slip from his teeth.

Bucky arched into the sensation, his fingers twisting into Steve’s blond hair. “S-sure,” Bucky breathed out. “Be easy.”

Steve traced his tongue along the line of Bucky’s sternum, reaching up with both hands to play with his nipples. He kissed down to Bucky’s navel before dipping his tongue into it. He pressed his canines against the navel rim, chewing softly to pull a gasp from Bucky. “I’ll be so gentle. I swear, Bucky.” He moved off Bucky, unzipping Bucky’s pants and tugging them off.

Bucky felt hot, like he’d been sitting in a sauna. He panted, watching Steve peel his clothes off till he was completely naked. “You’re still clothed,” he analyzed.

“I’m gettin’ there!” Steve chuckled. He sat up on his knees, unbuttoning his shirt and letting it fall open. Deftly, he opened his pants, pulling his cock out to stroke a few times before shimming out of his pants.

Bucky sucked in his hips, watching Steve prepare everything. He saw Steve pull out a small packet and a condom to set on the bedside stand.

He crawled back over, nuzzling his face against Bucky’s before kissing down his throat, over both nipples, down the middle of his stomach and then around his dick.

Bucky sighed, fidgeting beneath Steve’s kisses. They were soft and happy. Everything for once was happy despite so much going wrong. Bucky could be out of a job, his ex-wife was vindictive and pissed off, and he’d been lying to his entire company but he was happy. Steve made him feel happy, placing wet, loud kisses against his skin, massaging his hands over Bucky’s thighs and abdomen. He felt safe, like nothing would ever hurt him– because he somehow managed to work his way into Steve Rogers’ life.  

Steve opened Bucky’s legs, licking the tip of Bucky’s cock.

Bucky gasped, pushing his hips up for more.

“Shh,” Steve cooed softly. “I’ll take care of you, don’t worry, baby.”

Bucky whimpered, watching Steve move back down. He nestled himself between Bucky’s legs, brushing his nose against Bucky’s cock. With one hand, he balanced Bucky’s erection so it didn’t bounce away, but the other was at Bucky’s balls, rolling them between his fingers and squeezing every now and then. He ran his lips against Bucky’s cock, darting his tongue out at the underside of the tip.

Bucky fisted his fingers into the comforter atop the bed. He squeezed and relaxed his muscles over and over as Steve’s fingers and tongue played with his cock and balls.

Steve wrapped his lips around Bucky’s tip sucking softly, almost like he was nursing a bottle of beer. He circled a few fingers around the base and stroked it softly.

Bucky opened his mouth, moaning loudly in approval. He panted, letting Steve work him up in the most amazing ways. Steve knew how to make him feel good. But not just _good_ , over the top, bone-humming, muscle-melting, fucked out of your mind good.

Steve lapped at Bucky’s cock, giving the softest kitten licks that left Bucky’s legs trembling and sweat clinging to his brow. Steve blew a cool stream of air against the slit, making Bucky sit up as the unfamiliar sensation sent a zing of excitement through his spine. Steve laughed, pumping his hand around the erection. “Has no one ever done that to you?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Maybe it’s a foreskin thing. I love it.”

“N-no I liked it,” Bucky encouraged. “Just startled me.”

Steve flashed a reassuring smile before he enveloped Bucky into his mouth. He let his fingers play around Bucky’s perineum, lazily stroking them back and forth as he slurped and gulped around Bucky’s cock.

Bucky’s body was radiating heat. He shivered, feeling it escape his body as Steve brought him closer and closer to an edge he didn’t want to leap from yet. He rocked up into Steve’s mouth, biting his lips.

“Nnn, Steve,” he moaned. “Don’t wanna come.”

“Don’t wanna come?” Steve echoed, an indulgent tone in his voice. “Why not, baby?”

“Don’t wanna yet. You always make me come so hard.”

“Can I edge you?” Steve asked, flicking his wrist over Bucky’s dick, letting his thumbnail caress against the slit.

Bucky hissed, dropping his head back. “Oh _fuck_! W-what’s edging?”

Steve chuckled, darting his tongue out against the tip. He covered his mouth over it again, circling his tongue around it before pulling back with a delectable shiver running down Bucky’s spine. “S’when I get you close to coming and then slow down so it subsides. It’ll help build up a real nice orgasm.”

“What if I come on accident?” Bucky whimpered, rolling his hips up into Steve’s skilled fingers as Steve’s index finger pressed into the slit, smearing precome around the head.

“You won’t. I happen to be good at this.”

“You’re good at a lot of things,” Bucky mumbled, already resigning himself to whatever Steve had planned.

“So that’s a yes?” Steve asked, pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’s cockhead. “I really just love playing with your dick, Bucky. Could do it all night.”

“Mmm, it’s a yes,” Bucky responded. He stretched out on the bed, letting his arms lie over his head. “Use me as you want.”

Steve laughed. He pressed several chaste kisses against Bucky’s penis before slipping his mouth over it again to take it all into the back of his throat.

Bucky sat up as jolts of pleasure wracked through his body. He gasped, feeling Steve’s throat close against him, almost like it was pulling him further down his throat. “Oh, oh fuck, Stevie.”

Steve hastened his bobbing, loud sucking sounds penetrating the room against Bucky’s gasping and moans.

Bucky’s leg muscles tightened as he felt his orgasm build up. “Ah…ah, Steve, Stevie, m’gonna…”

Steve slowed down immediately, pulling the orgasm down with him as he ran his lips up and down Bucky’s length, avoiding the use of his tongue. He brushed his nose against the tip, getting precome against it before darting his tongue out to lap at it playfully.

“Fuck,” Bucky whimpered. “God, shit, fuck, Steve!”

Steve puffed out a laugh, his hot breath tickling Bucky’s purpling cock. “You’re doing great, Buck.”

“Want you to eat me out,” Bucky requested bashfully.

“Oh yeah?” Steve asked, brushing his lips against Bucky’s cock, lapping at the slit.

“Ah…ah…y-yeah, please eat me out.”

Steve lifted Bucky’s legs. Bucky thought he was going to toss them over his shoulders but he grabbed them both in one hand by the ankles and pushed them against Bucky’s chest.

“St-Steve!” Bucky helped. “What’re you doing!?”

“Something a little kinky. Relax,” Steve reassured. He ran one hand between Bucky’s ass cheeks, letting the pad of his finger graze against Bucky’s hole.

Bucky shivered. He couldn’t breathe entirely well like this but he liked feeling all bunched up and powerless under Steve. It was amazing suddenly, giving in like this. Letting Steve take control and do whatever he wanted. The amount of trust Bucky had in him was astounding, even to Bucky. He knew Steve didn’t let clients tie him up, but Bucky wouldn’t be entirely opposed to letting Steve tie _him_ up.

Steve scooted down, still holding Bucky’s ankles together. He pushed his face against Bucky’s ass, spreading his ass cheeks.

When Steve’s tongue lapped at Bucky, Bucky yelped, trying to push his legs out but Steve was stronger. He whimpered, feeling his dick caress against his legs as he bobbed against Steve’s face, wanting more of that pink tongue that licked at him so sweetly.

Steve ran his tongue along the rim. He sucked at it, letting wet sounds echo into the room, matching Bucky’s panting. He poked his tongue inside quickly, but slipped it back out to play at the rim, sucking it softly.

Bucky could feel himself relaxing into Steve’s face. His hole was wet and getting wetter with each flick of Steve’s tongue. His heart was racing in his chest, threatening to burst and explode all over the room from the rush he was experiencing. He was going to let Steve…in…him. He’d never done this. He was scared. His nerves were on fire, fritzing and fraying beneath the panic that was setting in. He didn’t want to stop. He wanted this. Steve had done it with him and it didn’t seem to hurt him that badly. Bucky could do this too. He could prove to Steve he was strong enough. But he couldn’t stop being nervous.

Steve slipped his tongue inside Bucky. He flattened it out inside, pushing it in and out. He swirled it around, coating the warm walls with his saliva.

“Oh God, Steve,” Bucky sighed. “That feels so good.”

Steve hummed against Bucky’s rim, pressing his lips to it to vibrate it.

Bucky squeezed his ass cheeks together, but Steve’s face was pushed in far enough that it didn’t affect him. He slowly let Bucky’s legs down to drape over his shoulders, his hand massaging at Bucky’s ankle before letting go.

Bucky gasped, taking in much needed air as his body relaxed into the new position. He preferred it better this way.

Steve’s nose was up against his perineum now, pushing against it and tickling it with each thrust of his tongue inside Bucky’s ass. He hooked a hand beneath one of Bucky’s arms to gently stroke at Bucky’s dick, palming over the tip the way Bucky loved.

Bucky dropped his head back, his legs trembling from being released from their confinement and the intoxicating sensations that ravaged his body. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, Steve, Steve that’s too good.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s dick pumping at it forcefully. His tongue swirled inside Bucky, hooking so that it’d make the softest _pop_ each time he pulled it out before plunging back in.

Bucky grabbed at the comforter, digging his heels into Steve’s broad back. “Steve, I’ll come. Steve…ah…Steve I’m gonna come!”

Steve slowed down. He completely removed his hand from Bucky’s dick and moved it to his balls where he squeezed them before rolling them between his fingers. He swirled his tongue slowly, with purpose, inside Bucky before flicking it out to suck against the rim. He pulled his hand back to squeeze at Bucky’s ass cheeks, growling in content as he slipped his tongue back inside.

“Oh fuck, I hate edging,” Bucky professed with a sigh. “Now I just wanna come.”

Steve laughed against Bucky’s rim. He sucked against it one more time before pulling back to lick from Bucky’s perineum up to the tip of his cock.

Bucky felt positively wet below. His ass was coated and his purple dick was shiny with saliva. “Fingers?”

Steve smiled, before brushing his nose over one of Bucky’s hips to place several reverent kisses there. “You’re so pretty, Bucky.”

Bucky smiled, his chest still heaving from what Steve had been doing to him. “So are you.”

Steve clicked his tongue. He pressed a kiss against the tip of Bucky’s cock before nuzzling his nose against it.

“G-God, Steve!”

“I can’t help it! You like my tits, I like your dick.” He lapped lightly at the tip before sucking it into his mouth softly to chew with the faintest of effort.

Bucky’s mouth dropped wide open as he let out a long, pronounced moan. He pushed his hips up into Steve’s mouth, relishing in the way Steve just opened his jaw wider to accommodate for the length. He bobbed slowly, holding the base of Bucky’s cock and squeezing it on occasion.

Bucky was gasping. Steve knew every little trick in the book and he wasn’t pulling any punches. His tongue caressed against all of Bucky’s spots, leaving his mind whirling and his tongue thick. He wanted to fuck himself into that man’s mouth, to fall from exhaustion as his orgasm washed over him but he needed this. He needed to know what it felt like to have Steve inside him. To _claim_ him and whisper in his ear how good he was doing. He needed it so badly that he cried out when Steve pressed a wet kiss to his tip again.

“Want your fingers,” Bucky muttered. “Wanna come soon.”

Steve laughed softly but he brought his fingers up to Bucky’s face so he could coat them himself.

Bucky took Steve’s fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them. He kept his gaze locked on Steve, slowly pumping back and forth against his fingers.

Once they were nice and wet, Steve pulled them back. He wasted no time in slipping two fingers into Bucky’s ass and twisting his wrist from side to side.

“Oh…oh fuck…God! Steve!”

“Shh,” Steve cooed. “It’s okay. Just relax. It’s not hurting, is it?”

“N-no,” Bucky whimpered. “It’s just good. It’s real good.”

Steve laughed, pressing a kiss against Bucky’s hip bone. He nibbled at the flesh softly, his fingers hooking to brush over Bucky’s prostate.

Bucky saw a flash of white as he lurched up, rocking his hips down on Steve’s hand. It was too much. Too good and too right. He needed more. Groaning, he pushed his ass down against Steve’s fingers, swirling his hips.

Steve accommodated Bucky’s urgency. He slipped another finger inside Bucky, halting his movements when Bucky whimpered out pathetically. “Are you okay?”

“Stings,” Bucky admitted. “I don’t know.”

“We can stop.” He was pulling his fingers out when Bucky used his ass muscles to clench down and hold him there.

“Please don’t stop. I need this.”

Steve nodded slowly. He pushed his fingers further in Bucky, letting them caress against the muscles. He rocked them back and forth slowly, twisting his wrist when Bucky would gasp in pleasure.

Bucky hadn’t been so attentive to Steve, but maybe that was because Steve was experienced. He listened to Bucky. Watched his body twitch, relax or scrunch up and he responded accordingly. He did something again or quickly when Bucky seemed to like it and completely stopped something when Bucky expressed discomfort. Bucky had never felt so analyzed before, but it wasn’t like he was under a microscope. He was being adored and cared for. No one ever made him feel this worthy before.

“You’re getting really loose,” Steve whispered. He pressed several kisses against Bucky’s thigh. “Just let me know when you want keep going.”

“I’m scared,” Bucky professed. “What if I don’t like it?”

Steve sat up, removing his fingers. He pulled Bucky into his lap and pressed countless kisses against Bucky’s sweaty face. “Then you don’t like it and we do it the way we always have. I’m just proud of you for trying.”

Bucky tucked his head under Steve’s chin, kissing at the exposed skin. He sucked at Steve’s neck, smiling triumphantly at how easy it was to bring red bruises to the skin. He liked how Steve blushed so fully and got marked so easily. He looked down, seeing Steve’s hard cock resting against his thigh. “Can I touch you?”

Steve smiled, breathing through his nose in amusement. “Do you feel relaxed? That’s the most important part, sweetheart.”

 _Sweetheart_. Bucky felt like the earth suddenly flipped. His vision blurred for a moment as he steadied himself against Steve, grabbing at the man’s chest.

Steve dropped his head back, a rumble of laughter reverberating against his pecs. “You really are obsessed with my chest.”

“They’re tits,” Bucky corrected as he nuzzled into Steve’s neck. “And they’re gorgeous.”

“You’re gorgeous,” Steve replied without missing a beat. “You gonna jerk me off or what?”

“You’re impatient,” Bucky teased. He slipped from Steve’s lap to fully sit on one leg. Reaching down, he wrapped his fingers around Steve’s cock, smiling when he pulled at the flesh to watch the tip peek out further from the foreskin. “Kind of wish I still had this.”

“Sorry,” Steve shrugged. “Being a Jew sucks, huh?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. He spit down over Steve’s cock, flicking his wrist to coat it with the saliva.

Steve sighed in content, dropping his head against Bucky’s.

“I just like playing with it,” Bucky said as he pinched the skin to tug over the cockhead. “S’fun.”

“Mmm, feels nice when you do that.”

Bucky slipped his finger inside, running it along the tip and against the foreskin. He felt Steve’s muscles clench beneath him. Steve groaned, pushing his lips against Bucky’s face to press chaste kisses against it.

“Keep doin’ that,” Steve purred as he sucked Bucky’s earlobe into his mouth.

Bucky swirled his finger around a few more times before spitting down on Steve’s cock again and pumping at it a few times. He palmed over Steve’s tip, circling the tip a few times, pulling breathy moans from Steve’s lips. “You like that?”

“I’ll like anything you do,” Steve answered.

“Ha. Ha. Stop being smooth.”

“Let me make love to you,” Steve rasped as he kissed down Bucky’s neck to his collar bone. He nibbled at the bone, rolling up into Bucky’s hand as he slowly pumped at Steve’s erection. “I promise I’ll stop if you tell me to.”

Bucky nodded. His limbs started to tremble again, but it wasn’t from pleasure, just anxiety. He let Steve lay him on the bed. Steve hooked Bucky’s legs around him. He leaned over the bed to grab the lube packet and condom.

“We won’t ever have to do this again if you don’t like it,” Steve reassured. “I swear.”

“I know,” Bucky whispered. “I’m just nervous.”

“I know. I was nervous my first time too.”

“Did it hurt? Your first time?” Bucky asked, tilting his head to the side.

Steve sighed, sitting back. He ran his fingers up and down Bucky’s abdomen. “My first time wasn’t smart. I was real small. Like…tiny.”

Bucky scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Oh please.”

“I have pictures as proof!” Steve defended. “I was tiny and did a lot of stupid shit. I had a friend that I loved more than anything in the world. He was handsome, popular with women. Whatever. I loved him.”

Bucky furrowed his brow, realizing the sadness that was darkening Steve’s eyes. “You don’t have to tell me this.”

Steve bit his lip, nodding. “I know. Maybe I shouldn’t. I did a lot of dumb shit for him.” He shrugged. “Did I just accidently kill the mood or are you still good with this?”

“I’m good if you are,” Bucky answered. He rocked his hips up, nudging his cock against Steve’s abs.

Steve purred, grabbing at it and pressing soft circles into the base of the tip. “I can’t ever stop telling you how pretty you are.”

“Oh my God, you’re gonna make me self-conscious. Just fuck me already!”

Steve laughed, but he dropped Bucky’s dick and opened the condom. “It’s gonna sting like hell for a few seconds. You need to remember not to clench up but to relax. If you want, I can get you a water you can chug. That helps relax your muscles sometimes if the water’s real cold.”

“How does that work?”

“It’s called a distraction, genius,” Steve teased, twisting one of Bucky’s nipples.

“Ow! N-no. I’ll be okay.”

“Don’t be embarrassed if it hurts. I happen to have a big penis.”

“You’re killing the mood.”

“I’m making sure you know what you’re doing,” Steve defended with a pointed smirk.

“Just go slow?”

“Of course, baby,” Steve said with a soothing tone. He ripped open the lube packet, slicking himself up.

Bucky’s heart was _pounding_ against his chest. He gasped for air, trying his best to focus on anything but his ass. He needed to relax. He needed to find something in the room and fixate himself on it. He looked to Steve’s face as he bit his lip, but that just reminded him of what was coming. He looked up to the lamp, staring at it as it reflected some of the red hue from outside since it was off.

He looked around the room, realizing that they’d been having sex with the overhead lights on and the blinds were open, which meant that if anyone had wanted to, they could have seen in if they were up as high as they were. That was awkward.

“J-Jesus, fuck, Christ, stop, stop, stop!” Bucky yelped as he felt Steve push his tip inside. “Wait, wait wait. Don’t move, don’t move, don’t move!”

Steve nodded, bringing one of Bucky’s hands to his mouth to press kisses against the knuckle. “I can stop.”

“No just hold on.” Bucky felt tears slip from his eyes in a rush as he grit his teeth together, groaning. He couldn’t relax. His ass was on fire and all he wanted was to pull away and be done with this. How did people do this?! It felt like he was being sawed in half.

“You need to relax, Bucky,” Steve reminded. “You want me to get you water?”

“That’d require you moving,” Bucky pointed out. “I won’t do this again if we don’t do this now.”

“There’s really no reason to rush, Bucky,” Steve said. “I honestly feel vastly uncomfortable if I’m hurting you.”

“How do I relax?” Bucky asked, gulping down a sob. His whole body had clenched up. His spine was rigid, toes curled in as tight as possible and legs squeezing around Steve’s torso.

“Think of a waterfall. I know it sounds stupid but think of one. Think of it hitting your shoulders.”

Bucky did as Steve instructed. He imagined a waterfall, not rushing and overwhelming but smooth and gentle, like a trickling stream.

“Now relax every part of your body that water hits. Start at your shoulders baby, let it work over you and sooth out everything.”

Bucky took in a shaky breath, still feeling his ass searing from Steve’s tip. He imagined the water trickling against his back and let his muscles relax accordingly. Thought of how it’d slip down the curve of his spine and fall over his ass. Part by part, Bucky’s body started to relax and the pain started to subside. He finally stretched out his toes, smiling up at Steve. Letting out a shaky laugh he said, “You’re crazy meditation worked.”

Steve nodded, shrugging a shoulder. “Escorts have tons of weird tricks.”

“I think you can go further,” Bucky said, rocking his hips a bit to let Steve slip more into him.

“Tell me if it hurts,” Steve instructed before he moved a bit further.

Bucky bit his lip, whining as the pain started to come back but he thought again to that waterfall over his body, how each muscle it touched melted to butter beneath it. Stinging pain turned to warming pleasure, like gentle wax being poured over him. His muscles began to feel like they were seeping into the comforter beneath him. He sighed, feeling Steve’s body cover his. “It doesn’t hurt.”

“You’re doing amazing, Bucky,” Steve said as he brought his arms around Bucky and laid them side-by-side. “You feel good yet?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky responded. He kept his eyes closed, but he could feel Steve’s nose brushing against his. “Feel…full.”

Steve pressed a kiss to one of Bucky’s eyes. “That’s good. I love that feeling.”

“I like it,” Bucky admitted. “Feels warm.”

“Do you want me to move, or do you want me to just lie here with you?”

“What’s better?” Bucky asked, he pushed his hips down against Steve, feeling the man’s dick move within him. “O-oh God!”

Steve laughed. He pressed tiny kisses against Bucky’s cheek. “Both is good,” he whispered before pressing more kisses.

“Slow,” Bucky instructed. “Just go slow.”

Steve pulled out slightly and gently moved back in. His movements were so slow Bucky was almost astonished at how much he could _feel_. Everything was so much more intense. He felt each dip, bend and curve of Steve’s dick, he felt each breath the other man took and he felt every kiss against his face like it was all over his body.

He felt enshrined in a warm, protective layer of _good_ and he never wanted to leave it. Steve’s thrusts were so gentle that he could cry. Each one was meticulous and heeded with so much care.

Bucky opened his eyes, looking at Steve’s face. Steve’s gaze was fixed on his, a lazy, content smile on his lips. Bucky moved closer, gasping when Steve’s cock slipped a bit further in. “I love you.”

Steve looked away, biting his lip. “One step at a time, okay?”

“I mean it,” Bucky defended, feeling tears slip from his eyes. “Don’t tell me how I can and can’t feel.”

“Okay, Bucky. I won’t.” Steve slipped out of Bucky but quickly lined himself back up and pushed back in.

Bucky felt his eyes roll back as he dropped his head into Steve’s chest. “Fuck, that’s so good.”

“You feel good,” Steve praised. “I don’t think I’ve had an ass this tight in a long time.”

“Shut up,” Bucky whimpered.

“It’s a compliment! I am a whore, you know.”

There was an awkward pause until they both started giggling. The sensation was positively _breathtaking_ and Bucky’s toes curled up tightly in response. He felt his muscles envelop Steve, pulling him in further and holding him there against him. He knew Steve didn’t feel the same perhaps just yet, but maybe one day. He was at least willing to give…whatever this was…a chance.

Bucky didn’t mind dating an escort. At least, he didn’t think he minded. His mind was rather clouded and Steve’s dick felt so good as it slipped back and forth inside him, filling him up and stretching him so _big_.

Bucky pushed his hips down, circling them around to get more of Steve inside him. He gasped when he felt Steve brush up against his walls.

Steve’s breath hitched as he swallowed loudly. He scooted closer, pulling Bucky’s face to his as he enveloped Bucky’s mouth with soft, slow kisses. His tongue lolled against Bucky’s bottom lip, slipping inside and curling against Bucky’s.

Bucky moaned into the kiss, feeling more tears well in his eyes as Steve pushed his cock further in, testing how far he could go till Bucky protested. He opened his mouth more, letting Steve explore his mouth with a fragility that Bucky didn’t know existed.

Each move was calculated. Each twitch of Steve’s hips, each dip of his tongue; everything was well-thought out and planned. It enveloped Bucky in heat, spreading against each nerve and coating it lovingly– adoringly.

Bucky wanted to tell Steve how much he loved him. He wanted to say it over and over till his tongue fell off and his heart gave out, but Steve didn’t seem comfortable with it. Something was holding him back. Perhaps it was the client-escort relationship.

Bucky had to accept that. He could work with this. Steve had called himself Bucky’s ‘boyfriend.’ That was enough for now. There’d be plenty of time to really figure out what they were doing later. Right now, right now Bucky was so warm and Steve’s dick felt so good tucked up inside him as they slowly rocked into each other with lazy, patient thrusts.

Steve’s mouth was still covering his, exploring each curve of his teeth, the grooves along them and the softness of the roof of his mouth. Steve turned them so he was lying atop Bucky now, pushing his dick further up inside.

Bucky cried out, shivering as pleasure rolled through him. Steve was pressed against his prostate now, just resting there as he pushed in soft ministrations. Tears slipped from Bucky’s eyes (he still hated how easy he cried) as Steve produced so much pleasure with the softest, feather-pressed touches.

Bucky pulled back for air, whining when Steve pressed against his prostate again. “Gonna come like this.”

“I want you to, Bucky,” Steve encouraged. “It’s okay.”

“I feel like I’m high,” Bucky observed. “Like I’m in the clouds or something.”

Steve laughed, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s throat. “Good. I’m glad.”

“I don’t want you to stop,” Bucky said, clinging to Steve, wrapping his legs around him tighter and curling his fingers into his hair.

“I won’t unless you tell me to, baby.”

Bucky nodded, sniffing.

Steve wiped the tears from his face, kissing all over his cheeks, his lips and the tip of his nose. “You’re so pretty like this.”

“Mmm, not my dick?” Bucky teased as he closed his eyes. His body hummed softly, like it was beckoning him to sleep.

“Your dick is pretty, but no. This is different. You look relaxed and I don’t think I’ve actually ever seen you _relaxed_.”

“I’ve been too busy panicking about my feelings for you and the partnership.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere, Bucky. Don’t panic over me.”

Bucky opened his eyes, gasping when Steve’s tip glazed against his prostate again. “You care about me, right?”

Steve cocked a brow. “Of course. I wouldn’t be breaking every single rule for you if I didn’t.”

“But rules were meant to be broken. You said so.” Bucky nipped at the tip of Steve’s nose, giggling at the surprised look on Steve’s face.

“Yeah, I guess I did say that.” He hummed, pressing a forceful kiss into Bucky’s mouth, pushing his hips in deep.

Bucky moaned into the kiss, feeling his body swell with pleasure. His spine was tingling from how he felt, wrapped up, cared for and protected. He wasn’t sure if this was how he preferred to have sex, but like this? He could do often.

“Bucky,” Steve gasped. “Bucky don’t judge me.”

“Huh?” Bucky asked as he opened his water eyes again.

“I’m coming and it’s before you and I feel really bad about that.” He pushed his hips more forcefully into Bucky gasping as he rocked a bit quicker.

Bucky cried out, grabbing Steve’s wrists as he thrust up to encourage Steve’s orgasm. He didn’t care who came first. He wanted Steve to feel as good as he felt. The pleasure was boiling within him, and Steve’s motions were still so _pointed_ and completely directed to deliver only comfort.

Bucky arched his back, moaning against Steve’s ear as he felt himself brim over. “God, Steve I’m sorry but I love you. I love you and I’m sorry,” Bucky cried as his orgasm gently rocked through his body, making his shoulder blades go taut and warmth spread from his stomach like someone pouring wax against him. He clutched his legs around Steve together, rocking faster into him as his cock squirted cum against his chest.

Steve pressed kisses to the side of Bucky’s lips, whispering over and over: _it’s okay, it’s okay, you don’t have to be sorry._

They lay in each other’s arms, Bucky pulling Steve so close that he was sure he’d permanently damaged his anal canal (not that he cared, this felt damn good). Their hearts beat against each other’s chests as they panted. Bucky had never come so gently and yet felt so _exhausted_. It wasn’t like any orgasm he’d had before. It left him weightless, filled and inspired. He felt like he could change the world tomorrow if he wanted to.

Steve pressed a kiss against Bucky’s temple, holding him flush against him. He inhaled deeply before nuzzling his face against Bucky’s.

“Do I still have to tip you?” Bucky asked suddenly.

Steve barked out a laugh. “No. That can be your perk for dating an escort.”

“Good. Cause those are rough.”

Steve snorted, pressing another kiss to Bucky’s face. “Go to sleep, Bucky.”

“You’re still in me, or is that okay?”

“Is it okay?” Steve asked, brushing his knuckles against Bucky’s cheek.

“Will you stay in me all night?”

“Don’t think you’d appreciate that in the morning. But I will till you fall asleep.”

“Okay,” Bucky agreed, pressing a soft kiss against Steve’s lips. “You’re really amazing, you know?”

“So are you.”

Bucky tucked himself against Steve, gasping softly when Steve’s cock rested against his prostate again. He was positively content, nerves at ease and body relaxed. He closed his eyes, meaning to inhale Steve’s scent one last time, but ended up falling right to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! [Tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
> (I will be writing a Steve POV counterpart to the hotel scene on Tumblr!)  
> Edit: I have uploaded the Steve POV for this chapter to here: [Call Boy- Extras](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4971733/chapters/11418409)


	6. Dark Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finals week and I chose to write an entire almost 20k chapter instead of studying for my exam (that I already took today and wow did I pay for that).  
> I regret nothing.
> 
> Shout out to [perfbucky](http://perfbucky.tumblr.com/) for being the best alpha-beta ever! 
> 
> Fun fact: There's some links at the bottom of this chapter to show you some...things....that were used. Yeah. Things. X'DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
> 
> Also, don't forget that I have little "extras" that are in Steve's POV!  
> [Click Me!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4971733/chapters/11418409)

Three months. Bucky had three months to figure out how to deal with his life. He could tell Tony about Steve, but then he’d face the bitter look people got in their eyes when they found out you were a liar. Pepper would be heartbroken, and Bucky’s not entirely sure she’d be okay with Steve’s chosen occupation. That didn’t make her a bad person, not in Bucky’s opinion at least. People looked down on sex workers. They always assumed there was a _reason_ someone turned to the occupation. Some desperate time that made them desperate for money. Steve did it because he _liked_ it. It was a job that he loved doing. That was more honorable than Bucky sitting at his desk, tapping away over prints he’d just received back from the art department for his Lancôme ad. He tilted his neck, listening to it crack a few times before clicking his tongue.

He hated the image. Close up of a girl’s face heavily plastered with airbrushing and makeup. Of course. It was for liquid concealer but it was lifeless. Bucky hated it. There wasn’t anything creative about this ad. Nothing that would get people talking. They’d see it in the subway stations and continue walking by. When women ran out of their mascara or some other standard product, they’d just go back to what they always bought. No. Bucky had to make this more shocking. He had to deliver something more interesting.

His eyes widened as he thought of the one market makeup actually never really touched.

Men wore makeup, but had Bucky ever seen an ad with a man instead of a woman? No. Gay marriage was legal, men were walking down catwalks and for the first time in centuries, it was okay for a man to cry on TV (not that TVs had been around for centuries, but Bucky was following his own thought process).

Bucky leaned over, hovering over his phone when he realized he’d still not hired a secretary. Wincing, he spun in his chair and flipped out his cell phone. He was at work. It was the middle of the damn day but he didn’t have a secretary to help him out (not that he couldn’t just dial art himself) and he wanted to hear a voice that always made his skin hum.

 _“Hello?”_ Steve asked, a bit breathless on the other side.

“You’re not…? Are you?” Bucky stammered.

_“What? No, I’m jogging.”_

“Of course you are,” Bucky observed, trailing his fingers along his desk as he walked its length. “What’s your opinion of guys wearing makeup?”

 _“I think you’d look beautiful with red lips,”_ Steve teased. Bucky could practically hear the smile on _his_ perfect lips. Steve was flawless. He had no use for makeup, but that wasn’t the point. The makeup was still for women, just the way they’d get them to remember the brand was why men needed to be involved.

“If I ran an ad campaign with men on makeup ads, what would you think?”

 _“I’d think…that you were crazy?”_ Steve answered, his voice cracking at the last syllable.

“I think it’d be sexy. Get a man and a woman both using the same makeup products, horizontal frame above the brand in bright white font, almost like they were lying on it– making love atop it. Both in makeup.”

 _“You’re turnin’ me on, Buck,”_ Steve purred. _“I like it when you get all workaholic on me.”_

“So it sounds good enough to reject all my previous frames? Cause,” Bucky looked down, huffing out a hard sigh. “These are boring and unoriginal.”

_“I think it sounds daring. More like a work of art than an ad.”_

“Good.”

 _“You still want me tonight?”_ Steve asked. Bucky could hear an ambulance getting closer to Steve over the phone. He winced as the pitch became almost unbearable before it started to fade out.

“That’s a stupid question, Steve,” Bucky laughed, plopping back into his chair. “I always want you.” He didn’t mean for the lump to form in his throat or for his voice to waver, but it did. Tears stung his eyes as he thought about Steve’s body, his smile– that laugh… The way he’d scrunch up his nose when Bucky did something funny.

_“Any special requests, boyfriend?”_

Bucky whined into the phone, holding it with both hands as he dug his toes into the soles of his shoes. “Bring toys. I wanna learn more.”

Steve purred excitedly. _“I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby. Swear to God.”_

“I know.” Bucky looked up, sighing at the clock. “I’ve got a meeting in five. I lo-” No. Absolutely not. He hadn’t said it since the other week when Steve first fucked him, and he wouldn’t say it again. It wasn’t fair to Steve. It wasn’t fair to force him to break all his rules just because there _was_ some kind of attraction between them. They were dating and yet nothing changed. Steve never called Bucky. Steve never dropped by his office to check up on him. Steve never sent him little ‘thinking of you’ texts. Bucky was always calling Steve. Bucky was always texting. Bucky was doing _everything_ and nothing at all. He was a coward. He knew it. He should’ve been more assertive. He should’ve cornered Steve and really made this relationship defined. He shouldn’t have agreed to keep paying, because that was just another wedge that kept Bucky from Steve. It was just that obnoxious reminder that Bucky was a client, no matter the titles Steve muttered from those soft red lips.

_“Bucky?”_

“I’ve gotta go,” Bucky mumbled, hanging up the phone without waiting for Steve’s response. He scrubbed his hands over his face, groaning. Leaning back, he sniffed and looked down at the ads. They were all wrong. He was all wrong. Everything was wrong. He should’ve fought harder. He should’ve shown Steve how serious he felt for him. But Steve knew, didn’t he? Bucky said those little words that he couldn’t say anymore. He’d said them and Steve heard them. Didn’t that mean anything to Steve? It had to. Steve was always flirty but some of the things he said had so much more _emotion_ behind them. He had to care. He did care. He just…

…didn’t love Bucky.

Closing his eyes, Bucky willed his eyes for once in their God _damned_ existence not to cry. He was sick of crying over Steve. They were dating. Kind of. Steve called Bucky his boyfriend. They were dating.

They were dating.

Bucky just had to find a way of digging himself out of the hole he’d dug not _only_ with Steve, but with Tony and Pepper and the whole firm.

Oh– and Natasha.

* * *

 

Bucky was almost out the door when Natasha slinked up to him like a damn weasel, all lanky and suspicious. She crossed her arms over her chest, her red cardigan mildly muting her red hair, but it only heightening the rose of her cheeks. Bucky hated how he’d never find her unattractive. There’d always be some part of him, deep down, no matter how much he wanted to hate her, no matter how much he wanted to cut her from himself and finally be a free man– but there’d always be that part of him that knew this was his fault. Ever since her revelation. It was all his fault. Her misery, her ambition and the reason she looked at him with unabashed anger. He’d been her ruin and he didn’t even know it.

“I hear McDonalds is hiring,” she stated curtly, flicking a brow in a challenging expression.

Bucky rolled his eyes, pushing his tongue against the back of his teeth to not snarl at her. “Funny,” he quipped.

“I hear you’re gonna get a little _Stevie_ action tonight,” she conversed, the smirk on her face deadly.

Bucky knew she kept tabs on them. They only saw each other when she allowed Steve to. Just to fuck with Bucky, last weekend she’d made Steve turn around just as he was getting to the restaurant. He’d called Bucky practically crying. It was horrifying. Natasha had something on Steve that genuinely _frightened_ the man. Bucky ran through the scenarios. Drug dealing? He was already prostitute, so on the list of terrible things people liked to hide, Bucky was left with murder or perhaps rape? Was Steve even capable of either of those? Anyone could kill someone if they were desperate enough but was Steve that desperate? Had he been backed into a corner so badly where he thought the only way out was to murder someone? It made Bucky’s blood gurgle to a stop in his veins and ice over.

“Don’t call him that,” Bucky grumbled, trying to move away from her but she was following him still down the hall. He didn’t want to go back to his office or she’d just corner him again. She’d wait. She was patient. She’d always been patient.

“Why? Cause you moan it out when he’s fucking you nicely? I’ll bet he gets you crying doesn’t he? Shoves that dick of his up your ass so far you taste it in the back of your throat.”

“Fuck off!” Bucky hissed, his eyes alit with animosity. “And what makes you think I’m a catcher?”

She rolled her eyes, scoffing as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Seriously, Bear?”

Bucky winced at the name.

“You always loved being on bottom.”

Before he had a chance to respond, she was already walking down the hall, turning the corner to the office elevator instead of the building’s. Good. He didn’t want to go down over fifty stories with her in such a close proximity.

* * *

 

It was the first time Steve would see Bucky’s apartment. He was pretty sure it was almost next to spotless but Bucky was still scrubbing at the walls, looking at the dishes and the silverware just in case he left some watermarks or something. He wiped down the counters, took out all the trash and refolded the blankets on the sofa nearly fifteen times.

When the doorbell rang, Bucky jumped in his skin, his hand slamming over his chest because this was finally it. This was finally when Steve came over to stay the night. At Bucky’s apartment. His home. It was almost like they were really dating. Except Bucky already deposited 12 grand into Steve’s paypal. That honestly hurt, because Bucky wasn’t sure if he could pay his internet or food for the month before he got his last paycheck on his previous salary before it kicked into his partnership one.

He quickly went to pull out the wine from the fridge and dropped it into the ice bucket and then moved to the doorway.

Steve was there, his face shining bright and that smile took Bucky’s breath away. He was dressed in a simple blue button down, gray blazer and fucking suspenders. He carried a briefcase that Bucky was _absolutely_ sure didn’t have anything remotely resembling office supplies inside. He held it up, his smile widening. “I brought fun things for us to do.” He moved past Bucky into the apartment, gasping. “Jesus, Bucky!”

Bucky came into the apartment, quirking one brow.

“This place is…it’s…”

“Yeah I know, I can’t afford anything bigger–”

“Amazing.”

“Oh…”

Bucky liked to think he had a nice enough apartment. It was color coordinated with deep blues, whites, slate grays and black. The kitchen sported black quartz countertops, stainless steel appliances and a deep blue backsplash that really hammered in the modern look. The back windows were wall to ceiling and spanned the entire side, but Bucky could control the amount of light let in by the remote on the coffee table. Stark paid well. But with Steve in Bucky’s life, he wasn’t sure just how much more of his mortgage he could afford before he was going to have to look for a place in the Bronx or Harlem. He liked Manhattan, having been from Indiana, Bucky wanted to shoot for the stars and wave at the moon as he went on by. He’d saved for years, living in a shithole apartment in Brooklyn before he finally married Natasha and they’d gotten a house. The turnaround on that was nice and now Bucky had a lovely Manhattan apartment for two million dollars. It was honestly a steal in this neighborhood.

“It’s pretty sterile though,” Steve analyzed, slipping out of his blazer.

“Wow, rude,” Bucky teased, taking Steve’s coat and putting it in the coat closet by the front door.

“Ha, you should see mine. It’s a hole in the damn wall. Faucet leaks, the toilet clogs with _other_ people’s shit. It’s great.”

Bucky winced, biting his bottom lip. That sounded downright disturbing. “But you’re an escort? You make money.”

“I know,” Steve responded, dropping onto the navy leather couch and licking his lips in a tantalizing swirl. He meets Bucky’s gaze, his eyes flashing with something like pride or an unspoken challenge. “I like character over sterility.”

“And other people’s shit in your toilet is character?” Bucky moved to get two wine glasses before reaching for the automatic wine opener.

“It’s a fun story,” Steve lilted. He sits up, watching Bucky from his position on the couch. The whole apartment is open concept except for the bathroom and bedroom. “You laughed at it.”

“Out of pity,” Bucky snarked, flashing a triumphant grin as he poured two glasses of white wine. Red went with dinner. White was just for socializing. Bucky was nothing if not a wine snob.

“Right,” Steve replied, taking the wine glass and bringing it to his lips. “What is this?”

“Domaine Leflaive Batard Montrachet. It’s from Anne—Claude LeFlaive in the Cote de Beaune region in France.”

“That sounds fancy,” Steve joked, watching Bucky take his seat at the other end of the couch. They put their legs up and just stare at each other for a moment. “But in English please.”

“It’s nearly six thousand dollar chardonnay. Be impressed, damn it,” Bucky grumbled, huffing out a laugh through his nose.

Steve cackled, tossing his head back and spilling the wine on his shirt. “Oh shit! I got your expensive wine on my not so expensive shirt!”

“I hate you,” Bucky grumbled, slipping from the couch to set his wine down on the coffee table before moving to grab a towel. When he turned around, Steve was already tugging his undershirt over his head, revealing that delicious body that Bucky pines away for in the dead of night when he’s alone in that bed that’s too big for him. He clogged it with so many pillows but even those can’t replace the feeling of a warm body holding him tightly to their chest. The night he’d fallen asleep in Steve’s arms, Steve’s cock still in him– he’d never wanted to go to sleep without that feeling again. It was so _complete._ He’d been warm, protected and for the most part happy. He’d fallen asleep in seconds and woke up almost sweaty from how toasty and content he was. He hated sleeping without someone near him now.

“You could suck it off the shirt but I don’t think it’d taste that good like that,” Steve suggested, shrugging. He stood up, crossing the room to Bucky.

“Natasha know you’re here?” Bucky spat. He wasn’t even sure where it came from. He was thinking back on his lonely bed and then suddenly he was thinking about the collar she’d thrown around Steve’s neck.

Steve stopped dead in his tracks, his lips parting silently as he looked at Bucky with eyes so blue it was almost like Bucky was staring at every ocean in the world when the sun was highest in the sky. “Yeah.”

Bucky nodded, biting his lip. He crossed his arms, balling his fists up under his armpits. “I hate this. I hate her knowing everything about us.”

Steve’s eyes softened. He slid behind Bucky, pulling the man against his broad chest and placed soft kisses against Bucky’s cheekbone. “I know. Me too.”

“I can’t do this. I can’t afford you if I lose my job. I worked hard for that fuckin’ job!”

Steve remained silent, just rocking Bucky from side to side, placing those lazy kisses against his cheek.

“She called you ‘Stevie’ in front of me today. My skin was crawling. Like every pore was clogged with grease and I’d never be able to get clean. I didn’t think it’d matter. I’ve had sex with her. So you having sex with her shouldn’t bother me– but it does.”

Steve didn’t speak again. He trailed his hands down Bucky’s chest, cupping at the pectoral muscles beneath his black button down. Steve thumbed over the nipples, getting them hard before brushing his nose against the back of Bucky’s neck.

Bucky shivered, pushing his ass back into Steve. He’d quickly learned that when Steve didn’t want to talk about a subject, he’d quickly resort to sex. It was his cure-all Band-Aid and he wielded it like a fucking silver sword of righteous glory. It brought men to their knees, women to their climaxes, and Steve knew it.

“I’m not done talking about this,” Bucky hissed when Steve kissed the crook of his neck, slipping that wet tongue out along the vein at the skin.

“I’m not with her, Bucky,” Steve whispered, rubbing his cock against Bucky’s ass. “I’m with you.”

“For now,” Bucky blurted before he could swallow the words down.

Steve froze, his fingers twitching against Bucky’s chest before continuing to knead at the muscles and flick the pads of his fingers around the nipples. “I’m an escort, Bucky. It’s what I do.”

“What you do with her isn’t what you do with clients. She does it to hurt me.”

Steve turned Bucky around, his big hands against Bucky’s hips. He swallowed, taking a very pointed breath before tilting his head to the side. “She pays me.”

“It’s not the same!” Bucky exclaimed. “Would you’ve taken her? If she didn’t blackmail you into doing it?”

Steve doesn’t answer, but Bucky watched his jaw clench tensely.

“Tell me,” Bucky pleaded, running his fingers up and down Steve’s bare chest. He stared at that broad  expanse of muscle, bringing his fingers along the curve of the muscle and cupping at those fucking _tits._ “Please just tell me.”

“Yes,” Steve finally admonished. “She’s pretty and she pays well.”

“But you live in a dump of an apartment,” Bucky whispered, still staring at Steve’s chest. God, he hated himself. Why was he asking questions he already knew the answers to? He knew Steve’s job. He accepted it. A client would come into Steve’s life and with his apparent turn around when clients consistently kept getting too close, it made sense that Steve was always open to new clients.

“I like my apartment,” Steve reminded him, reaching up and pulling Bucky’s hands away from his chest. “We need to set boundaries.”

“What?” Bucky blinks, watching Steve move over to the bottle of wine and pick it up from the ice box. He waits patiently as Steve downs half the damn bottle before wiping at his mouth and moving to sit on the couch. He curls in on himself, pressing his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around his legs. He’s guarded. Bucky hated it. He hated seeing Steve so closed off to him.

_‘I’m just a client. He can dress me up in fancy words like ‘boyfriend’ or ‘guy-I’m-dating’ but I’m still just a client.’_

“Bucky, if you want to keep seeing me, I need you to stop asking questions about my clients.”

“It’s just Na–”

“She’s my _client,_ Bucky! That’s not fair to her, or to you!” Steve almost shouted. His voice was tense and strained, but it wasn’t quite at the level where it’d be considered an outright shout. It was too guarded and bitter, but it was pointed and harsh, and Bucky was left chewing his lip with tears in his eyes.

This was supposed to be a good night. They were supposed to stay the night together, pretending blissfully that they really were _together_. Steve was supposed to show Bucky all the toys he brought, bring him over the edge again and again, and let Bucky crash land into his chest to sleep. He was supposed to wake up with Steve in the morning and he’d even gone out to get the ingredients for cinnamon rolls in an attempt to impress Steve with some of his cooking skills.

It was supposed to be a good night and Bucky just couldn’t shove his thoughts into the back of his mind. They had to come spewing out like lava, hot and dangerous– betraying and volatile. Now he’d upset Steve, which was the last thing Bucky wanted because he knew the tightrope he walked on with Steve. Steve was breaking all his rules and Bucky knew how uncomfortable that made Steve. It was written on his face every time Bucky said something too emotional or too close. It was in the way he’d freeze that tiny bit or whine when Bucky said something he didn’t want to hear.

Why did Steve even bother? If he didn’t want Bucky, why was he even here? What did he have to gain?  Honestly, this thing could be completely over with Natasha, Tony and Pepper if Steve just left Bucky. Bucky could toss more lies into his grave about how he and Steve were having problems, and they’d called the engagement off. Natasha would be the only one to know the truth, but then it wouldn’t matter. It could all end, and yet, something kept Steve here. Bucky just wanted to crack open that rib cage, pull out Steve’s heart and read what it said, because Steve’s eyes sure as hell would never let him see it.

“Bucky? Are you even listening to me?”

“What?” Bucky whispered, trudging back over to the sofa to sit on the arm of it, facing Steve. He leaned on his knees with his arms crossed over each other like a sullen teenager getting scolded by his dad.

“Boundaries,” Steve reminded, his eyes dark.

“Yeah,” Bucky spoke. “Name ‘em.”

“You don’t ask me about my work. You don’t talk to me about my work. We know, but none of my other clients ever mention that I’ve got _other_ clients. So that ends. Okay?”

Bucky chewed his bottom lip, looking to the side of the room. It should’ve been okay, but for some reason Bucky couldn’t accept it. If they were supposed to be dating, then discussing their jobs was part of that. Bucky winced, feeling the rocks build up in his heart till he was slumping even more forward. “Okay,” he croaked out.

“We don’t talk about Natasha fucking me.”

Bucky closed his eyes, suppressing the bile that threatened to creep up his throat at that word.

“And you don’t pour six thousand dollar wine for me,” Steve breathed out, sounding defeated and tired.

Bucky’s eyes snapped open. “What?”

“There’s things I’m comfortable with and then there’s things I’m not. Six _thousand_ dollar wine, Bucky? Just last week you casually mentioned I was gonna run your bank account dry soon.”

“It was a joke!”

“But it’s not a joke! You mention it all the damn time about how you can’t afford me. You mention it every. Fucking. Single. Time!”

Bucky was going red in the cheeks. He was embarrassed, offended and worst of all, he was actually angry. He was angry at Steve for shoving everything he tried to do for him back into some corner of a room that barely saw the light of day. He didn’t bust out that wine for just anyone, and if Steve wasn’t comfortable with it, then why the fuck did he drink half the damn bottle in a glorious display of an upturned jawline and that adam’s apple bobbing seductively as he gulped each drop down. Bucky believed in romance. It didn’t matter that he sucked at it. He believed in it. Showing off his wine collection was a way of showing Steve he mattered that much.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky huffed out. “See to me, I thought I was spending time with my _boyfriend_ tonight.”

Steve scoffed, looking away.

“Don’t give me that shit!” Bucky spat. “You can’t say shit like you did to me last week and then try your hardest to be the biggest dick on the fucking planet! You’re scared, I’m scared! You think I’m not freaking out over here? I’m god damned terrified of you, Steve! I spend most of my waking life thinking about you and analyzing each and every thing you say to me! I send you fucking text messages and freak out when you don’t respond within ten minutes!

“I’m terrified that you’re gonna send me a text that says you’re done with me and I got too close when you know I’ve already far gone went past that! So I’m sorry for expressing concern about a relationship with one of your other _clients_ that I know is just as toxic for you as it is for me!”

Steve didn’t respond immediately. He let the words echo into the room until there was an overwhelming ringing in Bucky’s ears that bordered on painful. His heart was jackhammering in his chest and he was sure at any moment it’d burst from his chest in a violent display of blood and flesh, fall into Steve’s lap and beg to be pet like a god damned attention-starved dog.

Steve ran his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily. He nodded, sucking in his lips, pressing them together. “I am scared.”

Bucky felt a weight lift from his shoulders, one that he didn’t even know he was harboring.

“I’m scared you’re gonna really see me for who I am– and you’re gonna hate it.”

Bucky swallowed, watching Steve squeeze his calves, still in that guarded off position with his knees against his chest. “I can’t hate you.”

“Oh you can,” Steve countered, flicking his eyebrows up once. “Trust me.”

“Give me something. It doesn’t have to be big, but something you think I’d hate.”

Steve looked up at Bucky, his eyes rounding as he mulled over the request. “I’m actually the most judgmental person on the planet. When I’m with clients, and I listen to them mope and groan about their lives, I’m in my head, spitting out insults at them and telling them to grow the fuck up. They’ve got money. So much money it’s almost disgusting. They could do so much for the world and yet they’re sitting there, whining about how shitty their lives are when there are people out there starving to death and shivering in the cold.

“You wanna know why I live in a shit hole? I toss most of my earnings first at my employer and then a cut goes to homeless shelters and soup kitchens. I live comfortable, I buy designer shit and I’ll never want for anything but I still try to do something. And these shitheads? They whine to me about their wives and how their son may be gay too.”

Bucky slipped down onto the couch, sucking at his teeth with his tongue. “That’s– You’re not a bad person for that.”

“I thought the same thing about you at first,” Steve admitted, tossing his head to the other side, leaning it against the couch. “You were bitching about me and how I was such a hardship and I really just wanted to punch you. There are people getting bombed in the Middle East and you were worried about a damn promotion and how people would treat you if they suddenly knew you were gay.”

Bucky’s heart squeezed. He didn’t let the whine escape his lips but a puff of air huffed from his nose. It did hurt. But it wasn’t like he could be upset. Steve had a point. There was so much bad in the world and Bucky was fixated on a promotion. He was still fixated on that promotion because it was now the only thing in his life that gave him both some form of happiness and utter turmoil. Happiness because he saw Steve. Turmoil because it wasn’t what he wanted. Not really. He enjoyed the job well enough but it wasn’t really where he wanted to be. He’d stay for sure, but it was for all the wrong reasons.

And now he had Natasha to deal with in three months…

“So there. I’m a judgmental fuckhead who thinks he’s better than everyone else because I try to help people when I can and I’ve got no sympathy for the people I’m actually supposed to be supporting cause they’re paying me for it.”

Bucky sucked in a deep breath, scooting closer to Steve again. His ass was just barely resting atop Steve’s toes. He looked to Steve with round, unguarded eyes. “S’okay,” Bucky whispered. “You’re not a judgmental fuckhead.”

Steve scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Oh but I am.”

“You carry a lot of anger, don’t you?” Bucky asked, finally seeing Steve for the first time. Not the man he paid to be with, but the man under all that. Bucky wouldn’t kid himself. Steve the Call Boy wasn’t Steve Rogers. He’d seen glimpses of Steve Rogers, but those were always the good things. He saw the guy concerned for the environment, the guy who did genuinely want to help people and the guy who was probably at every feminist event, screaming and wearing pink and telling men to pull their own dicks out of their asses. He knew Steve was kind, passionate and empathetic but he’d never seen the negatives. He’d never really seen the fear or the– anger.

There was so much anger that it radiated against Bucky, like a furnace, pulsating and emitting bursts of energy into the room.

Steve shrugged, twitching his brow subtly. “That easy to notice, huh?”

“No,” Bucky replied. “To be fair, I didn’t really see it till now. I’ve always been so focused on everything I adore about you that I almost forgot you’re a whole person. And people have faults.”

Steve laughed, dropping his knees to put his legs over Bucky’s lap. He leaned back, his arms still crossed over his chest. “And anger is a fault?”

Bucky bit his lip, twitching his cheek in a casual response. “Dunno. Maybe. I’m angry too.”

“I know,” Steve whispered, finally dropping those big arms of his with those wide veins against the skin. He reached out to grab Bucky’s hand, circling his thumb over the knuckles. “I like passion, remember?”

“Anger’s passion?”

Steve nodded, scrunching up his face to drive the point home. “So much passion. Anger, desperation. Euphoria. I think that’s why I love being an escort so much. I get to see unbridled passion every day in people. I get to see them completely broken down and built back up again. I see explosions of emotions on faces and sometimes my breath just, catches. Hell, I don’t even mind if it’s some fat ass who’s gonna die from eating too many hamburgers and tastes like a shoebox. He’ll get that same expression and I’ll still drink it all in like it’s the only water I’ll ever know.”

Bucky’s lips twitched into a smile, his almond eyes shimmering against the darkening sky just outside the floor to ceiling windows. “That’s beautiful. I never– I never thought about it that way.”

Steve breathed out a content sigh, his lips pulled up into a smile. “Yeah. Most people don’t. They think of all the bad shit. Diseased heroin-addicts or chicks with raccoon eyes and cheap red lipstick. They never think of us as artists. Never as companions or people they can talk to. There’s always that stupid cliché in movies when sex workers get pissed off when someone wants to talk. That’s bullshit. We don’t mind you talking. We’re sex workers, but that doesn’t mean we can’t provide other comfort too. It’s our jobs to comfort. And most of us honestly like doing it.”

Bucky nodded, following along with Steve’s words. He licked at his lips, feeling the jagged areas of flesh. He needed chapstick because right now, all he wanted to do was kiss Steve. He wanted to pull that man’s face to his and kiss him till his lips turned to sand and his heart ceased to exist. He wanted to offer all the passion that he could muster and give Steve something he really enjoyed.

“Okay,” Bucky sighed.

Steve flashed him a look of confusion. “Okay what?”

“I’ll agree to your terms,” Bucky mumbled. “No talk of other clients, Nat having sex with you and no more trying to impress you with fancy wine.”

Steve froze for a second, his chest even halting its breaths. His eyes went wide, lips parting in that subtle way they always did because Steve was incapable of hiding his surprise when Bucky did something uncharacteristically selfless. Not that this was one of those. Bucky was selfless when it came to Steve, well, maybe. He wasn’t entirely sure honestly. Actually, he probably wasn’t. He probably was extremely selfish because here he was, doing everything he could to keep a man who had moral standards about falling for clients with him forever. That had to be selfish. Bucky was selfish. Natasha used to scorn him for it and Steve would probably one day do the same.

Steve leaned forward, pushing Bucky softly down onto the couch to scoop his lips into his mouth. He hovered above Bucky, one hand supporting him up and the other pressed against Bucky’s chest to keep his balance. His tongue glazed along Bucky’s lips but it didn’t enter his mouth. They laced their lips together in a slow rhythm, unhurried and confident. Saliva cooled against Bucky’s chin, his nose occasionally got knocked by Steve’s and their breathing got louder as they kissed but Steve wasn’t quickening it.

He was keeping his mouth firmly locked around Bucky’s, his tongue only dipping down to slide against Bucky’s lips but that was it. Other than that, Bucky was left with soft kisses, full of plush, soft lips of silk against his nervously licked and chapped own.

Steve lowered himself down onto Bucky, covering his chest and supporting his weight with his elbows on either side of Bucky’s shoulders. He was still kissing slowly, tangling his lips with Bucky’s but never rocking his hips, never grunting or groaning. The only sounds in the room were the smacking of lips and soft gasps as they struggled to breathe.

He finally kissed down Bucky’s chin, going down the middle of his neck before he couldn’t reach any more and then finding Bucky’s lips again.

Bucky hummed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Steve, pulling him down, feeling his weight, getting his hands all tangled into Steve’s hair, messing up the gel and the part. He liked Steve all bedhead and careless over the good ol’ boy image anyway.

Steve finally broke the kiss, brushing his nose against Bucky’s, side to side, over and over again until it was practically ticking.

Bucky giggled, swatting at Steve’s face gently, but when his fingers met skin, he rested them softly, tracing the curves of Steve’s eyes, dipping against the bridge of his nose and following along that slightly crooked nose that Bucky was pretty sure had been broken at least once or twice. It was the only imperfection Steve had but that’s what made his face look so perfect. That soft little crook in an otherwise impossibly straight nose made him so much more human.

“Just when I think I’ve got you figured out Barnes, you go and surprise me again,” Steve laughed.

“You think you had me figured out?”

“Maybe. Not really sure but I thought I did,” Steve admitted. “You’re not like…” There’s a flash of pain across Steve’s face and then he’d leaned back, moving back from Bucky, leaving the man cold and lighter than he wanted to be.

“Not like what?”

“Erik,” Steve mumbled.

Bucky’s mouth dropped open and it wasn’t from the lack of oxygen he’d experienced moments prior. He sat up with Steve, scooting closer and linking his pinky with Steve’s. When Steve didn’t move, Bucky leaned his head against the man’s shoulder and felt a shudder go through him. “He who you fell in love with?”

“Yup,” Steve spat out. “Rich guy. Handsome. Accomplished scientist. Fascinating. I was hooked from the moment he brought me home.” Steve laughed sardonically, running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t need you to hear this.”

Bucky pulled his brows together but he didn’t push it. Steve was done opening up tonight. That was fine. It wasn’t completely on the surface, but Bucky could see the reason Steve was so desperate to help others now. It wasn’t because he wanted _them_ happy. It was because Steve didn’t know how to make himself happy. He was conflicted, angry and held so much fear that helping others was the only way to clear himself out of his head. He didn’t like to open up because it brought him away from his safety net and left him exposed. Bucky understood that feeling. Wanting to avoid and knowing one day you’d have to face it. He tried it with his homosexuality and yet here he was, queer as a bendy straw.

“Do you wanna show me those toys?” Bucky asked, moving to cup one of Steve’s pecs and give it a little squeeze.

Steve laughed, jerking away from Bucky and moving to pick him up. He threw the man over his shoulder like Bucky weighed nothing and headed for the bedroom.

“What the fuck!” Bucky laughed out. “I take this as a yes, right?”

“You bet your sweet ass,” Steve said, smacking Bucky right on the ass to hammer the idea home. “Brought some things I think you’re gonna like.”

He dropped Bucky on the bed, going back into the living room and then returning when Bucky was undoing the buttons on his shirt.

“Welcome to sex toys 101,” Steve played, opening the briefcase and letting it fall open to expose the colorful assortment of things inside.

Bucky’s jaw dropped as he looked inside. He saw a few things he could assume were for penetration, some things he had absolutely no God damned idea what the fuck they did, and enough vibrators and cockrings to make a guy go cross-eyed.

“What the fuck?” Bucky asked as he pulled out something that looked like a cage.

“Penis cage,” Steve stated, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “Helps keep erections longer.”

“Jesus,” Bucky breathed, already feeling his cock start throbbing in his pants. He’d need to get out of these soon. He didn’t relish the idea of getting cum on his dress pants. “And this one?”

“You realize you’re going for the more advanced things right? That’s a chastity cage. You wear it over an erection, or not and it basically keeps you from touching yourself or your partner…or anything. Hence the name.”

“It looks like a clear little alien,” Bucky stated as he picked up the silicone cage, giving it a few squeezes in his hands.

Steve came behind him, reaching out to slip Bucky’s shirt off his shoulders. “It’s probably not something you should do right now.” He kissed Bucky’s shoulder softly, running his fingers up and down Bucky’s biceps.

“Is that your polite way of saying I’m too inexperienced?”

“You couldn’t handle the cockring. There’s no way you can handle that.”

Bucky heard the challenge in that tone of voice even before he saw the flicker of daring in those blue eyes. “Try me.”

Steve smiled, positively smitten with himself. “Fine. We’ll play with it later. You really should go easy on yourself first though.”

“What’s this thing?” Bucky asked, pulling out what he assumed was a cockring but it had a roped silicone tail and something at the end that he could only describe as the striking resemblance to the aliens from _Alien_.

“Penis ring with prostate stimulator. It attaches like a cock ring and then you just put the other end into your ass and hit the on button.” Steve turned it on for a second, letting it hum to life and laughed when Bucky’s eyes grew wide. “It’s probably fine for a beginner.”

“Probably?”

“Have you ever shoved a vibrator up your ass before?”

Bucky couldn’t hide the blush that hit his cheeks almost like a smack in the face.

“I’m going to have way too much fun with you.”

“I don’t really know if that’s a good thing or not,” Bucky analyzed, eyeing Steve warily. He trusted Steve, but all this was suddenly overwhelming. Each toy meant something new and different against his body, and he didn’t mind the idea of writhing in pleasure for an ungodly amount of time, but he did worry about suddenly getting impatient, or smacking his legs together, or something going wrong, or breaking something or–

“Bucky?” Steve asked, kissing Bucky’s shoulder again. “What’cha thinkin’ about?”

“I’m gonna fuck up something.”

Steve barked out a laugh, grabbing his exposed chest, throwing his head back. “You just lie there. I’m gonna make sure everything’s good for you.”

“And you’re fine with that? With just– doin’ stuff to me? What about you?”

“First of all, you paid for my services and I’m here to deliver. Second of all, I really love teasing people with toys. Lastly, if you think I’m not gettin’ somethin’ outta this you’re crazy. I’m already wearing a cockring so I don’t come just from watchin’ you.”

Bucky quirked a brow, looking down at Steve’s lap. Steve was hard in his pants already, the line of his cock pressed against the seam.

“Get your clothes off and let me start you off with somethin’ nice and easy.” He pulled himself off the bed, shimmying out of his pants to expose his already red dick with a peach colored cockring around it. It was probably redder than it should be cause of the ring and Bucky winced remembering how a ring felt around his dick. It’d been too much. It squeezed so tight and Bucky didn’t know how Steve withstood it, but clearly he did and he enjoyed it enough to already toss one on before even headed over. The fact that Steve could speak so openly before about himself with that thing on was a testament to his skill as a professional.

Bucky slipped out of his clothes, letting his neatly pressed dress pants fall to the floor in a rumple. He scooted up the bed, leaning against the mountain of pillows at the top of it. He watched Steve crawl back onto the bed, his gaze already hazy from watching how Steve _moved_. He was like a lion about to claim prey, and Bucky couldn’t deny he was overly willing to be a sacrificial lamb right now.

Steve leaned over him, kissing him softly and stroking his hands over Bucky’s chest. He let his fingers trail down Bucky’s abs, swirl around his navel and cup at the bones of his hips. He straddled Bucky, letting his ass graze back and forth over Bucky’s dick, getting the blood to flow south. He kept his lips on Bucky’s, smiling into the kiss when Bucky let out the softest little gasps or whines.

He swung his leg over again and sat himself comfortably next to Bucky. It was almost laughable. He was sitting cross-legged with his hands in his lap, that red-hard cock peeking over his palms. “You ready?”

Bucky nodded, scooting up so he could see a bit better.

Steve first went to a cock ring, and some lube. He slicked it up in his hand before gliding the soft material over Bucky’s dick. Bucky hissed, watching the gray ring slip onto him. “You tell me the second it starts to hurt okay? It’s TPR, so it should be really soft and it’ll grow with you but I don’t want you hurt.”

Bucky nodded. “What’s TPR?”

“A type of rubber,” Steve detailed almost distantly. He was completely focused on the situation and Bucky wasn’t sure he should be in awe or terrified.

“Is this like, BDSM?” Bucky asked bashfully, yanking his knees up to cover himself.

Steve gently pressed his knees back down, moving to sit on Bucky’s shins. He leaned forward, letting his hot breath ghost over Bucky’s hardening erection. The cockring was doing its job, getting him maddeningly hard but just slightly uncomfortable so that it kept him from getting too excited.

Bucky whined, jerking his hips up to bump Steve in the cheek. Steve looked up, an open smirk on his face. He licked quickly at Bucky’s tip before he leaned back and arched to the side. “We’re gonna start you out with this.” He reached over to the side of the bed to pull up what looked like a dremel. Its tip was more cylindrical and it had some ribbing but it was damn close to a dremel.

Bucky was already obsessively biting his lower lip. His cock was impossibly hard and that little flick of Steve’s tongue was enough to get him wanting to spill all over the sheets. He now completely understood the need for the cockring.

“And no, this isn’t BDSM. I’m not in control of you and if you wanna come, I can’t stop you and I won’t. If you wanna start venturing down that road–”

“I’m not ready for that,” Bucky whispered, his eyes still on the dremel-looking device. His heart was beating erratically in his chest and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to throw up from excitement or pass out.

“This is just me showing you toys. If you wanna stop, we can. But it’s not BDSM. You’re completely unrestrained, completely in control of yourself and if you wanna shove anything up into me or fuck with me, you’re completely allowed.”

Bucky nodded, his gaze going back to the dremel device. “Wazzat?” he slurred.

“It’s a vibrator. Used usually for clit stimulation but it’s fun to play with on tips too. That okay?”

Bucky nodded again, his body tensing when he heard the thing buzz to life.

Steve held the device in one hand and used his other to reach up and cup Bucky’s face. “You can stop me at any time.”

Bucky leaned into Steve’s hand, taking his thumb and sucking it into his mouth. He clenched his eyes shut, whining around Steve’s thumb as the vibrator hit his tip, sending jolts of endless waves of pleasure down into his body and melting into his very bones.

He bucked his hips, causing Steve to bang the tip of the vibrator against his hip. Steve laughed, moving it along the length of Bucky’s cock and down at his balls. “Do you like it?”

Bucky was already trembling. It wasn’t enough. It was like a damn feather against his skin but pulsating and endless with its never-ending torment that just wasn’t fast enough or _enveloping_ enough. It sang into his core, hammered at his heart and pushed at the backs of his eyes but it still wasn’t enough. “I already wanna c-come,” Bucky professed miserably, squeezing his eyes shut.

“We can. I can take the ring off and suck you off real fast.”

“No,” Bucky hissed. “I won’t keep going if we do that.”

“Okay,” Steve whispered back, tracing his saliva slicked thumb along Bucky’s lips. He put the vibrator against Bucky’s cock again, biting his own lip when Bucky went rigid again.

A strangled whine tore from Bucky’s throat and he tried to push his ass back into the bed to get away from the vibrator. It was so intense. So specific and in just that _one_ spot but he felt it all over. It was almost painful and Bucky couldn’t decide if he liked it or absolutely hated it. He felt the vibrations move up his body, over his navel and then up to his nipples. He giggled, his eyes snapping open to look up at a smiling Steve. “What’re you doing?”

“Fucking with you,” Steve replied honestly with the most adorably shrug Bucky had ever seen.

“I hate you.”

“That’s not polite,” Steve quipped, bringing the vibrator back down to Bucky’s tip and pressing it against the slit.

“Oh fuck, Jesus, shit, fuck, Steve, _fuck_!” Bucky rushed out, trying his best to push his hips back into the bed to get away from that humming demon that brought out the strangest sensations. He could feel the vibrations all the way down into his _bones_ and when Steve rolled it over his hips he could _hear_ it there.

“You all nice and worked up?” Steve asked, softly running his fingers from Bucky’s face down to his chest to pinch at a nipple.

Bucky arched into the feeling, gasping softly. “Y-yeah. Don’t do a vibrator next please.”

“Okay,” Steve answered. He leaned over again to grab at some anal beads. They were cute little purple beads, all bendy and on a silicone string. Bucky would find it almost adorable if it wasn’t about to get shoved up his ass without any preparation.

“Uh,” he breathed out. “T-this gonna hurt?”

“No,” Steve replied, his voice so gentle Bucky was almost lulled into complacency with it. “They’ll be slicked up. They’ll go in nice.”

Bucky let out a shaky breath, looking down at his red cock. He watched Steve move between his legs and gently spread them wider. A month ago, and Bucky would swear up and down that homosexuality was _not_ his thing. Now, he lay here with wide, innocent eyes. Excited for what Steve had in store for him, but also terrified. He drank Steve’s image in like water on a hot day, the sight of the blond calming and exhilarating. He’d never have thought he’d let someone see him like this, see his _ass_ like this. He’d always freaked out when Nat tried to put even a finger close to his hole and now he was letting a man– a sex worker no less– slip anal beads up into his ass, one at a time. They rolled into his body, nice and cool but warming quickly. They moved around inside him as Steve continued to push them in until he was just left with the finger ring.

“You like that?”

Bucky squeezed his anal muscles around the beads, feeling them shift and move against each other on that silicone string. He shivered. It was more calming than the high intensity of the vibrator before. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Feels real good.”

Steve smiled before slowly, agonizingly pulling the beads from Bucky’s ass.

“Oh, _God, Steve!”_ Bucky exclaimed, clutching the bed and pulling frantically at the sheets. “Stop it, stop it, stop it!”

Steve instantly dropped his hand, his face draining of color as concern flooded into his eyes like the Hoover dam. “What? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“N-no. I guess…no I mean– shit. That’s not what I meant. It’s just good.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “You need a safe word.”

“That’s BDSM-shit!”

“If you’re gonna tell me to stop when you don’t need it then maybe we need some BDSM-shit!”

Bucky pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. He was sure he looked foolish like this, lip jutted, brow furrowed…and purple little beads glistening out his asshole.

Steve laughed fully, moving to sit cross legged between Bucky’s legs. He picked the legs up, plopping them down over his knees. “Yeah we need some safe words. You want me to actually stop and you scream alligator. That’s the weirdest word I can think of right now.”

“Hippopotamus is also a weird word,” Bucky replied timidly.

“It’s also harder to say. Alligator or gator and I instantly stop what I’m doing. You want me to back off something but not really stop, you just tell me to slow down, okay?”

Bucky nodded. “Please go back to dragging those things outta my ass again.”

Steve smirked. He pushed the beads back inside, pulling Bucky up onto Steve’s lap. Pressing his lips to Bucky’s, he slipped his tongue into Bucky’s mouth. He pressed their chests together and gripped at Bucky’s hips, tugging and pushing him.

At first, Bucky had no idea why Steve kept pushing and pulling him and then he finally caught on. The beads _moved_ when he did. He swirled his hips, gasping in delight as the beads lulled within him. He grinded his hips into Steve, letting his dick slip up and down the man’s taut abs. “Oh this feels good,” he whispered against Steve’s lips. “So, so, so, _so_ good.”

“Mmm,” Steve hummed, pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’s lips. “Beads are a personal favorite of mine too. You should try hula hooping with them in.”

“You’ve done that?” Bucky gasped, his eyes going round.

“I’ve done a lot of weird shit, baby.”

“Christ, for real,” Bucky agreed, swiveling his hips to get the beads to move and bend inside him. They brushed against each other, against the canal of his ass. He was shivering, soft thrums of pleasure humming from his ass and up into his shoulders, like a flower blooming– soft and graceful. The beads were gentle when it came to pleasure and no matter how badly Bucky’s cock ached, it was manageable. He definitely liked this.

“Stand up with me,” Steve instructed, grabbing Bucky’s fingers and intertwining them with his own.

Bucky followed, squeezing his ass around the beads so they didn’t fall.

Steve smirked. “They’re not gonna fall out, baby, You can relax.”

Bucky trusted him. It was an automatic movement that sent his body melting into butter and then a sharp gasp was leaving his lips when he realized just how quick he’d believed Steve. Steve could probably tell him the sky was purple and the grass blue and he’d trust it.

“Sway with me,” Steve requested, pulling Bucky into him and cupping his ass with his hands softly. “Want’chu to really feel ‘em.”

Bucky swayed his hips with Steve’s, moaning softly when the beads moved along with the curve of his spine and the gentle swish of his hips. “Oh my _God,_ Stevie,” he breathed. “This is amazing.”

Steve smiled triumphantly, getting down onto his knees and turning Bucky around. He pushed at Bucky’s lower back and made Bucky lean his arms down against the bed.

Bucky turned around to watch Steve _pulling_ the beads out with his teeth, slow and tantalizing. Bucky was shivering, his cock drooling a steady stream of precome down its shaft. He let out shaky breaths, feeling the soft little bulbs in his ass pop back out of his ass one by one.

He heard something drop to the floor and moaned loudly when he felt a hot tongue slip up against his hole. He dropped his face into the bed, pushing his ass back on Steve’s eager tongue.

It slipped into his ass, swirling and lapping at his insides. Lips covered up Bucky’s hole to suck and nibble along the edge of the rim and Bucky just wanted fuck himself into the mattress and come already. “St-Steve,” Bucky whimpered, pushing his forehead into his arms. “Lemme come, please lemme come.”

Steve reached around to Bucky’s cock, slipping the ring down the shaft and rolling it back up with his fingers. He worked it back and forth expertly, his tongue still plunged inside of Bucky to flatten and rock back and forth into his ass.

Bucky was shivering, letting out whimper after whimper. He rocked back into Steve’s face, feeling his chin brushing against his perineum. “God, Stevie. God damn, God damn, God damn, _God damn_!” Bucky felt his orgasm hit him fast. It rocked down his shoulders and into his groin before splurging out of his tip in a silver streaked spray that met the bedsheets just as fast as it’d sprung from Bucky’s cock. His muscles quaked in vigorous seizures. He could feel his abs squeezing tight and his fingers constricting and pulling back on their own.  

His legs were trembling and before he could fall to the floor, Steve’s arms were coming to wrap around him. Steve pulled him back into him, picking him up bridal style and dropping him back onto the bed again. “Ready for the next toy?”

“Oh fuck yeah,” Bucky purred, wiggling his ass as his body melted into the sheets. “Another up my ass.”

Steve smirked, his face positively pleased as he grabbed the cockring with the prostate massager on it. “Ready for this?”

Bucky nodded enthusiastically, wiggling his little ass again in anticipation. Never in a million years would he ever have guessed he’d be letting a sex worker show him sex toys. Never in a million years would he have ever guessed he’d be with a man and enjoying the sensations of a tongue up his ass or the gentle sway of beads against his anal canal. Never in a _million_ _years_ and yet here he was.

Steve lubed up the small toy, getting the ring nice and shiny before he let it slip down on Bucky’s softening cock. It sent shudders into Bucky’s body, his back quaking as it arched from the bed.

“Oh God,” Bucky whispered through a pitchy whine. “What’s it gonna do?”

“Vibrate and feel good,” Steve responded instructively. He slipped the other end, the one that Bucky thought looked like an alien head up into his ass.

“Fuck,” Bucky breathed out, feeling Steve’s fingers circle his rim playfully.

“You’re so pretty,” Steve praised, his gaze light and eyes slightly misty. “God, I could do this to you all day.”

Bucky keened, jerking his hips up. He felt the silicone that braided the ring to the massager pull, tugging his dick down a bit. It slipped against his perineum and that was it for Bucky. He was rocking his hips, back and forth, letting that little rope with its grooves and curves massage against his body. “G-God, St-Steve.”

“Shh,” Steve cooed, petting Bucky’s hair. “You’re doing good. I’m gonna turn it on okay? If it gets too much you gotta scream your safe word at me or I won’t stop it.”

Bucky bobbed his head vigorously, his mouth dropping open as he watched the little remote in Steve’s hands slip into sight. Christ, he was at the mercy of this man, and for some reason it didn’t terrify Bucky. It was exhilarating. Everything Steve was doing, it was all for Bucky. Every passing moment, every flick of his own hip or the way Steve would stroke at his cock lazily. It was all for Bucky.

“Ah! Ah!” Bucky gasped as the prostate massager hummed to life inside him. It vibrated down the silicone rope and up into the cockring. Bucky hissed, jerking his hips violently. It was intense, like a burn that just kept steady instead of increasing in pain or heat. He bucked his hips off the bed, clamoring into Steve’s lap, rutting himself against the man.

“Woah! Hey there!” Steve laughed, pressing kisses to Bucky’s whining mouth.

“I-it’s so much,” Bucky mewled, pushing his cock up and down Steve’s abs. “C-can’t…”

“Safe word and I stop it, baby.”

“No,” Bucky gasped, grabbing Steve’s throat and looking at him so intensely he was afraid he’d obliterate the man with just that gaze. “I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it.”

Steve hummed, stroking Bucky’s face as he rocked up into Bucky. He brought Bucky down into his lap more, lining up that silicone rope with his own cock. His eyes fluttering shut.

“Feels good for you too?” Bucky asked through a pitchy, needy voice. God, he’d never heard himself sound so pathetic. But he was turning to putty, melting against Steve’s flawless broad chest with his pink nipples, perfectly sculpted abs and those shoulders… Those shoulders that Bucky wanted to scratch down and bite till they were pink, bruised and lined with red.

“Mhm,” Steve whispered, rocking up into Bucky’s body. “S’nice.”

“I’m n-never leaving my bed again,” Bucky commented, feeling tears slip from his eyes as the pleasure started to get too intense in his stomach. He swirled his hips, trying desperately to get the prostate massager out of him but the cockring held it secure. All he did was further push the rope to twirl and slip along his perineum. He whined, strangled and pathetically.

Steve was breathing heavy beneath him, rocking his hips up into Bucky and clearly making _damn_ sure he got his abs going over Bucky’s red tip with each upwards curl of his hips.

Bucky was mewling like a kitten, his limbs pure jelly as he clung desperately to Steve, clutching his nails into the meat of Steve’s shoulders.

“You gonna come again?” Steve whispered, pressing kisses to Bucky’s collarbone.

“Y-yeah…yeah…Oh God, Steve, Oh God, I can’t. I can’t take it.”

“Yes you can,” Steve soothed, running his fingers up and down Bucky’s back, rocking his hips gently up, letting Bucky’s drooling cock smear shiny liquid against his abs. “You’re doin’ so good.”

Bucky could feel his orgasm coiling menacingly in his stomach. The cockring squeezed against him, pulling it down and keeping it at bay. He whined, long and desperate, shoving his mouth over Steve’s and rocking so hard Steve had to fling his hands back to keep them upright.

“I can’t come,” Bucky whimpered, tears streaking down his face and falling onto Steve’s chest. He looked at the sparkling tears as they slowly trailed down the contours of Steve’s chest. “This fucking thing won’t let me.”

“Yes it will,” Steve soothed, keeping his voice so warm and gentle. He reached down, pressing his thumb right at the underside of Bucky’s cock to give it a little squeeze, pumping his palm over just the tip.

“Ugnnn, St-Steve,” Bucky cried, closing his eyes tight and clenching his jaw. “I can’t take it.”

“Yes you can,” Steve comforted, using his other hand to pet through Bucky’s hair. “You’re so pretty, baby. You’re so pretty and you’re doin’ so good.”

“I can’t,” Bucky sobbed, dropping his face against Steve’s shoulder. “I _need_ it, I need it so _bad_.” The vibrations were howling through his body, ravenous and unrelenting. With each small pump of his hips, he felt that cursed vibrator lodged into his ass, pressing right up against his prostate and milking it for all its worth.

“I know,” Steve soothed, still petting through Bucky’s hair. “Want me to take the ring off? Maybe that’ll help?”

“Don’t touch it!” Bucky gasped. “Don’t– I can’t.” He was shivering against Steve, his muscles screaming and protesting the onslaught that afflicted him. His toes were curled so tight against his feet that he could feel his pinky toe’s nail digging into the pads of his feet. He’d never felt so overstimulated before. Everything was raw, cracked upon and brutal, like salt in a wound, or boiling water on cold limbs.

“Maybe we should stop,” Steve said, sounding much more serious. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“No,” Bucky whispered. “No just lemme come.” He wailed into Steve, moaning long and hoarse as he rubbed his cock up into Steve’s hand. “Just lemme come.”

“I’m trying, baby,” Steve cooed, bringing his hand down from Bucky’s hair to his neck. He curled it around the soft crook, firmly placing the pads of his fingers along Bucky’s spine.

“Kiss me,” Bucky pleaded, sniffing pathetically as those tears still continued to fall from his eyes.

Steve pressed his lips to Bucky’s, gentle and unsure at first.

Bucky was desperate, shoving his tongue out and brushing it along Steve’s silken lips. He rolled his hips, letting his perineum and that vibrating silicone rope slip over Steve’s cock. Whimpering into the kiss, Bucky slotted his lips against Steve’s, brushing their noses forcefully. His body was getting so hot, the vibrations shuddering out into the tips of his fingers, raising the hairs on his skin and melting his nerves from their relentless onslaught. He cried into the kiss, kissing frantically and mewling like a lamb as his orgasm finally wrecked through him. His muscles convulsed again, his abs trembling as he desperately tried to jerk away from the sensation. It hurt. It _hurt,_ and there was nothing he could do about it as he spilled out his seed onto Steve’s beautiful abdomen.

Steve kissed him through it, letting those anxious sounds escape Bucky’s lips before he’d kiss away the desperation with tender, slow movements that slipped his lips against Bucky’s, tickling his tongue out to remind Bucky it was still there. He kept milking at Bucky’s cock, squeezing it gently and rubbing the tip softly, back and forth.

“Get it off,” Bucky breathed, a desperate graveling tone to his voice. “Get it off, get it off.”

“Okay,” Steve simply replied. He turned the remote off and instantly all the vibrations stopped. Bucky felt his spine sag as he pressed his weight into Steve.

“Fuck,” he whispered. “I dunno if I can keep going.”

“Switch with me,” Steve suggested, pressing a kiss to the side of Bucky’s face. “Wanna try one on me instead?”

Bucky nodded, swallowing thickly. “Yeah. Jus’ a lil bit– Till I’m not so woozy.”

Steve smiled, his eyes shimmering with an adoration that Bucky could just lounge in forever, tucked up safely and warm, like swaying in a hammock on a beach with the warm breeze and sand at his toes. “You think you can sit up without me though?”

Bucky tried to but collapsed into the bed, his back hitting it and bouncing softly on the springs in the mattress. “Ha, nope.”

Steve smiled. He began kneading his fingers softly against Bucky’s legs, soothing their shivering and frantic overstimulation. “We’ll just get you to relax then.”

“No!” Bucky whined. “Wanna play with you.”

“Another time. You’re not used to this yet.”

Bucky sulked, crossing his arms over his chest like a child. “Steve?”

“Hm?”

“This is nice,” Bucky muttered. “I needed it.”

Steve just kept smiling, working his fingers up Bucky’s legs till he was at the thigh. “I know you did. You work too hard and with everything happening…” He let the sentence fall into the air. It didn’t need to be said. They knew. Somehow in all of this, they got swept away into office politics and a gossip story that made people turn their televisions on at night. Somehow these two random people, brought together by the strangest circumstances were in it together– almost like them against the world.

Bucky laughed, suddenly picturing them together, _Thelma and Louise_ style, driving to that cliff with their hands clasped tightly together.

“I–” He stopped himself, looking away. He couldn’t do that to Steve. He couldn’t say those words that made Steve look so sad. “Thank you.”

Steve’s face softened anyway as he grabbed Bucky’s leg and placed the heel to his chest, massaging at Bucky’s toes. Steve was no idiot. In fact, Steve was probably the most intelligent person Bucky ever knew. He could see the silent pleading in those eyes. The warning that said, ‘please don’t say it.’

Bucky swallowed, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Steve shrugged, dropping Bucky’s foot and bringing the other one up against his chest to repeat the ministrations. “You can’t help how you feel.”

“So you’re not denying it anymore?” A twinkle of hope latched onto Bucky’s heart, bringing life back into his fried body.

“I’m not– I’m not fighting it. Whatever you feel, it’s how you feel. And that’s it.”

“Steve?”

“Yeah baby.”

“Tell me I’m pretty.”

Steve smiled, dropping Bucky’s feet onto the bed before he came up to pull Bucky against him, two perfect spoons, wrapped up tight in each other’s arms. “You’re very pretty.”

“And you’re not lying?”

Steve rolled his eyes, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s cheek. “You’re the prettiest guy I’ve ever seen, Bucky. Thought that from the moment I saw you.”

“Even if you thought I was just like any other client?”

Steve raised his brow, causing Bucky to backtrack. “Sorry! I mean, nevermind.”

“S’okay,” Steve whispered, nuzzling his face into Bucky’s neck, earning a little giggle from those swollen red lips. “You’re learning.”

_‘God I love you so much you fucking dope.’_

“I wanna keep playing,” Bucky piped up, his voice still cracking from its overuse.

“We’ve got all night. Wanna hold you.”

Bucky knew that’s not how this worked. Escorts didn’t get a say, but Steve wasn’t just his escort. This wasn’t just about Bucky even if Steve pretended it was. Steve let it slip in the smallest ways how much he enjoyed being with Bucky, and Bucky would capture that moment, put it into a little jar and watch it with mesmerized eyes till he had to let it go or risk it dying. “Okay.”

* * *

 

“I saw your ad,” Pierce said as he walked into Bucky’s office, not bothering to knock. Bucky really needed to get that damn secretary. He’d feel bad though, hiring someone only to see them lose their job when he lost his.

“Yeah?” Bucky replied distantly, not looking up from the prints he’d gotten for the magazine ad he was running for Reebok. Standard athletes sporting shoes and sweatbands. Selling athleticwear was easy.

“It’s…” Pierce tossed his head from side-to-side. “Nice.”

Bucky looked up, unabashed shock plastered on his face as his mouth slacked open.

Pierce laughed, nodding in response. “I know,” he agreed. “Don’t get used to it.”

“You really like it?” Bucky hated how soft his voice sounded, like a child searching for his daddy’s approval. Pierce wasn’t his dad. He was a conservative homophobe with a bad case of the wrinkles. But Bucky was nothing if not insecure.

“Yeah,” Pierce commented, sticking his hands into his pockets. “I didn’t think you’d be the man for the job, but– I was wrong. You’re exactly what Tony needs. You gotta good eye.”

Bucky smiled, closing his prints and folding his hands atop the folder. “Thank you. That’s– That’s really nice.”

Pierce nodded, his lips twitching as he shuffled around in his spot before turning to head for the door.

Bucky sat there, dumbfounded and fluttering. He felt alive. Pierce had complimented him. _Him!_ That was like the devil telling God he was doing a good job keeping him locked away in Hell. He turned around, staring out at the sky and other buildings that caressed the atmosphere with their tall expanses and shiny windows. “Holy shit.”

“Barnes,” a deep voice chirped behind him.

Bucky swung around in his seat, seeing Tony, all dolled up in a cream suit and blue tie. He had a meeting with some big clients today.

“How do I look? Went shopping with my assistant. Which, I see you still don’t have.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, looking out at the empty cubicle just beyond his door. “I’m picky.”

Tony laughed, scratching at his goatee. “Not enough men applying for the job?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. Again. He seemed to do that a lot with Tony. “Ha. Ha. Stop stereotyping me. That’s sexual harassment.”

Tony held his hands up in a peace offering. “Hey, I make no judgements on how you take it. Which, how do you take it? Do you? You do right?”

Bucky couldn’t believe he was having this conversation. He opened his mouth, getting ready to explain that he in fact, did not take it, when he realized that was the biggest bullshit lie he would ever mutter and for some reason, he couldn’t utter it. He’d lied enough. He was drowning in lies and truthfully, he didn’t need to answer this. He could continue down that sexual harassment conversation and it’d be over but he found himself blushing and licking at his lips. “I…”

Tony slumped down into the leather couch, propping an arm up on the armrest and swinging one leg up to rest his ankle over his knee. “I was kidding,” he said, his voice going soft. “That was inappropriate of me and I’m sorry.”

Bucky sucked his lips in, lapping his tongue against him over and over again as he stared at his desk. Why was he ashamed? Why did it matter that he actually _preferred_ to take it than give it. He liked the way Steve made him feel. He loved that warm and full sensation he got when Steve slipped inside him. He loved the way Steve’s breath ghosted over his ear as he groaned out the most content of sighs. He loved how Steve handled him so gently, his big hands kneading into his skin and taking _care_ of him. No one had ever taken care of him the way Steve did. No one ever held him the way Steve did, wrapped up so tight and pressed against his chest and tucked under his chin. Steve held him so close when they slept. Each time Bucky moved away, Steve would scoot over and pull him back into him. He didn’t know if that was an escort thing or if that was a _Steve_ thing but he had a strong inkling that was just Steve.

Steve cared about it.

It was different between them than it was with Steve and his other clients. This was Steve’s job and he liked it but he really got into it with Bucky. Maybe he got into it with all his clients but Bucky wasn’t allowed to ask anymore and honestly, he didn’t want to know. Steve was his when they were together and Bucky knew that Steve had broken his biggest rule.

Don’t let the client get too close.

That in itself was a privilege, and Bucky wielded it like a damn badge of honor against his breast. So why did bottoming make him feel so ashamed if Tony knew? Or anyone for that matter? What did it matter?

“It’s fine,” Bucky grumbled out, sulking into his chair. “Do you need me for something?”

Tony’s brows raised, a glint of surprise in those big brown eyes of his. “I was just wondering if you were bringing Steve tonight.”

“Tonight?” Bucky asked, blinking.

Tony cocked a brow, scrutinizing Bucky like he wasn’t sure if he was a Russian spy or not. “To the awards ceremony– it happens every year. You’ve been remember? The CEO of Pine Ads spilled wine on you last year?”

Bucky dragged his fingers over his face, sighing. “Oh shit. Tony, I forgot.”

“You forgot the biggest night of marketing.” It was a blank statement, accompanied by a blank face.

“Lemme call Steve. Shit, I’m sorry.” Bucky ran his fingers through his hair, already running through the various scenarios in his head he’d have to lie about if Steve wasn’t able to come out tonight. Though, that was the perk of their new agreement. Bucky got Steve over any client, so it should be okay. But he was still nervous. There was that lingering feeling of what if Steve was getting a huge chunk of money from someone else and without it he couldn’t pay a water bill or something. Or donate to the soup kitchen. What if he didn’t _want_ to see Bucky?

 _‘What if Natasha says no?’_ The thought was a punch to the gut, stirring up Bucky’s insides and making him taste sour in the back of his throat. He flipped out his phone, watching Tony. Apparently the man wasn’t leaving so this now meant Bucky had to be extra careful about how he phrased everything.

Steve picked up on the fourth ring. _“Hey, Buck, what’s up?”_

“Hey baby,” Bucky greeted, trying to sound pleasant and not like he was panicking out of his skin. “I totally forgot about an awards ceremony tonight and Tony was just wondering if you were gonna be my date?”

There was a long pause. Bucky’s heart was already getting ready to shatter and crumble to the floor. _“I uh– I’ve gotta check with work but, yeah it should be okay.”_

Bucky closed his eyes, knowing at least step one was over with. “Yeah, just tell your boss I won’t keep you out all night long.”

Tony smiled, seeming pleased with what he was hearing from Bucky’s perspective.

_“I’ll call you back. I’ll let you know.”_

“Sure thing,” Bucky said as he dropped the phone into his other palm to swipe the end button.

“What? No proclamations of ‘I love you’?” Tony asked. It was meant to be a joke, but it sent a rock right into Bucky’s stomach.

“Oh uh, I didn’t know if that’d be okay– in front of you.”

Tony leaned forward, clasping his fingers together and resting his elbows on his knees. “Bucky, how many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care if you’re gay or bi or whatever.”

Bucky swallowed, just watching Tony.

“You’re my partner. I selected you because you’re a good guy, you love your fiancé and you’re damn talented.”

“Why didn’t you pick Natasha?” Bucky blurted, surprised with even himself.

Tony raised his brow but he leaned back, tilting his head to the side. “Blunt, too.”

“I’m sorry,” Bucky sighed, grabbing a pen to sign a few order forms for print copies of one of his ads. “That’s not my place.”

“Because she’s not as compassionate as you. She’s impersonal and takes it too seriously. I needed a human, not a machine.”

Bucky snorted, trying his best to hide the pleased smirk that graced his features. “Would you ever consider her? Or Maria?”

“You breaking up with me, Barnes?” Tony laughed. “Look, they’re great at what they do, but they’re too intense. They complain that I’m being sexist but that’s not it. They feel they’ve gotta throw all their emotions away and commit themselves fully to the job. In that they lose themselves. They lose their personalities and passion. I like imperfection. I like people with character. If they’d pull back on the cold-hearted act and let themselves breathe a little, honestly, I don’t know if you’d be sitting at this desk right now.”

Bucky smiled, truthfully pleased with the answer. “I’m glad. I think they do deserve better than me.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “You’re just as talented as them. And you’re cute. That’s a huge selling point on you.”

Bucky snorted, licking his lips. “Wow, gee this has been enlightening.”

“Oh hush. And my wife loves you and your fiancé. She’s been so grateful to have him around.”

Bucky furrowed his brow, an unguarded look of confusion filtering onto his face.

“What? You know, they’ve been going out together. It’s been real nice for Pepper to have such a close friend.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open. Steve hadn’t said a damn word about this. Everything suddenly was being sucked into a vacuum and Bucky was desperately clutching onto the edge as his world was sucked into oblivion. Steve wasn’t lying to him, but he was hiding it. Every protective warmth that used to seep into Bucky’s bones was now replaced with frigid betrayal and deceit. Why all the cloak and dagger? It wasn’t like Bucky _cared_ if they were hanging out. If that’s all it was. Did Pepper know? If she did, that’d honestly make this much easier. Bucky could confess it to Tony and Natasha would lose her bargaining power.

“You– didn’t know,” Tony surmised, his brow heavy on his face. “Wow.”

Bucky dropped his face into one of his hands, pushing his cheek up against his eye a bit. “Steve n’ I…” He sighed. “We’ve been havin’ some problems.”

“Oh,” Tony said, readjusting himself in his spot. “Like? Can I help?”

_‘Oh it’s just he’s a sex worker who has more secrets than Fort Knox, no biggie.’_

“It’s okay, Tony. I’ll figure it out.”

Tony nodded, scratching his mustache with his index finger. “Well, uh. I’m here. If you need me.”

Bucky nodded, running his fingers through his hair again. “Thanks.”

Tony stood up, brushing himself off and making for the door. “Bucky?”

“Yes sir?”

“It’s okay not to be perfect.”

With that, Tony left, leaving Bucky reeling from the revelation and some of the kindest words he’d ever heard Tony mutter to anyone. He sat there, staring out at the dying plant in the corner of the room that Peter had given him. Jesus, he missed his friends. He hated not working on their floor. He was always in and out of meetings now. It was almost impossible to pop down and see them in their cubicles, yapping away on the phone and flirting with the secretaries. Bucky didn’t know why Clint even bothered. He had Laura. But he understood why Peter did it.

A buzzing jarred Bucky from his thoughts and he looked down to see _fiancé_ on the backlit screen. He swiped the accept button and brought it to his ear. “You can come?”

_“You need to ask Nat.”_

“What?”

_“She said you gotta ask her. Not me.”_

Bucky groaned, digging his fingers into his face as he scrubbed at it. “Christ, are you fucking kidding me? This is– I fucking hate this!”

 _“I’m sorry,”_ Steve sympathized, sounding genuinely upset. _“You know I’d be there in a second if we didn’t have to do this.”_

“Would you?” Bucky asked, a little edge to his tone. Bucky wanted to talk about why Steve was hiding his friendship with Pepper but now wasn’t the time. He needed Steve tonight to keep up the lie that had gone on for far too long at this point. He could just say they broke up the engagement. In fact, that may have not been the worst idea. Tony didn’t seem to care. Maybe Steve would still be friends with Pepper, but that was alright. It’d all be over if they just told everyone it wasn’t happening anymore.

But what would Natasha do? Would she dump the information to Tony? Maybe he’d understand. He seemed much more understanding than he let on. Or would Natasha remove Steve from Bucky’s life forever? She had something on him. It grated at Bucky’s nerves the wrong way. Something in Steve’s past had the man terrified and desperate to make sure no one knew. But Natasha did know.

 _“Bucky,”_ Steve’s voice cut in. _“What’s that supposed to mean?”_

“Nothing. I’ll ask Nat. I’ll text you.”

There was a long pause. _“Fine.”_

Oh, ‘fine,’ he said. Code for it’s absolutely not fine but he’s not going to argue. Steve was already pulling that passive aggressive bullshit on Bucky. Well, he wasn’t going to feed into it. He had a right to be upset. Steve was lying to him, even if it wasn’t overt or about anything serious. It was just Pepper Potts-Stark for Christ’s sake! It wasn’t like it was Rumlow or someone.

Bucky swung out of his chair, marching down the lines of cubicles to Natasha’s middle office. “I’m supposed to ask you if Steve can come with me tonight.”

“No,” she replied simply, easy as that, just like yanking a heart from a living body. She set down a print she was going over, resting her chin in her palm.

Bucky was trembling, clenching his jaw and coiling his fists so tight he wasn’t sure he could stop himself from actually using them. “What?”

“I said no.”

“Why the fuck not?!” Bucky barked, throwing his hands into the air.

“Because I said so.”

Bucky was seeing red. His veins were boiling and all he wanted to do was bash that pretty little head in and make her cry until he finally snuffed the life out of her eyes. “You’re just saying no to hurt me.”

“Am I?” she asked. “Or am I saying it to protect you?”

“Oh don’t give me that.”

“I’ve got something rather interesting, Bear.”

Bucky bristled at the pet name. He watched her bring out a manila folder and set it neatly on her desk, right in the middle.

“Do you want to see it?”

Bucky wanted to spit at her. He wanted to scream and shout and shove her through the glass window behind her. He wanted to wring his fingers around her throat and scream about how she was the worst human in the world and he hated her.

But that’s not what he’d do.

Because he still trusted her. If Natasha was saying no. If she said it was for his protection. It probably was. Because if Natasha was one thing, she was protective of what she cared about. And whether she really cared about Bucky or not was up for debate, she did have a vested interest in his well-being for now until he found a way to wrangle the partnership or her or Maria. So he stepped forward, slinking into the white leather seat before her desk.

She smiled, all triumphant and pleased with herself. “Don’t get too angry, Bear. You’re still on the job.”

“Oh fuck off,” Bucky grumbled as he snatched the folder and popped open the little button at the top. He pulled out the pictures, his brow furrowing. It was Steve. He was with a man with short sandy-brown hair and lines across his forehead. He was older but still very handsome and had the most striking light eyes Bucky had ever seen. They even rivaled Steve’s.

“So it’s a client?” Bucky surmised, dropping the pictures back on the table.

“Flip through them all, Bear.”

Bucky begrudgingly picked them up again, flipping one by one. Steve with the guy’s arm over his shoulders. Steve kissing him in front of a restaurant. Steve shyly biting his lip as he sat across from the man for what looked like morning coffee. With each picture, Bucky became more and more convinced this man wasn’t a client. They were too casual, too intimate.

“Who is he?”

“He’s name is Erik Lehnsherr, and until recently he was happily married to Charles Xavier.”

“Until recently?” Bucky asked, hearing the tremor in his voice. He could distantly hear the sounds of rushing water behind his ears, his heart quickening in his chest.

“They divorced about a month ago. Right around the time a few of those pictures were taken.”

“You’re lying,” Bucky whispered, looking down at the pictures again with defeat in his eyes.

“You still want Steve with you tonight? He’s lying to you. Hanging out with Pepper, seeing Erik, free of charge.”

“How do you know about Pepper?”

There was a little smirk on those lush lips, one that clearly indicated she was a vault for secrets but not one for dishing them out. “If you still want him tonight, fine. But you’re gonna confront him with these pictures.”

“What?!” Bucky exclaimed. “N-no!” It wasn’t his business, right? Steve would tell him in due time, but the seed was planted. It was taking root and grabbing at Bucky, holding him down, tangling into his limbs and crushing his soul. Steve was seeing Erik again. Steve, who claimed to be some kind of boyfriend to Bucky, was lying and seeing the man he’d loved once. Was he still in love with him?

“Fine, then you don’t see Steve tonight.”

Bucky took a deep breath, calming his trembling nerves. “Why’re you doing this? What do you have to gain?”

Natasha was silent, just staring at Bucky, like a lioness sizing up if prey was really worth the trouble or not. “Because I still care about you.”

“No you don’t,” Bucky spat, dropping his hand down onto his knee in defeat. “You just like hurting me.”

“That’s _not_ true,” Natasha growled, showing more emotion on her face than she probably wished.

Bucky gasped, seeing the light flicker behind her irises. That light used to be what kept him warm during the cool nights of winter and gave him hope when all else was dark. He leaned forward, licking at his lips.

“Tell me honestly, Nat. Just tell me. _Me_. Not the guy who hurt you.” He sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I know I fucked up. I know I hurt you. And I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry, Nat. God, if I knew– If I knew I’d have _never_ done that to you. I never meant to hurt you. I swear to _God_ , Nat. I swear I never meant to hurt you.”

Her eyes rounded, emotions bleeding in, fast and honest. Eyes that used to look up at him and giggle as they made lazy love by candlelight. Eyes that used to roll at him so hard, he was surprised she hadn’t fallen over. “Bear,” she whispered.

Bucky felt tears prick his eyes. Of course. He was resigned to the fact that practically anything and everything could make him cry.

Natasha looked at the pictures, picking up one of them and clicking her tongue. “Where do you wanna be?” she asked.

Bucky looked up, momentarily caught off guard by the question. “Huh?”

“If you could be anywhere in the world right now, doing anything. Where would you wanna be?”

Bucky felt the lump form in his throat as a tear spilled down his cheek, slow and warm against the hum of the air conditioning. He knew exactly where he wanted to be. He wanted to be warm, wrapped up in big arms and get those tender kisses that made even the most intense of orgasms bearable. He wanted blond hair and those breathy chuckles against his face.

He closed his eyes, taking in a shaky breath. “With Steve,” he rasped.

Natasha sniffed, swallowing loudly. She nodded her head curtly before looking back down at the pictures. “Then you need to talk to him.”

Bucky nodded, picking up the pictures off her desk and putting them back into the envelope. “Are we friends?”

Her eyes rounded and not in a million years would Bucky have imagined such a caught off guard look on her face. She pressed her palm to her chest, framed only by her black cardigan. “After everything I’ve done to you? That I _am_ doing to you?”

Bucky shrugged, offering a small smile. “Yeah, even if you’re blackmailing Steve and forcing me to quit my job.”

She let her brows flicker up for a brief moment but other than that, her face was unreadable. “You’re a good man, James.”

Bucky laughed, looking down at his dress shoes. “Don’t call me that. I haven’t been called that since they slapped it on my birth certificate.”

She smiled. It was warm, like the sunlight on Bucky’s skin and reminded him of all the happiness he’d had with this woman. Not as his lover, but as his friend. She had been that. Even if their relationship was strained and– wrong. She’d been his friend. His closest confidant. It was amazing to him. She’d tortured him, beaten him down, screamed at him, lied to him and insulted him. She’d been ruthless and cruel and yet here Bucky was, asking if they were _friends?_ Was he a good man? Or was he just stupid.

“We have a very complicated relationship,” she supplied. “I’m not sure whether to call you a friend– or an enemy.”

Bucky nodded, tapping the manila envelope on his knuckles. “That’s okay, I’m not really sure what we are either.”

She closed her eyes, one small and soft gesture before the coldness came back to her body, making her spine go rigid and her shoulders taut. Her face drained of all the beauty Bucky saw still there and she looked at him with eyes as fierce as a cat’s. “Talk to him. It’s the only way you’ll know what’s really going on with him.”

Bucky stood up, hovering by the door for a moment, knowing that it was now or never. He turned back around. Natasha’s gaze was round and curious at the sudden flourish of movement.

“You’re not a bad person, Nat,” Bucky explained. “Not to me.”

She smiled sadly, her eyes dulling. “Oh Bear. I’m the worst kind of person.”

* * *

 

He was picking Steve up at some hotel. He knew exactly what Steve had been doing in there and part of him didn’t care and the rest of him cared too damn much. He hated thinking of someone touching Steve, tasting his sweet tongue on theirs. He hated thinking about Steve’s beautiful uncut penis dribbling precome against the sheets as some sweaty old man took him from behind. It made Bucky feel sick. His pores clogged up with gunk and he felt grimy and used.

Steve came out of the hotel with a woman that made Bucky’s jaw drop. She was the same woman who he saw at the airport. She had beautiful brown curls, a frame that got even Bucky’s dick twitching in his pants and lips so red it made Bucky want to sin. He watched Steve with her. She smiled at him adoringly and he smiled right back. He pointed over to Bucky’s car and Bucky practically ducked.

She waved though. She smiled and she waved. Bucky’s heart skipped a beat. He wondered what he was telling her. Was Steve saying he was just some other client, or was there something more? He was desperate to know. It gnawed at his bones and he’d kill to be a fly buzzing above Steve’s head right now.

The woman put her hand on Steve’s cheek, using the other to press against his chest. She went up on her tip toes and placed a soft kiss to Steve’s lips that made Bucky whine. He wasn’t entirely jealous– just slightly.

She pulled back and straightened Steve’s tie before petting him on the head. It was almost laughable, except Bucky remembered this was the woman who liked plugs up Steve’s ass. He wondered if they did kinky BDSM-shit. Bucky didn’t _care_ if people were into that. Honestly he was learning he may not be as opposed to it as he thought but it was still intimidating.

Steve started to walk away and then the woman was going about her own, getting into the back of a limo. Bucky cocked a brow at that. Of course she was rich.

Steve got into the car, leaning over to give Bucky a kiss on the cheek. “Hey pretty boy.”

Bucky blushed at the compliment. “Hey.”

“Ready to piss off all your colleagues?” Steve joked, stretching his hands above his head and rutting his hips a bit into the seat.

“Are you wearing a plug?” Bucky blurted.

Steve barked out a laugh, tossing his head back and hitting it against the back of the leather seat. “That obvious, huh?”

“I didn’t ask you to wear one,” Bucky mumbled, his brow furrowing. He didn’t know where this anger was coming from. Maybe it was because he’d just seen Steve leave another _client_ but Steve made it pretty clear that escorts did what the client wanted and this wasn’t what Bucky wanted.

Steve seemed momentarily caught off guard. He sat up, fumbling over syllables before finally saying, “Well, no but–”

“Don’t worry about it, we’re already late,” Bucky huffed, pulling out of the parking lot. They drove a few blocks in silence, Steve’s gaze heavy on Bucky. He wanted to snap at him, to talk about Erik or the fact that he was seeing Pepper and Bucky didn’t even know. Maybe he could start there. Maybe he should. Steve owed him that. That concerned his job!

“Tony told me you’re spending time with Pepper,” Bucky stated, easy as pie, calm and collected as he turned left at stoplight.

Steve nodded, seemingly still relaxed. “Yeah, we’re friends.”

“And you didn’t tell me why?”

There was a long pause. Steve sighed heavily, smoothing out his gelled hair. “That was shitty of me, wasn’t it?”

“Bet your ass,” Bucky grumbled, coming to a stoplight and stopping. “So why didn’t you tell me?”

Steve grimaced, swallowing. “I don’t know, honestly. I thought– I didn’t wanna get you nervous or somethin’. Thought I could help out with seein’ if we could get Nat off your tail that way.”

“So you were hanging out with Pepper to try to get Nat out of the picture? By what? Getting Pepper to fire her?”

Steve didn’t answer.

“Jesus, seriously? You were trying to get Pepper to get Tony to _fire_ her?!”

Steve threw his hands up into the air as the car began to move again in the New York traffic. “Well, what else are we supposed to do?! You don’t wanna lose your job!”

“I don’t wanna lose _you_!” Bucky exclaimed, gripping the wheel so tight he wasn’t sure if his fingers would snap off or not. “I don’t give a shit about that job, Steve! It’s you I give a shit about!”

Steve gasped, his body stilling. “Bucky!”

“What Steve?!” Bucky wailed in exasperation.

“No! Bucky stop!” Steve ordered loudly, pointing out the window.

Bucky slammed on the brakes, realizing he was barreling toward a line of pedestrians who had the light. His tires screeched against the pavement but luckily all he got were a few sneers, some curses and someone banged on the hood of his car.

“Christ,” Bucky let out shakily. “If I had–”

“It’s okay,” Steve soothed, reaching out to pet his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “You didn’t hit anyone.”

“I could’ve.” Adrenaline was pounding through him, making his limbs tremble. He wanted to fall over and sleep for a lifetime. He’d been so caught up in Steve and this– argument that he could’ve killed people! How was he so stupid? He was driving! Bucky wasn’t like this. He wasn’t carefree or impulsive. He was organized, calculated and reserved. Steve made him– he felt– reckless. Like he could do or be anything. Like nothing but them mattered but now the world was crashing back upon them, dumping them into their respective cages and reality had the harshest ways of smacking Bucky right in the face.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, still stroking his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

Bucky breathed in through his nose, taking a bit longer than normal to step on the gas pedal when the light changed. He got a honk behind him but frankly, he didn’t give a damn. “Yeah.”

They drove mostly in silence the rest of the way. Steve only asking how Bucky’s day was or how the firm was or what he was to expect tonight. He’d even asked Bucky if he should take the plug out but Bucky didn’t give a damn whether it was in or not.

Once there and parked, Steve grabbed Bucky’s wrist as he was about to get out of the car. “Wait.”

Bucky turned, looking at Steve with such defeated eyes. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t smart like Natasha, wasn’t passionate like Steve. He was an idiot blabbering around in unknown territory and he was hopelessly under experienced for it.

“I’m sorry,” Steve spoke, his eyes shimmering with what looked like tears. Bucky was never too sure with how blue those eyes were. “I’m sorry I tried to go behind your back.”

Bucky shrugged, sitting back in his seat. “It’s fine.”

“No it’s not,” Steve affirmed, his brow twitching. “What I did was shitty and low. I didn’t consult you and that was rude. We’re supposed to be a team and here I was going rogue on you.”

“Are we a team?” Bucky inquired brokenly, through syllables that sounded more like strangled whispers than bold statements.

Steve looked over Bucky, chewing his bottom lip. “We should be.”

“Steve,” Bucky sighed, covering his face with his hands. “I can’t take your secrets. I hate your lies. Just tell me right now. Please. And if it’s not how I feel about you then that’s fucking fine, but I need to hear it so I can stop going through this whirlwind you put me through and just find my footing again.”

Steve was silent, waiting for Bucky to ask his question.

“How do you feel about me? And you better not give me that roundabout vague bullshit because that doesn’t count.”

Steve’s mouth dropped open silently. He stared at Bucky was pleading eyes, eyes that were screaming at Bucky to let him keep this locked inside. He shifted in his seat, taking his seatbelt off.

“I love you,” he whispered, so soft it was almost like it wasn’t real.

Bucky clenched his jaw, feeling the tears hit against his eyes faster than water falling from a glass. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this. It was supposed to make him happy. Get him to smile and dance for joy. It was supposed to make his heart soar and his toes tingle. It did none of that. That silent statement, those soft little words. They hurt. They cut into Bucky like a cold knife and they dug right into his heart, etching the letters onto the beating flesh.

It wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

“You love me?” he asked, his tone flat.

Steve nodded. The rims of his eyes were going pink and Bucky was now absolutely sure he saw tears. Soft little wet streaks were going down Steve’s square jaw to drop from his chin. His lip was twitching, like it wanted to quiver but Steve was fighting against it so hard. He looked hopeless and cornered, like a caged animal that was giving up the fight.

“Then what are we doing?” Bucky prodded, his voice a hushed whisper.

Steve looked to the glovebox, clenching and unclenching his jaw. “I don’t know.”

“But you love me,” Bucky repeated.

Steve nodded again. Tears were falling freely from his eyes. They dropped onto his jacket, wetting the black fabric and making it impossibly darker. “I’m scared,” Steve finally admitted. “I’m scared you’ll go away from me.”

Bucky leaned toward Steve, his arm passing over the gearshift to grab at Steve’s hand. Steve clasped his hand so hard but it was shaking. “Hey,” Bucky cooed, for once _not_ the one crying (it was a small triumph but Bucky wouldn’t mention it right now). “I love you too.”

Steve closed his eyes, letting chunky tears continue to fall. “For how long.”

“What?” Bucky exclaimed softly, his face wincing. “For– for, I don’t know! But for a long damn time!”

Steve shook his head, nibbling on his bottom lip. It was so red, plump and kissable. Bucky just wanted to lean in, kiss those tears and then claim that mouth.

“I’m not a sob story,” Steve said, a little vigor in those words. “I’m not broken and I’m not worthless.”

“No,” Bucky breathed. “I’d never think that.”

“I love my job,” Steve continued. “I love it and I’m not leaving it.”

“I’m not making you,” Bucky commented, still letting Steve squeeze his hand.

“You’d love a sex worker? You’d let me fuck other guys? Women? You’d let me come home smelling of sex and alcohol, sometimes smelling of weed and salt?”

Bucky nodded, swallowing, his gaze flicking back and forth between Steve’s crying eyes.

“You’d let me talk about them? Listen to me blab about how Jim makes me turn around to deepthroat his cock and Peggy makes me kiss her feet and call her mistress?”

Bucky winced but he still nodded. He knew what Steve was doing. He was testing Bucky. He was searching for any sign to run like a deer from the headlights. One wrong move, one wrong thing spoke and Steve would be gone forever. Bucky wouldn’t let that happen. Not ever. Not _ever_.

“You’d– you’d clean me up when they got too rough?”

Bucky felt the tears sting into his eyes at how broken that question sounded. People hurt Steve? Even with all Steve’s limits and his expressed distastes and people still _hurt_ him? “I’d hold you in the bathtub till you felt better and safe again.”

Steve breathed out a sigh, it hit his lips with a twitchy smile and the light that flashed across his face was all the proof Bucky needed that life was worth living.

“I love you, Steve,” Bucky ventured, feeling his heart twirling in his chest, cringing and panicking. “I love you more than anything and I don’t know how this even happened because I wasn’t supposed to like guys, but I do. I do and I like _you_. Please let me love you. I swear to God, I’ll make you so happy. I swear no matter what, you’re always gonna come home to me and I’m always gonna care for you, do whatever you need. Talk to you, listen to you, clean you, cook for you? I’ll do it all.”

Steve smiled, bringing Bucky’s hand up to his face to kiss the knuckles. Bucky, for once felt the rough, jagged edges of chapped lips upon Steve’s face. It was almost a relief to feel him so human. “And you’ll never tell me to stop what I do?”

“Not in a million years,” Bucky answered in absolution. He could admit to himself he didn’t pride the feeling of having to share Steve, but he would if this was what Steve wanted. This job made Steve happy in some crazy, roundabout way and it was high time Bucky really embraced that. Steve liked those fat and sweaty men who took him from behind. He liked those women with the red lips who tied him up and made him wear plugs. He liked seeing the passion on people’s faces and that was okay.

It was his job and somehow out of all the occupations of the world, Steve found something that made him happy. Bucky was _still_ searching for a career to make him happy, but Steve found his. What gave anyone the right to tell Steve his job was disgusting? What gave anyone the right to tell him he couldn’t do it or that it made him a second class citizen? Steve was good. He was so good and what made it all that much better is that he felt he _wasn’t_ good. He was always striving to be better and he wasn’t perfect. He was a little too weird about the vegan-not-swallowing cum thing and maybe a tad radical about his liberal views and okay, he judged people for their lack of do-gooder deeds but that was okay. It was all okay and it was all beautiful and so incredibly Steve Rogers.

“I love you,” Bucky spoke, taking his damn seatbelt off finally and leaning in to kiss Steve’s face. He listened to Steve’s breath catch but he kept kissing his face. He tasted the salt of the tears, felt the soft bristle of stubble and kissed over the longest lashes he’d ever seen in his life.

Steve leaned into those kisses, turning his head, humming in content but still too emotionally split open to really speak.

Bucky kept kissing. Over Steve’s nose, the apples of his cheeks, the tip of his nose, his lips, his chin, his brow, the lines of his forehead, the corners of his eyes and everywhere and anywhere on that beautiful face.

A month ago, and Bucky would swear to you he was straight. He’d roll his eyes and scoff and tell you to go fuck yourself.

Bucky was so glad he wasn’t that shell of a man he was one month ago. Steve came into his life and turned everything upside down. He’d been terrified, outraged, and utterly confused. But it was okay now. All the pain. All the fear and the discovery– it was all worth it now.

He had Steve. He loved Steve and he’d show it every day. He’d go to bed loving Steve and he’d wake up loving Steve.

“I love you,” he whispered again, still continuing to trail those kisses along the man’s jaw. “I love you.” More kisses. “I love you.”

Steve finally turned into the kisses, bringing his lips over Bucky’s and kissing him so forcefully, Bucky wasn’t sure if he wasn’t sucking the very air from his lungs. It was without tongue and lacked the heated, anxious lust that often accompanied their kisses but Bucky found it better. Lips lulled against each other. Breaths sighed into the air. Noses bumped and teeth clattered a few times. It was everything Bucky ever wanted in a kiss and so much more because love was pouring from Steve like a rushing stream after a night of rainfall.

“I love you too,” Steve breathed out, his voice hoarse and unsteady. “And I’m so scared of that.”

“Why?” Bucky asked, cupping Steve’s cheek in his hand to brush away another tear.

Steve looked down at the gearshift. “If you walked up to Tony Stark and told him what I really did, what would happen?”

Bucky’s eyes rounded.

“If I told Pepper, do you think she’d just shrug it off and say that was cool, or do you think she’d try to save me?”

Bucky didn’t respond.

“I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out who the fuck I am and I found a job that’s really good for me. It’s got so many flaws and sometimes it’s dangerous but it’s no more dangerous than a coal miner or a surgeon cracking open a man’s chest or– or a fucking _construction worker_. But the world thinks that I’m either scum or someone driven to desperation by drugs or poor circumstances and that’s _not_ who I am. I’m proud of my job, Bucky. I’m proud of who I am.”

Bucky looked down at Steve’s chest and then back up. He licked his lips once, sighing through his nose. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Steve spat.

“We’ll tell Tony.”

Steve blinked. “What?!”

“Sometimes…” Bucky ventured, laughing inwardly at himself. Was he really about to reiterate what Tony said to him to Steve? Yes, yes he was. “Sometimes it’s okay not to be perfect.”

Steve stared, his gaze flickering all over Bucky’s face. “And you’re gonna tell ‘im?”

“It’ll get Nat off my ass,” Bucky supplied, trying to offer a smile. “Pepper may try to change you, Tony may think I’m weird or scum. Hell, maybe he’ll fire me. But I’m not ashamed of what you do.” He caressed his fingers around Steve’s ear, like he was tucking a hair behind it. “When anyone asks me what my boyfriend does for a living, I’ll tell them. He’s an escort. They can take that, they can ask questions or they can get the fuck out of my life.”

Steve’s lips twitched into a smile. “You know full service sex work is still illegal right?”

“Eh,” Bucky shrugged. “I don’t think they can just go report you to the police.”

“No,” Steve agreed. “I’ve obviously looked into it.”

Bucky chuckled. “Of course you have. C’mon. We’re late.”

“Wait, Bucky?” Steve pleaded, grabbing at Bucky’s hand again. “You don’t have to do this.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I know. I want to.”

“And I don’t want you to pay me anymore. That’s not how a relationship works.”

Bucky smiled, his heart now finally soaring. This was how love was supposed to feel. He was tingling from the head down. His eyes were misty and he was pretty sure he was smiling like a dope. “Move in with me,” Bucky blurted, surprised at even himself until the words settled in the car. He nodded, reaffirming those words.

“I–”

“I know it’s sterile and it doesn’t have character but it’s got me and a big bath and a walk-in closet that’s too big for just my clothes. It’s got free parking under it and you don’t have to pay the mortgage and you could throw more of that money into savings or to your soup kitchens. And I know you’re more than capable of feeding yourself, but I’ll always cook you dinner and make sure you get somethin’ to eat after you come home from work.”

Steve’s eyes went misty again. He ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair, a smile fixed on his lips. “You gonna play my little wife too? Wear nothin’ but a pink apron?”

Bucky giggled at the thought. “If you want.”

“Bucky,” Steve whispered, his eyes searching Bucky’s face in a way Bucky couldn’t truly understand. “There’s so much you don’t know about me. What if– what if you find out I’m not what you wanted?”

Bucky swallowed. It wasn’t without cause. Steve was mostly shrouded in mystery to Bucky. There was the whole Erik thing and how Steve was shit for communicating. Bucky shrugged, sighing through his nose. “I guess that’s just a risk I’ve gotta take. What if you find out you don’t want me?”

Steve swiped his gaze over Bucky, breathing out slowly. “I guess– I guess that’s just a risk I gotta take too.”

“So you’ll move in with me?” Bucky asked, his tone more eager than he’d like.

Steve laughed, rolling his eyes. “What the hell. Sure.”

Bucky flung his arms around Steve, pulling him so close it hurt from the gearshift grating into his ribs and the dumb glovebox between their two seats.

Bucky didn’t know what was going on with Erik. Bucky didn’t know how the firm would respond to Steve’s real occupation. Hell, he didn’t know if he should just come entirely clean or just spoon feed it to the firm. He didn’t know what would happen with Natasha or how Pierce and his ilk would react. But he did know one thing.

Steve was moving in with him. And that was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Add me on tumblr! [Click me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Wanna see the sex toys used? Look here!  
> Toy number 1: [Click me!](http://g01.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1EELtHVXXXXaGXXXXq6xXFXXXq/Sex-toy-g-spot-vibrator-font-b-drill-b-font-small-AV-Massager-stick-sex-machine.jpg)  
> Toy number 2: [Click me!](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31TmWgRrxuL._SY355_.jpg)  
> Toy number 3: [Click me!](http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/penis-rings/sp-ae-triple-threat-penis-ring-92998.aspx)
> 
> Sex toy mentioned but not used (yet ( ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °) )  
> [Penis Cage](http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/penis-rings/sp-silicone-penis-cage-ring-set-87731.aspx)  
> [Chastity Penis Cage](http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/penis-enhancers/sp-detained-chastity-cage-100832.aspx)


	7. Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finally comes clean about his secrets. Bucky confronts Natasha head on and gets more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've all earned a treat. Here, have some Steve POV that isn't just auxiliary to the story :)  
> If you want to check out the other Steve POVs though [CLICK ME](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4971733/chapters/11418409)  
> This fic has a playlist. Listen to it if you'd like! [Click Me!](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvIr9Ez4kK0ysmGrJQDrVx1lXRPHBDS05)
> 
>  **I have updated the tags for this story but just in case:** This chapter contains mentions to past drug use of elicit drugs and contains slurs against sex workers.  
>  **Friendly reminder** that just because a character acts or reacts a certain way in no way shape or form does that mean the author agrees or supports that statement or action. If you're reading this chapter it's because you've read all the rest and by now you know this fic isn't as "lighthearted" as the summary is. (I'm debating changing it as this fic was supposed to end with Bucky getting the partnership but then I kept going because I enjoyed it. Thoughts on that are welcome if you wish to express them) But just thought I'd get that out of the way. Character action/statement DOES NOT equal author opinion.

Steve followed behind Bucky like a puppy unsure if his master was walking on his hands or his feet. He shrank up into himself, looking at everyone around them in tailored suits and dresses. Steve was in a tailored suit, cut to the nines and flattering. It wasn’t their dress that made him worried– it was Bucky’s bullheaded urging that they needed to come clean and they needed to do it at one of the most public places possible. Steve admired Bucky’s passion, he really did, but Bucky thought with his heart and never with his mind where Steve was painfully too much mind and not enough heart.

It’s what got him into this mess in the first place. And yes, it was a mess. Steve let Bucky in with those doe eyes and cute little mouth. He let Bucky chip away at his adamant urgings that they could never be anything more than a client and a call boy and yet here they were, agreeing to move in with each other, crying into each other’s arms and professing love like it was easy.

It was easy. Those syllables tumbled out of Steve’s mouth as easy as breathing but what came after was the hard part. Steve had secrets, many that he wasn’t ready for Bucky to know and Bucky had _issues_ , many that he wasn’t going to get over any time soon.

Steve hated how addicted Bucky was to Natasha. He hated how weak Bucky saw himself or how Bucky often forgot that his life was his own. Bucky was always jumping through hoops to appease others as if that was the only way to validate his existence. That was no way to live, and Steve knew that. Steve carved out his own path in life, he took risks and left when the option presented itself, even if it was tough.

He liked the life he’d made for himself. He loved his job. He loved how he didn’t want for anything, longed for the high he felt with clients when he saw them let go of their stresses or cares, desired the way Bucky’s lips felt pressed–

Steve snapped himself out of his train of thought, staring into the back of Bucky’s blazer as they walked right up to Tony and Pepper.

Pepper smiled brightly, putting her glass down and moving as fast as he could in stilettos over to Steve to wrap her dainty arms around him in a tight embrace.

“Steve!” She squeezed him harder. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

Steve looked up at Bucky, giving him a quick nod before looking back at the woman. He smiled as politely as he could despite the worries that stewed in his stomach. He was a sex worker. A _hooker_. Would this woman see him as the man he was before she found out? Would she see him as the vegan who cried for hours when he accidently ran over a raccoon with his motorcycle when it was too dark outside? Would she see him as the man who sketched her a full charcoal piece in less than forty-five minutes when they sat with each other in a cozy coffee shop? Or would she just see the stains of cum and sweat on his skin that sometimes even Steve felt he perpetually wore. Would she see him for anything other than a street urchin? A _hooker_?

“Hey, Pepper,” he said. He winced when he heard his voice, shaken and anything but strong.

“Do you need a drink?” Pepper asked, her eyes shining as she looked up at him like he gave her the world.

“Uh, yeah. A few probably.”

Pepper snorted, turning to the bar and pulling Steve by his fingers.

“Actually, Pep,” Steve interjected. “Hold on. I gotta talk to Bucky and Tony.”

Pepper looked at him with wary eyes before simply shrugging and releasing her surprisingly strong grip from his fingers. “Don’t be too long. I wanna talk to you about Sanders and Clinton again.”

Steve nodded, feeling his heart cave in as she started to glide away in her teal dress. Would she still listen to Steve’s political opinions after she knew he didn’t pay taxes on his job? That was probably the biggest issue with Steve’s chosen occupation. He never paid social security, he never paid regional income taxes and he certainly never filled out tax returns each March. What kind of douchebag didn’t pay taxes and advocated for a president candidate that wanted to increase them? She’d see him for a fraud.

He turned to Bucky, watching the man he’d fallen far too in love with worry at his bottom lip, getting it all pink and inflamed. He couldn’t help but lean in and brush his lips over the shell of Bucky’s ear. Bucky probably thought he was trying to be encouraging when really all Steve wanted to do was let Bucky yank the plug out of his ass and fuck him till he cried.

“Tony,” Bucky began, his voice wavering just as bad as Steve’s had with Pepper. “I gotta talk to you.”

Steve clenched his jaw, focusing on his breathing. The room suddenly felt hot and like it was too crowded. There were faces everywhere, some that Steve recognized and others that he felt were just staring at him. Like they already _knew_. Rumlow lifted up a glass in Steve’s direction before looking back at Pierce. They shared a barking laugh with Grant Ward and then Steve’s attention was back on Bucky.

“What’s up buttercup?” Tony asked, tiling his head to the side.

“We haven’t– I– There’s–”

Bucky was fumbling, falling over himself and wavering on uneven ground. Steve would’ve thought it a metaphor except he saw Bucky swaying. He reached behind Bucky, wrapping a secure arm around him to steady the smaller man.

Bucky looked up at him, tears were already starting to glisten in Bucky’s eyes and the knife that twisted in Steve’s gut was almost tangible.

Steve shook his head, hoping to _God_ that Bucky could read what was in his eyes. He didn’t care. He didn’t care if Tony knew or not. He wanted Bucky safe. He wanted this man secure in his job, secure in his life and secure in his future. They could find another way to deal with Natasha. Right now, Steve just wanted Bucky safe.

He had to protect Bucky somehow. Bucky earned that from Steve. He was brutally honest, manic with his emotions and most of all, he was honest. And for Steve, a man wrapped in lies upon more lies, honestly was a refreshing change. Bucky was an honest man who fell on the sword of such painful truths. Steve liked to think Bucky just didn’t know how to hide anything and that’s why his emotions were always so free, why he cried so easy, got so angry or so happy. Steve loved that about him. He _loved_ that about him.

“You don’t have to do this,” Steve whispered in close. “We don’t have to.”

“Yes we do,” Bucky growled out quietly before turning toward Tony and yanking himself from Steve’s arms.

Tony noticed because his brows went up, but he watched patiently.

“You remember,” Bucky began. “You remember when you said it was okay for me not to be perfect?”

Tony nodded, his brows now furrowing.

“We’re not perfect,” Bucky whispered. He didn’t dare seem to look up from his shoes.

Steve watched with absolute shock as his heart slammed against his ribs so hard he thought it’d explode. Every nerve was aflame, screaming to somehow find a way to make this all go away for Bucky. Bucky didn’t deserve Natasha’s cruelty. He didn’t deserve the bullshit he’d been dealt and he certainly didn’t deserve the shitstorm Steve was forcing him to face.

Bucky was a good man and Steve was the blight that would slowly pull out any hope or wonder from that man’s eyes till he was left with an ashen complexion and no tears to cry before crumbling into the wind. Steve had never hated himself more than this moment. This moment when he realized everything that he would do to Bucky Barnes for being a nice, good man.

Steve would destroy him, and this was only the first lash against silken, beautiful skin.

“What’s up?” Pepper asked as she came back. She handed Steve a gin and tonic.

Steve took it numbly, surprised he even knew how to grasp the cup properly. He watched her hand Bucky a darker drink. Steve assumed it was rum and coke.

“Bucky’s trying to explain something to me but he’s having one hell of a time with it,” Tony analyzed, eyeing Steve for a moment before looking back to Bucky. “You hurting him Steve?”

The question punched all the air out of Steve’s lungs that he had to step back, gasping as he tried to work his damn lungs. He didn’t have the best lungs, a fact he kept extremely well-hidden. No one but Sam Wilson knew the amount of medication Steve pumped into his body each day just to keep it functioning.

“What? N-no, that’s not it!” Bucky cried, grabbing Steve’s hand. “That’s not it.”

“You’ve got three minutes, Barnes,” Tony warned, looking around the room. “We’re supposed to be getting to our tables.”

“Yeah, I know that. I know. I just– We’ve been lying to you and it’s starting to really bug me that you don’t know and I just– we just gotta tell you.”

Steve looked up as he heard Maria come into the room, a delightful greeting from her mouth when she embraced Peter Quill. Steve wondered briefly how long it’d been since Bucky talked to Peter or Clint.

“What?” Pepper asked, looking at Steve momentarily.

“Steve doesn’t work at some cute cupcakery in the city,” Bucky barely said above a whisper.

Steve had to suck in a breath before his lungs collapsed on him. Everyone looked over at him as he wheezed. Bucky’s gaze was the one that made Steve’s body hurt the most. Those eyes held a world of appreciation for Steve and all Steve was doing was ruining that life. Bucky’s life would’ve been better without Steve but now Steve couldn’t do anything but stay. He was selfish like that. Bucky was in his life and he was in Steve’s and Steve was too stubborn and too selfish to let Bucky go. It was like two planets getting too close to each other’s gravitational pull. They’d crash into each other one day and destroy everything but in the meantime, they were powerless but to let the inevitable occur. It had to. It was the laws of nature.

“You okay, Steve?” Pepper asked politely, pressing her had to Steve’s back.

Steve just nodded. “Bucky, let me do this.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open but he nodded softly, taking a step back.

“I’m a prostitute,” Steve blurted. He hated that word. Prostitute, hooker, whore… the list of words Steve Rogers hated above all else was pretty long but he knew most people didn’t use “sex worker” to identify him, even if that’s exactly what he was– a full service sex worker. Most people didn’t even know that not all sex workers were full service. Not all sex workers even had sex with clients, but no one cared to know. No one cared to research Steve’s job because it was considered _wrong_ or dirty. Sanitation workers got more respect and everyone thought they were swimming in shit.

“Wha-”

“That’s my job,” Steve explained before Tony could say anything else. “Bucky’s been hiding it from you because he didn’t think you’d accept me. He wanted you to know me before you knew exactly what I did. Someone thought if you knew, that you’d fire Bucky. But Bucky’s supportive of my decisions. I’ve been a sex worker for years now. I love my job and I love Bucky but Bucky knows it’s a job. I’m sure that’s weird to you but I don’t sell cupcakes. I sell my time and my body but I still go home to Bucky every night and neither of us have a problem with it.” He was lying. He was digging them further into a hole he knew Natasha could find a way to exploit. He should’ve just pushed the entire story out and let Bucky scramble to pick up the pieces but that wouldn’t be fair to Bucky. Steve should’ve found a way to force Bucky’s hand and let them end this but Steve’s heart was too full of love despite how loud his mind was shrieking at him that each syllable was wrong and twisted.

He led them to believe they were engaged. He led them to believe Bucky didn’t just pick up some random escort before hopping on a plane to Maine. He lied and twisted out partial truths until they were shadowed and tainted. He hated himself. He hated how _selfish_ he was because he couldn’t just let Bucky go. He couldn’t come clean because he feared Tony really hating Bucky. He feared how badly it would destroy Bucky’s job or any chance at finding another marketing position if his reputation was slandered as the liar who picked up escorts to coerce people into hiring him. Hiring escorts was one thing, but lying about having a fiancé and a lover– lying about relating to Tony and Pepper when Steve and Bucky had barely known each other, that’s what was wrong.

“You’re a sex worker?” Pepper echoed, her hand pressed to her chest. “I–”

“Please don’t fire him,” Steve urged, his fists balled up tightly and his back went rigid. “I’m not a respectable person and I know that, but he is. Bucky’s practically flawless and it’s not his fault he loves a fuckup like me.”

Bucky choked out a gasp but Steve couldn’t look to see if he was crying or gagging.

Tony set his drink down, taking in a deep breath.

Steve thought it best to just wait it out and do what he could to protect Bucky when the axe finally came in contact with his neck. Steve made a descent amount of money. He could certainly spare some to help Bucky while he searched for a new job. Whether Bucky would let him or not was a matter entirely of itself but Steve was at least willing to entertain the idea. He’d move into Bucky’s apartment and try to take over the mortgage for him. He was pretty sure that was a million dollar place but Steve could take out loans, work overtime and maybe revisit the clients he wished he would never see again. This was his fault. He had to make up for it. He’d do anything to make this as painless as possible for Bucky.

It wasn’t Bucky’s fault. Steve let it happen. Day by day he watched Bucky fall more and more in love and Steve _knew_ it was happening but he loved the way Bucky looked at him so much that he kept coming around. He soaked up all the praise, the admiration and the way Bucky looked at him like a god instead of just a normal man and Steve _let_ it all happen despite every single warning sign in the mother fucking book. This was Steve’s mess– not Bucky’s.

“So you’re engaged to a hooker?” Tony surmised, looking at Bucky.

Pepper was watching Steve with a guarded expression. Her arms were crossed and her mouth was pressed tightly together.

“Yeah,” Bucky whispered. “M’sorry if that’s not the image you want your company to have.”

Steve grit his teeth. He wasn’t entirely thrilled with the way Tony so casually said _hooker_. He watched Pepper and Tony, watched for any sign that he needed to grab Bucky and simply just run. He’d find a way to make it up to Bucky. He’d find a way to give Bucky a life he could be happy with– at least he’d be free of Natasha and the unbridled politics of this godforsaken company. That had to be something, right? Steve clung onto the idea like a wasp to the flame no matter how destructive the thought was.

“It’s,” Tony began, taking a deep breath. He nodded, seemingly mulling over the information. “It’s different. But honestly, Barnes, I expect different from you.”

Bucky looked up, his eyes so round Steve was afraid they’d shatter.

“It’s why I asked you to be my partner.”

“Wha– Tony if that’s– are you?” Bucky stammered.

“You’re not fired, Barnes,” Tony said, rolling his eyes.

“Steve mentioned someone was trying to _get_ you fired? Who was that, Bucky?”

Steve gulped, still too tense to properly evaluate that they _accepted_ Bucky and his relationship. They didn’t know the entire truth but maybe one day– optimism permitting– it’d be the truth. Steve wasn’t exactly the type to waste his time with someone he didn’t think he had a life-long shot at. Bucky _was_ a candidate for marriage. They just needed to get to know each other more. Steve needed to find a way to work up the courage to explain everything about his life to Bucky.

Every god damned nitty-gritty detail that Steve worked so hard to wash out of his pores. Bucky deserved to know. Steve just didn’t know how he’d explain it all. He didn’t know how badly Bucky would hate him– if he hated him at all. Bucky was too nice. Too in love. He’d probably forgive Steve despite it all. It was a disgusting comfort to Steve, one that he hated but still welcomed lovingly.

“I don’t– I don’t wanna say,” Bucky mumbled, tapping the floor with his shoe.

Steve resisted the urge to groan. Bucky was beaten down, pressed against a wall with his throat barred and Natasha held the knife there. Despite the threat she very realistically presented, Bucky still protected her. It was the most beautiful quality Bucky had and Steve _hated_ it.

Bucky didn’t want to be a bad guy anymore, not when he felt he’d been one to Natasha for so long. So it was Steve’s turn. He could take Bucky’s ire or Natasha’s threats but he knew Bucky couldn’t take them from Natasha.

“Natasha,” Steve blurted, raising his chin in defiance as he watched the light snuff from Bucky’s eyes. “Natasha threatened that if Bucky didn’t find a way to give her or Maria the partnership, that she’d expose us to you and try to get Bucky fired.”

“That’s not–” Bucky tried.

“That’s exactly what happened,” Steve pressed, ignoring Bucky’s interjection.

Pepper gasped, clutching at her necklace.

Tony started laughing. He tossed back his whisky before slamming it back onto the table.

“She’s just upset that a female didn’t get the partnership,” Bucky tried to explain. “I get it. I understand where she’s coming from. It’s not her fault.”

“It’s why you asked me why you got it and not her. It’s why you’ve been dancing around like there’s a stick up your ass, uh, no offense.”

Bucky just snorts, a casual shrug to dismiss the imagery.  

“If she wants to call me sexist, she needs to say it to my face,” Tony affirmed. “She can’t do that to you and I won’t let her.”

“Don’t,” Bucky began. “Don’t confront her, please. I’m– It’ll make everything bad.”

“We can just fire her, Bucky,” Pepper stated. “She shouldn’t be trying to _blackmail_ you. Steve was obviously not ready to be open about his occupation and that’s unkind for her to force his hand.” She looked over at Steve, her gaze serious. “Even if his occupation is perfectly acceptable and I find nothing wrong with it if he’s happy.”

Steve smiled, weakly at first before it burst onto his face like the sun, radiant and true. She accepted him. Tony accepted him. It was a rare day when people reacted like _this_. As if he’d said he was a construction worker or a doctor. They didn’t mind. Just as long as he was happy. People like Tony and Pepper– they didn’t exist and yet here they were.

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Bucky’s face remained panicked. His hand was sweaty in Steve’s but he didn’t pull away. He looked like he was going to vomit or break down and cry. Steve admitted Bucky was a beautiful crier, but right now he wasn’t smitten with either option. He wanted Bucky to move past this. Natasha dug her own grave when she decided to blackmail them.

But that still left open one big blaring issue for Steve. She knew much more about him than Bucky knew. She was keeping it tucked away as long as Steve allowed himself to be collared to her and now that collar was forcefully shattered and Steve could be free– in theory.

Until Natasha found a way to tell Bucky.

Steve gulped, feeling his heart start to bounce awkwardly in his chest. He had to tell Bucky before Natasha did. She’d twist it up dramatically and make Steve out to be the vile villain he felt he was. He had to explain what happened before she got her slimy hands on Bucky’s innocent face.

“Don’t,” Bucky begged. “Please don’t fire her. Don’t even mention this, please. _Please_ don’t.”

“Bucky,” Pepper said, her brows knit together. “She manipulated you. She was trying to force you to leave. That’s not the type of person we want working for us.”

“Nope,” Tony chimed in. “I’m firing her. You can’t stop me. Now we gotta take our seats.”

Steve looked around, watching Pierce with Rumlow and Ward. They’d not once come over here. He wasn’t sure if it was because they just _knew_ the conversation wasn’t public or if they didn’t care right now. Maybe when people weren’t trying to scramble atop of each other they acted like descent human beings. He searched for Maria Hill or Natasha but he couldn’t find either of them.

There’d be no way Natasha could’ve called Bucky’s sudden desire to come clean but Steve couldn’t shake the idea that she’d somehow known.

“Is Natasha here tonight?” Steve asked suddenly.

Tony and Pepper both blinked in surprise.

“Uh, no,” Tony answered. “She wasn’t planning on coming this year.”

Bucky looked to Steve with a pale face, his fingers gripping at Steve’s just a tiny bit harder.

“We’ll continue this conversation at the office on Monday,” Tony said. “I won’t say anything to her yet. I promise.”

Pepper cupped Steve’s face, her eyes full of what Steve prayed wasn’t sympathy. He obviously wasn’t starving or in tattered clothing. He was sporting Armani and a Versace belt. He sucked in a breath, waiting for the blow or some insulting words to spill from her mouth.

“You’re a beautiful person, Steve,” was all she said before slipping off with Tony to go into the ballroom to take their seats.

Steve let out his breath, looking at Bucky. “You think she knew?”

Bucky bit his lower lip. Steve loved it when he did that. He’d almost forgotten the plug in his ass until he was clenching his stomach muscles to suppress the urge to shove Bucky up against the wall and peel his clothes off.

“I dunno,” Bucky said dejectedly. “Fuck, Steve. If I got her fired–”

“Then she deserves it,” Steve finished. “She’s hurting you, Buck. She’s always been hurting you.”

“No,” Bucky protested, walking away from the crowd filtering into the large ballroom. “No, she’s always been protecting me.”

Steve opened his mouth to argue when a sudden realization slammed into him, rocking against his soul and making his nerves chill to ice. He sucked in a deep breath, suppressing his words. This wasn’t the end of Natasha’s reign of power over Bucky. If Bucky truly believed that, then she could manipulate Bucky into believing Steve was anything that Natasha offered. Bucky would eat it up like a kitten lapping milk out of their master’s hand. He’d nuzzle against that hand and ask for more and Steve would be powerless to do anything. If Natasha turned her ire on Steve, if Steve allowed Natasha to get _fired_ , how far would Natasha go to ruin Steve and Bucky over a vindictive game of ex-lovers?

_‘I have to tell her.’_

“C’mon,” Bucky grumbled, grabbing Steve’s hand. “We’ve gotta go in.”

Steve stopped Bucky, turning him around and running his hands up and down Bucky’s arms. He tried to smile but was pretty sure his face was still reeling from his moment of clarity.

“Hey,” Steve cooed softly. “You’re happy though, about you n’ me?”

Bucky tried to smile back, but the effort just looked exhausting on his face.

“I love you,” Steve urged, trying to coax something out of Bucky– anything. It was a rare day when Steve Rogers felt so terrified of letting someone slip through his fingers. He was always focused on the job, on the next paycheck, on the campaign donations or the soup kitchens. He was always focused on doodling art in his free time or flirting shamelessly with men and women at bars in an attempt to score a few tricks on the side of his escort service with his company. And yes, he _had_ a company. He was on a list of escorts that worked when they wanted but they were still part of a company. They took a cut of the lump sum the client gave over to their boss and then were handed checks under the table, or they got the money and had to give their boss a part of their cut– just like an honor system. No taxes, and a little dirty, but still a company.

But all those feelings of independence were obliterated like bullets shattering a window as Steve came to the realization that he was _addicted_ to Bucky Barnes. He yearned for this man’s attention and affections. He was the kitten in Bucky’s palms and if Bucky dropped him, well, it’d destroy Steve at this point. That cold, hard realization smacked Steve hard against the face, leaving him panting as he looked at Bucky, searching for any happiness or indication that Bucky would return those feelings.

It was a sad day when Steve Rogers realized he’d fallen too far to ever get back up again. It was like Erik all over again. And even _that_ was still complicated.

“Bucky,” Steve said again, his grip tightening on Bucky’s shoulders. “I love you.”

Bucky nodded, offering the weakest smile Steve had ever seen on that beautiful face.

_‘Please don’t do this to me. I can’t go through this again.’_

Bucky moved in, pressing a soft kiss to Steve’s face. “Go take that plug outta your ass and come sit down. I don’t– I’m not comfortable with that right now.”

Steve nodded, ignoring the way Bucky’s voice lulled into the air, soft and dejected, like they didn’t just overcome a huge hurdle in their incredibly fucked up relationship. Boyfriends, newly appointed who’d always pretended to be fiancés since they were first introduced to each other. A copywriter and a sex worker. Same world but different rules, both fighting just to stay above the waves that threatened to pull them so far under that they’d never feel air grace their lungs again.

* * *

 

Steve listened to the shower, thrumming the pads of his fingers against each other as he stared at his phone. He should warn Natasha. Maybe Bucky would even be okay with that plan. There’d be a way for Steve to twist it that it was just in Bucky’s interest– like Steve was trying to protect both Bucky and Natasha, because Bucky wanted Natasha not to be fired. He could spin that story so easily he was almost surprised that he didn’t know how to use a spindle to turn yarn into gold.

He curled up, staring at his phone as it lay atop Bucky’s pillow. He smiled to himself. It was Bucky’s favorite pillow, a little firmer than the others and stuffed to the brim with feathers. Sometimes a feather would slip through the threads and Steve would find himself tracing it along Bucky’s arm as he slept. It was funny when Bucky would try to brush it away before waking up entirely.

Steve picked up the phone, pressing the unlock button and watching the screen come to light. He slid his fingers across the screen for the password before pulling up his contacts and dialing Natasha.

A lump lodged itself deep into Steve’s stomach. He felt heavy and _wrong_ , like he was betraying Bucky somehow. He was helping and yet, only helping himself. Natasha was a corruption around Bucky, a plague that needed to be expelled and yet here Steve was, on the phone and listening to the woman pick up the line. And he was doing it entirely to secure his place in Bucky’s life. Not because he _cared_ about how Bucky felt about Natasha, but because he _cared_ about how he felt about Bucky. He couldn’t lose another lover. He’d lost one once and he couldn’t go through that again.

“Hey,” Steve said into the phone, watching the bathroom door. He swallowed loudly, feeling his tongue turn to sandpaper in his mouth.

 _“I already told you that you could stay with Bucky tonight,”_ Natasha lilted into the phone.

“We told Tony. We told him about me being a sex worker and he’s pissed at you for trying to blackmail Bucky.”

 _“Wow, I didn’t think Bear had it in him,”_ Natasha purred.

Steve winced at the pet name. He _hated_ it when she abused a name that once carried affection with it in their relationship. Now it was like she was pouring poison into a wound.

“You knew?”

_“No, I didn’t know he’d man up but it’s fine. You’re calling me now so I know what to do.”_

“Get a new job?”

She laughed over the phone. Steve hated how cold his heart felt at that dark laughter.

_“No my adorable little puppy. If you think I’m going down without a fight, you’ve not learned anything about me.”_

“I’ve learned a lot more about you than I wish I did,” Steve retorted.

She clicked her tongue, mocking sympathy. Steve just inhaled sharply, still watching the glow from under the bathroom door. He wondered what Bucky was doing in there and why he wanted to shower alone. Steve understood the need to be alone sometimes but right now, Steve felt clingy and like everything was moving too fast and he couldn’t find a way to grip the wheel and get it back under control.

 _“You know, I’m kinda lonely tonight,”_ Natasha suggested, her voice sickeningly sweet.

“No,” Steve growled.

_”Awe, what’s the matter, Stevie? Don’t like dripping wet pussy? Fallen too in love with that tight ass?”_

“Stop it,” Steve warned lowly. “I swear to God, Natasha.”

_“What? You swear what? That’ll you kill me? Or will you leave me to die somewhere?”_

Steve choked on his own saliva, coughing loudly into the phone. He couldn’t hear the shower anymore as he gasped, trying to suck air back into his abused lungs.

“The game’s up, Natasha,” Steve ventured. “Just leave us alone. He has nothing to offer you anymore.”

_“But that’s where you’re wrong, Rogers. Bucky’s got so much more to offer me and I don’t think I’m ready to let go just yet.”_

Steve felt the tears sting against his eyes. He folded into himself, breathing jaggedly.

“When do you want me?” he asked, his soul twisting in on itself.

_“You’ve got an hour to get your ass over here. Bring toys. I’m feeling particularly spunky tonight.”_

“Spunky,” Steve echoed sardonically. “For me or you?”

_“You of course. I love watching you come. I’ll bet Bear likes it too. Probably feels so proud that he can give you that when he could never do it for me.”_

“You loved him,” Steve hissed out. “You’re just upset he didn’t love you back.”

_“I’m upset about a lot of things, Rogers. I’m human too. Of course I mourn the loss of my husband and the destruction of the family we should’ve had together. We were supposed to be a family! And he never–”_

Steve’s eyes opened wider, a curious question on the tip of his tongue. She was breathing roughly into the phone now. Steve didn’t think it was possible that she’d slip up so much, but there the bait was, dangling in front of him.

“You were supposed to have a family?”

His question was met with long silence.

“Did Bucky know?”

More silence.

Steve heard shuffling around in the bathroom and the hum of an electric shaver.

“Did he?”

_“No. It was miscarriage. I never told him.”_

Steve felt guilty for her, except his anger outweighed his guilt. She was single-handedly invested in ruining Steve’s life with Bucky. Steve pictured it though, a little child with brown curls and eyes as bright as Bucky’s. He saw family portraits, Hanukkah presents and playing ball in the yard. Steve wasn’t sad for Natasha, felt sorry for her, but didn't experience her sorrow. He was devastated for Bucky though. For a life that Bucky never knew he almost could’ve had.

“I’m sorry,” Steve replied after a few beats of silence. “That must’ve been hard for you, keeping it all in.”

_“You and I are kindred spirits, Steve. We’re good at keeping secrets.”_

“I’ll see you in an hour,” Steve whispered when he heard the razor switch off.

 _“Don’t be late,”_ she sang out as he swiped the end call button.

Steve sat back on the bed, pressing his phone to his lips. He had less than an hour to find a way to get out of Bucky’s apartment without raising alarm or upsetting Bucky. He bit his lip, really sinking his teeth in until he felt the skin give way and a rush of copper graced the tip of his tongue.

Bucky came out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

Steve would’ve appreciated it if he didn’t have to leave. Bucky looked considerably more at ease now and that small little smirk he usually wore was subconsciously against his lips. Steve’s heartstrings pulled against him, yearning for Steve to just crawl into this man’s arms and tell him everything before Natasha ever had a chance to.

Staring at Steve’s own past was like confronting a real live boogy-man. Steve hated how afraid he was of it.

“Steve, you okay?”

Steve smiled weakly, watching Bucky drop the towel and crawl over on the bed. He whined, reaching out to Bucky and pulling him into his arms.

Bucky folded into him, pliant and warm against him. He nuzzled into Steve’s chest, humming out happily.

Steve clenched his jaw, staring up at the lazy ceiling fan. “I have to go.”

“What?” Bucky shouted. “The fuck? Why?”

“Natasha,” Steve stated.

“But, it doesn’t matter anymore. She can’t keep controlling me.”

Steve sat up, slipping out from Bucky’s arms. Each movement away from Bucky was a lifetime of torment and self-hatred for Steve. He wanted nothing more than to find a way to hold Bucky for an eternity, through the destruction of the world, through the end of his life and even after. Did Natasha feel like this? Was that why it was so hard for her to let Bucky go? Did she still love him in her own twisted little way? Steve had to give her some respect. Bucky was a catch and it wasn’t easy to get over a man like him– so beautifully open and _good_. He was all masks of course. Bucky liked to talk a mean game, to pretend he had no friends when he cared deeply about the few he had. He even had pictures of Clint and Peter scattered through his apartment. Bucky put on a façade when he was at work, acting cold as a shark but Steve knew better and so did Natasha. So did Tony, for that matter. Bucky was a shark to his colleagues but he was a warm puppy to the ones who found a way into his protective armor. He was all bark and no bite. Steve _loved_ him for that.

“It’s not you she’s controlling anymore,” Steve offered as he moved to grab his pants. He slipped them up with ease, buttoning and zipping the fly.

“What does she have on you, Steve?” Bucky asked softly. “Just tell me. Did you rape someone? I mean, rape’s really shitty but if you’d explain maybe I’d und–”

“I didn’t rape anybody!” Steve spat out a littler crueler than he’d wished. He watched Bucky dip his chin, his face morphing into a dejected sadness. “I’m sorry, baby. No, that’s not what I did.”

“Did you kill someone?”

Steve hesitated.

“Holy shit,” Bucky breathed out. “Did you kill someone?!”

“No!” Steve wailed, feeling his heart tie itself into a knot. His blood pumped awkwardly in his veins as it fought against the tightening in his chest. He tried to take in deep breaths through his nose but his lungs were one second away from a full-blown asthma attack.

“Then just tell me, Steve,” Bucky pleaded as he walked on his knees over to Steve. He wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders, kissing against Steve’s collarbone. “Please just tell me.”

Steve closed his eyes, leaning into Bucky’s lips, the warmth of his body that cascaded off him in gentle ripples. Steve wanted to open his mouth and spew out everything. He wanted to come clean but it wasn’t just this anymore. Natasha loved Bucky. Steve loved Bucky. They’d become enemies the second Bucky fell in love with Steve and walked further away from Natasha. Steve hadn’t realized it at first, but this wasn’t truly about their jobs. Of course, if Natasha could exploit it somehow, she’d do everything to try– but that wasn’t what this was anymore.

Natasha was suffering, watching the love of her life fall into the arms of another man. Steve had what Natasha was never able to give Bucky. She couldn’t even save the child– that last hope that maybe Bucky would’ve stayed out of obligation, even if it was all a lie.

Bucky never knew… He never knew how close he was to that life. Natasha was just as full of lies as Steve, she was at least honest about her motives. Steve wasn’t.

“I love you,” Steve offered, cupping Bucky’s face with both his hands. “I love you so much.”

Bucky smiled, his gray eyes sparkling against the yellow fluorescents in the room.

“I’m movin’ in with you,” Steve continued. “I’m startin’ a life with you. And I’m so excited. Just– give me time. I’m not ready to dump everythin’ on you all at once.”

“I can handle it,” Bucky urged, kissing Steve’s lips. “I love you too.”

Steve pulled away, smiling sorrowfully as he moved to the dresser to grab a shirt. “I’ll be back tomorrow. My friend’s gonna help me move in. His name’s Sam. He’s a nice guy.”

“You’ve mentioned him before,” Bucky replied. “He’s your roommate.”

Steve nodded. “And my best friend.”

Bucky crawled over to the nightstand to shut off the lights. “I’ll miss you tonight.”

“You too,” Steve echoed as he walked away, feeling his heart shred itself to pieces.

* * *

 

Steve winced as he ran the pad of his finger a bit too forcefully against the cardboard box. He looked at the small abrasion in the skin, giving it a squeeze before deciding it was just a small skin cut and didn’t need a bandage. Sniffing, he went back to packing up the box with his various photos of friends, art supplies and books. He wasn’t packing much. Truth be told, he didn’t _have_ all that much. Most of his things were clothes and toys for the trade. He did have an absurd amount of shoes though. He picked up the box, prepared to take it all the way down to where his car was parked about two blocks away when Sam came in.

Sam was in a green tank top and sweat sparkled off his dark skin like a gem catching the light. He flashed a strained smile at Steve before going over to the refrigerator and pulling out the orange juice.

“Nice run?” Steve asked as he put the box on the small dining room table. They didn’t actually have a dining room but it was a random space in their tiny apartment that made sense for it so that’s where it went. He leaned on the box, watching Sam chug down the juice before wiping at his mouth.

“Yeah. Gave me time to think about what Imma ‘bout to say to you.”

Steve scoffed, waving a hand in pointed dismissal. “Oh don’t start. You said you’d help me move.”

“No I’m gonna start. I’ve been damn silent about this whole thing and I’m perfectly fine with you movin’ out but I’m gonna lay out all the reasons I think you’re makin’ a mistake.”

Steve clenched his jaw, staring at Sam with an intensity most would crumble from. Not Sam though. Never Sam. They’d known each other too intimately. They worked the same trade and Sam had an uncanny way of splitting people’s hearts open and looking at all the secrets inside. Steve just wasn’t expecting this from him. He’d had a rough enough night with Natasha last night, he didn’t need a shitty morning with Sam.

Natasha was all pleasantries when Steve arrived. She’d even given him a back massage before even attempting to remove any of his clothing. They didn’t talk about Bucky. They didn’t talk hardly at all. It was all hums and gasps and Steve hated how he _enjoyed_ his time there. He knew what she was– an enemy. But she paid well and the sex was good. But it brought up a thousand other complications that Steve needed to figure out how to deal with.

She _was_ the enemy now. Steve may be moving in with Bucky, but that doesn’t seal their life together. Natasha was just as much a contender in this race as Steve. She had a way of digging under Bucky’s skin and Steve was terrified if he didn’t listen to her that she’d go spewing her venom over to Bucky and that’d be the last time Steve saw Bucky. 

“You’re running,” Sam surmised, breaking into Steve’s thoughts.

Steve sighed heavily through his nose, tossing his hands up and running his fingers through his hair, over and over till the spikes went every which way. He paced around the small dining table, his lips twitching and his jaw tensing and relaxing in an agitated rhythm. Oh if Sam only knew… Steve was partially pissed off at himself for not regurgitating everything that had happened since he met Bucky, but here he was, leading Sam to believe this was about Erik when it was really about Natasha.

“You’re running and you can’t even deny it, Steve! You found some rich guy who’s easy on the eyes and you’re gunna get him mixed into all your shit and he may even wanna help you. Hell, you look at any dope with those big blues and everybody’s runnin’ to help you! Even I still fall for that damn trap!”

“Sam–”

“No, you shut up and you listen to what I have to say cause I’m only gonna say it once. You’re scared. Erik’s moved back and startin’ shit, some chick’s got dirt on you that you won’t even tell _me_ about and you’re shittin’ yourself. This guy’s rich, he wants to take care of you and that’s your damn way out. But you’re not gettin’ away, Steve. You’re hiding and Erik’s gonna find you and he knows you better than most and he’s _got you_ _by the balls_ , man.”

Steve closed his eyes, collapsing into one of the dining chairs. He licked at his lips, feeling the heat of his tongue against the chilled flesh. Sam always kept it cold in the apartment.

Steve may as well come clean with at least one aspect to his fucked up life. “I’m _not_ running from Erik. I’ve been talkin’ to ‘im.”

Sam shifted his weight, crossing his arms over his chest as he raised his brows accusingly at Steve. “Wanna run that by me again?”

Steve swallowed, his lips pursing as he tried desperately to think of what to say. He traded one deep conversation with Sam for another. He almost wished he’d picked to discuss Natasha instead.

Erik was divorced and _of course_ the first place he came back to was Steve. In a different time, Steve would’ve been elated. But things changed. Steve was trying his best to shove his past back where it belonged and finally start trekking toward a future, even if it was one he was _sure_ he didn’t deserve.

“I love this guy.”

“Uh huh. Like you loved Erik. Like you love Peggy.”

“I don’t–”

“Don’t you fuckin’ lie to me, Steve. You’ve got a big heart. You love easy and that’s your problem. You love so damn much that you run around breaking hearts and gettin’ _everyone_ tangled up in your messes.”

“That’s not what I’m doing to him!” Steve wailed, standing up and meeting Sam head on. His eyes flashed in determination as he set his jaw, broadening his shoulders. “For once in my _damn_ life, Sam, this isn’t my mess. He’s got just as many problems as I do– maybe more.”

“Oh so he’s a charity case then? You gonna drop his ass when he’s all fixed up and he can’t see the world in color without you in it?”

Steve hissed in a breath, stepping back. “You really think that little of me?”

“I think too much of you,” Sam countered, his eyes level and calm despite the words he was uttering. “Because if you might recall, I used to hold you at night too.”

“And we’re still friends.”

“I’m unique. I happen to understand the complexities that make up that stubborn, overly-impulsive brain of yours. Not everyone’s as forgiving as me.”

Steve threw his hands up in the air, moving to collapse into the couch. “I’m not makin’ a mistake.”

“You’re not? What’re you doing next Friday?”

Steve’s mouth dropped open. “Are you listenin’ to my private phone calls?”

“What’re you _doing_ next Friday?” Sam repeated, moving further into the heart of their living room.

“It ain’t none of your business!”

“I’m your best friend, you bet that tight ass of yours it’s my damn business! I’ve got a vested interest in protecting you _and_ I got a vested interest in makin’ sure this _client_ doesn’t get his heart thrown into a blender on account that you can’t make up your mind!” Sam shouted, flailing his hands tirelessly. “You think I wanna see you alone? You think I wanna keep you here in this apartment cause I can’t have you anymore?!”

Steve took a moment to gather himself. He rolled his neck, cracking his bones. What bothered him the most about this, was that he had absolutely no ground to stand on. Sam was right. Sam was so right it was slicing Steve right between the eyes and tearing down into his throat and gut. He didn’t want to hurt Bucky. He honestly thought he loved him. He did love him, too much, just as Sam said. But he’d be lying if he said it was all innocent. Bucky did have money (now that he wasn’t shelling it out like candy to Steve). Bucky did have a heart too big for his body and Bucky wanted to protect Steve just as much as Steve wanted to protect Bucky.

Bucky’s job all knew about Steve now. All of them. Steve didn’t know just how badly it rocked Bucky’s world but Steve knew it changed a lot of things. It certainly changed the game on Natasha’s end. What Steve assumed would set Bucky free only shackled him further to the woman and worst of all, Bucky was letting it happen.

Just as Steve had a big heart, so did Bucky. So much guilt enveloped that delicate soul that Steve was afraid he’d suffocate under the weight of it. Natasha _owned_ Bucky now, because she owned Steve now. And Bucky was complacent to stand up again, dust himself off and ask for more if only to earn some of Natasha’s approval.

How could a man like Bucky, who faced such animosity from that bitch just roll over and pretend it never happened?

_‘Abuse is a funny thing, isn’t it Rogers?’_

“Steve,” Sam cut into his thoughts. His voice was gentler, his shoulders not so amped up and he breathed evenly. “How much do you love this guy?”

Steve looked at his feet. He slipped his tongue back and forth on the roof of his mouth as he contemplated where to dump all this off first. “He reminded me of Erik. Big bright eyes so full of sadness. He pretends his life’s going how he wants it but honestly, he doesn’t have a lick of control on it. He’s a victim of abuse and _that_ – that hit me.”

Sam sat down, bumping his shoulder with Steve’s. “You realize you’ve never even told me his name, right?”

“I’m afraid you’ll look ‘im up and say every little thing I’ve ever done that I’m not proud of.”

“So you had a rough start. No kid’s smart and you made it through.”

“Remember the guy I told you I fell in love with first?”

Sam raised his brow, clearly surprised by how much Steve was letting out. Truth be told, Steve was surprised too. He didn’t talk about this. To anyone. Three people knew about that boy.

His mother– long deceased, Erik and _somehow_ Natasha Romanov.

“His name was James.”

“I’m waiting for the part where this all comes together and your dramatic flair tones it the fuck down.”

Steve laughed, breathy and tired. Sam was the only person who called him out on his bullshit– and Steve was eternally grateful for that even if it did make him want to punch the guy in the face. “The guy I’m with now. His name’s James– but everyone calls him Bucky.”

“You do realize I know _exactly_ who you’re talkin’ about, right?”

“Oh yeah?” Steve asked, glancing sideways.

“He ordered Sharon a lot. A name like ‘Bucky” tends to stick in my memory. All those fancy parties. He was real sweet with her but she said it was like fuckin’ a dildo. He went through the motions but there wasn’t anything behind it.”

“Wow, what a way to say my boyfriend sucks at sex.”

“Does he?” Sam asked, flashing a large grin.

“He’s learned,” Steve alluded. Not one to say that yes, before Bucky really knew what the fuck he was doing– he was terrible at sex. But that wasn’t because he pretended to know what he was doing. He had no honest clue and he was scared. That made it so much more beautiful to Steve. That’s what started to crack Steve’s apparently overly-loving heart open and let the man in. It was that innocence– that nervous smile and those lashes that hooded stormy eyes that shed rain as much as monsoon season. It was all beautiful. Reserved, unsure sex. Big eyes. Shaking hands. Steve loved it. He _loved_ it. He loved Bucky. But how was he supposed to explain that to Sam when Sam saw Bucky as all the rest of the people Steve made the unfortunate mistake of falling for? The rare few, despite Sam’s allegations.

How was he supposed to explain that this wasn’t another Erik situation when it was almost the exact same situation, give or take a few things.

“I really do love Bucky,” Steve sighed, dropping his face into his hands. “I’m not tryin’ to run. I’m just tryin’ to move on.”

Sam put his hand on Steve’s shoulder, giving it a short squeeze. “So what’re you gonna do about Friday?”

Steve peered up from his fingers, looking out his peripherals. “I need to tell Erik about Bucky.”

“But Erik’s gonna ask if you’ve stopped selling yourself and you’re gonna tell him that you’re still an escort and then he’s gonna turn around and pay a pretty penny for your time.”

Steve closed his eyes again. “I know.”

“And then what’s gonna be your answer?”

“Don’t corner me like this,” Steve pleaded, soft and hesitant. He swallowed roughly, feeling the tears sting at his eyes. He wouldn’t cry. He _hated_ crying– even if he’d let the tears pour from his eyes with Bucky in the car.

“Stop bein’ a dumbass and maybe I won’t have to corner you. Now what’re you gonna tell Erik when he says he’d like to pay for your time.”

“I’m a terrible person, aren’t I?”

Sam clicked his tongue, sitting back on the plush couch. “No. Just an idiot with too big a heart that doesn’t know how to let people down.”

“I let people down all the time. You know how many clients I gotta drop on a monthly basis?”

“Yeah-yeah,” Sam sang, waving a dismissive hand. “God, I wish I had that problem. You’ve got ‘em linin’ up and waitin’ to be knocked down.”

“Oh please, you get just as much business as me.”

“I don’t got that dramatic shit goin’ on. And I don’t fall for my clients. Ever.”

“You’re smart,” Steve complimented, shrugging. He sat back, scooting into the corner of the couch and pulling his knees to his chest. “I wish I was smart.”

“You are smart,” Sam mentioned. “You just feel you owe the world for the mistakes you’ve made.”

“Don’t I?” Steve asked, his brow furrowing. “I did– Sam. I did some pretty fucked up things.”

“Cause of James?”

Steve nodded, looking at the plasma TV. They had a small, shitty apartment but they by no means populated it with shitty things. Everything was top of the line but still quaint enough that Steve could call it ‘character.’

“You know, I could actually _help_ you if you told me what happened.”

“No,” Steve replied. “I know what I’m supposed to do. I just haven’t done it yet.”

“What’s stoppin’ you?”

Steve flicked his brow up once, a twitch of a smile ghosting over his face. “You’re too smart and I ain’t lettin’ you draw conclusions so no– you don’t get that either.”

Sam clicked his tongue, dropping his head back on the couch. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“S’not like we won’t see each other. Your clients hang out in the same bars mine do.”

“Just do me a favor,” Sam began, looking over at Steve with adoration flooding his features. “Please try to do something selfish for once. You don’t owe anyone anything. You move in with Bucky because you’re crazy about him and you wanna spend every second of free time you have with him. Don’t move in with him to soften the blow on Erik and definitely don’t move in with him because you think you gotta fix ‘im. He’s a grown-ass man. He can figure that shit out on his own.”

Sam always refused to believe that Steve was selfish. Steve _was_ selfish. He loved Bucky so much he was allowing Natasha to wrap a collar around his neck and _yank_.

Steve rolled his eyes. “He’s a puppy. You’ll be eatin’ those words the second you met ‘im.”

“Damn time I meet him! Was worried he was gonna be at work when we dropped your ass off,” Sam countered. “He a good cook? That’s kinda important to me.”

Steve smiled, his eyes shimmering as he recalled the words Bucky had said to him just a few days ago:

_And I know you’re more than capable of feeding yourself, but I’ll always cook you dinner and make sure you get somethin’ to eat after you come home from work._

He’d called it ‘work.’ Not once did Bucky say ‘escorting’ or ‘working the streets’ or ‘doing what you do.’ He called it _work_. That was probably the biggest compliment Steve ever got from Bucky and Bucky didn’t even realize it. He’d let Steve stand next to him instead of beneath him. They were equal and Bucky showed that in the softest way without even realizing the earth-shattering magnitude of the situation. He’d marched right up to Tony and had one of the most terrifying conversations because who was to expect what came next? He’d unabashedly told everyone who asked what his _fiancé_ did for a career. They were still playing that game. Not that Steve minded. Steve wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. He wasn’t even sure if moving in with Bucky was a good idea. But they’d never started things slow.

They’d crashed into each other’s lives. They’d worked Bucky open so fast and addressed the heart of his issues on why he existed through life but didn’t _live_ it. They’d gone hard and fast at each other. Bucky chipping Steve’s defenses down at neck-breaking speed and Steve was too thrilled and stupid to make it stop.

They started by falling into each other and it only made sense that their relationship kept going that way.

_‘What happens when you hit the ground, Steve?’_

Steve took in a deep breath, feeling his chest expand and his sternum pop. He fluttered his eyes closed, listening to the soft sounds of cars below their window and Sam’s steady breathing. “He’s a damn good cook.”

“Good,” Sam said, clapping his hands together. “Does he know about Erik?”

“Sort of. I mentioned ‘im, but didn’t say much else.”

“I’m so shocked,” Sam sarcastically commented, his eyes a blank, mildly-abrasive stare.

“Shut up,” Steve laughed softly.

“You better tell ‘im that Erik’s gonna be a client again. He’s owed that.”

Steve nodded, feeling a lump lodge in his throat. He could already hear the screaming fight that’d cause. Bucky was passion incarnate. It’s what drove Steve so violently toward him in the first place. Steve saw it– locked away beneath all that sadness and confusion. It was in his soul, searing hot and explosive. Steve hated how _hard_ he got when Bucky snapped at him or those few times he’d actually raised his voice at Steve. Fuck, the things that voice could _do_ to him.

“Steve,” Sam chided. “I mean it. You tell that poor sonovabitch so he knows to stay _the fuck_ away from Erik. I know you can handle him, but if this guy and Erik meet? If he gets it in his head to rescue you as much as you’re tryin’ to rescue him?”

“Don’t,” Steve whispered. “Bucky’s not an idiot.”

“Does he know what kind of man Erik is? Because I do.”

Steve bit the inside of his cheek, looking through steel-blue eyes at Sam. “No. He just knows I fell in love and then Erik got married.”

“Erik’s got a fire in him,” Sam lectured. “And I’ll never understand it, but I know that kind of personality draws you like a stupid moth to a flame. I’ll tell you all day to tell him you can’t take on another client, but that’s just a waste of my time, isn’t it?”

“Yup,” Steve bluntly replied, staring at the TV again. “You done mother henning me yet?”

“I wish. You didn’t take anything I said to heart.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but it wasn’t in agitation. “I’m sorry I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah me too,” Sam sympathized, smirking. “If you love this guy. If you _really_ love him, you need to do one thing. One thing you never could do– even for me.”

Steve furrowed his brow, his gaze searching Sam’s smooth features.

“You need to tell him about _everything_. Or you’re gonna lose him.”

Steve held Sam’s gaze for a few beats longer before turning back to the shiny black screen of the TV. He huffed through his nose, nodding. “I’m not ready for that.”

“I don’t think you’ve got a fuckin’ choice,” Sam chastised. “You tell him exactly who Steven Grant Rogers is, or you watch him dump your shit on the street.”

“And here I thought you were worried about me hurting him?” Steve exclaimed, unable to hold back the smirk on his face.

“Losing you does hurt, Steve,” Sam said, the weight of his tone against his eyes. “No matter who’s decision it is.”

Steve winced, feeling the cold edge of the double meaning. Steve hurt Sam once, but it wasn’t Steve’s decision to end their relationship. It was Sam’s.

Steve nodded, getting up to make his way over to the box on the dining table again. “I’ll tell him. Maybe– maybe it’ll all work out.”

“I hope it does,” Sam said, following Steve. “No one deserves to be happy more than you.” He kissed Steve on the cheek, cupping his chin with his hand. Steve leaned into it, a soft smile at his lips.

Once Sam moved away, Steve picked up the box and finally prepared to make that two block trek over to his car. This was only box one and he was pretty sure Sam was going to make him do all the grunt work.

* * *

 

Steve set the last box down, huffing out in relief as he looked around Bucky’s large living room. He looked out the floor-to-ceiling windows, staring out at the other skyscrapers before his attention diverted to Sam.

Sam was already chatting away with Bucky. They were in a heated debate over the show _Mad Men_. Bucky hated it. Sam loved it.

Steve listened to the two go back and forth about the merits of character development and believability of the drama. He smiled proudly, looking back and forth from Bucky to Sam. Best friend and lover, chatting enthusiastically with each other. It was a step in the right direction. Honesty was important in a relationship. Steve didn’t want to be like Natasha. Seeing her those several nights ago made Steve realize just how much he wanted to be with Bucky. If he was going to see her, he wanted to see her on his own terms. As a client and not someone who controlled him. She paid, of course. By any definition she was a client, but there was that control that she had over Steve and right now. He was sick of the lies– hers and his own.

“So hey,” Sam said. “I’m gonna get goin’. I’ve got a client to meet up here in about thirty minutes.”

“Oh, already?” Bucky asked, looking out the window.

“You think we only work at night?” Sam asked, tilting his head to the side. “You had Steve up at seven am up in Maine.”

Bucky blushed.

“S’cool man. It was real nice meeting you. Nice to finally put a face to the name. Though I didn’t actually know that till two days ago.” Sam shot Steve a mocking death glare.

Steve groaned, dropping onto the couch and grabbing a throw pillow to mash his face into.

“Maybe if you stopped acting like a secret agent, I wouldn’t have to give you so much shit!” Sam yelled over at Steve, smacking the back of his head playfully. “See ya, man.”

“Bye Sam!” Steve called from the couch.

Bucky closed the door, turning around and smiling at all the boxes that dotted the room. “This is all your stuff?”

“Yup,” Steve responded. “Most’s just clothes.”

Bucky laughed. “So if I go digging I’m not gonna find your secret agent stuff?” He walked around a few of the boxes, peeking inside or tentatively kicking them lightly. “It’s kinda refreshing to hear you keep secrets from everyone.”

Steve watched Bucky wince and he knew he hadn’t meant those words, but they were out in the open and now Steve had an opportunity to do the right thing. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, staring at the TV up on the wall. Plasma, just like the one Steve left with Sam.

“Bucky–”

“I’m sorry!” Bucky rushed out, his eyes holding back the tears that Steve knew were always there. “I didn’t mean it.”

“I know you didn’t,” Steve answered. “Sit with me, baby.”

Bucky moved like a scolded child. He slunk onto the couch, pulling his legs up to sit cross-legged. Steve didn’t like how far away Bucky was. He was cramped up into himself, still so much like a child who was expecting a lecture.

“I need to tell you something,” Steve explained. “And you may want me to put all those boxes back where I got ‘em.”

Bucky looked up, his eyes guarded as he licked at his lips slowly. “Why?”

“I’m not a good person.”

“Bullshit,” Bucky retorted. “I’m not a good person. I’ve thrown you to Natasha and we had a chance to get her out of our lives and I can’t even bring myself to let Tony fire her. And he’s gunning to fire her. I spent all day in his office fighting for why she needed to stay on. You were just tryin’ to save both of us.”

“I warned her,” Steve interrupted. “I warned her about what we said at the awards ceremony.”

Bucky didn’t respond. His body was frozen. Steve wasn’t even sure he was blinking.

“I called her that same night, Buck.”

“Why?” Bucky croaked out.

“Because I was afraid she’d take you away from me.”

“H-how is that even possible? Do you not realize how hard I’ve fought for you?! Christ, Steve!” Bucky stood up, rage darkening his skin red. His shoulders were rigid and he paced the length of the couch. Steve just watched.

“This entire time I thought you were gonna just leave me! I was so scared to tell you how I felt! I hated myself and tried so hard to rationalize why I kept seeing you or felt the way I do about you. I told you how much I think about you, Steve! And you think she’s gonna make me leave you?”

Steve shrugged. “I was scared, Bucky. Just like you were when you told me you loved me.”

Bucky swallowed thickly. He moved from the living room over to the kitchen area, grabbing a water out of the refrigerator and twisting off the top.

Steve watched as he chugged it all down.

“She say something to you today?” Steve asked.

“Of course she did,” Bucky grumbled. “It’s like we can’t do a damn thing to hurt her. I don’t even think she cares if she gets fired.”

“What’d she say?”

“She asked me what you were doing Friday.”

Steve’s eyes widened.

“What _are_ you Friday, Steve? Why’s it such a big deal?”

Steve sucked at his teeth, staring at his toes. Friday was the day he was seeing Erik. He’d been so caught up in moving in and worrying about what Natasha might do that he’d forgotten that she actually _might_ do something. She planted a little seed and now it took root in Bucky’s imaginative mind.

“I’m seeing Erik,” Steve blurted.

Bucky sucked in a sharp breath.

“He’s just gonna be a client, Bucky. It’s nothing serious.”

“Don’t make me do this, Steve,” Bucky whispered, gripping the counter so tightly that his fingers were sheet white. “Don’t make me force you open.”

Steve bit his lip, looking down at his hands in shame. It should be easy to just explain everything. It should be easy to tell the man he loves that Erik isn’t something to worry about. But it’d be a lie. And Steve’s sick of lying.

“C’mere, Buck. I really need to tell you somethin’.”

Bucky begrudgingly removed himself from the kitchen, swaying into the living room and plopping loudly onto the couch. He sat on the far end, staring at Steve with anger brewing against his stormy gaze.

“I had a best friend,” Steve detailed. “I had a best friend and I’d have done _anything_ for him. I did. His name was James– like you.”

Bucky just blinked, but his face remained hard.

“We got into some stupid shit. Drugs, alcohol, unprotected sex. Things kinda got real bad fast. I was tryin’ to start saving money for college, ya know? Work a part time job and be good. He started sellin’ drugs and made money way faster than me.”

“So you sold drugs? That’s your big secret?”

Steve barked out a laugh. “I sold drugs, but no, that’s not it.”

Bucky didn’t look so angry anymore. He even moved a bit closer to Steve like a bashful deer.

“Saved up some money, started going to school and James was pretty pissed about it. Said we could’ve done some pretty cool things. Take over the district and all this shit. Stupid drug lord fantasies or something. But we did drugs as much as we sold ‘em. We got into trouble with some big names and I found us on a hit list.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“No,” Steve replied. “They found me first and I freaked out. I was scared and I didn’t wanna die. I was just a damn kid, Bucky. So they cut me a deal. I didn’t sell another drug as long as I was alive and I gave them James. I was so pissed at James for getting me into this shit in the first place that I didn’t give a damn. I knew him my whole life growin’ up. That kid saved me from fights I got myself into. Got me dates and even taught me how to give a proper blow job and I was too scared to die for him.”

“He got you addicted to drugs, Steve. That’s not a good friend.”

“But he also made sure I had a roof over my head after my ma died. He made sure I ate when I didn’t have enough money for food and he always made sure I didn’t go to bed angry.” He failed to mention all the times James rushed him to the ER when his lungs started working funny. Steve didn’t need that lecture now. He knew messing with drugs with bad lungs was a risk.

Bucky didn’t respond this time. He looked down at his fingers, playing with his nails.

Steve could feel the plague of his actions seep into his pores, marking him and clogging him as the vile person he felt he was. It was so close to being entirely out. He was so close to telling Bucky everything that Natasha had on him but his throat clamped up and he found himself wheezing for a few seconds.

Bucky moved closer, reaching out but Steve just grabbed Bucky’s hand instead.

“I’m not done,” Steve rasped out.

“Okay,” Bucky replied.

“They didn’t kill him. I’d agreed to deliver him but we never got there. We got fucked up on heroin in his kitchen and found ourselves higher than the fucking stratosphere. He started seizing and I thought he was havin’ an asthma attack.” Steve neglected to _still_ tell Bucky he suffered from asthma. “After he stopped moving, I panicked and ran. I left my best friend to die of a drug overdose before I had the chance to hand delivered him over to a bunch of drug dealers. Either way you look at it– I killed him.”

“No you didn’t,” Bucky whispered quickly, squeezing Steve’s hand. “He took that drug on his own. You didn’t force him.”

“But if we didn’t shoot up beforehand, then I’d have brought him and we’d have a whole other story on our hands,” Steve retorted.

“I don’t think so. I think you’d have changed your mind and told him. It’d take you awhile but I’ll bet you’d of told him eventually. You two would’ve left New York and we wouldn’t even be having this conversation right now.”

Steve looked at Bucky, his gaze analyzing the curve of Bucky’s mouth, how round his eyes were– revealing every emotion he’d ever experienced. Bucky was too good of a person for Steve. He could see no wrong in Steve, even if Steve saw everything flawed about his character. He thought he was doing the right thing, turning over James and getting out of the drug business. But he was doing it for _himself_. He’d always been selfish. When he was younger, he always wanted to get into fights to prove he was worth something. When he was older, he wanted to make money and prove he _literally_ was worth something. He’d always had something to prove and the night he lost James, he realized he’d never had anything to prove. He should’ve saved his best friend.

“I haven’t even told Sam about that. But Natasha knows, somehow and she was threatening to use it against me if I didn’t do exactly what she wanted. I didn’t wanna go down that path again, Bucky. I didn’t want someone telling me where to deliver _you_.”

Bucky gasped softly, sitting back a bit.

Steve crumpled into Bucky, pushing himself into his lover’s lap and resting his head against his stomach. “I’m sorry.”

Bucky intertwined his fingers though Steve’s hair. He was uncharacteristically quiet.

Steve was waiting for some kind of reaction, yelling, screaming, crying– anything but silence. Silence was so much worse from a man who Steve knew exuded more emotion than a soap opera actor.

“Erik knew,” Steve continued. “Part of why I clung to him so much. He forgave me and I liked knowing that someone did. Even if James couldn’t.”

Bucky still didn’t speak. He just kept stroking his fingers through Steve’s hair.

“I’ll go,” Steve finally said, trying to sit up but Bucky’s hand grasped the back of Steve’s head to hold him in place.

“No,” Bucky finally stated. “You didn’t kill him. You wouldn’t’ve. I know you.”

Steve wanted to counter that but he thought better. He wanted to believe he was as good as Bucky made him out to be.

“Is that all Natasha has on you?” Bucky asked.

“As far as I know,” Steve replied.

“Good,” Bucky grunted. “You’re not a bad person. You were just in a bad situation. _He_ put you in that situation.”

“I could’ve said no, Bucky.”

“You needed money for school.”

“I still never went. I traded drugs for sex.”

“Then why don’t you finally go to school?” Bucky asked. “Be who you were supposed to.”

Steve sat up, yanking his head out from Bucky’s grip. “I am who I’m supposed to be.”

“I know you like your job, and I’m not gonna ask you to stop but is this _really_ who you wanna be? You’re a guy who hates himself. Who has the worst trust issues I’ve ever witnessed and no matter how hard you try to hide it, I think I’ve got you all figured out now, Steve.”

Steve held his breath, watching Bucky with guarded eyes.

“You’ve can’t get away from that life. You’ve thrown yourself into a world where natural passion replaces highs but it’s still the same life. You’re punishing yourself because you feel _guilty_ for what happened. Yeah, you left, but it was his choice to shot up with that drug. _His choice_ , Steve.”

“And what about–”

“You wouldn’t have done it!” Bucky shouted, tossing his hands up in the air. “You’d have panicked like you did when they found you first and you’d have told him. You’d have run away with him! I know it!”

Steve shook his head, running his tongue over his teeth. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Bucky answered. “I’m not perfect either. You know that.”

“Why don’t you hate me? I’ve given you no reason to trust me. I’m seeing a guy on Friday that I used to love and you’re not even phased.”

“Oh I’m phased,” Bucky laughed out. “But the keywords in there were ‘used to love.’ I trust you.”

“But I haven’t earned that.”

Bucky shrugged, offering a soft smile. “You just trusted me with a secret you thought you couldn’t tell hardly anyone. Not even Sam. I think I can trust you.”

“But that was _me_ trusting _you_ ,” Steve countered, his stomach tying itself into incessant knots. “You’ve given me every reason to trust you.”

Bucky pushed against Steve’s chest, shoving the man down against the sofa. He leapt atop Steve, straddling him right above the hips and pressed their mouths together.

Steve yelped into the kiss, but his hands found Bucky’s hips and he clasped against them urgently. He rocked up his body, feeling Bucky’s body move with his like an ocean in a storm.

They rocked into each other, kissing sloppy and wet.

Bucky pulled back, panting as he looked at Steve, his eyes straining to find and unlock something within Steve.

Steve just watched Bucky figure him out, letting his guard down and just letting Bucky take whatever he could find. He was done hiding everything from Bucky. He was done trying to atone for a mistake he made so many years ago when he was dumb kid. He could never make it up to James, but he could make it up to Bucky. And he would.

“I love you, Steve,” Bucky whispered. He pressed a kiss to the side of Steve’s mouth. “And I’m excited about our life together.”

* * *

 

When Bucky woke, he was impossibly warm. He groaned, feeling like the sun was lurking over his shoulder while he slept. He groggily opened his eyes, peering up at a disheveled Steve, sleeping and slightly snoring. His arms were wrapped tightly around Bucky and Bucky was pretty sure he was pressing a little too hard against Steve’s spleen but the man was too far gone in slumber to notice.

Bucky just stared up at Steve, reliving the previous night. Steve had told him everything. Every little detail Steve hated himself for, Bucky accepted it. Steve had been young once. Bucky did things in his life he wasn’t proud of– why should Steve be any different? No one went through life without making _that one_ mistake that they dwelled on for more than they were willing to admit.

Bucky had his with Natasha. Steve had his with James. _James._

Steve shifted, grumbling in his sleep as he turned his head the other way. Bucky just watched. Steve wasn’t the cutest sleeper. His mouth flopped open, he drooled and he made the tiniest snoring sounds but it was everything Bucky ever wanted in a partner. Natasha was always too perfect. She also woke up looking the same as she went to sleep and she never snored, sneezed, or farted in bed.

Bucky was pretty excited for the day Steve farted in front of him. It wasn’t that Bucky really gave a shit (puns) about farting, but it was the ultimate sign of trust in Bucky’s opinion. Sticking a dick into an asshole was one thing, but _farting_ meant you trusted the other person enough to know they won’t judge.

_‘Oh my God, I’m fucking dwelling on how Steve sounds when he farts. What the fuck is wrong with me?!’_

Bucky peeled himself out of Steve’s arms, smiling as he heard a little whimper but Steve just turned and moved into a fetal position. Bucky rolled his eyes, heading for the bathroom to relieve himself and then go start his day.

He moved into the kitchen, opening one of the kitchen cabinets and pulling out an apron. He’d been saving this as a surprise, but now was a good a time as any. Steve was here, sleeping soundly and when he woke to the smells of pancakes, sausage and coffee, Bucky wanted him to have not just a feast for his mouth but for his eyes as well.

Bucky slipped out of his sleep-pants and underwear. He put them silently in the hamper in his laundry closet and then tied the frilly purple apron around his waist and neck.

He looked in the reflection of the plasma TV, admiring his thighs and how you could just barely see the tip of his penis from how short the apron was. Laughing at himself, he turned on his heel and moved back over to the refrigerator to start pulling out the ingredients for breakfast.

With eggs cracked and stirred, sausage on the skillet and pancakes on the griddle, Steve finally padded out into the kitchen. His hair was spiked up in every direction and one side of his face was a little redder than the other.

This wasn’t the first time they’d woken up together but Bucky couldn’t get enough of how _perfect_ Steve was when he looked so human. So sleep-groggy and disheveled. Steve looked over at the stove and hummed happily before fumbling and grabbing the back of the counter.

“Morning,” Bucky sang out. “Hungry?”

Steve just stared, wide-eyed and tense. He swallowed loudly and Bucky couldn’t stop the snigger that slipped from his proud lips.

“I made pancakes.”

“I see that,” Steve answered.

“Oh wait,” Bucky said, his heart plummeting into his stomach. “I made them with eggs… Shit.”

Steve was behind him, wrapping his sleepwarm arms around him and pulling him into his chest.

Bucky yelped out, giggling when he felt kiss after kiss against his neck.

“I’ll just eat you for breakfast,” Steve whispered against Bucky’s shoulder, nibbling softly at the skin.

“Mmm, I’m not vegan-friendly,” Bucky purred out.

“Shit, Buck,” Steve gasped. “You’re so beautiful. You’re so goddamned beautiful. When’d you get this lil number?”

Bucky giggled, positively pleased with himself. All his life he was raised to be a provider, a man– head of the house. Right now, he liked feeling dainty and small in Steve’s big arms. He liked feeling Steve’s hard cock press up against his bare ass. He liked feeling _submissive_ and protected. Bucky leaned into Steve, wrapping his arms back around Steve’s neck.

“Few days ago,” Bucky whispered, rubbing his ass against Steve’s cock. “Wanted to surprise you.”

“Consider me surprised.” Steve licked up Bucky’s neck, sucking at the skin loudly.

Bucky wanted to wear whatever lovebites Steve bestowed upon him.

“I love you,” Bucky said. “But I didn’t make anything you can eat.”

Steve turned Bucky around, grabbing him by the hips and plopping him up on the counter. “Did I say that mattered?”

Steve was between Bucky’s legs, pressing his mouth greedily against Bucky’s. He tasted fresh of toothpaste and mouthwash– cold and minty. His hands wandered up Bucky’s thighs before slipping around Bucky’s cock to finger at the slit.

“Shit,” Bucky hissed. “Fuck that’s good.”

“Mmm,” Steve hummed, moving to nibble more at Bucky’s neck. “Wanna eat your come for breakfast.”

“That’s not vegan friendly!” Bucky laughed out. His body went rigid when Steve’s fingers wrapped lazily around his cock, stroking it slowly.

“Don’t care. Rules were meant to be broken.”

“The day I get you to eat sausage is a day I’ll celebrate forever,” Bucky admonished with a coy smile.

Steve’s eyes were dark, pupils blown wide as he growled under his breath. Bucky loved it when Steve got this way. He was taking what he wanted from Bucky and Bucky would be so good for Steve. He wanted to give this man everything. Steve spent his entire life punishing himself. He fell into bad circumstances and instead of letting them go and rising above, he’d gotten stuck. He stayed in that life and ran around his problems instead of facing them or accepting them. Bucky wouldn’t let that happen anymore. He’d be good for Steve. He’d let Steve know he was _allowed_ to be happy. He was allowed to forgive himself. Bucky would give Steve the moon on a leash if he only asked.

“Oh I’ll eat sausage,” Steve joked. “Just not the dead-carcass-intestinal-casing-kind.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. He flinched, sucking in a breath sharply as Steve’s fingers pressed up against his slit, just fingering it lovingly.

“You’re beautiful,” Steve said, low and heady. He kissed Bucky’s shoulder before running his nose along Bucky’s clavicle. “Fucking goddamned piece of art, Buck.”

“I’ve never seen your art,” Bucky observed, leaning into Steve’s hand as it pumped up and down his shaft. He curled in his toes, rocking his hips up and down with Steve’s pace. “Wanna see.”

“Yeah?” Steve indulged, his voice breathy. He kissed Bucky’s lips, pressing their foreheads together. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Steve pulled Bucky off the counter, wrapping Bucky’s thighs around his waist as he carried him back into the bedroom. He set Bucky on the bed and scooted him toward the edge. Steve kneeled on the ground, hooking his arms around Bucky’s knees and scooped up Bucky’s straining cock in his mouth.

“Oh fuck me,” Bucky moaned as he dropped back against the bed. “Oh sweet fucking Jesus your mouth is sweeter than sin.”

Steve just hummed around Bucky’s cock. He bobbed up and down, letting sinister little wet sounds float into the room from his mouth.

Bucky grabbed at the sheets, rocking up into Steve’s mouth. He gasped sharply when Steve’s hot tongue tickled at his cock, tracing along the underside.

“Oh fuck me,” Bucky panted. “Oh fuck me, baby. Fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me…”

Steve continued to slip his lips up and down Bucky’s cock, sucking harder and harder.

Bucky looked down through heavy-lidded eyes, watching Steve’s cheeks suck in around the line of his cock. Steve was so fucking flawless when he had a dick in his mouth. He was flawless when he did anything– even disheveled or when he wasn’t trying. Bucky wanted to see this man lounge around in sweatpants all day. He wanted to see Steve after three days with no shave or a shower. He wanted every little detail where people didn’t feel at their best because he knew Steve _would_ look his best.

“Oh! Fuck!” Bucky cried out as he felt Steve’s finger swirling around his hole. “I swear to _God_ , Steve– if you don’t pound me into the mattress I’m gonna be so pissed.”

Steve laughed around Bucky’s cock. He dropped it wetly from his mouth, letting it smack against Bucky’s thigh. “You’re mouthy and demanding.”

“You’re too quiet and slow,” Bucky countered.

Steve quirked a brow. “Oh really? You want slow?”

Bucky’s eyes opened wide. “N-no! No! No! Steve!”

But Steve ignored him. He wrapped his swollen lips around Bucky’s cock again and was moving up and down slower than Bucky had ever experienced. He lapped with his tongue casually, as if he had the whole universe’s lifetime to indulge in this.

Bucky howled brokenly, his limbs trembling as he rocked up into Steve’s mouth for more. “P-please– Steve, please…”

Steve ignored him. He continued his dreadfully slow pace. He pulled up, letting his lips close over Bucky’s cock to press innocent kisses to the tip before humming against it.

Bucky thrust upward, smacking his cock against Steve’s nose. Steve grabbed his hips firmly to settle him back down.

“Steve,” Bucky whined. “Please just fuck me.”

“Hungry,” Steve replied, flicking his tongue out over Bucky’s tip. “Want you to feed me.”

“Oh sweet _Jesus_ ,” Bucky sighed out. His heart was jackhammering against his sternum. Pleasure welled up inside him, making him feel like a bottle rocket about to explode right off. Steve’s words were sin incarnate and Bucky was powerless to the effect they had on his body. Everything felt rawer– like his nerves swelled inside and all crawled desperately to Steve’s wet mouth.

“C-can’t feed you if you don’t move faster, baby,” Bucky said in a desperate attempt to get a release.

Steve swirled the tip of his tongue around Bucky’s slit before sitting back and looking off, pondering on Bucky’s words.

Bucky was trembling atop the bed, his nerves _shrieking_ at the loss of Steve’s mouth. “St-Steve,” he mewled. “Don’t fuck with me.”

“Oh I’m gonna fuck with you,” Steve answered, a smug smirk on his lips. “After I’ve had breakfast.”

“God, you’re fuckin’ disgusting,” Bucky admonished.

“You fuckin’ love it, don’t lie to me.” He wrapped his lips around Bucky’s cock, bobbing faster now.

Bucky moaned loudly, unsympathetic to the fact that he had neighbors. He did love it. He loved how filthy Steve got when he wanted to. He rocked his hips up into Steve, watching through hazy eyes as saliva pooled around his balls. Steve stopped moving, letting Bucky fuck himself into Steve’s mouth. He flicked his tongue out greedily, lapping at the underside of Bucky’s tip or dipping it against his slit on occasion.

Bucky was sobbing by the time he came in Steve’s mouth. He curled his legs around Steve’s shoulders, holding the man in place as his nerves swelled up, filling themselves until they were a drunken blur with Steve’s presence. His voice was hoarse as he moaned louder than he really needed to, but he didn’t care. The thought of filling up Steve’s mouth and knowing the man was swallowing it down drove Bucky wild. Steve was a spitter, but when he swallowed for Bucky– that was like being told Bucky got the highest grade in the class.

Steve pulled back, lapping at Bucky’s tip like he was begging for more. He balanced Bucky’s cock with his other hand, nuzzling its length with his nose before slipping out that deadly tongue around the tip till Bucky felt like he was going to come all over again.

“St-Steve, fu-fuck me,” Bucky growled out, trying to yank himself up the bed bust his limbs were jelly. “Please fuck me.”

Steve nodded, standing up to go over to the nightstand to pull out a condom and lube. He gently pulled Bucky up the bed further, plumping up a few pillows to rest Bucky’s head against.

“I love you,” he whispered before pressing a kiss light as a feather against Bucky’s lips. “I love you so much.”

Bucky laughed to keep from crying. Only Steve Rogers could go from talking about eating come for breakfast and then make the sweetest professions of love. He spread his legs for Steve, watching the other man smile appreciatively.

Steve sidled up between Bucky’s legs, lifting up one over his shoulder and kissing at the calf, the inner thigh and the bend of the knee. He nibbled against flesh, his eyes closed to show off those dangerously long lashes.

Bucky was so gone for this man. So completely and utterly gone for this man. He watched in a trance, his mouth open, panting loudly. Steve’s lips were swollen to the prettiest shade of pink and Bucky couldn’t get over how that body _blushed_ during sex. He wondered what Steve’s ancestry was that made him blush like that. Scottish or Irish probably.

“Oh, fuck!” Bucky hissed as he felt a lubed finger slip into his hole, rocking back and forth. “Oh _God_ , yes baby.”

Steve smirked, leaning forward to press kiss after kiss against Bucky’s lips. He rested his head against Bucky’s, staring into his eyes as he slowly fucked into Bucky with a finger.

They breathed each other in, both so intoxicated on the other’s presence it was as if the world died around them. They didn’t care. They had each other and for once, there was no money involved, no ulterior motives or lies. It was just Bucky and Steve. Lovers who lived together and cooked meals for each other even if Steve couldn’t eat any of it. Bucky, who wore a frilly apron that did little to hide anything. Steve, whose fingers were so long Bucky felt like he was going to come just from this. Just them, together– making love.

Steve slipped a second finger in, swirling them in small circular motions.

Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut. He felt Steve kiss at the corner of his lips. He leaned into Steve, humming in content. He was warm, pleasure swimming in his stomach and all he could hear or smell was Steve. He could die like this and that’d be enough. Steve was enough.

“Fuck me,” Bucky whispered. “Fuck me slowly.”

Steve pulled his fingers out, pressing another kiss to Bucky’s lips. He silently put the condom on before slicking himself up with lube.

Bucky watched with greedy eyes, licking his lips. Steve’s dick was the prettiest damn thing he’d ever seen. He loved how the tip poked out from its foreskin, excited just for him. Pride swelled in his heart. Steve felt like this because of _him_. Bucky made him feel good and it was such an indescribable feeling– being the person that made Steve feel like this was home. Sex was one thing, but _this_ , this was different. This was coming home.

Steve slowly entered Bucky. His mouth pressed kisses on every inch of Bucky’s face as he slipped inside inch by inch.

Bucky groaned, locking one leg over Steve’s shoulder and the other around his waist. He pushed against Steve’s cock, eager to hold him inside. His body stretched around Steve, hot and tight. This was the best part, getting to feel himself so full, feeling his body stretch around someone else and hold them impossibly close to him. It was better than coming. It was better than Steve moving so fast inside him that Bucky forgot his own name.

“G-God, Buck,” Steve gasped. “I fucking love your little ass.”

Bucky intentionally squeezed his muscles around Steve, watching as his lover’s mouth dropped open in pleasure.

Steve hummed, dropping his face into Bucky’s shoulder. He slowly rocked back before pushing forward again. “You feel so good.”

Bucky kissed Steve’s ear, pulling it into his mouth to lightly chew on. He heard Steve’s breathy laugh and couldn’t help but feel a barrage of butterflies spring into his stomach.

“I love you,” Steve whispered.

“You say that a lot,” Bucky teased. “I love you too.”

Steve shrugged, slowly rocking into Bucky again, smiling as Bucky’s eyes fluttered closed. “Just wanna make sure you know.”

“I do,” Bucky responded, feeling that beautiful bone-tingling sensation. It felt like his soul was humming. Every muscle in him was relaxed. He didn’t even care if he came again. Steve felt so _good_ inside him, just lazily rocking back and forth so Bucky could feel every vein in Steve’s cock.

Steve moved up again, burying himself deep. He groaned before reaching around Bucky’s neck to pull their heads together for a bruising kiss. He hungrily claimed Bucky’s mouth, darting his tongue inside. Lips tangled, smearing saliva over chins and noses. Teeth clacked almost painfully but not once did Steve speed up his hips. He continued to thrust, soft and slow as ever. Each time he entered back inside Bucky, it felt like Bucky was slowly being filled with warm wax.

Bucky was impossibly content, not a care in the world. He forgot the names of those he worked with, he forgot what job he even had. He forget everything but the man with the bright blue eyes and the prettiest shade of pink on his body.

Bucky traced over the heated flesh, over Steve’s bare shoulders, his chest and the top of his stomach. “You blush so pretty.”

Steve laughed, pulling out to rest his tip on Bucky’s rim before slipping back up in again.

“Nng…glad you like it,” Steve panted. He pulled out once more, letting Bucky’s rim hold him steady before pushing right back inside.

Bucky could die like this. He really could and he’d not even care. His bones melted away into his muscles. His eyes only saw Steve. He wasn’t sure what day it was. He didn’t know what time it was. Blue eyes. Blond hair. That sweet smell of Steve’s body wash that he brought into _their_ shower because it was Steve’s favorite. Their shower…

“Bucky,” Steve gasped. “Fuck, Bucky, I’m coming.”

Bucky snapped up his hips, holding Steve tightly with his muscles. He nodded, pushing off the pillows to bring Steve into a kiss.

Steve whined into the kiss, his lips greedy as they pressed against Bucky’s more controlled ones. His body trembled but Bucky held onto him, steadying him as best he could. Steve rocked a little faster, still mewling as he pressed kiss after kiss against Bucky’s lips.

Bucky wrapped himself so tightly around Steve he wasn’t sure where one of them began and the other ended. Maybe they had no beginning or end. They were a tangled mess of limbs that traveled from one beating heart to the other but they were infinite in each other. Bucky wiped the tears from Steve’s eyes as his lover stilled in his arms.

“You’re so pretty when you come,” Bucky laughed, kissing Steve’s forehead.

“So’re you.” Steve nuzzled into Bucky’s chest, kissing along his sternum.

“Don’t make me come again,” Bucky asked, wrapping his arms tighter around Steve.

“Why not?”

“I don’t need it. Unless you’re ready for lunch.”

Steve barked out a laugh. He lifted his head up, kissing Bucky’s nose. “Ass.”

“You’re the one who called my come breakfast!”

“I was trying to be sexy!”

Bucky cupped Steve’s face with his hands, gazing into those blue eyes– bluer than the Caribbean.

“You are sexy.”

Steve just shyly looked away, but Bucky saw the smirk against those lips. He dropped his head back against Bucky’s chest, rocking his hips up.

Bucky gasped, his muscles fluttering around Steve’s softening cock. He didn’t want to let go. He wanted to hold Steve in him all day and bask in the addictive feeling of being full.

He’d never understood it, but men who preferred to bottom often were seen as the weaker, but he quiet literally _held_ Steve inside him. He was responsible for filling Steve up with pleasure and dictated the pace, the tone of sex and what Steve was or wasn’t allowed to do. He enveloped Steve inside him and he _allowed_ Steve to come. The guys may not understand at work, but Bucky wasn’t going to be so bashful or insecure about preferring it like this. He liked getting filled up. He liked watching Steve’s hips sway back and forth as he pumped into him. He liked bottoming. No homophobic idiot at work was going to change his mind about it. He wasn’t going to be ashamed of it like he’d been before.

“You okay?” Steve asked, pressing his chin to Bucky’s sternum.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied, kissing Steve’s lips. “Just thinkin’.”

“About?”

“How good you feel in me.”

Steve snorted.

“I like being on bottom.”

“Mm,” Steve hummed, dropping his head once more to Bucky’s chest. “Same.”

“Oh yeah?”

“S’why I let you. I know how good it feels.”

“Awe, you do care!” Bucky laughed, pressing kiss after kiss to Steve’s head.

“Oh my God! Of course I do you jerk!”

They curled up tighter into each other, Steve’s cock still held safe and secure inside Bucky. Breakfast was a bust. Bucky didn’t even know how to make pancakes without eggs. His apron worked wonders though. He was definitely going to wear it more often.

* * *

 

Bucky didn’t hear the door open. He was pressed against his desk, face down and almost asleep when he heard someone clear their throat. He looked up, seeing Natasha already in the leather couch across from his desk. Bucky looked over at his door. He was hiring a secretary the _second_ he walked into work tomorrow.

“Tomorrow’s Friday,” Natasha stated. It was like she was telling him that all mammals needed oxygen.

Bucky quirked a brow.

“You don’t care?”

“No. Steve said he’s just like any other client.” Bucky didn’t want to think about it. He knew Steve loved him enough to not do anything Bucky wasn’t comfortable with. Truthfully, of course Bucky wasn’t really pleased with it. If he had it his way, Erik would be a blip on Steve’s past and nothing more, but Bucky couldn’t do that to him. Bucky had personal experience with ex-lovers and the last thing Steve needed was a vindictive man after both him and Bucky. They already had enough of that with Natasha.

Natasha clicked her tongue.

“I trust him, Nat.”

She looked at him with emerald eyes, bright and explosive. He fell into those eyes, feeling a tug in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to run into her arms, let her pet his hair and tell him everything would be okay. He did trust Steve, but he didn’t trust Erik. He didn’t trust a man that abandoned someone who loved him. Then again, Steve was a sex worker. Maybe Erik respected that boundary. Like Peggy did. She cared for Steve, probably, but as a client. She supported Steve financially and in return, she got to play a dominatrix. Maybe Erik wasn’t the threat Bucky feared him to be, but that didn’t settle Bucky’s stomach when he dwelled on the subject for too long.

“You really shouldn’t trust a guy who sleeps with others for a living.”

Bucky banged his hands on the desk. He looked up at her with wild eyes and a snarl. Rage coursed through him, making his blood boil and he felt sweat cling to his skin.

“It’s a fucking job, Nat! What makes it different from being a doctor or– or a salesman? He’s just selling a product and when it’s over he goes home to _me_.”

Natasha sat up in her spot, crossing her arms. “You really think that he gets a free pass to have _sex_ with people just because it’s his job?”

“Porn stars do. Actors do.”

“Fair point,” Natasha admitted, a smirk playing at the corner of her plump lips. “But this is different, Bear. Porn stars have contracts and it’s legal. What Steve does isn’t legal.”

“So what? Blackmailing someone isn’t _legal_ either but here you are,” Bucky snapped, gesturing to Natasha. “You have nothing on us anymore. Why’re you still even here?”

“Because I’m fairly certain you’re the reason Stark didn’t fire me and for that I wanted to thank you.”

Bucky floundered in his spot, his mind trying to comprehend what he was hearing. She was _thanking_ him? If coming in here and starting a fight about his boyfriend was how she showed her appreciation, Bucky didn’t want any of it. But he still couldn’t deny the flood of emotions that threatened to push tears from his eyes. She was thanking him. After all this time full of anger toward each other and they’d come to this. Bucky did fight to keep Natasha at the firm, and it was evident that she knew that. It meant something to her that Bucky fought and it meant something to Bucky to hear her appreciate his actions.

“You’re welcome,” Bucky growled, unable to just let the other subject drop. Steve’s job was perfectly valid in Bucky’s eyes. It was high time someone started respecting sex workers for what they did. Maybe Natasha could see the difference, but Bucky saw no difference from a porn star to Steve. If someone wasn’t comfortable dating a sex worker, then fine, but Bucky was. Or he thought he was. He did dread tomorrow despite all the words he shoved at Natasha. He did fear Erik…  

Natasha stood up, smoothing out her black dress. “You know, I’m only trying to help you. I feel partly responsible, considering I set you up with him in the first place.”

“Yeah, because you thought I’d freak out and lose the partnership.”

“Everyone makes mistakes.”

“But you usually don’t,” Bucky quipped. “What makes me different?”

Natasha lingered by the door, pressing her fingers against the doorframe.

Bucky felt like grabbing her and throwing her out the window. She was small enough. He just wasn’t sure he was strong enough to make the glass break. How could a woman whom he loved so much make him feel like this now? They had to have been happy once. Maybe at the beginning? What happened that they got here? Natasha teased Bucky relentlessly and more often than not, he was rolling his eyes or gritting his teeth at her, but before Steve, there wasn’t this _animosity_ between them. They were friends. What happened to get them here?

“Love is blind, Barnes,” Natasha finally answered. “It makes people foolish.”

“I know what I’m doing with Steve.”

“You’re not who I was talking about.” She walked away. Bucky could hear her retreating heels echo over the carpet.

He turned around, staring out over the city, replaying those words over and over. No, she didn’t get to do this. She didn’t get to warp his brain, manipulate Steve, threaten their happiness and drop bombs like that. She didn’t _get_ to play this game.

Bucky jumped up, running into the main office. He stopped her at the elevator in the lobby, slamming his hand in front of it before she could step on. “No.”

She blinked, her shocked expression clear as day.

“You’re gonna come back with me to my office and we’re gonna hash this the fuck out.”

“Bucky,” she said grimacing, like the name caused her pain. “I lost you. I was angry and I did things I’m not proud of. But we know I’m not a good person. You’ve always known that about me.”

“Let’s talk this out.”

“You don’t want to. Trust me.”

“Why not?” Bucky barred his teeth, his brow quivering. He’d been beaten down, remade and beaten down again by this woman. He’d been chewed up and spat back out. She’d warped him into a shriveled distant memory of himself. He’d worked to build his life back together. He worked to _finally_ be okay with who he was. He found a man who loved him. He’d achieved a goal he didn’t think possible. He’d worked so hard to get past his life with Natasha and yet she was always there. An eternal dark smudge on his soul that he’d never be free of. One he didn’t _want_ to be free of.

“I hate you, Bucky. I absolutely hate you. You took everything from me and you can’t even admit it. You want to talk this out? Tell me, what is there to talk about when two people hate each other?”

“I don’t hate you,” Bucky admitted, feeling something shift inside him. He’d said those words to her once. He’d broken down into madness as they stood outside Tony’s estate in Maine. He’d been so livid with her that he could’ve torn her head from her shoulders. But hearing _her_ say it. Hearing how she felt about him changed him. Guilt weighed against his heart and all he wanted to do was grovel at her feet. He wanted to beg her to understand he couldn’t control how he felt. He wanted to admit that yes– yes everything that happened to her since they divorced was his fault. He wanted to sympathize that it must hurt so badly to see the one you love walk away. So he stood there, accepting whatever it was that she’d throw at him.

“I’m not a good person, Bear. Admit that to yourself and realize everything I do to you is because I own that. I’m _not_ a good person. Your precious _Steve_ isn’t a good person. You’re a lamb in a den of wolves, Bear. Which one of us do you think will eat you alive first?”

“Steve loves me.”

“Why is he seeing Erik tomorrow then? I’m not even over you and we’ve been divorced for years. You think he’s over that man?”

“Years,” Bucky echoed. Had it really been that long ago? It felt like just yesterday they were exchanging excited words that promised in sickness and in health. Had they known what would happen– if Bucky had known? Maybe he could’ve found a way to save Natasha from the person she became.

“Why’d you warn me about Erik?”

She scrunched up her nose, stepping back from the elevator doors.

“Let’s _talk_ to each other, Nat! We can work something out!”

“What the fuck are you doing?” Natasha hissed. “I’ve done everything to make you hate me.”

“It didn’t work.”

“Bear–”

The elevator doors dinged and they both snapped their heads to see Rumlow and Pierce walk out.

“Barnes,” Pierce greeted. He completely ignored Natasha. Bucky wasn’t prepared for the anger that caused within him.

Rumlow just nodded, his dark gaze lingering on Bucky for a few seconds too long before he followed Pierce down the long hall back to the offices. Bucky didn’t like the way Rumlow looked at him. It was like a lion appraising a gazelle. If he wasn’t balls deep in an extremely delicate conversation with Natasha, he’d probably lingered more on Rumlow’s expression but right now he had other matters on his mind.

“Can we– can we please talk to each other?” Bucky begged. After everything they’d been through, there was no bone in Bucky’s body that wanted to give up on Natasha. He knew she wasn’t healthy for him. He knew that if Steve found out, he’d be livid with Bucky. But Bucky couldn’t let go. He _created_ Natasha. He’d shattered the innocent woman who just loved her husband too much and warped her into the vindictive banshee she was today. If there was anyone to blame, it was Bucky. And he accepted that. He wasn’t the same person he once was. He didn’t hide himself anymore. He didn’t have to struggle with that feeling of being alive and yet not really _living_. Natasha was there now. Walking through life like a ghost and Bucky felt he owed it to her to help her find life again. Even if she hated him. He deserved that too.

“I need to go,” Natasha said, hitting the down button on the elevator.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky whispered. “I’m sorry I’m not that guy anymore.”

She smiled sadly, walking into the elevator as its doors opened.

He watched her, feeling like whatever ties they had left were finally severing right before his eyes.

“You never were that guy, Bear. No matter how hard I tried.”

Bucky opened his mouth to protest, to find a way to bring her back and solve the wedge that’d driven itself so deeply between them. But the doors closed and she was gone. Just like he was gone from her life– abrupt and absolute.

Bucky wasn’t even bisexual. He was absolutely and 100% sure he was gayer than a rainbow flag in the middle of San Francisco. He couldn’t help how he felt. Just like Natasha couldn’t help how she felt.

Both of them just had to find a way to move on. Neither knowing truly how. But Bucky would find a way to help them both move on. He owed that to Natasha. He owed that to Steve.

It’d start by him talking to Steve about Erik. If the man was going to be in Steve’s life, Bucky wanted Erik in _both_ their lives. No more secrets, no more tip-toeing around.

Bucky had to help himself before he truly knew how to help Natasha. He just hoped he wouldn’t be too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is #complicated, Steve is #complicated. Sam is #pure. Let's hear it for Sam!  
> Add me on tumblr! [Click me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)


	8. Calm Before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking forever! I worked through major writer's block with this story. I did some restructuring and found we only will have 1 or 2 more chapters :) The end is nigh!! hahaha
> 
> This story does not have a beta reader. All mistakes are mine and omg I'm so sorry for the last chapter. It's a mess. I hope this one isn't as bad. I combed through it so I'm hoping I caught most of the errors.  
> :)

Bucky paced the living room, checking his watch. He had dinner on the stove, which was just about finished. The smells of fried eggplant and zucchini spaghetti permeated the room and made his mouth water. He was starting to get better at cooking for a vegan. He looked to the clock over the stove, biting his lip. Steve was out with Erik. They’d been out all day. Bucky only could imagine what kind of freaky things they were getting up to. Steve was a freak– a fact Bucky kind of enjoyed now as he got more comfortable with his sexuality. But with a man Steve used to love? Bucky wasn’t sure he could do this. However, this had been part of Bucky’s plan.

As a couple, they’d discussed what Steve could or could not do with Erik. Bucky was firm that he wanted to even meet the man one day. He made it a point to get Steve to agree to tell him if they had sex and Bucky was absolutely adamant about Steve overcharging Erik (call it a desperate cry of selfishness). He knew how expensive Steve was.

The door opened and all Bucky’s woes were prepared to spill to the floor and flow away, and then another head followed Steve’s. He was well-built for an older man, his eyes were bright and sparkling, and he had short brown hair. Bucky’s first thought was that he was at least _prettier_ than this guy. Then he remembered that Steve actually liked being the more submissive (which of course translated to “daintier” to Bucky) in relationships– and Bucky was failing miserably at trying to be dominant.

“Hey baby,” Steve greeted, moving to kiss Bucky’s cheek. Bucky leaned into the kiss, his gaze glued to the man Steve brought home. Steve Rogers– had actually brought his _work_ home with him. Bucky wasn’t okay. He was absolutely not okay, even if he’d said he wanted to meet Erik. Not like this. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, all abrupt and Bucky not wearing his best. Bucky didn’t want to smell this man on Steve’s skin or watch the way Steve had to smooth out his ruffled hair. He didn’t like the way Erik adjusted his belt like he was making sure he was all covered up.

He didn’t like knowing someone else just fucked his boyfriend. It set off a fire in Bucky’s belly that made him want to combust– or cry. Bucky was so _done_ with crying.

“Erik?” Bucky asked, crossing his arms. He knew it was him.

Steve dipped his chin, a little blush dusting across those cheeks. “You said you wanted to meet him. He wanted to meet you– so this is okay, right?”

“Sure.” Bucky looked over to the food. “I don’t know if I made enough.”

“Oh.” Steve blinked, looking at the frying eggplant. “You made my favorite.”

“I know.” Bucky looked back to Erik, openly glaring. Erik held his gaze and made no reaction. That only pissed Bucky off more. He came into Bucky’s house and acted all smug? Bucky wanted to punch something. His fingers were tingling.

“We already ate.” Erik shrugged like it didn’t matter that he’d deprived Bucky from impressing Steve with _finally_ getting a full vegan meal together. “But it smells absolutely delicious.”

“I told you I was cooking,” Bucky whispered, grabbing Steve’s wrist.

Steve ran his other hand through his hair. “I’m an idiot. I– fuck. I forgot.”

Bucky looked back to Erik, offering a pained smile. He hadn’t prepared himself for this. This was supposed to be on Bucky’s terms and here Erik was, invading and making his presence known in the most insulting of ways. “So how’s the single life? I hear you’re newly divorced?”

Erik looked to Steve, his face twitching and sadness darkening those blue eyes. Good, Bucky thought. “It’s an adjustment.” He toed his shoes off by the door. “I presume shoes off?”

“Yup,” Bucky stated. He moved over to the burners, flicking everything off. “Guess this doesn’t need to keep cooking.”

“Bucky,” Steve whined, moving over to him. “I’m so sorry. I’ll eat it in a few hours?” He wrapped his arms around Bucky, kissing up his neck. Bucky didn’t want to shiver at the contact, but his body was a traitor. “You can feed me in bed? How’s that sound?”

“It’ll be cold.” Bucky hated how he wanted to lean back into Steve’s big arms. “It’s probably shit.”

“It’s not shit.” Steve kissed his jaw. “It smells great. I’m so– I’m so sorry, baby.”

“I know you are.” Bucky turned around in Steve’s arms, trying to smile. He tilted his head to look over Steve’s shoulder. “Do you want red or white wine?”

Erik blinked, looking at Steve and then back to Bucky. “Oh, red– please.”

Steve released Bucky from his grip, biting his lip. “I’m sorry.”

Bucky ignored him, moving to the wine cooler next to the garbage disposal. He reached for a cheap bottle. No sense in pulling out anything of import with _this guy_. Bucky hesitated mulling over that idea. He wanted to impress this guy and show him he was so much more than Erik. He reached for the expensive wine. He wouldn’t be some cheap boyfriend. He was a powerful copywriter. Fuck this guy.

Erik and Steve had moved over to the couch, both sitting at far ends. Good. Bucky glared as he worked the wine open. They were talking about baseball. Bucky scoffed, earning a quizzical look from Steve. He just looked back down at the wine. Did men who used to love each other really just talk about baseball? Was this really happening? Would Bucky talk to Steve about _baseball_ one day?

Bucky poured out three glasses, walking over to hand  Steve and Erik theirs. “So– how long’ve you been divorced?”

“Bucky.” Steve shook his head, his brow crinkled.

“I mean, I’m just curious. I’ve been divorced.” He took a large swig of his own wine. “Is it really that easy to get over the person for you? Took me years.”

“Bucky!” Steve snapped.

“It’s alright,” Erik said, holding a placating hand out. “No. It’s not easy. In fact, I’m still upset over it. It’s a nightmare when you find the person you thought you’d live and die with no longer really fits with you.”

“Did you divorce him?” Bucky knew he was being rude, but frankly, he didn’t give a damn. He wanted to make Erik uncomfortable.

Steve just sat there, a look of disappointment on his beautiful face. Bucky almost felt guilty until he remembered Steve was letting this guy plow him earlier.

“No. Charles divorced me.” Erik’s shoulders slumped forward. He was clutching the wine stem with both hands and looked genuinely heartbroken. “We learned we have irreconcilable differences.”

“What’re those? That you buy hookers?” Bucky blurted before he even realized what he’d said.

“Jesus!” Steve wailed, standing up. “Erik, I’m sorry. I brought you here to meet my boyfriend but since he’s being a shithead, maybe we should just go to a movie.”

Erik looked like a deer in the headlights. His mouth flopped open, but Bucky was already putting his wine glass down and standing up to face Steve. He always forgot how much taller Steve was until he was standing before him on his tiptoes, still unable to reach eye-level.

“Oh, a movie? You gonna blow him there too?”

“Bucky,” Steve gritted out, looking at Erik briefly. “What the _fuck’s_ gotten into you?”

“Clearly not his dick,” Bucky countered.

“N-no,” Erik interrupted. “I get it. This was rude of me to assume you’d be okay with this, Bucky. I should’ve said no.” He stood up, smiling sadly. “I’m more than aware that Steve loved me and I’m more than aware that I broke his heart.” Bucky hadn’t noticed before, but there was a slight accent in Erik’s words. German? English? He couldn’t tell for sure.

Steve shrunk back, a grimace on his face like he didn’t want this conversation, but he stood there silently.

“But I never loved him the way you do. You’re right. I did buy sex. I was lonely and like you, I needed to prove something.”

Bucky swallowed, listening. He wanted to fight back. What had he to prove? All Steve had really given Bucky was a good lay and a nightmare navigating the politics at work. His eyes rounded, realization dawning on him. He was being an outright _asshole_. Like a train switching tracks, Bucky felt himself calming. Steve didn’t just bring him unhappiness. Steve was his everything now. He’d brought him completion. Erik was a threat to that completion.

“I found Charles after I’d been buying Steve and I made a mess of it. But Steve’s my friend. He’s always been a _friend_ , even if our relationship was– and similar to yours at the start– a business arrangement.” Erik put the wine glass down, nodding. “We haven’t had sex. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“W-what?” Bucky took a step back, the revelation physically pushing him.

Steve huffed, clenching his jaw.

“I wanted my friend back, but I didn’t want to take him away from you.” Erik looked to Steve, offering a timid smile. “But if this makes him uncomfortable, I don’t want to put him in that situation.”

“We talked about you already.” Steve crossed his arms. “You said it was fine.” He glared at Bucky, his ears and cheeks red.

“I did.” Bucky bit his lip, staring at his bare feet. “I just didn’t expect– I didn’t know I’d feel like this.”

“I’ll go. I’m sorry.” Erik smiled at Steve, putting a hand on his shoulder and made his way over to his shoes.

“Wait!” Bucky called. “Don’t go. Can we redo this? Ya’know, back to the beginning?”

Erik looks from Bucky to Steve, a silent request for permission. When Steve didn’t reply, Erik said, “I’m Erik. It’s nice to meet you.”

Bucky moved across the room, taking Erik’s hand. It was rough and warm, not soft like Steve’s. “I’m Bucky. It’s nice to meet you too.”

“You know,” Erik began. “I think if Steve’s okay with it, I’d like to join you for dinner?”

Bucky smiled, looking over to the eggplant. “Please. And don’t lie and tell me it’s good if it’s shit.”

* * *

The rest of the night was actually pleasant. Erik was kind, understanding and absurdly charming. He had a way with words that was almost poetic (Bucky also learned he moved from Germany at a young age, hence the diluted accent). It was understandable why Steve had fallen for him. Steve kept his distance from Erik, but he didn’t cling to Bucky either. Bucky assumed he was still pissed at how Bucky behaved– or maybe he was still nervous. Steve sat down to eat dinner when Erik encouraged it. Bucky served them and watched happily as they complimented him on his cooking skills. Bucky shouldn’t have reacted like that to Erik. He’d demonized him in his mind at first, then he’d come to accept the idea of Erik, and then he’d demonized him again when he saw him. It was unfair, and Bucky would admit that now.

Steve came out of the shower, his shoulders and cheeks pink. Bucky watched from the bed, peering over his book. He had been too afraid to ask to join Steve. Steve went about getting dressed for bed, but he didn’t say anything to Bucky and didn’t even look his way.

“Steve,” Bucky whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not you.” Steve dropped the towel, showing his ass before putting one leg at a time into his sweatpants. “I should’ve thought this all through.”

“What through?”

Steve crawled onto the bed, tucking his ankles under his butt with his knees pressed to Bucky’s side. “It can’t work like this. I can’t do this to you.”

“Do what?” Bucky’s heart kicked it into high gear, ready to burst if this went south. “Be with me?”

Steve’s eyes rounded. “What? No! No, baby.” He caressed his hands through Bucky’s hair, smiling sadly. “Thinkin’ I could selfishly not change anything about myself. Keep everythin’ kinda the same.”

“I’m confused.”

Steve laughed, nodding. “My job.”

“Steve, no.” Bucky sat up and grabbed Steve’s wrist. “No you keep that. I don’t wanna take that from you.”

Steve leaned forward, placing kisses against Bucky’s face. “I love you, you know?”

Bucky hummed, but didn’t take his hand off Steve’s wrist.

“Bucky, what you said tonight–”

“I was outta line. Steve, I’m sorry.” He sighed heavily, dropping the book to the bed. “I just saw him and I got so _jealous_. I dunno. It wasn’t on my terms or something? Shit, this is stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.” Steve looked at him with a firm stare, a small smirk at the corner of his lips. “I didn’t ask him for money. It’s not right if we don’t– ya know.”

“So he’s your friend?” Bucky looked up meekly.

“Yes.” Steve kissed Bucky’s jaw again, running his nose along it. “That’s all.”

“Okay. He really is nice.”

Steve swung a leg over Bucky’s hips, looking at Bucky like he’d rather eat him than talk. Bucky gasped, his fingers going to Steve’s hips, clutching. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.” Steve’s voice was a low grumble, and it made Bucky start tingling all over. “I’d rather just get my mouth on you.”

“Oh please,” Bucky sighed out, nestling his head back in the pillows. He was pretty sure he’d lost his spot in his book, but he’d deal with that later.

Steve leaned forward, kissing Bucky’s nose, his cheeks and his chin. His fingers splayed out on Bucky’s chest before clawing softly.

“That’s nice.” Bucky arched up, letting Steve’s fingernails dig into him lightly.

Steve laughed against Bucky’s neck, a puff of air that sent shivers down Bucky’s spine and into his cock. “You’re so cute, you know that?”

“Less talking, more sucking.” Bucky pushed Steve’s face down, laughing when Steve smacked against his already hard cock.

“Someone’s excited.” Steve wasted no time in tugging Bucky’s briefs away. He swallowed Bucky’s cock, laving his tongue against the underside.

Bucky breathed out a content sigh, his eyes slipping closed. Steve’s mouth was so warm and wet. It bobbed with all the experience of a sex worker, knowing how to make Bucky feel good.

Steve teased along the underside, flicking his tongue quickly before moving back to let his lips circle the tip. He reached up, letting his fingers swirl around Bucky’s nipples till they were hard and Bucky was gasping.

Bucky grabbed Steve’s fingers, bending forward to suck them into his mouth. Steve groaned around Bucky’s cock, heady and approving. Bucky could see him grinding himself against the bed. He smiled devilishly, sucking harder on those fingers, nibbling the tips. He liked pleasing Steve. Cooking or listening to Steve sigh happily in bed. He treasured those moments. He loved a good blow job, but he honestly liked the feel of Steve inside him more. He didn’t like the one-sidedness of it all. He always wanted to please Steve just as much as Steve pleased him.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Bucky moaned out when Steve sucked on his tip, letting his tongue flirt with the slit.

Steve’s hands ran along Bucky’s body before grabbing at his hips. They massaged into his skin as Steve continued to bob his head, that sinful tongue still slipping all around Bucky to get him slicker and wetter.

Bucky loved the sounds Steve was making. He was humming around Bucky’s cock, and the little sharp sounds that permeated the room when he’d bring his lips to a close against Bucky’s tip were to _die_ for. Bucky started panting, his mouth frozen open as he watched Steve. He couldn’t stop clenching his toes.

Steve looked up at him, a glint of mischief in his eyes. He swallowed Bucky down to his balls, holding him against his fluttering throat muscles.

“Oh…St-Steve…fuck…fuck!” Bucky jerked his hips forward, hitting the back of Steve’s throat. Steve continued to hold him inside, letting his muscles work and clamp around Bucky’s cock.

“Oh God.” Bucky swallowed thickly. “I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come.”

Steve moved faster, his tongue constantly swirling around Bucky’s shaft and sucking hard. Those little sounds that escaped Steve’s mouth were constant and Bucky couldn’t last even if  he tried.

He clamped his legs around Steve’s head, holding the man close as he came. He cried out when he felt his cock twitching inside Steve’s mouth, spurting come down a throat that used to only spit. Bucky’s heart was drilling against his sternum. He pushed his heels into Steve, mewling when Steve started to affectionately kiss the tip of Bucky’s cock.

Steve’s lips were slick, swollen and red. Bucky loved those lips after Steve sucked him off. He loved those lips no matter what, but there was something special about looking at lips that had just been around his cock.

“C’mere,” Bucky asked, reaching out to Steve.

Steve slid up Bucky’s body, nestling his head against Bucky’s chest. “Your heart’s goin’ so fast.”

“You do that to me.” Bucky ran his fingers though Steve’s hair, trying to catch his breath. “I don’t wanna be a bad boyfriend.”

“You’re not.”

“I mean, I don’t wanna _not_ support you and what you do. I like that you love your job.”

Steve pressed his chin against Bucky’s sternum, blinking. “If I quit, it’s because it’s my choice, Bucky.”

Bucky looked away, nibbling his lip. Steve could tell him that a thousand times and a thousand times more– Bucky knew the truth. Steve would give up his job for Bucky and that just wasn’t something Bucky could be okay with. He _liked_ supporting Steve. Not many people did support sex workers or porn stars. They looked down on them or thought it was cheating. That wasn’t how this was. Bucky didn’t want to play into those lies. He wanted to be better.

Steve rolled off Bucky, getting under the blankets.

“W-wait, don’t you want a turn?” Bucky sat up, his eyes wide as a doe’s.

Steve laughed, turning out the reading light. “I like workin’ myself up, remember? I’d rather just come in your ass later.”

“Without a condom?” The electricity that sizzled down Bucky’s spine at the idea was more than he’d expected. He hadn’t realized he wanted Steve without a condom until he’d said it. Now he wanted it– and badly.

Steve shrugged. “I mean, that’s not what I was alluding to, but, I’m not gonna turn away that option either.”

Bucky swatted Steve’s chest, rolling his eyes. “Go to sleep you perv.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand, kissing the knuckles. “Love you.”

“You too.”

* * *

Bucky was walking away from the conference room when he saw her. Red hair tied up into a tight bun, green dress and a white cardigan. He even noticed the white, modest pumps she was wearing. He walked over to Natasha, offering a shy smile. It didn’t matter what happened. It didn’t matter how much he hated her sometimes. She was still– in some way– someone he loved. He couldn’t just abandon her.

“Cleaning your office?” he asked, looking at the boxes on her white sofa.

Nat heaved a big sigh, plopping one of her plants into the box. “No.”

“Getting new plants?”

Natasha looked over at Bucky, her plump lips curled in amusement. “Oh Bear, he didn’t tell you at your meeting?”

Bucky just cocked a brow.

“I hadn’t been performing optimally enough. Turns out, clients would much rather work with Brock Rumlow than they would with me.” She put one of her paintings in the box. “I’m apparently intimidating.”

“And Brock isn’t?” Bucky sat on the sofa, watching her gather up files and sort between ones to pitch or keep.

“Ya’know, I’ve been a real bitch to you.”

Bucky laughed. It was the way she’d said it, casual and almost friendly. He yearned for them to be friendly again. He missed her. Never in Bucky’s entire existence would he come to understand why he needed her, but he did. He also knew that _she_ needed _him_.

Nat leaned against her desk, crossing her arms and playing with the white pearls around her neck. She looked at Bucky, a long stare from his shoes all the way to the top of his head. “You realize I’ve been fired, right? I’d almost expected you to be upset about it.”

Bucky shrugged. “Not really.”

“I deserve that.” She nodded, picking up a picture and dumping it into her box. “You going to laugh and taunt me now as I clear out?”

“You think I’m the kind to laugh and taunt as you clear out?” Of course he was upset. He was directly responsible for her termination, but that didn’t stop him from realizing how much turmoil she’d inflicted upon him. She’d blackmailed Steve, forced Bucky into a situation where he wasn’t really ready to confront– it didn’t matter if things worked out. Natasha had tried to use Steve as some kind of distraction so she could swoop into the partnership. She’d been terrible, keeping Steve away from Bucky, or making sure they both knew she was still the one holding the cards.

It took Bucky seeing her like this to realize that that wasn’t the case. She wasn’t the one holding the cards. Steve had been honest, Bucky got the partnership, and Nat was fired. Everything she had was gone. A sad smile crossed Bucky’s features as he watched her pop open another box and start packing away some books from the shelves. This was his wife once. He used to come home to her every day and cook for her or just hold her as she went on and on about a client. Yes, they had been happy once– they’d been friends. He wanted his _friend_ back.

Bucky’s biggest flaw was that he only saw the goodness in others and who they were despite the fronts they put up.

“So,” he began, clasping his hands together. “Do you need help taking any of this to your car?”

“I took the subway.”

“I’ll drive you?”

Natasha turned, peering over her shoulder at him with a furrowed brow. She chewed her lips softly, contemplative. “Why would you help me?”

“Because I know why you did it. I know why you did all of it.”

She averted her eyes.

“Nat.” Bucky stood up, licking at the corner of his mouth. “I know it’s my fault. I couldn’t– It…” He huffed; frustrated that he couldn’t find the words. “I do love you. It’s just not how you wanted it.”

Natasha smiled sadly, looking up with those big green eyes. “I know.”

“No one got hurt. Steve and I are actually really happy toget–”

“Bear don’t.” She held her hand out, silencing him. “Don’t tell me how you’re doing with him.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open. He watched her turn back around to continue clearing out the shelves of books and tiny shells. He knew where each of those came from. They honeymooned in Aruba.

“What can I do?” Bucky whispered. “Please, tell me what can I do?”

Natasha sighed, dropping her hands against her hips. She stayed that way, her back to him, her face angled to the floor. Bucky waited. He knew Steve would be pissed to high-heaven about this, but this wasn’t Steve’s mess. It was Bucky’s. Bucky owed it to Natasha to let her move past this or she’d be stuck like a ghost haunting a house. Do not be the oppressor. Do not get even. Rise above. Bucky stood firm on that. He’d messed up enough in his life and if he had a chance to fix at least one thing, he’d be glad it was Natasha.

Finally, Natasha turned. Her eyes were misty and her cheeks blotchy. She reached up, cupping Bucky’s face. She stared at his lips, tracing a finger over them. “I used to love kissing these.”

Bucky smiled, feeling his lips tingle from her touch.

She pulled back, clearing her throat. “What can you do? You can start by realizing I’ve hurt you so badly. Everything I did was malicious, spiteful and– and petty.” She crunched her face up, almost like she was realizing her actions for the first time. “I’m a terrible person, Bear. How maybe times do I need to explain that? I toyed with you for amusement.”

Bucky kept silent.

“After you realize I’ve been terrible to you, you can then proceed to cut all ties with me. Our divorce settled, we don’t have any loose ends and there’s no reason we need to see each other anymore.”

“Nat–”

“Bucky, don’t. What I did is unforgivable. I put you– a man I love– into a situation where I thought you’d crumble because I thought you weak. I’ve _never_ been kind to you.”

“That’s a lie.” Bucky stepped forward, his jaw clenched.

“I used to tease you when you got a little chunky, I used to shove you to the other side of the bed after sex cause I didn’t come. I bought you a _prostitute_ with your _own_ money!”

“A sex worker,” Bucky corrected. “And that’s okay. I told you it’s worked out.”

“But that’s not what it was supposed to do! Steve wasn’t there for you to fall in love with. He was there so maybe you’d– maybe you’d change.” She stepped away, moving behind her desk. She leaned forward against it, tilting her head to the side. “I wanted you to flounder around with Steve and fail miserably at getting the partnership. I wanted you to maybe even freak out and realize you didn’t like sucking cock.”

Bucky took a sharp breath. He didn’t like the way she’d said that. Even now, apologizing, she was still taking shots at him.

“I wanted a lot of things, and I still feel like I’m wanting something and I can’t have it. So the best way to solve this is for us to never again see each other. Ever.”

Bucky was about to respond when there was a knock on the door. Tony stepped in, looking around at the room. “I see you’re making quick business of it.”

Natasha just smirked. “I’d like to leave before rush hour.”

Tony clicked his tongue, nodding. “I came lookin’ for you.” He pointed at Bucky. “Steve’s been calling your cell obsessively.”

Bucky creased his brow, patting down his pockets. He’d forgotten his phone in the conference room. “Sorry.”

“I think it’s an emergency,” Tony said, looking at Natasha warily. “You should take the rest of the day off. Make sure he’s okay.”

Bucky looked at Natasha, watching the way she shrunk in on herself, clutching at those pearls around her neck. She flicked her gaze up, a hint of a smile twitching her lips before falling blank again. “We’re not finished.” He pointed at her for emphasis.

“I know,” she said. “But we will be.”

Bucky took the phone, heading out into the hall. Steve had called five times. Worry gripped at Bucky’s heart. Fears of Steve getting hurt or dying plagued his mind. He had so much on his mind already that this was almost taxing him. He wanted to crawl into bed– Steve included. For once in Bucky’s miserable, fucked-up life– he just wanted something to work out.

He wanted to yell at Tony for firing Natasha. Her performances were _not_ negative. She was one of the top in the company. She brought in the biggest ad campaigns. Tony lied and she’d agreed, that had to be the only answer. The Natasha that Bucky knew wouldn’t just belly up like this.

Bucky hit Steve’s name, waiting for the phone to start ringing. Through the frosted walls, he saw Tony and Natasha’s shadows. They looked to be speaking. He wondered what a man who’d just fired a woman had to say to her other than “don’t let the door kick you on the way out.”

_“Bucky! Oh fuck I’m sorry if you were in a meeting or somethin’!”_

“Is everything okay!?” Bucky didn’t want to leave lose sight of Natasha, but he hated how Brock’s office door was open. He could see Ward in there, casually tossing a baseball up and down. He was supposed to be working and yet there he was, being an entitled lazy fuck. Bucky could fire him. He had that power now…

_“I have syphilis.”_

Bucky’s eyes almost popped from his head. He’d figured the call would involve some kind of other scheme or blackmailing attempt at their lives. He’d assumed maybe Steve was lying in a hospital dying and this was the last time they could talk, but syphilis? A curable sexually transmitted infection?

Bucky started laughing. It started low and soft, but then he was crinkling his eyes, tossing his head back, and just belting it all out. Ward even looked over. That was it? That was the grand emergency?

_“Bucky! S’not funny!”_ Steve wailed over the phone. _“I’ve gotta cancel on all my clients! I have to tell all my clients!”_

Bucky calmed down, forcing his laughter to subside. Yes, this was just as bad as Bucky finding out he goofed on a client ad campaign. Steve would lose money and he’d probably lose the trust of the clientele he’d worked hard to cultivate. But he couldn’t deny how happy he was that it was something so relatively minor in _their_ lives.

“What can I do?” Bucky asked.

_“S’not a matter of what can you do. But you need to get tested. I could’ve given it to you.”_

Bucky blinked. “I don’t feel sick.”

_“Baby that’s not how it works. Please go get checked.”_ Steve sighed. Bucky could hear dishes clanking in the background.

“We have a dishwasher.”

_“I’m in a mood. You’ll get home and everything’s gonna be spotless.”_

Bucky smiled. “You clean when you’re upset?”

_“I clean when I’m any extreme emotion. Oh and we can’t have sex for two weeks. Gotta let the meds clean me out.”_

Bucky started giggling. He couldn’t help it. He was relieved that Steve was safe and (relatively) healthy. “I’m sorry. I could break out the p-spot stimulator and play with you? We could just toss it afterwards.”

_“Awe baby! You’re so good to me, you know that?”_

Bucky watched Natasha carry a box down the hall. She’d gone the opposite direction of Bucky. He tilted his head to the side, wondering why she’d use the public elevator and not the private one. “Hey, I gotta go. I love you.”

_“Love you too. Get tested, damn it!”_

Bucky hung up, jogging down the hall. He got in front of Brock’s office and met a broad, hard chest. He stumbled backwards, looking up at Brock’s smug face.

“Hey there fairy.”

Bucky glared. “You realize that’s harassment, right? I could not only fire you, but sue?”

Brock shrugged, picking at his nails. “You wouldn’t.”

Bucky stood up, gritting his teeth. “Brock, I’m not in a good mood. My ex-wife is packing up her shit, my boyfriend’s sick. Would you just fucking back up?” He stepped around Brock, proud of his little display of dominance. If only it could last…

“Your boyfriend?” Brock asked. “Thought he was your fiancé.”

Bucky stopped; his eyes wide. “H-he is. Sometimes I just slip. We’ve spent more time being boyfriends than fiancés.”  Cold dread seeped beneath Bucky’s skin. He felt wet and like someone jacked up the air conditioning.

Brock walked around Bucky, sizing him up like cheetah toward prey. “You know, everyone knows about your _boyfriend’s_ job.”

Bucky’s heart turned to stone. He looked Brock in the eyes, gulping when he saw the malice etched into them. Brock could be handsome– to some he probably was. Not to Bucky. To Bucky, he was a vile, putrid monster. “It’s just a job.”

“That what you tell yourself at night?” Ward asked, coming out of the office. He shoved Steve’s escort ad into Bucky’s chest. “He’s cute. Pink panties and everything.”

Bucky stared at the ad. He’d never seen it, considering Natasha had done the ordering. Steve was splayed out, his balls barely covered by the lacy panties. The tip of his penis was poking out, pink and drooling with precome. Bucky winced. Escorts weren’t supposed to look like porn stars. They were supposed to be classier? Bucky thought?

“You know,” Brock drawled. “I ain’t gay, but that’s one nice lookin’ ass.”

“Don’t,” Bucky warned. He bawled his fingers into fists. His back trembled as a cold realization iced over the clammy feeling in his skin. Everyone knew. Everyone could look Steve up and order his services. With Steve getting syphilis, he’d probably lose a lot of clients and he’d have to rebuild. If these people wanted him, what would stop Steve from taking them?

“Don’t what?” Ward asked, taking the ad back from Bucky’s trembling fingers. “It says here he’s into BDSM and likes getting pounded hard.” He looked to Brock, his eyes wide with amusement. “Guy likes a little whippin’.”

“Huh, likes gettin’ pounded hard? Guess you don’t do it for him. Needs a proper man’s cock.”

“I could fire you.” Bucky swallowed thickly. He wanted to vomit. The world was spinning wrong. He wondered if he could land one punch before Ward dove on him. If he got one punch in, he’d be happy.

“For what?” Ward stepped forward. “Giving your man what he needs? I already booked him for next month. Guy seems busy, has a long line of clients, huh?” He poked Bucky in the chest. “It’s okay Bucky. We can’t all be what our partners need. I mean, Nat left you for the same reason right? Couldn’t do it for her? How tiny is that dick?”

Bucky closed his eyes, feeling the tears wet his lashes. No… don’t cry. Punch but don’t cry!

“Awe, Grant,” Brock’s sinisterly sweet tone came. “You got him to cry.”

Ward just laughed, walking around Bucky and smacking his shoulder into him. “Lookin’ forward to making a spit roast out of Steve. Me n’ Brock’ll be sure to have him home by three AM.”

Bucky didn’t bother to look where Brock went, he ran for the private elevators– away from Natasha. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t handle Steve getting used by his colleagues, Natasha leaving _and_ Tony’s small betrayal of firing Nat. It was all happening like a landslide and Bucky was getting sucked under. He couldn’t even breathe!

He mashed the elevator button several times, impatiently waiting for it. He focused on his breathing– in and out, in and out. He wiped his eyes. He couldn’t cry here.

“Bucky!” Tony called, jogging over. “Before you go, did you get those ads done for the Converse line?”

“Yup.” Bucky knew his tone was clipped. He didn’t even bother looking Tony’s way. He could see the man gaping in his peripherals well enough.

“Steve okay?”

“Fine, just sick.”

“You’re pissed at me.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, stepping into the elevator. “You fired her and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me about it.” He wiped at his eyes, silently crying in front of Tony.

Tony’s eyes rounded. “That’s not wh–”

Bucky closed the doors on him. He didn’t have time for this right now. He needed to go see Steve.

He needed to cry.

* * *

Steve was on the sofa reading some kind of medical pamphlet when Bucky came in. He barely put the pamphlet down before Bucky launched himself into Steve’s arms and just sobbed.

“You can’t do this!”

“Do what?” Steve asked, stroking Bucky’s back. “Baby, what happened?”

“Ward and Brock. You can’t fuck them.”

Steve blinked.

Bucky sat up, sniffling. “T-they said they’d booked you. Told me they were gonna spit roast you and– Jesus, Steve. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.”

“Hey, hey c’mere. C’mere baby.” Steve pulled Bucky into him, letting Bucky drop his face against his broad shoulder and just cry. His spine hurt, his throat was raw from holding back sobs. This was worse than Natasha. This was worse than his divorce. Erik was a motherfucking _cakewalk_. Why couldn’t _one_ thing stay good in Bucky’s life? He felt cursed. He must’ve done something terrible in a past life to get such punishment. He’d been given such a beautiful boyfriend but even that was defiled and wrong.

“Don’t do it,” Bucky pleaded into Steve’s shoulder. “Please don’t do it.”

“I won’t.” Steve kept stroking his hand up and down Bucky’s trembling back. “I could give them syphilis though.”

Bucky snorted, unable to hide the laughter that bubbled out like a stream. The idea of _that_ was nice. He pictured both Brock and Ward with their stupid tight khaki pants, walking bow-legged and tugging at their balls. It’d be funny…

“S’not worth it.” Bucky pushed his face into Steve’s neck. “Don’t work with them. They could hurt you.”

“Okay. I won’t. I didn’t even know they booked me. I’ll call my boss and tell ‘im. Don’t worry.” He caressed his fingers through Bucky’s hair, sighing. “God, I’m so sorry baby. I’m sorry I’m doin’ this to you.”

Bucky sat back, clutching Steve’s face. “You’re not doing anything to me.”

Steve smiled sadly. “But I am. Every day I wonder what else I’ve fucked up. Today it’s this. Yesterday it was Erik. What’s tomorrow?”

Bucky licked his lips, staring into the most beautiful and honest eyes he’d ever seen. He wanted to get lost in those eyes, swim away and live peacefully outside of the clutches of poisonous _asses_ like Brock and Ward.

“Will you get tested?” Steve asked. “I don’t want _that_ to be what I fuck up tomorrow.”

Bucky nodded, feeling his heart sink in his stomach. He didn’t care about syphilis. He cared about the people at work. How many more did he have to worry about with Steve? What if they bribed Steve or lied about working with Bucky? What if they blackmailed him?

“Steve.” Bucky collapsed into his boyfriend’s lap, pushing his face into that taut stomach. “I wanna move away.”

Steve clicked his tongue. “You’ve got a job.”

“I can get another one.”

“Bucky, you’re scared and that’s okay. But we shouldn’t start talkin’ the future until we know what we’re up against. Brock and Ward are dicks, but they probably were just all talk.”

“And what if it’s not them next time? What if it’s someone we like? Pepper? Tony? People cheat with sex workers all the time. Who’s to say we don’t accidently mess up someone’s marriage.”

“You’re not messing up anyone’s marriage.” Steve shifted on the sofa. He ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair, curling his spine to speak low. “I told you, I’ll quit my job.”

“I messed up my own marriage, Steve. I can’t mess up anyone else’s.”

Steve sat back, sighing. Bucky didn’t want to move out of the security of Steve’s warm lap. Syphilis or not, Steve was still Bucky’s sanctuary. He inhaled deeply, enveloping himself in Steve’s almond scent. The cars that honked below meant nothing. The kid running down the hall meant nothing.

Steve meant everything.

Bucky just had to figure out how to protect them both.

* * *

Bucky went to get checked for syphilis the following day. After he’d been given his clean bill of health, he made his way through the clogged subway routes to work. No syphilis. That was one less thing to worry about. Now he only had Tony’s betrayal, Nat and Brock to deal with. Steve was at home, scrolling his list of client contact information to tell them all the bad news. Bucky wasn’t exactly looking forward to coming home after that. He knew Steve would be in a piss-poor mood. Clients probably didn’t take to being told they could have syphilis easily.

He walked into the office, smiling and waving at people. They used to call him a bitch. He wasn’t sure if their smiles were genuine, but frankly, Bucky didn’t care. His smile was. He couldn’t help the way these people felt about him, even if it did hurt a little inside. How they felt about him wasn’t something he could control.

He walked past the empty administrative assistant desk by his office, sighing. He still needed that _damn_ job filled.

When he walked into his office, there was a card on the desk and a ticket to a basketball game.

_We miss you. Let’s have a bro night! – Clint and Peter_

Bucky smiled at the ticket. He hated sports, but maybe he’d enjoy watching men get all hot and bothered on the court. He missed his friends though. The people he once shrugged off as acquaintances– Peter and Clint– they were real friends. Bucky hadn’t realized it before, but they were his support and he needed them as much as he needed Steve.  He’d been so swept up in Natasha and Steve that he’d forgotten about the people who’d stuck him. He scooped up the ticket, making his way to the elevator when Tony blocked his way.

“We need to talk.”

Bucky gritted his teeth. “Not now.”

“Barnes, c’mon, don’t be like that.” Tony grabbed Bucky’s shoulders, pushing him back into his office and closing the door.

Bucky made his way around his desk and stared Tony down. He’d asked him _not_ to fire Natasha. It’d been _his_ choice and Tony should’ve respected that!

“Pepper thinks I shouldn’t tell you, but– considering you look like you’d rather murder me, I think I should.” Tony sat on the leather sofa, his legs spread and his arm along the back cushion. “I didn’t fire Natasha.”

Bucky furrowed his brow. “What?”

“She quit. She said why she should be fired, but asked if she could resign instead. I thought it was not only the lesser of two evils, but very grown-up of her.” Tony scoffed. “Grown-up. Ha! I’m talking like she isn’t already an adult.”

“She…quit?” Bucky’s eyes rounded and his mouth dropped open silently. “But she–”

“She lied. You wouldn’t let her leave, let’s be honest. I know you care about her– can’t figure out why, but there it is. This was her decision. You should respect it.” Tony stood up, shrugging. “We’ve got a meeting in a half-hour. Should I or should I not expect you?”

Bucky smirked. “How do you know me so well?”

Tony examined his nails. “Oh you know. I’m good at this. Plus I understand the fear of losing the most influential female in your life.”

Bucky cocked a brow.

“I almost lost Pepper.” Tony shrugged. “That’s a story for another time. Go.”

“I’ll be back in the morning.” Bucky grabbed his briefcase, running for the elevator.

* * *

Bucky walked up and down Natasha’s street. It was harder than he thought to just go up the porch steps and knock. It had always surprised him that she enjoyed the more suburban life than the city. Her house was painted pretty blues and purples with an iron fence around it. She had a well-kept garden and her car was tucked under the carport.

Bucky wondered if she’d ever be able to move on. She was young and beautiful. There had to be someone else who’d catch her eye one day and give her the life he never could. He stood before the gate, thinking about what man would enter into her life. Would he look like him? He assumed Natasha had a type.

“You gonna stand there all day or do you want lunch?” Natasha called from the window.

Bucky blinked, stammering.

Natasha moved from the window and appeared at the door shortly thereafter. She was wearing a baggy Misfits t-shirt and sweats. Bucky smiled, remembering the days when they used to lounge around in comfy clothing. It’d been a chore just to even shower– he loved those days.

“You’re gonna catch flies with that mouth,” Natasha said. “Come on. Lunch’s ready.”

Bucky walked up the porch steps and into the house. It was older– Victorian. The ceilings were high and painted many bright colors. There was a stain glass window by the curving staircase that filtered in red and blue light. She’d put a lot of work into collecting antiques all her life and now Bucky could see them all proudly displayed in a house that made sense for them.

“Do you want barbeque sauce on your chicken?” she asked as she walked down the hall to the kitchen. “You always liked that.”

Bucky followed her, almost forgetting to take his shoes off before stumbling back and tossing them somewhere in the foyer. He followed the smells of warm chicken and rice to the kitchen. She stood over the island, scooping out a big heaping of salad onto a plate.

“You didn’t have–”

“Yes I did. Sit.” She pointed to the breakfast nook, smiling. “Perks of being unemployed. You can cook nice lunches for people.”

“Nat, Tony told me that–”

She held her hand up. “Eat.”

Bucky poked at his food, unsure if he should entertain the idea that she’d poison him or not. She’d willingly left her position. She’d given up her little game. That had to count for something. He watched her take a bite of her chicken (covered in Ranch dressing) and then gingerly took a bite of his own.

“I’m a shit cook. You were always better.” She stabbed a cherry tomato.

“That’s sad, considering I suck at cooking.”

They laughed, each quietly chewing their food. Silverware clanked against the plates, knives cut chicken. If Bucky closed his eyes, he could transport himself back into the days of their marriage. His heart yanked itself around in his chest. He hadn’t realized that the nostalgia would hit him so hard.

“Did you get a good severance package?” he asked. “Even if you didn’t get fired.”

She smirked. “It’ll do till I find something else.”

“Good.” He cut another piece of chicken, staring at it as barbeque sauce dripped onto his plate. “I’m sorry it went like this.”

“It’s my fault.” She sat back, sipping her lemonade. “I did this to you.”

“I’m not exactly innocent either.”

She crossed her arms, tilting her head to the side.

“I was mean, and I didn’t think about how you felt. I was so quick to demonize you.”

“Rightfully so,” she cut in.

Bucky sat back against the cushions. He recognized the covers. His mother had made them. Sighing, he ran his fingers through his wavy hair, staring at Natasha’s Ranch covered plate. “What happened to us?”

“You’re gay and we drifted apart,” Natasha responded. She said it like someone answered a question about the weather.

“No.” He dropped his arms to the table, reaching for her hand. “We used to be best friends. Even after the divorce– we were friends.”

Natasha stared at Bucky’s hand like it’d bite her. She scooted away, clutching the lip of the table. “It doesn’t matter how we got here. It only matters that we did.”

“I don’t want you gone from my life.”

“That’s not your decision, Bear.”

“Why not?” Bucky snapped. “This is my life too, Nat! I was part of this!” He motioned around the house. “We could’ve– I had to–” He hiccupped. His throat was clamping in.

Natasha reached for one of his hands, lacing their fingers together. “You really regret it, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

She caressed her finger over the back of his hand, considering something. She always pinched up her lips and twitched her nose when she thought hard– Bucky used to tease her about it.

“Sorry isn’t good enough for what I did to you.” She pulled away, placing her hands in her lap. “I really hurt you and I dragged another man– a good man– into it.”

“Steve’s strong.”

“Bucky! Don’t you see what you’re doing?” She motioned to him, her eyes round and wild. “He’s not strong. You’re not strong. You’re both floundering through life and I was the hand that tried to yank you under! I _used_ Steve to hurt you. When you started dating him, I used him even more!” She dropped her volume. “I’m still gonna hurt you.”

Bucky looked up, his brows pinched together.

“I did something I’m not proud of.” She looked away; wrapping her fingers around her other wrist. “It was my last act of trying to destroy you and I regret it so much.”

Bucky wasn’t sure if his heart was beating. He felt oddly– still. Stone could envelop him and he wouldn’t even gasp. He’d gotten used to life shoving obstacles at him. What was one more?

“Steve did something–”

“He told me already. About James.”

Natasha nodded, a tear falling from her eye. “I went to the police about it.”

Bucky’s first thought wasn’t fear. It wasn’t anger and it didn’t resonate through him like a clashing gong. He was still stuck in that odd calm over him. A calm that could kill him and he wouldn’t even mind. He’d been put through so much in such a short amount of time that this didn’t even faze him. His first thought wasn’t of Steve’s future. He of course cared about Steve and what this could do but his first thought?

It was about how green her eyes were. How human she looked– defeated and crying silently before him. He always cried first, but here she was, showing a side that she rarely let anyone see.

“What did you say?” His voice was raspy.

She sucked in a deep breath, wiping at her eyes. “I gave them names, dates and Steve’s current location. I didn’t say he murdered James. I just told them the story of what happened. They’ll probably take him in for questioning.”

“Was this so he could be charged with manslaughter and you’d get me back?”

She shrugged, chunky tears falling from her eyes. “This was to make it easier on me. I’ve spent so long wondering what I did wrong to make you stop loving me that I thought it was easier if I just believed you’ve always hated me.”

“I don’t hate you.” He was beginning to feel sick. The barbeque sauce churned– too sweet in his stomach, his head swam as worry began to fill it. He felt unbalanced and heavy. “But Steve does.”

“I know.”

“You have to make this right, Nat.”

She shrugged, sniffing. “I know.”

“I’ll help you.” He reached out again, offering his hand. “We can make this right.”

She took his hand, letting out a shaken laugh. “I’ll never understand you, Bear.”

Bucky smiled, squeezing her hand. “That makes two of us.”

They laughed. Yes, Bucky was terrified for Steve. Yes, everyone at work knew about Steve’s job and Bucky dealt with discrimination and hate there. Yes, he should probably be more upset with Natasha– but he wouldn’t. After all this turmoil and this _stupid_ game, they could finally move on from it. They could _fix_ it. Bucky didn’t know what the future held for them. He didn’t know if Steve would even let him see Natasha ever again or if somehow everything would work its way out, but for now he had her back.

He had his best friend back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter will have loads of sex :)  
> Add me on [tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)


	9. An End Is Not An End But A Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter, omg. Thank you to everyone who stuck by from the beginning, joined in the middle or will read now that it's completed! I've gotten criticism, praise and some outright nasty comments on this fic but that's okay :) It's been such a journey and this was the first fic that really made me latch onto the au Stucky stories / immerse myself in the fandom. 
> 
> Thanks for the ride, it's been a blast :)
> 
> Hope to see you around my other Stucky fics <3  
> Warning, this chapter contains sex work slang and alcohol use.

When Bucky arrived home, tired but content from the day’s events, Steve was scooping out rice noodles onto two plates. Bucky watched the way his boyfriend smiled– carefree and open. Steve’s world was crashing down around him and he didn’t even know it. He thought it was getting _better_. Bucky wanted to let him live in that moment for as long as possible. Ice clogged Bucky’s arteries when he thought about what he’d have to tell Steve about Natasha going to the police.

The past few days felt like weeks. Bucky’s shoulders ached and his feet were throbbing from running in loafers. He sighed by the door, slipping off his shoes and leaning against the wall to rub his feet. He shuffled down the short hall to the open apartment, turning to find himself swept into big arms and being spun around.

“Pepper told me the good news!” Steve laughed before dipping Bucky. He pulled Bucky’s body close and their hips collided. It was like an uncoordinated dance.

“Steve!”

“Ding dong the witch is dead!” Steve leaned in for a kiss. Bucky’s eyes widened as Steve pressed his mouth against his. The witch? Natasha? Bucky’s stomach rolled and he became dead-weight in Steve’s arms. “Hey.” Steve pulled Bucky up, tucking a thumb under his chin. “Did I make you sick? Too much spinnin’?”

“No, Steve.” Bucky tugged away, crossing his arms. “She’s not a witch.”

Steve huffed, but he walked over to the stove as Bucky slipped into a barstool. Bucky didn’t want to fight before he’d even gotten to tell Steve what happened today. They’d run into this relationship head-first. Bucky never stopped to think about just how _much_ he’d be part of Steve’s life– even his past. It was the same for Bucky too. Steve was the bandage that Bucky used to hide his confusion about himself. Now it was ripping and Bucky wasn’t sure if it was supposed to do that as he healed, or if this relationship would crash just as quickly as it blossomed.

Bucky loved Steve. He knew it with as much certainty as he knew the universe existed. He watched Steve behind the counter, moving to collect the vegetables off the steamer and stirring some kind of sauce. Steve didn’t think he cooked well, but Bucky was pretty sure he would’ve claimed to hate vegan meals before he’d had Steve’s cooking. “I wanna grow old with you.” The words tumbled from Bucky’s mouth like long-practiced professions. Except, he’d never said it before in his life.

Steve froze.

Bucky’s eyes widened as he’d realized what he’d said. He swallowed thickly, shifting out of the barstool and stumbling back. It was true, but the weight behind those words _meant_ something. Bucky had been married before. He didn’t exactly have a good track record, but he _wanted_ Steve until they couldn’t be together anymore– or even after. Bucky wasn’t sure how the afterlife really worked, but as a Jewish man, he had some ideas. There was _something_ and he wanted Steve to be part of it.

Steve bit his lip, watching Bucky.

“Don’t be mad at me for what I have to say.” Bucky pressed his hands to the counter to balance him. The counter was cool and grounding. Bucky needed that right now.

Steve kept watching. His pasta sauce was starting to boil and splatter the stove, but he still didn’t take his focus from Bucky. He had such a weighted gaze that Bucky had to stick his feet hard into the flooring to remain standing or crumble away.

“She’s my friend.”

Steve’s shoulders dropped. He turned back to the stove. “I know.”

“And I’m not happy she left.”

Steve turned around, waving a wooden spoon in the air. “I just don’t understand, Bucky. She’s hurt you. She’s hurt _us_.” He pointed the spoon to himself. “Why do you want someone like that?”

“Why do I want a man and not a woman?”

Steve scoffed. “You can choose your friends. Not who you love.”

“I love her too.” Bucky’s voice barely came above a whisper. He stood in the middle of the room like the jackass he knew himself to be. He’d hurt Steve. He’d already hurt Steve– it was just a matter of time before Steve realized just how deep that wound went.

Steve smacked his lips together, nodding. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

“She’s not a bad person.”

“I don’t wanna have this conversation,” Steve said, dumping the vegetables onto the two plates.

“You don’t understand–”

Steve slammed the pasta sauce pan against the counter. Sauce exploded into the air. Some of it landed on Steve, the counter, even the side of the fridge. Steve’s face was too screwed up in anger to care. “No Bucky! _You_ don’t understand!” His face flushed red. “You’re so blinded from your abuse that you can’t even realize what she’s done to you! She used me to _hurt_ you, she made fun of your weight and she tried to _blackmail_ me about my past! I get that you can’t stop loving her, but you _have_ to recognize what she’s done to you!”

Bucky blinked, looking at the floor. Abuse? Natasha had never punched him. She’d never kicked him or thrown him against a wall. It was always words or plots, but Bucky never felt he had to hide in fear. He’d been angry– murderously angry. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t let it all go. He wanted to move past this– not linger on it until he was faded dust traversing the world with bitter recollections of a life spent angry. He wanted to be happy.

Steve walked up to Bucky, cupping his hands on Bucky’s cheeks. “I’m sorry. It’s hard for me to not get protective of you.” He kissed Bucky’s forehead. “I love you so much, you stupid jerk.” Steve’s voice was wavering and thick. Bucky was hurting him already and he still had so much more to tell… He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to tell Steve what Natasha had done. He wanted to smile, kiss his boyfriend back and eat rice noodles and veggies. He wanted to maybe make good on his promise about the prostate stimulator and tickle at Steve’s ass till he came at _least_ five times. He’d even settle for watching the nightly news snuggled up under an afghan with Steve. He just wanted to be with him.

A police car’s screeching siren echoed off in the distance, getting closer. Bucky’s heart sped up. He was half-convinced that siren was calling for Steve’s head. Steve hadn’t murdered anyone, but that didn’t mean he was innocent either. Bucky wasn’t sure what would happen to a man who left someone to die of a drug overdose. Was it murder?

“Bucky.” Steve’s voice pierced into Bucky like a visceral arrow.

“I love you too,” Bucky replied. He noticed the siren fading away. “Let’s eat?”

Steve seemed to relax and a beautiful smile spread on his lips. Bucky never wanted Steve to stop smiling.

“What’s dinner?”

“Rice noodles and veggies smothered with a tomato wine sauce. I made the sauce myself.” Steve puffed out his chest proudly, that smile still on his lips.

“Is there–”

“Cheese in the fridge. Yes.” Steve laughed, walking around Bucky to pull out the parmesan. “Do I know you or do I know you?”

Bucky hopped back onto the barstool, waiting for Steve to bring their plates over. He didn’t want to ruin this. He wouldn’t bring _her_ up or what she’d done. He wouldn’t talk about Brock or Grant fucking Ward. Tonight was meant to be about them. It’d been such a long day and Bucky just wanted it behind him.

If only he could just scoop Steve up and together they’d just run from this life.

* * *

“Do you see any rashes?” Steve asked as he shoved his hands into Bucky’s face. After dinner, they’d retired to the couch to watch the nightly news. Bucky had found himself too tired to do much else. He was too afraid that if he kept talking to Steve that he’d tell him about Natasha.

“What?”

“Second stage of syphilis is rashes on the hands.” Steve looked to his hands, pulling at the skin and flushing his fingers white.

“There’s no rash,” Bucky said as he pulled Steve’s hands into his own. “Just skin.”

Steve sighed heavily, shaking his head. “God damn it.”

Bucky furrowed his brow and watched Steve chew at his lips.

“I fucked up so badly, Buck.”

“You’re getting treated, it’s okay.”

“No,” Steve replied. He pulled his hands back, still staring at them, poking and prodding. “I did somethin’ I shouldn’t have done.”

Bucky’s heart slowed down, like it was trying to listen as closely as possible. He swallowed, waiting patiently for Steve to explain. He was still too scared of speaking too much. He’d never been a good liar when it came to his personal life.

“Fuck I’m so stupid!” Steve stood up, pacing the length of the sofa. The news was long forgotten as it talked and showed pictures of criminals or sob stories behind them. “I was thinkin’ about all my clients and havin’ to call ‘em and stuff, right?”

Bucky nodded.

“I think I figured out where I got this. I’m not proud of it.”

Bucky tilted his head to the side. He wished he could be more vocal, but part of him actually enjoyed being the mysterious one for once. That in itself made him feel guilty and his heart weighed down with stone.

“Jesus, Bucky. Why’re you so quiet tonight?”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m listening.”

Steve went to his knees in front of Bucky, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist. He dropped his head in Bucky’s lap before sighing again. The heat of his breath tickled at Bucky’s skin and made him laugh.

Bucky stroked his fingers through Steve’s hair. He ran his tongue back and forth over his lips– anything to not talk and risk spilling the bad news. Steve was already upset and he didn’t need to further that. It could wait till morning, hopefully.

“God, I’m so sorry.” Steve pressed his face into Bucky’s abdomen.

“What’d you do?” Anxiety set in like poured concrete. Bucky’s sternum went tight, his fingers chilled and all he could think about were the worst scenarios. Grant and Brock, Erik or some other past lover-client. Bucky wasn’t sure he was actually capable of murder, but if Grant and Brock gave Steve syphilis (and had already slept with him…) Bucky wasn’t sure he could hold back from strangling them.

Steve leaned back on his heels, looking up at Bucky. He looked so young. His eyes couldn’t stay focused on Bucky for more than a few beats and he wrung his hands in his lap. “I messed up so bad, Buck.”

Bucky leaned forward, his brow pinched. “Just tell me, please?”

Steve whined, looking like he’d rather run than explain. “Ya’know how I said I’d quit my job?” He bit his lip, looking to his lap. “I got offered a lot of money for somethin’ and I lied to everyone involved.”

“Everyone?” Bucky’s fingers were tingling. He’d considered himself a patient man in the past, but his patience was wearing thin now. Steve had a way of dancing around the issue before actually getting to the meat of it, and Bucky wasn’t sure he could survive the suspense. “Steve, just fucking tell me!”

Steve stood up, whirling around to face Bucky. “I slept with Pepper and Tony, okay!” He recoiled, crossing his arms and sucking in his lips. He looked like a child who’d broken his father’s favorite tool.

Bucky stared, slack-jawed. His eyes started to blur and itch from not blinking. What had he done to deserve punishment like this? Did God really hate gays and this is how He punished them? His heart squeezed in on itself so tight that it was ripping; his stomach lurched and forced itself into knots as it battled with his intestines. He felt like something was going to explode from inside him. It wasn’t anger that made him feel this way. It was soul-crushing, overwhelming, earth-shattering defeat. He’d been so beaten down that he wasn’t sure his body could take another day like this. Forget running away with Steve, Bucky just wanted to _run_.

“Pepper was curious,” Steve said. He wouldn’t look Bucky in the eye. “Tony made me swear you were okay with it.”

“You never told me.” Bucky blinked, astonished by how strong his voice sounded. No tears, no lump in the throat– just cold defeat. Steve was always private. Maybe Bucky should’ve picked up on it earlier, but he’d learned that lesson crystal clear now. Steve avoided his past, he avoided telling Bucky who his friends were, what he did with clients, _who_ he was doing. This wasn’t a shocker. Steve was too private for his own good. Bucky didn’t know what to do about that.

“No I didn’t.” Steve shifted his weight, but he didn’t come closer to Bucky. “I’ve been thinking for a while now how I wanted to quit–”

“I _told_ you it was okay!” Bucky snapped, standing. Defeat only soothed his aching soul for so long. Now anger was starting to bubble in the pits of his stomach. If Steve wanted to play this game, Bucky wasn’t going to simply roll over for it. This was _his_ life. Steve took away Bucky’s right to a decision with such a delicate issue. Yes, Steve was allowed to sleep with paying clients, but never had Bucky thought he’d sleep with _Tony and Pepper_. It was like high schoolers sleeping with each other’s exes. You just didn’t do it. “But this? Sleeping with my business partner? His wife? This isn’t okay, Steve! You crossed a line!”

Steve flinched. His eyes were wet and those long lashes clumped together. He was unraveling and frankly, Bucky didn’t care. This was a betrayal. They’d rushed into this relationship too soon and now Bucky had to pay for it. It was only fair that way. Why should Bucky deserve happiness? It wasn’t like he’d given happiness to anyone else.

“I know, Buck.” Steve stepped forward. Bucky moved behind the couch to separate them. He didn’t want those arms close to him right now. All he could see were the images of Steve fucked out between Tony and Pepper. He felt like he was going to puke. Gripping the couch, he looked up at Steve with malice and betrayal drowning his features. His bottom lip was quivering– not in sadness, just anger.

“Let me explain. It’ll make sense if I just explain!”

“No Steve!” Bucky tore himself from the sofa, moving into the bedroom. “This whole thing was a mistake.”

“What? Bucky, no!” Steve was behind Bucky, reaching out and trying to pull Bucky to him, but Bucky smacked his hands.

“Don’t _touch_ me, Steve!” Bucky’s tone was shrill and heavy with a desperate anguish he’d never heard before. It shocked him and Steve both.

Steve was openly crying, his big shoulders shaking like crumbling mountains. His nose was bright red. Bucky couldn’t stop thinking about how young and vulnerable Steve looked. He wanted to pull Steve into his arms and just kiss him, but Steve didn’t deserve that. Bucky didn’t either– for that matter.

“Please, Bucky,” Steve cried. He stepped forward again, hesitantly reaching out. “Please let me explain.”

“I don’t wanna hear it from you,” Bucky whispered, letting Steve clutch onto him. Steve’s whole body was trembling with his sobs. He cupped the back of Bucky’s head and pulled him tight against his body. Bucky stood there like a tree stump. “I wanna hear it from Tony. I wanna know why.”

“It was just–”

“I _said_ I want to hear it from Tony, Steve. Please let go.”

“No,” Steve whispered, clutching harder. Bucky had to gasp to breathe. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I didn’t leave you, Steve.” Bucky stared at the clock by the bed, watching the red numbers change as each minute past them by. “You left me.”

“No!” Steve pulled back, cupping Bucky’s face. “I was trying to get out, Bucky! They offered–”

Bucky swatted Steve away, stepping back. “You didn’t need their money, Steve!” he bellowed, his face red and brows pulled together. His whole body was hot was a rage he hadn’t ever felt before. It wasn’t just the bite of betrayal that hurt; it was how much he still _loved_ this man. Every second away from Steve felt like a thousand years and Bucky was caving under that loneliness. “You had mine! Did you think for a _single_ second that I wouldn’t take care of you?!”

Steve clutched at an arm, sniffling. “I didn’t–”

“No,” Bucky said, cutting Steve off. “You didn’t _think_. Not with your mind at least.” He turned around and walked over to a closet.

“Bucky,” Steve said as Bucky pulled out a suitcase. “Wait, what’re you doing?”

“I need out for the night. You can stay here.” He started to shove clothes into the suitcase and grabbed a pair of loafers for work in the morning. He felt like he was drowning. Something was tugging him under cold water and if he was going to survive, he had to _get out_.

“I can go to Sam’s, that’s not fair to you.”

“Steve, shut up.” Bucky’s tone was venom. He hated how Steve was crumbling. He hated how every bit of hope they both shared for this relationship was being strangled and feasted upon by the ravenous wolves of reality. They’d been doe surrounded by hunters and of course the world had a way of making sure the weak were picked off. “I’m leaving for the night. Just– just take care of yourself.”

“Bucky, please don’t.” Steve reached for Bucky’s hand but Bucky swatted it again. “Why won’t you let me explain?”

“Because I need some time, damn it!” Bucky exclaimed, running his fingers through his hair. Right now, Bucky was on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Anger was a physical being inside him and it was blackening his body and defiling his soul. He didn’t want this relationship to end, and if there was any chance in saving it, he needed to approach this again on calmer terms. But he also needed to therapeutically scream at Tony. “Did Tony give you syphilis?”

Steve shrugged. “It’s complicated, but it’s possible. Or Pepper.”

“Why didn’t you use a condom?” He turned around, dropping the suitcase and pulling out its handle.

“We did. If you’d let me exp–”

“Night, Steve.”  Bucky couldn’t help but stand before Steve and balance on his tip-toes to give the man a kiss on the cheek. Steve gasped, his body going rigid. He looked at Bucky with wild perplexity. “I love you, Steve.”

“I love you too,” Steve answered quickly. “So much. I swear.”

Bucky clenched his jaw, making his way out of the apartment. With each step he took, he could almost feel desperate hands behind him, clawing at his ankles, his wrists and his shoulders. Demons scrambled to pull him back but he kept moving. He needed to break away before he did the one thing he didn’t want to do.

He didn’t want to _hate_ Steve Rogers.

* * *

Storms always came at the most unacceptable of times. Bucky sat under the bus stop’s plastic roofing, listening to the rain. It sounded like mice scurrying atop the shelter. He sighed heavily, checking his phone for the fourth time. He’d made arrangements to stay at Clint’s place tonight. He still wasn’t sure if Clint was joking when he said he’d have to share the top bunk with one of his kids. Bucky _really_ wasn’t in the mood for children or anything that could potentially remind him of all the possibilities of a future with Steve.

Steve– a man who lied, averted his past, was stubbornly too protective in the worst ways, and a sex worker that Bucky loved. A sex worker. It’d never really _mattered_ to Bucky. It was a job like all the rest, and Steve did it well. Bucky hadn’t cared until it got too close to home.

First Erik (though that turned out to be absolutely nothing) and now Tony and Pepper? Bucky wasn’t sure if he should be angrier at Steve or at Tony. Steve had mentioned Tony thought Bucky knew. Another lie to the bin of lies that piled on Bucky’s back. How could he share his life with Steve if Steve pulled stunts like this? Could they even recover from this?

A car honked, its windshield wipers sloshing the rain onto the pavement. Bucky was soaked in the two seconds it took to get into Clint’s car. Luckily, the heater was on and Clint only offered a supportive squeeze of the shoulder and a smile.

“I should’ve taken the subway,” Bucky said, getting ready to list off a long apology. He just didn’t want to deal with crowds or people staring at him while he mourned his life.

“Don’t worry. Sometimes it’s fun to battle the streets. ‘Sides, I didn’t wanna make you find public transit all the way to Montclair.”

“God.” Bucky put his hands over the vents to soak up the heat. “Fuck New Jersey.”

“Watch it!” Clint laughed, playfully punching Bucky. “The ‘burbs too domestic for you?”

“New Jersey is too domestic for me.” Bucky scrunched up to get warm. He wished he could strip out of his soaking clothes. Why did it always rain when shit hit the fan? He must’ve assassinated someone important in a previous life to get the short stick like this over and over again.

“I’m sorry about– ya know– Steve.” Clint flicked his gaze to Bucky occasionally while he drove through the clogged Manhattan streets.

Bucky found himself wanting to smile but he was too exhausted. He just shrugged a single shoulder, staring out ahead. The rain dumped onto the windshield like someone was just pouring buckets out there.

“God, I can’t even believe Stark would do somethin’ like that,” Clint babbled. “Oh, shit. I mean. Fuck.”

“S’okay. I know. I’m–” Bucky heaved a big sigh. “I’m not quite sure what to make of it either.”

“So, you n’ Steve over?”

Bucky wanted to say no. Every part of his body yearned to turn back around and crawl back into Steve’s big warm arms, especially since Bucky was so cold from the rain. He wanted this to be put in the past and be stronger than something as dramatic as infidelity, but he’d found out long ago that he was a weak man. A man who apparently let those he loved abuse him. It hurt to think of Steve as one of his abusers. It didn’t sit right in Bucky’s mouth. Steve made a mistake. That didn’t make him an abuser. If Bucky could forgive Natasha, why would Steve be harder to forgive?

_‘Because I thought he was better than that.’_

“Bucko?”

Bucky looked over at Clint, blinking into the present. “I dunno, man. It’s complicated.”

Clint pulled up to a stoplight, huffing. “Yeah, I hear that. Sometimes I think that when shit gets rough that I’ll find Laura leaving divorce papers on the bed or somethin’.” He laughed, almost like he was surprised with how dramatic that sounded. “I don’t know why she puts up with me.”

“She loves you.”

“Does he love you? Really?”

“Yeah.” Bucky didn’t have to think twice about that.

“No matter how pissed me and Laura get at each other, cheatin’ ain’t something we take lightly. I’m not sayin’ drop him like a hot potato but– that’s a scumbag move, man. I know this isn’t what you wanna hear.” The light turned green and the car gently rolled forward as Clint focused back on the wet roads. “But I just need to make sure you know that what he did was wrong.”

“He’s a sex worker, Clint. Didn’t you know?”

Clint scoffed. “The whole firm’s been talkin’ about it. Drax was goin’ on that he knew Steve from somewhere only to figure it out after the awards ceremony. He’d bought Steve before. He apparently had brown hair back then.”

“Jesus,” Bucky whispered, putting his hands up to the vents again for warmth. “I don’t even know if he’s a natural blond then.”

“Curtains don’t match the drapes?”

Bucky blushed, shrugging. “He shaves.”

Clint just nodded. They turned onto the highway and settled into silence. Bucky was grateful for it. He curled into himself and glued against to the window. Steve was a sex worker, and yet Clint still found what Steve did to be along the lines of scum. Was it? He was doing his job. He’d gotten paid.

He’d gotten a sexually transmitted infection.

Bucky closed his eyes as the car rode on. He didn’t want to think about all the ways Steve had broken his heart tonight. He was desperately clinging to Steve, afraid without him that the universe might swallow him up.

* * *

“Do you want more soup?” Laura asked.

Bucky was wrapped up in several blankets on the Bartons’ couch (much to the children’s dismay) with an empty soup bowl on the arm. He shook his head, offering up the empty bowl. “No thanks. It was good though.”

Laura took the bowl, clicking her tongue. “Eat anything you want, Bucky. And remember you did nothing wrong.” She walked out of the living room and back into the kitchen. Bucky’s gaze trailed after her, watching the rain pour down from the windows. Laura was a nice woman, but Bucky _did_ do something wrong. He’d walked away when Steve was trying, _begging_ to explain. He’d walked away and now he was here, listening to thunder off in the distance and children’s laughter.

Bucky watched the kids play video games, both of them on the floor since apparently Bucky was toxic on the couch (he would avoid himself if he could too). The game was terribly violent and Bucky found himself curious to try to play. It seemed therapeutic, shooting people under the guise of a fantasy war. Maybe gamers knew something the rest of the world didn’t. Constructive channeling of anger seemed like a good idea.

“Hey man,” Clint said as he tapped Bucky’s thigh and plopped onto the couch with a groan. “Kids, turn it down.”

“But we weren’t even that loud!” one of them protested. Bucky never could remember their names. All these years and he’d never remembered their names. That just showed the kind of person Bucky used to be. He didn’t like his past-self all that much. Past-self had lived a lie and held everyone at arm’s length. Steve had taught something to Bucky– he’d taught him how to love himself and love others in return. If they ended… at least Bucky had learned something from Steve. He didn’t want to be that person ever again.

“Turn it down or go play in the basement.” Clint put on his best ‘dad’ face, pulling Bucky’s attention back. It got Bucky smiling. “When Peter gets here, you either go upstairs or to the basement. Okay?”

The kids groaned but that was the end of their protesting. Bucky watched as they saved their game and ran downstairs.

“Kinda sucks that it took me to get to this level to remember I had friends,” Bucky said. “I’m kind of a shitty person.”

“No you’re not. You’re a man in love and your relationship was new. It’s expected.”

Bucky leaned forward, grabbing his bottle of water. He took a sip before saying, “I don’t even think Tony knows that Steve and I aren’t really getting married.”

Clint laughed. “Me and Peter were wonderin’ how long that lie was gonna keep goin’.”

He grinned sheepishly, ducking his chin. “Forever, I guess. Maybe we can run some bullshit about how we just found ourselves going in different directions.” The lights flickered. Bucky prayed the electric didn’t go out. He was never more bored than when the electric went out.

“Ya gonna break up with him?” Clint asked, cracking open his beer can. He took a deep gulp before focusing back on Bucky.

“I’m not sure.” Bucky looked away. His voice didn’t sound like his. It was like it was coming through a tunnel. Steve’s beautiful face filtered into his mind. It tugged at his heart and made him want to absolutely make sure he and Steve would stay together. He’d never been so in love before. Natasha was a friend, and she’d always been a friend– Bucky knew that now. Their love was different. The love Bucky had for Steve was immeasurable. Bucky found himself always thinking if Steve would like a movie or if he’d appreciate an ad Bucky was running. Steve was in Bucky’s thoughts more than eating or what shoes to wear for the day.

The doorbell rang. Bucky looked up to watch Clint heave himself up before stomping over to the door. He shook the china in the dining room as he walked.

Peter came in, his usually smiling face serious. “I brought chocolate.” He shrugged off his sopping-wet raincoat and tugged his muddy boots off.

Bucky laughed as Peter walked around the coffee table to show the stockpile of Hershey bars, Reece’s peanut butter cups and Three Musketeer bars.  

“I didn’t know which you’d like best, so I thought a nice variety couldn’t hurt. I also brought beer.” He lifted the other hand to show a twelve pack of Rolling Rock.

“Beer and chocolate,” Bucky said with a smirk. “That’ll give me gas.”

Peter and Clint both laughed. Clint grabbed a Reece’s cup and Peter opened up one of his bottles. The three of them shared the sofa with Peter in the middle and Bucky and Clint to the sides. Clint turned on some DVR’ed hockey game and the trio fell into silence except for Clint and Peter’s burps and one fart from Clint. Peter giggled like a schoolgirl about it. Bucky rolled his eyes. These were his friends apparently…

“When do we start opening up about relationships and talkin’ about that shit?” Peter asked.

Both Clint and Bucky laughed. Bucky was amazed that no matter how rotten he felt inside, these two had a way of bringing a smile to his face. He treasured them. If it hadn’t been for Steve though, he’d probably have never realized how much he really cared about these two. They’d been there from the start with this whole ordeal and not once did they threaten the lies Bucky spun for any self-gain. They’d never let the secret slip, and that spoke volumes to their characters.

“Do we need a talking stick? We could do the talking bottle?” Clint offered. He held up an already empty Rolling Rock bottle. Bucky wasn’t sure how Clint could down beer like he did without getting _wretched_ heartburn later.

“Oh my God,” Bucky exclaimed dryly. “You’re both too much for me to handle right now.”

“Dude, you’re over there curled up tighter than a girl menstruating.” Peter turned to him, grabbing his shoulder. “It doesn’t make you less of a man if you need to cry.”

Bucky looked away and bit his lip. He always cried. It was honestly a miracle he’d held up so far. Maybe because he hadn’t really walked away from Steve. He had all the intentions on going back and talking about what had happened. He’d just needed to cool down from it.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” he said. “I don’t even know how much I’ve accidently kept from you two.”

Clint and Peter exchanged glances before looking back to Bucky.

“You heard about the blackmail thing right?”

“Gamora told me,” Peter said. “She heard it from Wanda. Is it really true?”

“Unfortunately.” Bucky heaved a sigh, dropping his head against the sofa. “Word travels way too fast.”

“It’d been nice if you told us,” Clint said. “We could’ve helped you.”

Bucky smiled sadly. Clint functioned under the guise of a human disaster. He never knew which way was up when it came to himself, but when it came to others, well he always knew what to do or say in any sticky situation.

“It got so complicated so fast. Nat was fucking Steve.” Bucky saw both his friends’ faces wince. “She was blackmailing him for something he’d done in his past, she was blackmailing me _about_ Steve and it just got so out of hand. I was so damn scared.”

“Jesus.” Peter ran his fingers through his hair. “You didn’t tell Tony?”

“If I told Tony then Nat said she’d tell everyone Steve was– well you know.”

“An escort.” Clint shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal. Bucky wanted to believe it wasn’t a big deal, but the fact that he’d been so worried about everyone finding out really hammered it home about just how big a deal it was. It wasn’t a normal job. Steve wasn’t a baker or a doctor or teacher. He wasn’t even a plumber or a garbage collector. He was a sex worker. Bucky was beginning to think the only reason Pepper and Tony hadn’t cared was because now Pepper was finally able to fuck Steve. Bucky had seen it in the way she looked at him, he just never thought…

He never thought _any_ of this would happen.

“But she got fired right?” Peter asked as he opened up another beer. “That’s the word ‘round the office.”

“She quit. Change of heart.” Bucky didn’t like where this was going. He could feel his calves clenching as he tried to metaphorically leap to Natasha’s defense. “She apologized to me.”

“And what? That made it all hunky-dory?” Clint leaned forward to grab a Hershey bar. “Dude, she could’ve ended your career if Tony hadn’t been so cool about it.”

“Well, considering Tony fucked my boyfriend I don’t really think I ever needed to worry about my job.” Bucky said the words so smoothly he was flabbergasted that they’d trickled from his mouth. How did it all end up like this? He should’ve selfishly advocated for Steve to quit his job long before it got this deep. Could he have lost Steve though? Steve had always been so adamant about loving what he did.

“Jesus.” Peter slumped down into the couch. “Your life’s a damn soap opera.”

“Yup,” Bucky agreed, finally grabbing a chocolate bar. He would drown his feelings tonight in unhealthy food and beer and maybe even get drunk. No one could blame him. He wanted to get drunk.

Shit, he _needed_ it.

“So how’re you gonna deal with Tony and Pepper?” Clint asked. “I’d fuckin’ punch Tony. I can punch him for you? No one should be that big of a dick to their friend.”

“I’m not punching anyone,” Bucky replied. He nursed his beer, hating the way it tasted. He was much more of a wine person. Beer tasted like stale bread and chalk dust. “I’m gonna ask Tony’s side of the story. I’m also gonna ask why Tony fucking Stark has syphilis.”

Peter scrunched up his nose. “Yeah, that’s weird.”

“Maybe he and Pepper are into weird shit, like threesomes and stuff.” Clint looked between Bucky and Peter expectantly.

Peter raised his hand and cupped Clint’s face. “It’s so cute that you think that’s weird shit. Married life is so pure.” Peter pushed Clint’s lips together and made Clint look like a fish. Bucky found himself chuckling under his breath at the display.

“Oh knock it off!” Clint swatted Peter’s hand away. “Weird shit is other shit. I’ve– I mean– oh whatever, fuck you guys.”

Peter and Bucky both laughed. It felt good to laugh, like rocks were being lifted from Bucky’s heart and lungs. He could breathe easily and it didn’t feel like each breath was a desperate fight to just survive and not break down into a million pieces. He was glad he’d called Clint. He needed this.

They spent the rest of the night watching hockey, burping, nudging each other and drinking. Peter went out for another beer run (Bucky asked for wine and no one judged him, so that was great).

It was a little after three AM that Bucky found himself alone on the sofa, holding a bottle of wine against his stomach, listening to a snoring Peter and staring at his phone.

He hovered his thumb over Steve’s number. He wanted to press it. His mind was all murky and his body was warm. He knew if he called that this would be too easy to forgive Steve. He’d hear that velveteen voice and want to burrow into it and wrap it around him like a blanket.

Bucky took another swig of wine. It was warm and cheap but it and three other bottles had gotten the job done. He’d have one fucking hell of a hangover in the morning. Clint had even left him and Peter some ibuprofen to take before bed. Bucky should’ve switched to water but he couldn’t bring himself to stop kiting on alcohol. It felt good to be so drunk. The room fizzed and blurred around him like he was watching some 90’s taped show, the rain still tapped against the house but it sounded like the people in the office typing more than it sounded like rain– it was soothing– and his body felt like it was floating. He wanted to just stay like this.

_“Hello? Bucky?”_

Bucky’s heart dropped into his stomach. He looked down at his phone and realized he’d accidently pressed Steve’s number. The timer was running, Steve’s face was on the screen (it was a simple picture, Bucky with his head tucked under Steve’s chin and Steve smiling that big golden retriever of a smile). Bucky couldn’t even remember when they’d taken that photo.

_“Bucky? Please baby, talk to me.”_

Bucky’s heart didn’t just drop into his stomach, it found a way to slide down his legs and out his toenails. He cringed, listening to Steve’s raspy voice. He’d been crying; Bucky was sure of it. Bucky hadn’t cried despite all his feelings of wanting to. He’d kept focused on his friends and the alcohol. He’d been so damn good about _not_ crying. Listening to Steve suck in a deep breath only to let it out in a sob made Bucky’s resolve _die_.

“Steve?”

 _“Oh God.”_ Steve was definitely crying. Another sob echoed into the phone. _“God, baby. Where are you? Are you safe? Are you okay?”_

Bucky closed his eyes. He didn’t want to hear all the ways Steve cared about him. He wanted to remove himself just enough to recognize the severity of what had happened between him and Steve. Steve had _lied_. It wasn’t necessarily cheating, but it _was_. It was too close for comfort and now they were here. Bucky needed to remember that, even with all the alcohol buzzing about his head.

“Fine.” Bucky’s voice was detached. He hated the way he sounded, like a drone without a heart. He had a heart. He’d given it to Steve and now Steve chucked it out a window. Maybe Bucky just needed to grow another one back to get his old voice back. “At Clint’s.”

Steve let out a relieved sigh. Bucky couldn’t help but feel ticked off that Steve sounded so happy about it, like Bucky had been a child that got lost in a mall and now the security notified Steve. Bucky was an adult and he could handle himself.

 _“I don’t like bein’ here without you,”_ Steve said into the phone. _“S’not right. This is your home.”_

 _‘It could’ve been ours,’_ Bucky thought. He swallowed before the words found a way to climb out his mouth.

 _“Are you– um, you’re–_ ” Steve heaved a big sigh. It wasn’t in relief this time. It was sad and lonely, just like Bucky. _“Can’t sleep?”_

Bucky laughed. He’d expected something else. He wasn’t sure what he expected exactly, maybe Steve crying or pleading with Bucky. Maybe Bucky expected Steve to try to talk about what happened earlier. So he laughed, because what Steve asked just felt so _natural_ – like they weren’t fighting or on the verge of a break-up. “No. M’drunk too.”

_“Oh. Is anyone with you?”_

“Nope.” Bucky looked over at Peter. The man was passed out and drooling. “Alone.”

_“Is there– I mean– can I do anything? To help you sleep. I could hum or– somethin’.”_

Bucky closed his eyes. What he wanted more than anything right now, more than a year-long vacation traveling the world, or finding a cure to death. What he wanted was to feel Steve’s chest rumble as he hummed, gently stroking Bucky’s hair. His whole body tingled, reaching out for Steve and shivering when it found nothing but the cold room around him. “Come get me.”

_“What?”_

“Please? I wanna go home. Come get me.”

There was a long pause. Bucky wasn’t sure if he’d been dreaming this whole thing and he’d just been talking to an imaginary Steve. He was almost resolved to curl up and try to go to sleep when Steve said, _“Okay baby. Text me the address?”_

* * *

Bucky fumbled around the room as he tried to find his suitcase. He shouldn’t have brought a _suitcase_ to a single overnight but he’d been too pissed off to think about it earlier. He honestly didn’t know how long he’d be gone back then.

He slammed back into one of the small tables by the couch and the light went crashing to the floor. It shattered unreasonably loudly. Bucky cringed, looking up at the dark stairs in the hallway. Clint had to have heard that. He looked over at Peter, watching the man blearily open his blood-shot eyes.

“Whazzat?” he mumbled.

“Nothin’,” Bucky answered. He tried to pick up the pieces but his hands weren’t as coordinated as he wanted. He cut himself on a piece of shattered bulb. “Shit!”

Clint chose then to come stumbling down the stairs. He was in striped pajama pants and a cardigan that he’d probably swung on hastily in his room moments before. “What happened?”

“Hit it,” Bucky said, pointing.

“He’s bleeding.” Peter stood up and stretched before moving into the kitchen. “I’ll get a Band-Aid.”

Clint rushed into the living room, tugging Bucky’s hand into his to examine the wound. “S’not deep. Why’re you up, Buck?”

Bucky looked away in shame. Steve would be here soon and now everyone would witness Bucky scampering back to his boyfriend. He knew they were disappointed with Steve, but Bucky didn’t want to stay disappointed. He just wanted this to be over with. He needed Steve Rogers.

“Bucky?” Clint asked again. His voice was gentle and didn’t have the least bit of rasp or imperfection to it. Clint had blond hair and bright eyes– kind of like Steve. Bucky had never found himself _attracted_ to Clint before, but right now, he wasn’t such a bad looker.

“He’s still piss drunk,” Peter said as he came over with a dish rag and a bandage.

“M’fine,” Bucky mumbled. “Steve’s getting’ me.”

Peter and Clint both froze.

“Excuse me?” Clint asked, blinking. He shifted his weight, looking around. “It’s the obscene middle of the night.”

“I wanna go,” Bucky said, feeling the tears finally breach the seal he’d tired so desperately to keep up all day. “I miss him and I just wanna go.”

Peter carefully wrapped the bandage around Bucky’s finger, his face somber. He stepped back, giving a soft nod to Clint.

“You guys are such good friends.” Bucky looked to his cleaned up hand, thanks to Peter. “But I love him.”

“Bucky–” Clint’s voice was full of disappointment. Bucky had never heard that tone come out of Clint’s mouth before. It made Bucky push out tears more. He didn’t want to upset his friends. He couldn’t help who he loved. He’d tried! He’d tried so hard to love a woman and it just _didn’t work_. He’d found someone who he really was connected to and it was all going to shit. Bucky didn’t want it to go to shit anymore. Steve wanted to be with Bucky and Bucky wanted to be with Steve. Everything else could wait and deal.

Bucky’s phone rang. Peter picked it off the coffee table. “Steve.”

“Gimme.” Bucky reached out and took the phone.

“This is bullshit,” Clint said under his breath. “You were pissed to high heaven about him earlier? What about Tony? You just gonna forgive this?”

“Clint.” Peter shook his head. “Don’t. He’s drunk.”

“Yeah! And that’s the damn problem!” Clint was loud. Bucky was worried he’d wake his kids up. He didn’t want them to see him so drunk. They’d _never_ get on the couch with him if they knew what pathetic excuse of a man he really was. “Seriously, Buck! You came here for a _reason_!”

“Yeah.” Bucky shrugged, stepping back. He finally saw his suitcase by the kids’ video games. “And now I wanna leave.” He moved toward his suitcase. He had to balance off the wall to keep from falling over but when he grabbed its handle, he saw headlights outside. “Gotta go.”

“No. Not when you’re drunk,” Clint said.

“Steve’s here, man.” Peter peeked through the window curtain. “We can’t just send ‘im away.”

“Watch me.” Clint moved out of the room like a man on a mission.

Bucky’s mind felt like it was churning mud. He was slow to process what was happening around him and he was too slow to process that Clint had left the front door open. He shook his head, trying to remember what was happening. “Steve.”

“Hey man.” Peter gently rubbed his shoulders. “You need to lie down.”

“N-no.” Bucky tensed. “Steve’s here.”

Bucky and Peter both tensed when they heard shouting outside. Bucky wasn’t coordinated enough to run, but he yanked himself from Peter, slamming back into the wall for a second before moving into the foyer and to the porch.

Clint was up in Steve’s face. Bucky couldn’t make out what was happening too well– alcohol and night didn’t really mix. All Bucky knew was that Clint was pushing Steve and Steve wasn’t pushing back, he was just letting Clint shove him all the way up agaist Steve’s car.

“Oh shit.” Peter came to stand by Bucky briefly. He ran down the steps and got between Clint and Steve, shoving Clint away. “Clint! Stop it, man!”

Bucky had never felt so _numb_ before. He was watching the man he loved get shoved up against a car by one of his best friends and he didn’t even have the decency to really care that it was all happening before him. His brain was still all jumbled up and gurgling mud or dirt or– something. He shook his head, swaying on the porch. Something hard and flat hit his ass and the back of his head erupted in pain.

“Bucky!”

Bucky just lay there, wondering what made his head feel like he’d just fallen down a flight of stairs. His tailbone was throbbing.

“Baby.” Steve came into Bucky’s vision, his beautiful brow all crinkled up and those lips red all open. Bucky wanted to lean up and kiss them. “Are you okay?”

“He’s drunk,” Clint growled. “And he’s _staying_ here.”

“He called me!” Steve whipped his head around to face Clint. “I’m taking him home. It’s _his_ home!”

“And don’t you forget it, hooker.”

Steve scoffed. “What’s that supposed to mean? Is it supposed to hurt me?” He pulled Bucky’s head into his lap and began to gently push the hair back from Bucky’s face.

“It _means_ that you’re a fuckin’ freeloading _prostitute_ who’s shit where he slept and now it’s finally bit you in the ass!”

“Steve,” Bucky finally said, reaching up. He had no idea what Clint was saying or that he’d just interjected at the absolute best time. “I missed you.” He reached up for Steve’s face but ended up bumping his fingers into Steve’s throat.

Steve smiled, grabbing that hand and guiding it to his cheek. “I’m here, baby. We’re goin’ home.” He ignored Clint’s words.

“He’s drunk! What part of that don’t you fuckin’ understand?” Clint threw his hands up in the air. Peter shuffled to his side and gently tugged at his arm, but Clint pulled away. “He can’t consent to this!”

“I’m not fuckin’ him!” Steve wailed, picking Bucky up bridal style and letting Bucky’s head drop against his chest. “Yeah, I know he’s drunk, but he called me and said he wanted to go home– so that’s where I’m taking him. _His_ home.”

Clint scoffed, his gaze going from Steve to Bucky. “You know, I knew you were a bad idea ever since Nat picked you out for him.”

Steve took a step forward. Bucky groaned. His head was still hurting and Steve’s heavy breathing was bothering it. “Then why didn’t you stop her?” Steve looked to both Peter and Clint. “You _both_ could’ve stopped her from ordering me. _You_ let me happen.” He began moving. Bucky liked feeling like a child in his lover’s arms. Steve was so big. Bucky was always trying to _feel_ big– but he’d never be as big as Steve. It was nice to be in these familiar arms, knowing his big boyfriend was there and everything would be okay now. Bucky just wanted everything to be okay. He was so _done_ with the drama of it all.

Steve helped Bucky get into the car. Bucky fumbled with his seatbelt until Steve gently took Bucky’s hand away from it and strapped Bucky in himself. He caressed Bucky’s face, offering a pained smile. Bucky furrowed his brow, watching those big eyes drown in sadness. No, this was all supposed to be over. They were supposed to just get by and be happy finally. They deserved to be happy, damn it!

“Clint?” Steve said.

Peter was whispering something to Clint, but Bucky couldn’t make heads or tails of it. He watched from the open door as Steve walked toward the other man.

“Yeah, I’m a prostitute. Yeah, I’m a lot of trouble. But I would _never_ let him drink himself away like this– no matter how upset he was. I let someone make a mistake like this once and it cost them their life. So don’t you _dare_ think for a fucking second that I wouldn’t do everything in my power to make sure he was safe and healthy.” He took another step toward Clint. Clint just clenched his jaw. “You left him _alone_ , Clint.”

“What? He was on the couch and Peter had the floor!”

“No,” Steve said. Bucky had never heard him sound so authoritative. If he were sober, he’d probably care more about his friends and his boyfriend fighting, but right now all he could think about was how hard he was getting watching Steve verbally berate his closest friends. “You let him drink– alone– while you went to bed. While you _both_ went to bed. He was _drinking_ alone.”

Peter looked away, guilt written all over his face.

Clint fumbled, his lips stammering and his eyes gawking almost out of his head.

Steve turned around and made his way around to the driver’s side of the car. He grabbed Bucky’s hand and pressed a light kiss to the knuckle. “I’m gonna make sure you’re okay tonight. No more drinking.”

Bucky nodded. “No’m  drinking.”

Bucky passed out the second Steve backed out of the driveway.

* * *

When Bucky woke, there was a glass of water and three blue ibuprofen pills on the nightstand. A little letter was nestled beneath the glass that said, “ _Please take_.” Bucky grabbed at the pills in a flurry of incoordination and finally popped them into his mouth before gulping down the water. His mouth tasted like cotton and was just as dry. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, groaning at how much energy that simple gesture took out of him.

“Wait.” He looked around. He was in his own apartment. He turned around and saw no one sleeping beside him. His heart dropped in a moment of panic as he found the strength to rush out of the room and stumble into the living area. Steve was asleep on the sofa, his arm slung over his eyes to block the sun from the windows spanning the whole wall. Bucky gaped, trying to remember how he’d gotten here last night.

He remembered being in Clint’s living room and drinking wine. Then he remembered drinking _more_ wine and…

Oh _shit_.

Bucky tried to take in as many deep breaths as he could. His heart was on the verge of exploding from all the abrupt confusion. He padded around to the kitchen area to grab a glass and get more water. He should’ve used the one in his bedroom but that was too far for him now.

Steve stirred on the sofa, inhaling deeply through his nose. He looked beautiful with his lips softly parted and his jaw fuzzy with blond stubble. Bucky reached up to grab his own chin. He needed to shave too. He could get away with skipping one day before a heavy amount of shadow clung to his face. He didn’t really feel like shaving today– or showering for that matter.

He moved over to the coffee maker and set about making them coffee. When it started to brew, Steve sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looked at Bucky with a hesitant sadness that made Bucky’s heart want to lunge from his ribcage and find a way to tug Steve inside it forever.

“Hey,” Steve said.

“Hey.” Bucky shifted his weight uncomfortably. “You– uh, you sleep okay?”

Steve cracked his neck and then went about cracking his knuckles. He always did that every morning. “Yeah. You?”

Bucky shrugged. “I guess. Don’t really remember much.”

Steve nodded. “I didn’t think you would.” He bit his lower lip, staring at his toes. “Bucky, when you called me– you didn’t– I had no idea how drunk you were.”

Bucky looked away, ashamed. He hadn’t gotten like that since college. He could remember just being so pissed off that he wanted to see if indulging in old behavior would cure it. He’d missed Steve from the second he’d crossed the threshold of the apartment and every step of the way to Clint’s. That longing hadn’t stopped, even if it was mixed with pain, anger, and confusion.

“I’m sorry, if you didn’t wanna see me so soon.” Steve stood up, wrapping the blanket around his torso. “I can go to Sam’s.”

Bucky shook his head as he grabbed two coffee mugs. “No use.”

Steve just watched, running his tongue back and forth on the inside of his bottom lip.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Bucky explained. He began pouring out the coffee. “I just– I need time.”

“Absolutely.” Steve took a timid step forward. “Whatever you need, baby.”

Bucky scrunched up his nose. “You’ve never used a singular pet name so much in our life together.”

Steve shrugged. A faint blush crept up into his skin. He looked like a sunset with his pale skin, purple bags under his eyes and red and pink hues over his ears and cheeks. The kind of sunset that wondered why the moon couldn’t follow him– lonely. It made Bucky cringe. “Sorry. I guess it’s my desperate way of trying to hold onto you.”

Bucky pushed a coffee mug over the counter toward Steve. “I’m not leaving.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “For now. You may change your mind once you talk to Tony about– um– about what I said.”

“You mean about you and him fucking?”

“And Pepper.” Steve took a small sip of his coffee. “Ah! That’s hot.”

“It’s fresh.” Bucky watched Steve fidget. He played with his nails, bit his lip and even kept scratching his face. Bucky had never seen Steve so worried before. Part of Bucky was relieved that Steve seemed to care so much. Bucky wasn’t used to people _caring_ like this. He wasn’t even used to himself _being_ this person. It was nice to be someone wanted.

“We didn’t– you know– do anything last night.” Steve shrugged awkwardly, fingering the lip of his coffee. “You wanted to but– I’ve got– well I knew it would be wrong.”

“I wanted to?”

Steve took his coffee over to the couch. He curled in on himself, holding the coffee to his chest. Everything about him looked damaged. His eyes were dull, his hair flaxen and unkempt, even his skin was more yellow without its pretty blush that kept him shimmering in the light. He looked ordinary– just a man trying to get by in a world that rejected him in so many ways. Bucky understood the feeling well.

“I just wanted you to know. I’d never take advantage of you like that.” Steve winced. “I mean, I’ve taken advantage of you enough as it is. Your home, your love–” He flicked up his brows dejectedly. “Your trust.”

“Steve–”

“No, I get it Bucky. I know you’re angry and you deserve that. I won’t try to push anythin’ on you or even talk about it until you hear from Tony. S’not fair what I did. I get that now.” He leaned forward to set the coffee down. Steve had the most uncanny way of making Bucky feel like everything had been his fault. Guilt weighed against Bucky’s throat like food too big to swallow. This _wasn’t_ his fault. Steve had done this, but Bucky couldn’t help but feel he was partly to blame. He’d encouraged Steve and his occupation when Steve voiced he’d be okay with getting out. Maybe somewhere along the line they both tried too hard to please the other and this was what they got in return.

“I should move out.”

The words hit Bucky like a freight train. Every cell in his body was shrieking wildly, ravenous and panicked. He blinked a few times, trying to register what he was seeing. Steve was standing up to fold the blankets. He wore a sad smile and it was more than Bucky’s heart could take.

“Why?” Bucky asked, stepping forward with caution.

“Because this wasn’t right.” Steve gestured around the room. “None of this was. We– we should’ve gone slower or somethin’.”

Bucky felt angry. Steve was playing the part of the sacrificial lamb and of course Bucky was made to feel the like villain. He wouldn’t do this again. He’d ruined one person’s life already. He didn’t need Steve to be a scorned past lover or someone as messed up as Natasha, or fuck– another _Erik._ “No.”

Steve looked startled, his eyes round. He froze, holding one of the blankets to his chest.

“You don’t get to decide that, Steve.” Bucky moved around the sofa, grabbing the blanket and throwing it on the couch. “I do. And if you love me at all you shouldn’t be threatening me like this.”

“Threatening you?”

Bucky laughed. He wasn’t sure if it was the hangover or a moment of clarity but he’d run with it. He felt brave and like he could do anything in this moment, and right now all he wanted was to explain to Steve that he wasn’t some pushover to be manipulated. He was his own person and whether Steve recognized what he was doing or not, Bucky would _make_ him aware of it.

“Moving out? Saying this was all a mistake? You were _begging_ me not to leave yesterday. You were the one saying this wasn’t a mistake!”

“Yeah, but then I had time to think about it!” Steve turned to Bucky, his shoulders wide and his face flushing red. He looked beautiful with the color returning to his face– that lonely sunset of a man. “And you’re right, Bucky! I can’t– I can’t do this to you!”

“Do what? Love me? Accept me? Jesus, Steve!” Bucky threw his hands into the air, exasperated. “You don’t get to decide this. You don’t get to decide _my_ life, Steve! It’s mine!”

Steve just blinked. He held himself steady but Bucky knew there was a storm of conflicting emotions underneath that skin. Steve had to be embarrassed, angry and of course desperately sad.

“I know you’re trying to do what you think is right, but it’s hurting me. I don’t want you to move out. I just need to _understand_ why this all happened.”

“It’s pretty self-explanatory, Bucky.”

Bucky shook his head. “No it’s not. I get why you’d sleep with them but I don’t get why they’d sleep with you.”

Steve looked down, clenching his jaw. “It’s simple– really.”

Bucky felt like he was on the edge of a building. He could take a step forward and just allow himself to experience the uncomfortable sensation of falling without something to hold him back. He could ask and this could all be over, but he _needed_ to hear Tony’s side. It wasn’t just about Steve’s betrayal. It was about Tony’s as well. Tony was supposed to be Bucky’s friend– his partner. This wasn’t what a partner did; this is what a sleezeball did.

“I need to go to work.”

Steve sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You really shouldn’t.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Steve.”

Steve collapsed into the couch, smacking his hands down against the leather sofa. Bucky understood his frustration. Bucky was being a dick, but it was high time he started protecting himself from the ones he claimed to love the most. Natasha, Clint, Steve– they were all people who thought Bucky was something that needed protection and that was the _last_ thing Bucky needed. He needed respect, love, appreciation– he needed support and encouragement. He wasn’t made of glass. He was durable and he’d outlast much more than they thought he could.

Bucky hastily put on his clothes and combed back his hair before applying a gratuitous amount of gel to it. He’d skipped the shower and he _really_ was regretting that, but he just needed to get this over with and hash it all out with Tony. He didn’t have time to nurse his headache and let Steve inflict countless self-punishments. This needed to be over.

Bucky came back into the living space. Steve was on the sofa with his head in his hands, his shoulders were shaking. Bucky watched, wanting to move and hold that man, but if he touched Steve right now, he’d never leave. Everything he’d worked himself up to doing would be lost and that’s not how Bucky wanted to live his life anymore. He needed to be stronger than that.

“I’ll be back this evening,” Bucky said. Steve just kept crying softly. “I love you.” It took all Bucky’s strength to keep walking as Steve’s silent tears became broken sobs. He looked back and had to turn his heart to stone. Steve’s face was beet red and streams of tears were slipping down those cheeks. He looked broken in a way that Bucky couldn’t even explain. There was a complete disconnect of a man who realized everything he’d ever been was something he _shouldn’t_ have been.

Bucky closed the door, hearing a final wail from Steve before he ran to the elevator.

* * *

The office was loud when Bucky arrived. People were laughing, flipping pages, and just plain old talking about football and some celebrity who did something stupid. Women’s heels clacked on the thinly carpeted floor and doors opened and closed. Everything was so _normal_ and yet all Bucky could think about was how much he hated these people. Not all of them of course, but most of them.

Brock came out of his office and Bucky flat out groaned, which only got Brock’s attention. He smiled like a crocodile, all predatory and mischievous eyes. “Lookin’ forward to pounding your man’s ass.”

Bucky didn’t have the heart to tell Brock that was _not_ actually going to happen. Instead, he shrugged, sighing. “Make sure you forgo the lube. He likes it rough.” Bucky was almost down the hall when he turned to say, “Oh and– Brock? He has syphilis. Please don’t use protection.” He smiled delicately before whirling around and moving to Tony’s massive office. The only feeling Bucky felt was pure shit-eating smugness. Brock just stood there like a dope when the mouse finally fought back against the cat. 

Bucky didn’t even bother knocking when he came to Tony’s office. Tony was on the phone, pacing the window that scaled his entire back wall. Unlike the rest of the windows, Tony could fog his automatically if he wanted to. Today, it was crisp and clear despite the overcast outside. Bucky was sick of the rain and hoped it’d pass over.

“No– no I told her, I told her that we’d get the promos out by August! Not May. Where did she even get that idea?” Tony saw Bucky and smiled. It was like a blade to the back. Tony didn’t get to smile so casually at Bucky when he’d assisted in destroying the trust that Steve and Bucky had built.

“Okay listen– tell her we can do June at the earliest. What? No I don’t care if she’s got sports deals on the line she should’ve listened to me!” Tony looked back at Bucky, rolling his eyes.

Bucky just stood there with a plastered fake smile on his face, but murderous intent in his eyes. Watching Tony just _not care_ that Bucky was here with what he’d done with Steve? It was disgusting, frankly. Bucky knew Steve had said he’d lied to Tony that it was okay but _still_. He’d slept with Bucky’s boyfriend– as far as Tony knew, Steve was actually Bucky’s fiancé! There were lines that weren’t meant to be crossed and this was one of them.

“I gotta go. What? Okay fine, tell her to call me. I gotta go.” Tony hung up, sighing. His shoulder slumped casually and he leaned against his chair like Bucky was coming in to talk about some sports game from the night before. “You feel like Italian today? I’m feeling pasta.”

“You slept with Steve.”

Tony’s eyes rounded, his mouth dropping open. For _once_ in Tony Stark’s life, he’d been rendered speechless.

“Do you have syphilis, Tony?” Bucky walked further into the room and closed the door. He knew prying ears would be all over such a conversation, but they didn’t deserve to hear it. No one at this godforsaken company deserved to hear _anything_ about Bucky’s personal life.

“He said you knew.” Tony stepped back, his eyes still round and pleading. “He swore. Oh God, Bucky– I’m so sorry. I’m _so_ sorry.”

Bucky shrugged. He wouldn’t be reduced to tears here. He wouldn’t show Tony how much he was breaking inside. No one got to see that but Bucky. His life was his and his alone. “Do you have syphilis?”

“What?”

“Steve does. He’s been trying to trace it back. He’s had to call all his clients.” Bucky walked around the desk, grabbing Tony’s hands to look for rashes. “Answer the fucking question, Stark.”

Tony’s eyes were so wide that they appeared to be on the verge of shattering. He balked at Bucky, his whole body frozen in embarrassment, mortified and hopefully regretful.

Bucky turned Tony’s hands over, looking for the rashes or any sign of stage two syphilis. When he found nothing, he grimaced, tensing his jaw. “He thought it was you.”

“I’m sorry,” Tony said. “Are you angry at me because I slept with Steve or are you angry because you thought I gave him an STD?”

Bucky smirked. “What did he say to you when this all– no– how did you even get here?”

“What?”

“With Steve, Tony!” Bucky stepped back, trying to make himself larger and taller. “How’d you even consider that this was okay? Who proposed what?”

“Oh.” Tony looked down. “You are mad.”

“Tell me, damn it!” Bucky’s feet were burning. He wanted to lunge into Tony and beat on that guilt-ridden face until it didn’t even resemble a human being anymore. He’d had enough of people trying to dictate his life or think they could cut in with the people he loved. He’d had _enough_ of the manipulation, the lies, and the betrayals. It was time for some fucking honestly before he exploded. Tony had always been someone Bucky thought he could trust, and if not trust– at least respect. He was a good businessman and while arrogant– he was always professional when it came to getting the job done. He’d been someone Bucky admired and now it was like watching one of his heroes fall.

“Pepper was– well she’d asked about it one night when Steve was over.” Tony slumped into his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Steve didn’t think it would be professional but Pepper said we’d of course pay. Steve wasn’t for the idea and then I asked him what he’d want– I just– I wanted to please my wife, you know?” Tony looked up for some form of affirmation but looked down when he found nothing but the blank stare on Bucky’s face.

“He said he was trying to save money to go back to school and get out of sex work. Pepper– naturally– thought it was a great idea and so I offered–” Tony halted, looking up. “He said you knew.”

“I didn’t. What did you offer?” Bucky had never felt so large before. He was looming over Tony, anger still burning his veins and threatening to lash out at any wrong word from Tony’s Judas lips. It was almost as intoxicating as the alcohol had been the night before.

“I offered to pay for his schooling,” Tony admitted, defeated. He hung his head and stared down into his lap.

Bucky couldn’t hide the surprise that jumped into his face. He stood there, searching for something to say back and found his brain was scrambling to find nothing.

“This isn’t something I– We don’t– Bucky, I’m sorry. I said I’d only do this if you knew. I didn’t mean to– well, I don’t know. I was just thinking of Pepper.”

Honestly was a cruel mistress to Tony Stark. It made his shoulders slump and his fingers curl in on themselves. It made him look so much older than his years. But it didn’t hide that he was a good man. He _was_ a good man. Bucky had misjudged him to think that Tony would willingly betray Bucky.

Bucky sighed, running his hands along his gelled back hair. “Okay.”

“Okay? What, Bucky– this isn’t okay.”

Bucky laughed. The irony that Tony was quick to keep this up was almost amusing. “Does Pepper have syphilis?”

Tony squinted up at Bucky. “No. We’re both clean.”

Bucky moved to fall into the sofa. He leaned back, staring up at the lights. “I guess Steve’ll be disappointed. He still has no idea who gave it to him.”

“Did you know?” Tony asked. “That he wanted out?”

Bucky bit his lip, his gaze focused on the fluorescents above. “I– yeah. I just thought he was doing it for all the wrong reasons. The getting out.”

Tony remained silent.

“Maybe I was pushing him to stay so hard that I didn’t realize he’d made up his mind on this a while ago. I mean, if someone doesn’t want to go to med school, they shouldn’t go to med school. I kept deflecting because I thought he _wanted_ it.”

“You’re a good person, Bucky.” Tony leaned forward, elbows resting on his desk. “And I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Bucky shrugged. “You didn’t hurt me. I– This was my fault.”

“Bucky, what? No it wasn’t.”

“Yes it was!” Bucky leaned forward, curling his toes as he fought the urge to get up and pace the room. “I pushed him. I backed him into a damn corner all because I thought I was being _accepting_. I just– I wanted him to know I loved him no matter what.”

Tony furrowed his brow. “And– being engaged? Didn’t convey that already?”

Bucky stared at Tony, confusion filtering into his face before it dawned on him. Tony _still_ didn’t know. A shame chilled Bucky’s bones. Tony and Pepper had been nothing but supporting and good to Bucky, and here he’d been, still lying. He swallowed, looking up at Tony with eyes too _done_ to keep anything from anyone ever again.

“We’re not getting married.”

“What? Bucky if this is because–”

“We never were, Tony.” Bucky dropped his head into his hands. “I met him the same day you did.”

Tony squinted at Bucky, like he wasn’t really seeing or registering what was being explained. Bucky didn’t blame him. It was a fantastical charade that went far too deep. Now its tendrils were slicing into Bucky’s skin like the lies he’d inflicted into everyone else.

“Nat– Nat ordered him for me. I’ve– most of the women I brought to parties or gatherings? They were escorts. Steve was meant to be some kind of sick joke but it blew up in Nat’s face when we actually started feeling for each other.”

Tony scratched between his eyebrows, his lips pressed together tightly. “You mean–” He paused to laugh. “You mean to tell me that _everything_ you and Steve stood for was a lie?”

“What?”

“You two walked around like the perfect couple, but it was a business arrangement. He went above and beyond for you because of money? I saw him defend you at the getaway. I listened to what he said to Pierce and Brock. And if I wasn’t there to witness it, someone else was and they told me. That was all a lie?”

Bucky had never felt so vile before. “Yeah.”

Tony laughed again. He tossed his head back, covering his mouth and bellowed in mirth. His eyes closed and his whole face went red with the gleeful expression. Bucky just sat there, dumbfounded and still feeling like he was no better than the grime that clung to the corner of garbage dumpsters.

“You ‘n Steve.” Tony wiped a tear from his eye. “You’re the most fucked up love story I’ve ever heard and I– I love it. I love everything about it.”

Bucky tilted his head to the side. “Sorry? I’m not following.”

“You and Steve fell in love and I got to see it all happen, except from a misguided perception maybe. But I saw it. That man is crazier than Charles Manson for you. You know, when he comes over all he talks about is you trying to cook vegan for him and how he’s been wanting to rearrange your tie drawer. I mean, no one wants to rearrange _anyone’s_ tie drawer. But there’s Steve.”

Bucky laughed, mostly out of discomfort. “So you don’t care that I was just one big sham? That I got this partnership on a lie?”

“You got this partnership because you _earned_ it, Barnes. But honestly.” Tony tried to smile but it was weak, like he knew the end of this story far before Bucky ever did. “This is the last place you want to be, isn’t it?”

Bucky looked around the room. The successful ad campaigns lined the wall like proud trophies. Every magazine Tony had ever been in was framed too. It was the mark of a man who was proud of what he did. Bucky didn’t hang up his campaigns; he didn’t even have the magazine article where he’d been called one of New York’s most successful bachelors. He looked at his hands, tracing the lines in them. These lines would only get deeper one day. These hands would be feeble and he’d rather look at the hands of a man who _did_ something because he had wanted to– not because he felt he _had_ to.

“Honestly?” He nodded. “And it doesn’t just have to deal with the fact that you slept with my boyfriend.” He tried to smile, but it was lopsided and brief.

Tony laughed openly, nodding back. “Yeah well, I guess that’s why I waited to see if we’d really be slappin’ your name up on the building.”

Bucky just pursed his lips, a smirk at the corner of them.

“Okay. So– I am sorry– for what I did.”

Bucky licked his lips, shrugging a solo shoulder. “Steve said I knew. S’okay.”

“It’s really not, but I appreciate that.” Tony leaned back in his chair, looking out at the window. “When ya gonna put in your resignation?”

Bucky shrugged fully this time. “Dunno. I’ve got a mortgage and a boyfriend I need to support.”

Tony scoffed. “Can I ask a selfish thing to try to clear my dirty conscience?”

Bucky tilted his head to the side, waiting.

“Let me pay for Steve’s schooling– _and_ yours.”

“Tony!”

Tony held up a hand saying, “Barnes, I did an _unspeakable_ thing to a man I trust. This isn’t charity and this isn’t me asking for forgiveness. This is me wanting to do right by someone that I did wrong– for me.”

Bucky laughed. Of course Tony would spin it as if he was being selfish. Bucky knew better. Tony genuinely felt guilty. Bucky could see it in the way those brown eyes held so much sorrow– they glittered just a tiny bit more with unshed tears.

Tony sighed, standing. “Please?”

Bucky looked at his hands. He wanted to look at these very same hands when he was old and gray. He wanted to remember holding pens well into the night as he graded history papers. He wanted to look down and tiny papercuts from flipping text books to come up with lesson plans. Bucky stood up, offering out his hand to Tony. They shook. Bucky’s vision blurred and Tony pulled him into a hug.

“I know I can’t make up for what I did,” Tony said as Bucky cried into his shoulder. “But I’m really rootin’ for you two.”

Bucky pulled away, wiping at his tears. “After everything I fought for. Nat– dealing with Steve and wondering if you’d pick me over Maria or Rumlow. I’m just– giving up?”

Tony shook his head. “Not giving up. Moving on.”

“It’s surreal.” Bucky stared out the window. “I fought so hard to keep this and I’m not even the least bit upset to leave.”

“Ouch, Barnes.” Tony smiled, his brown eyes glittering from tears of his own. Bucky had been ready to scream at this man, but it didn’t work that way and they’d found themselves here. Bucky wanted to keep Tony in his life. He wasn’t sure when or how, but he knew he wanted Tony to always be a friend.

“Let me apply to schools?” Bucky raised his brows hopefully. “I don’t wanna leave my job without something else to fall on.”

“Course. And don’t settle for any school. Big ones. Anywhere in the world, Barnes. I mean it.” Tony walked around his desk and sat down. “Remember, this is me being selfish. Nothin’ to do with you.”

Bucky laughed, turning from the office. He felt liberated as he walked down the hallways. The rooms were loud, the people gossiped and laughed. They looked his way and some even glared. They probably blamed him for Natasha’s ‘firing.’ Brock and Ward watched him carefully, but Bucky couldn’t stop the smile that found a way to nestle up to his face. He felt light as a feather.

He wasn’t out of the woods. He still had to talk to Steve and they still needed to move past this– but he was confident. They’d been through so much in so little of time. They could take on the world as long as they had each other.

Bucky got into the elevator when his phone rang. His smile vanished when he saw Steve’s name and face flash onto the screen. “Hello?”

 _“Bucky! Oh God, I’m sorry. I know you’re workin’ but I– the cops’re here and– fuck._ ” He took a shaky breath. _“Buck, they know. They know about James!”_

Bucky had never gone from Cloud Nine to Hell so fast.

* * *

“When can I see him?” Bucky asked for the thirteenth time. He was pacing the police station. Each time he came up to the police officer at the table, he’d slam his hands down and try to look angry, but the cop wasn’t having any of it. “Is he alone? W-what about a lawyer! He’s got rights!”

“Sir, take a seat,” the cop said in a tone that made Bucky’s blood boil. It was like a mom scolding her child in the most tired and apathetic of ways. Bucky wanted to hit something.

“Let me see him!”

“Sir, do you want to be in jail tonight?”

Bucky sneered, turning and continuing his pacing. Steve had been in questioning for hours now. Bucky wasn’t sure if they could hold him overnight or what kind of legal shit they could get up to, but all he knew was that he wasn’t with Steve and he _needed_ to be. He wracked his brain, trying to think of anything or everything to do for Steve while he was in there with the cops. Bucky whined, picturing a scared Steve handcuffed to a table with screaming police in his face. Did they cater to vegans in prison?

Fuck, Bucky didn’t know what he’d do if Steve got sent to prison. They’d fought so hard for this. Why couldn’t they just be _happy_?

Bucky stepped outside, dialing the one number he never thought he’d call ever again. His heart was up in his throat and if it kept on like this, he was absolutely sure he’d die of a heart explosion. She’d been there when no one else was. She’d confessed and she seemed _genuine_. Bucky had no one else to turn to. Clint would only reaffirm that Steve wasn’t worth Bucky’s time and Peter wasn’t exactly the smartest person. He needed her.

He needed Natasha.

_“Hello?”_

“Steve’s with the cops. They’re questioning him and he’s been in there for hours. Fuck– Nat, I don’t know what to do. They won’t let me see him.”

_“Does he have an attorney?”_

“I don’t think so?” Bucky turned to look through the window into the police station. A drug dealer was getting handcuffed to one of the holding polls while the police officer went and did…whatever police officers did.

_“Hold on. I know a guy. It’ll be okay, Bear. I promise.”_

Bucky was so desperate that he actually believed her. They hung up silently. Bucky walked back inside and stared at the drug dealer. The guy stared right back, smirking and doing weird shit with his eyes that Bucky couldn’t decide if it was flirting or if he was tripping on acid. He’d never realized how many men were actually gay or bisexual until he admitted it to himself. He was pretty damn sure Rumlow was at least bi. No straight man ordered a friend’s boyfriend as a joke.

About thirty minutes passed before a man with red sunglasses and a cane walked in with Natasha. She led him briskly over to Bucky. “Matt, this is Bucky. Bucky– this is Matt Murdock.”

“Pleased to meet you.” Matt held out his hand. Bucky accepted, shaking lightly.

“He’ll take it from here.” Nat squeezed Bucky’s shoulders, a gentle reminder that Bucky had support. It came from the snake, but it was still support. Nat was trying. That had to count for something.

Matt was lead back into the station and Bucky was once again left to wait. That’s all he ever felt like he did nowadays. Wait for something to go wrong, wait for Steve to leave him, wait for Natasha to betray him.

Wait for his whole life to pass him by.

* * *

They released Steve a little past midnight. He looked tired and splotchy. He’d been crying. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve, pressing kisses to his neck and cheeks. He didn’t care who saw in the crowded police station. This was his lover and he had just as much a right as anyone else to show his affections. He didn’t look around at the people. He didn’t want to see their faces. None of them were as important as Steve.

“They’re not going to press charges,” Matt said after Bucky kissed Steve for the tenth time (Bucky was in a counting mood tonight). “They just wanted to hear his side and put the case to rest. They’d ruled it as an OD a long time ago, but they wanted whatever information Steve had on the drug ring.”

“So– it’s okay?” Bucky squeezed Steve, dropping his forehead against the man’s throat. Steve was oddly stiff in his hands. He couldn’t let go. Steve would have to pry himself from Bucky’s cold, dead hands.

“He’s in the clear. He’ll need to be a witness in any of the cases that they can tie back to James and Steve’s time with them. He does that and he gets immunity for drug trafficking, sex work and obstruction of justice.”

“Sex work?” Bucky looked up at Steve’s tense face. “But you ‘n James didn’t do that?”

“I told them where I’ve been since.” Steve didn’t smile. He didn’t even look at Bucky. He was falling so deep inside himself that Bucky wasn’t recognizing the man he was clutching. “Prostitution is a crime.”

“Steve.” Bucky cupped Steve’s face, his eyes drowning with concern that Steve didn’t register. Steve was so far away, and Bucky was worried he wouldn’t come back after they’d gotten some food in him and were back at the apartment.

“Thanks Matt,” Natasha said, offering a small smile.

Steve’s gaze locked on Natasha. Bucky could feel all the muscles in Steve’s body pull taut.

“I’m gonna walk Matt home. You two okay?”

“As long as you keep away we will be,” Steve warned. His face was still distant but there was a coil of anger swimming in his blue eyes.

Bucky wanted to groan. With all that happened, he’d never told Steve who alerted the police. It wasn’t a situation he wanted to talk about. Most of him thought perhaps he should let it just die. The cops weren’t charging Steve with anything. Bucky had feared for no reason. Steve never had to worry about what would happen, but got it all over and done with the moment he found out the cops knew. It worked this way. Bucky chewed his bottom lip, battling with telling the truth or piling more lies into their already lie-ridden life.

“I’ll get him home,” Bucky said to Natasha. He ushered Steve out and they made the subway journey home. Not once did Steve speak. Bucky kept close to him, kissing him as they went down the escalators, kissing him on the platforms, kissing him on the subways. He never stopped holding Steve’s hand and Steve never once moved away.

It was like loving a statue.

Bucky had never wanted to cry so hard from relief, confusion and guilt. 

* * *

“Do you want any food?” Bucky asked as he got Steve settled on the sofa. “Tea or coffee?”

“Why’re you being so nice?” Steve finally broke his silence. He looked up with red-rimmed eyes, his bottom lip quivering. “I hurt you, remember?”

Bucky sat next to Steve, shrugging. “Yeah well– this is more– um.” He bit his lip. “This is more important than that.” Truth be told, the guilt of _this_ situation far outweighed Bucky’s selfish feelings about Steve’s job. Steve may have omitted the truth, but so did Bucky. They were both equally guilty. But Bucky felt like he’d crossed a line. His omission hurt someone and Steve did his because he loved Bucky and wanted _out_ of his job. Maybe it made no sense to anyone else, but it made sense to Bucky that Steve’s experiences with the police and what Natasha had done far outweighed Steve’s agreement with Pepper and Tony.

“What’s more important than my loyalty to you?” Steve leaned forward, reaching out for Bucky’s hands. Bucky folded his fingers with Steve’s. He winced, feeling how cold Steve felt. Steve never felt cold. Bucky wrapped his hands around those fingers, chewing at his bottom lip. They say there in the silent apartment– nothing but the sounds of cars going by down below.

“I talked to Tony.” Bucky’s voice broke the silence like shattered glass.

Steve hissed, jerking back but Bucky tightened his grip.

“I get it, Steve. You wanted out and I didn’t listen.” He looked up, holding Steve’s gaze. “You needed that money and you were too proud to ask me for it.”

“I couldn’t do that to you,” Steve whispered. “I couldn’t– you hate that job.”

Bucky laughed. “I do.”

“I don’t wanna be a sex worker, Bucky. Yeah– I loved my job. I really did. But I love you more. This isn’t about social justice or sex workers are just like everyone else– because we are– but you don’t need to prove that. This is _my_ choice, Bucky. I can’t do anything for sex workers if I’m not _doing_ anything but sex work. I want to do more than just collect tricks and joke about the cops finding me and Sam with our mouths full of dick.”

Bucky winced.

“I don’t want sex workers to suffer.” Steve looked to their hands, caressing his thumb over Bucky’s. “I’m passionate about sex work– but I’ve got more to offer.”

“A winning smile and a sultry voice?” Bucky leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of Steve’s mouth.

Steve hummed, turning so their lips met. “I wanna change America. I’ve been doin’ a lot of research and I can be– well it’s kinda hard to explain. I don’t know if I’ll succeed and honestly– this could all fall back in my face. I wanna be a voice. I wanna educate people about sex work, advocate for its legalization and why it’s perfectly okay. I want sex work to be in safe and controlled environments so no sex worker has to fear for their safety. I– I need to go to DC, and I’d love if you came with me.”

Bucky stared at Steve like it was the first time he’d really seen him. Steve’s face was so serious and he had tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. Steve had the largest heart that Bucky ever encountered and after a pitch like that, how could Bucky say no?

“You want me to quit my job and move to DC with you?” Bucky asked. He already knew the answer, but he was just testing it out on his tongue. He wanted the situation to sink into his skin.

“I mean– I– maybe it’s selfish.”

“Steve.” Bucky squeezed Steve’s hands, scooting closer. “It’s not selfish. You’ve got a dream and I’m trying to get out of someone else’s.”

Steve looked up, his eyes round and hopeful. He looked so tired with dark bags under his eyes and his cheeks looked paler than usual. He’d been put through more stress than Bucky could imagine tonight with his past coming back to smack him in the face– but here he was– alive and with a goal. Bucky admired that.

“I put in my resignation already. Didn’t exactly set an end-date but Tony knows I’m leaving.”

Steve’s mouth dropped open. He stared at Bucky like the words hadn’t been in English but he’d somehow understood them anyway. He licked the corner of his mouth, still staring. “I– You– Seriously?”

“Seriously.” Bucky laughed, leaning in to kiss Steve’s cheek. “There’s this guy I know.”

Steve gave him a knowing look.

“He’s all about doing what you love and sacrificing for no one– but he’s also a bleeding heart.” Bucky giggled, unable to withstand the amount of sappy cheese he was drizzling onto their night. “He inspired me to do what _I_ love, but to share that passion with the _one_ I love.”

“Jesus, Buck.” Steve pulled Bucky into his arms, cupping Bucky’s head. His limbs were trembling and he sniffed a few times, but he didn’t relinquish that tight hold. It was an embrace that didn’t just claim limbs, but claimed heart beats and breathing. They synched up like one couldn’t exist without the other.

Bucky let himself curl into Steve’s embrace. If someone had told him a few months ago that the love of his life would be a _man_ , he would’ve probably said something terribly rude (and would probably go cry about it later). Bottom line though– he wouldn’t have accepted it. He’d been lying to himself for so long that he didn’t really understand the concept of truth. This relationship wasn’t perfect. It had its lies, its faults and its insecurities. But where there was weakness, there was strength. It had its convictions, its aspirations and most importantly– it had its determination.

Two idiots in love who did stupid things in the name of each other and of course it always backfired in the stupidest of ways– but they somehow made it work.

“Steve,” Bucky whispered, still pressed to Steve’s chest.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for everything.”

“Me too.” Steve kissed Bucky’s head. “Me too.”

The rest of the night was spent with quiet laughter, soft kisses and best of all– the security that they could _actually_ get through anything together.

* * *

**3 weeks later**

Bucky clapped his hands together, looking around his empty office. He hadn’t even been here long enough to leave evidence that he’d even existed among these walls. His plant may have left some leaves on the floor for the cleaning crew but other than that, it was like he’d been a ghost.

Steve finished packing up Bucky’s books and was just taping up the box. Peter and Clint were coming up to take Bucky’s couch and put it in Peter’s office. Yeah, Peter got a promotion out of the cubicle and into an office. Bucky was proud of him. Though– Bucky _may_ have let it slip that Peter was one of the most creative and funny minds at this company in passing to Tony while they were chit-chatting a few days ago.

“I’m gonna take this to the truck,” Steve said as he picked up the book box. “You about ready?”

Bucky looked around the room. He’d worked so hard for someone else’s dream that he felt nothing but excitement at the thought of leaving this place. He’d been made _partner_ and he still didn’t mind leaving.

“Buck?”

“What?” Bucky blinked, looking at Steve. “Oh– yeah. Yeah I’m just gonna run the alcohol down to Peter and Clint.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but then he was out and going down the hall.

Bucky was just about finished with putting most of the contents of the wet bar into a box when he heard someone tap on the doorway. He turned around, looking at one Maria Hill. “Hey.”

“Well hello.” She slunk into the room, looking around. “You know– I was pissed to high heaven when you got partner.”

“I think everyone was.” Bucky chuckled to himself, putting the last bottle into the box.

“So what’s your game plan now?” She sat on the couch, tilting her head to the side.

“Go back to school– learn how to be an advocate for human rights while I’m at it.”

She smiled. “That what you and Steve are gonna do now?”

“Steve wants to get involved with volunteering and activism for sex workers. There’s a Thinktank in DC that wants him.”

“Wow.”

Bucky laughed, feeling a blooming pride warm his chest. “Yeah. They’re gonna ask him to make some speeches or something. Go to schools and talk.”

“Maybe you can market them?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I think I’m done with advertising.”

Maria nodded. She looked around the room again. Her hands were placed gracefully in her lap and she held her chin high. Bucky also _may_ have recommended her as his replacement. She didn’t know yet, but Tony would offer her the position in a week. She was a bit intense for sure, but she felt she had to. A woman in a man’s world had to be more aggressive than the pack or she’d just be scoffed at. Behaved women rarely made history and Maria Hill was _not_ a well-behaved woman. She’d definitely make history with her passion for the job. She deserved it.

“Social justice advocate and school teacher.” Maria stood up. “Quite a couple you two make, and to think I actually _didn’t_ believe you two were really together.”

Bucky straightened up, looking at her with a furrowed brow. “What?”

“Oh don’t worry about it. I thought he was actually one of the escorts you used to buy. I mean, he’s an escort– but he’s also your boyfriend. I just thought he was an escort.”

“Wait.” Bucky held up his hands. “You knew?”

“You showed up with countless pretty little things on your arm and then suddenly you brought a man? I thought it was an attention ploy.”

Bucky wanted to laugh. She’d figured it out and yet she never said a damn thing about it. She believed the truth was almost too farfetched, yet it _had_ been the truth at one point.

“Actually,” he began. “You’re not wrong.”

Maria smirked. “Oh I know. I knew all along.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Bucky put the box of alcohol on the desk before leaning against it.

“Remember that time when I was fresh out of grad school and botched up a delivery? I was scrambling around the office asking for help and you were the only one who did anything about it? You whined and complained about being taken away from _your_ work, but you still helped?”

Bucky stared at her, his mouth open. He actually didn’t remember. Most of the time he’d come home from this job and drown himself in various ways to forget he was actually in a job he didn’t really want to be in.

“I paid it forward is all.” She shrugged, getting up and making her way to the door. “Enjoy your life, Barnes. I’ve got high hopes for you.” She left the room, her heels clicking softer the further she got away.

“Maria Hill,” Bucky whispered. “There’s a soul in there.” She didn’t hear, but he didn’t care. It was just another lesson learned. Not everyone was what they appeared on the surface. Tony wasn’t just an eccentric millionaire. Pepper wasn’t just a complacent housewife. Pierce wasn’t actually the biggest dick on the planet (that was Rumlow). Steve Rogers wasn’t just a pretty dick.

And Bucky?

He wasn’t just some pushover.

“You ready?” Steve asked as he came back into the room. “Saw Maria. I think she cat-called me?”

Bucky laughed. “I’m not surprised.”

“She’s married to General Fury, right?”

“Steve Rogers,” Bucky warned, pointing at him. “Just because you’re STD free doesn’t mean you get to hop back on the train.”

Steve’s brow twitched as he suppressed a laugh, his lips curling up. “What the fuck does that even mean?”

Bucky blinked. “I– I’ve no idea.”

They laughed together before finishing up in the now empty office. Before they left, Bucky took one last look at it. The couch was still there (Clint was probably still avoiding Steve, Bucky understood that though) but other than that? Empty.

Bucky had never felt freer.

* * *

Steve nosed along Bucky’s inner thigh, sighing happily. His hands were tracing along the dips in Bucky’s abdomen and every now and then they’d make Bucky contract where he was ticklish. Of course Steve wanted to have sex after his abstinence. It was almost laughable how he’d attacked Bucky’s neck before they’d even gotten into their _new_ home in DC. _Gotta break it in!_ Steve had said. He’d even carried Bucky over the threshold like they were actually married.

 _Maybe one day_ , Bucky thought. He wouldn’t be so opposed to marrying Steve– for real this time.

“You smell so good,” Steve said, placing wet kisses dangerously close to Bucky’s balls. “I just wanna eat you up.”

Bucky laughed, caressing his fingers through Steve’s blond hair. “I’m hardly suitable food for a vegan.”

Steve hummed, tracing a wet line along Bucky’s tortured thighs. “God, I’m so in love with you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. “I love you too.”

Steve sat up, slipping his hands from Bucky’s abs to his hips. “I’ve been meanin’ to ask you somethin’.”

Bucky blinked, thoughts of actual marriage proposals sifting around in his head. Now? Was this really happening now? Bucky wasn’t wearing any pants and Steve was completely naked!

“Ya know how we both like bottoming more?”

 _Oh_.

Bucky nodded, a little bit of relief soothing his heart. He’d hope a marriage proposal would be more romantic than pre-sex kissing.

“I got an idea.” Steve hopped from the couch, moving over to one of his yet-unpacked boxes. Bucky watched his ass jiggle as he walked. He could lie beneath that sweet ass and lick at it for eternity if he had to.

Steve came back over with a black butt plug, smirking. Bucky looked from the plug, to Steve’s face and then back to the plug again.

“I can wear it while I fuck you. That way we both get what we want.”

“Jesus.” Bucky laughed, taking the plug. “You’re so self-sacrificing.”

Steve shrugged. “I’m a saint. I know.”

“Bend over, baby. I wanna play with you.”

Steve moved to the edge of the couch before leaning against the armrest and arched his back. He looked over his shoulder, biting those thick red lips in a way that stirred Bucky’s cock wildly. “Don’t go easy on me.”

Bucky smirked. “When have I ever?” He scooted closer; kissing up the line of Steve’s back, being sure to trail his tongue out. Steve shivered, pushing his ass against Bucky’s groin. His little breathy gasps made Bucky’s heart flutter. After everything they’d been through, they were finally settling into something comfortable. No more blackmail, no more shitty job (no more beautiful paychecks…) and no more feeling powerless. They’d carved out their future and they’d done it somehow together.

He kissed at Steve’s shoulder nipping playfully and moving inward to Steve’s neck. “You taste good too.” He lapped at the sensitive skin just below Steve’s ear, feeling the man beneath him shiver violently.

Steve reached back, cupping Bucky’s head and twisting his fingers into Bucky’s hair. He rocked his ass back against Bucky’s hard cock, teasing him. “Put that pretty little tongue of yours in me.”

Bucky smirked before kissing down Steve’s spine again, biting playfully at those plump asscheeks that practically begged to be squeezed, swatted and abused. He wasted no time in pulling them apart, gently flicking his tongue out over the rim.

Steve tensed, gasping. He rocked back into Bucky’s face. “Oh fuck yeah that’s good.”

Bucky teased at Steve’s hole, flicking his tongue quickly over the little pink flesh. He pushed his nose harder against Steve’s ass so he could get his tongue inside. Steve’s muscles clamped around him, fluttering in excitement as Bucky fucked his tongue into that delicious hole. He had to reach out and push Steve into the armrest from how much Steve was rocking back. A little whine of protest escaped his baby’s lips before Steve settled against the couch.

Bucky flattened out his tongue inside Steve, lapping up until it popped out against the rim. He sucked loudly, getting that shiny hole wet and relaxed. Encouraged by Steve’s moans, he slipped in a finger around his tongue, in and out– nice and slow.

“Oh _fuck_ , Bucky!” Steve whined. “God baby…yes…fuck yes…”

Bucky flicked his tongue around the rim, working two fingers into Steve’s body quickly and spreading them apart inside to caress against trembling muscle. He pulled back, mouthing along Steve’s crack until he could put a thick stripe down Steve’s perineum to the line between his balls.

Steve collapsed over the armrest, groaning as he bit down on his hand. _God,_ he made the prettiest sounds. They were sinful and completely unrelenting. He wasn’t afraid to be vocal and Bucky _loved_ that about him. Plus, selfishly, it helped Bucky know he was doing a good job.

“You ready?” Bucky asked. “Want me to fill you up, baby?”

Steve nodded into the couch, his bitten mouth swollen and shiny. “Don’t need any lube.”

Bucky furrowed his brow. “Where’s the lube?”

“No,” Steve whined. “Don’t want it. I just want you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but he spit down onto Steve’s hole, using his fingers to circle around and slip more saliva up inside Steve. Steve arched deeper, a long moan escaped him that he muffled into the sofa.

Bucky lined up the plug, watching the way Steve’s hole clenched and opened in anticipation. He slipped it up and down Steve’s crack, enjoying the little whimpers Steve was making. “You like this?”

“Yes…God yes baby. Please fill me up. Please, please!”

Bucky worked the plug in, twisting it from side to side as Steve’s hole opened up and slowly let it in. Steve’s muscles were trembling severely and Bucky wasn’t entirely sure Steve could turn around and start fucking into Bucky, but– he used to be a sex worker, so that had to count for something. He worked the plug in and out of Steve’s ass– teasing.

Steve whined into the sofa, biting at the fabric as he pushed back on the plug.

“So eager, huh baby?” Bucky cooed, petting Steve’s ass before giving it a light swat. He watched pink flush into the skin. Steve had such pretty skin that blushed so easily.

Steve yelped, his body tensing. He groaned into the sofa, rocking back harder now, greedily taking in more of the plug than Bucky wanted.

Bucky gave the toy a few more thrusts before he sat back, kissing the little dimples on Steve’s back. “You’re so pretty.”

Steve sat up and promptly fell back into Bucky. They kissed sloppily, tongue and teeth matching without any rhyme or reason– no proper pace and no real tact. They just wanted each other close.

“Flip over,” Steve whispered, kissing at Bucky’s jaw. “Gonna eat you out now.”

Bucky nodded probably more enthusiastically than he should have. He leaned against the other side of the sofa, spreading his legs as nicely as he could for Steve.

Steve pushed his face into Bucky’s ass, his tongue swirling around Bucky’s hole in a way that made Bucky’s vision blot out. He rocked back on Steve’s face, eager for that tongue to slip inside him and start working him open. His fingers tingled as they squeezed the sofa. Steve’s tongue was relentless, dipping along the puckered texture, pushing and prodding with a hunger Bucky seemed to always forget until Steve’s tongue was back where it belonged.

Yes, where it belonged.

Steve pushed inside; his tongue swirling up against every ridge and dip inside Bucky. He warmed Bucky up like dipping him into a soothing hot spring and Bucky’s cock was _throbbing_.

“God…oh fuck…God…fuck…” Bucky panted, rocking back. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Steve fuck, fuck!”

Steve let out a muffled laugh as he worked his tongue deeper and deeper into Bucky’s ass. He held onto one of Bucky’s hips, holding him down so Bucky didn’t push back too hard and block off his air.

Bucky’s muscles fluttered around Steve’s expert tongue. It was a desperate scramble for more or less when the pleasure enveloped Bucky too tight like a cocoon too small. Tears were at Bucky’s eyes, lingering unshed as he panted. He clenched down on Steve when he felt a finger slip up into him, swirling around and pushing at his prostate. He screamed out and then promptly dropped his face into the sofa to stop how loud he was.

Steve’s fingers worked inside him, spreading and flicking over Bucky’s prostate– over and over until there was a quarter-sized puddle darkening the sofa where Bucky’s cock pushed against it. Precome oozed steadily from him, cooling at his tip and slicking him up nice enough to rub against the sofa.

“Fuck me,” he gasped. “Fuck…Steve…just fuck me.”

“Where’re the condoms?”

“Jesus, fuck– I don’t care. Just get in me!”

Steve teased his cock at Bucky’s crack, slipping up and down. He licked at Bucky’s ear before saying, “You really sure about that?”

“I- I don’t wanna have sex with anyone but you ever again. S’not like you’re diseased anymore.”

Steve smacked Bucky’s ass. Both of them giggling.

“I’ll be right back.” Steve kissed Bucky’s shoulder before hopping from the couch and moving over to the same box he’d gotten the plug out of. He pulled out a bottle of lube and Bucky watched excitedly as Steve worked the slick onto his cock, putting on a little show for Bucky. He rocked into his fist, biting his lip and teased his nipple. He kept looking over at Bucky, smirking and humming like it was the best feeling he’d ever experienced.

Bucky had to fist into the couch so he didn’t start beating off.

Steve came back to the sofa, pulling Bucky into his lap, earning a surprised little yelp. “Shh, want you to ride me.”

Bucky nodded, reaching behind him to find Steve’s bare cock. It was warm, hard and slick and there was an indescribable thrill coiling at the base of Bucky’s skull. He was going bareback with Steve. He lined himself up, spreading his legs out as best as he could before sinking down. Wincing, he felt Steve’s uncut cock start working itself in, spreading him wide.

“Oh God,” Steve whispered, kissing Bucky’s chest. “Fuck this is good.”

“H-how’s the plug?” Bucky grit his teeth, working down more on Steve’s cock. It was like being swaddled in blankets or lounging in the sun. The initial fill that stretched him open was the best feeling. He was high in the sky, soaring above the world, here and not here. It was _good_ and Bucky was utterly addicted. He wasn’t sure it felt so good because it always felt like this or if there was additional euphoria from feeling Steve’s skin touch his inside.

“Amazing,” Steve breathed out, finding Bucky’s neck to suck on. “When you push down it pushes into me.”

“So it’s good?” Bucky asked, rolling his hips down.

“Ah! Y-yeah.” Steve fisted his fingers into Bucky’s hair, pulling him in for an animalistic kiss. Their lips tangled, saliva dribbled onto chins and their bodies rocked into each other like they’d been designed for just this.

Bucky rocked up and down slowly, letting their mouths fuck into each other more than their lower halves. He made sure to snap his hips just a bit harder down to get the plug moving inside Steve. Each time he did it, he was awarded with a tiny little gasp out of Steve’s warm mouth.

They pressed their foreheads together, bodies swaying into each other comfortably. Shared laughter from the moment and smiles they couldn’t hide even if they wanted to. They were fucking– no– love-making in their new home, at the start of their new life. It’d be different here, Bucky knew. He was scared of starting over but he couldn’t think of anyone better suited to risk it all with than a crazy sex worker too stubborn to get his mouth on Bucky’s dick.

It all started with that…

Bucky bobbed faster, his mouth still hungrily searching out for Steve’s as they rocked back and forth with more gusto. Steve’s hands wandered up Bucky’s shirt before finally deciding to tug it off.

“Wondered when that was gonna come off,” Bucky teased, nibbling on Steve’s chin.

“Mm, fuck off.” Steve grabbed Bucky’s cock, fingering at the base of the tip.

Bucky tensed, his vision blurring as Steve teased at his tip. “G– fuck… oh fuck…”

They continued moving against each other, rolling hips and biting exposed skin. Their fingers wandered into each other’s hair, down necks and swirled around nipples. Steve made the prettiest little sounds when Bucky played with his nipples. His brow furrowed up and Bucky could lap into that open mouth playfully, still working his fingers around abused pink little nips.

“T-tell me how the plug feels,” Bucky whispered, kissing up Steve’s neck.

“It’s good, baby,” Steve responded, rolling up into Bucky deeply, hitting up against his prostate. “I feel real good.”

“Me too,” Bucky said, pressing his forehead to Steve’s. “I love you.”

Steve kissed his nose, laughing. “I love you too.”

Bucky had _never_ had sex throughout an entire night. He wasn’t even sure if that’d be accomplished here, but he wouldn’t protest if Steve wanted to try. Minutes blended into hours and only did he realize how long they’d been slowly fucking when his back started hurting and his toes went numb. He dropped onto his back, pulling Steve out of him.

Steve gasped, watching Bucky splay out on the sofa, one leg tossed over the back. He slipped right back inside, fucking deeper into Bucky and moving faster. “You wanna come?”

Bucky nodded, grabbing Steve’s hand and bringing it to his cock. “Don’t come in me. I…ah…I want you to come on my face?”

Steve laughed, nodding. “Jesus I’m with a fiend now, huh?”

Bucky just smacked Steve’s tit playfully. He let himself melt into the sofa, writhing and gasping as Steve worked faster inside him, pushing against his abused prostate. His nerves felt swollen and each thrust was made him cry out louder than the last. “Faster…faster baby faster…”

Steve drilled into him, their bodies smacking loudly like an obscene drumbeat. He worked his hand over Bucky’s cock, squeezing and tugging in just the right way so Bucky was spilling out his seed and sobbing fully as he came. Steve didn’t stop pumping until Bucky was practically scrambling back in a desperate attempt to stop the sensation.

“Get on your knees,” Steve panted out.

Bucky rolled from the couch, crawling over to Steve’s cock as he opened his mouth and flicked his tongue out to massage at the tip.

Steve whined, pushing into Bucky’s mouth before pulling back again– fucking his fist over himself quick. He came not long after, his come spilling onto Bucky’s face and into his mouth.

Bucky closed his lips around Steve’s tip, sucking his seed into his mouth. He used to think this was demeaning– and really, it probably still was. He adored Steve’s cock, adored his come and adored _him_. He was selfish for it so why couldn’t he get to play with it? It was just sex and they were just having fun.

Steve rocked back and forth on his feet, pumping slower now as he panted heavily, his breath shaky.

Bucky kept lapping his tongue out, scooping Steve’s lip into his mouth and sucking until Steve’s cock was bright red and he was whimpering tiny little _no don’t_ ’s.

Bucky leaned back into the couch, licking his lips and wiping the come off his face with his fingers.

Steve collapsed next to him, still breathing in that shaky and uneven way. He kissed Bucky’s shoulder once, twice and then nuzzled into him. “You’re filthy.”

“You made me.” Bucky tickled at Steve’s ribs.

Steve squealed, smacking Bucky’s hands and scrambled up. “Fuck…” He walked awkwardly around the coffee table and pulled out the plug, letting it drop to the floor. “We’re doin’ that again.”

Bucky smiled, catching his breath.

Steve sat on the sofa and Bucky climbed onto it too, dropping his head on Steve’s chest. He felt fingers work into his hair, massaging and swirling around.

“Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“I wanna keep fucking.”

Steve laughed loudly, his whole body shaking with mirth. “Bucky Barnes! What a cockslut!”

Bucky bit Steve’s nipple, sucking it into his mouth.

Steve arched into it, biting his own lip as he watched with hazy eyes. “You’re insatiable.”

Bucky nodded as he curled back into Steve’s arms. “We can do whatever we want now.” He trailed his fingers along one of the veins in Steve’s arms. “No one’s controlling us.”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “Feels nice.”

“Me or the self-control?”

“Both.” Steve kissed Bucky’s head. “Give me five minutes okay?”

Bucky nodded, staring at the vein he was so fixated on tracing. “We can switch if you want.”

“Mmm, please.” Steve kissed at Bucky’s face a few times. “I like when you fuck me too.”

Bucky laughed, leaning back and pulling Steve into his arms. So he liked men. So he loved Steve. So he wasn’t perfect. He’d left a lot behind in New York– friends, a job that paid extremely well. He’d given up so much to be someone he wasn’t. Bucky wasn’t a straight man. He was a gay man. There was no painful remorse, guilt or denial. He was okay with it. Acceptance had been a hard journey. Being a partner at an Ad agency had been a trip. Somehow in his crazy life, he’d found someone just as crazy and messed up as him. Steve wasn’t perfect. They still had their issues. Bucky _still_ hadn’t told Steve it was Natasha who ratted him out. He would one day though. Luckily, the police weren’t really concerned with pinning an OD on Steve. He’d be used as a witness in any cases against the drug ring but that was okay.

Somehow _everything_ was turning out okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to kudo if you enjoyed it <3
> 
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**Author's Note:**

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